My Adolescent Romantic Comedy Is Incorrect As I Had Logically Proven
by SnowPlow
Summary: Yukinoshita Yukino's perspective on events in the series.
1. (V7)Bamboo Forest

_Update 09/09: "Un-independence".  
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_Many thanks to Spyro and Frog-kun for translating the Oregairu light novels. Be sure to visit their websites respectively.  
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* * *

**_During the events of Volume 7 Chapter 9: His and her confession won't reach anyone_**

The night was cool. Upon exhalation, white clouds would puff out of my mouth. The wind blew silently, ruffling my long black hair, throwing them in disarray. I and Yuigahama stood far back in the cover of the trees. Hikigaya left the cover and quietly walked toward the two who would meet.

"Hey, Yukinon, it will work out, right?" quivered Yuigahama.

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course it won't work out." I said while shrugging.

"Y-Yeah."

Ebina showed no interest in Tobe beyond the level of friends during the entire field trip, despite our best efforts, and neither did Ebina ever treat him that way in the past. Therefore, Tobe's confession would definitely fail to produce any good fruits. It was up to Hikigaya to make this work. Honestly, though, I doubt Hikigaya's actions would do anything but provide damage control.

Finally, Tobe and Ebina stood face-to-face.

Tobe began studdering, "U-um, you see, I..."

Ebina had an extremely cold expression and Tobe's shoulders were shaking violently. Anyone could see the logical outcome. What was to come next should have been as I had predicted.

"I've liked you since a long time ago. Please go out with me."

But Tobe kept his lips closed as those words were said. No, Tobe definitely did not say those words.

It was Hikigaya.

"I'm sorry. I don't really want to date anyone right now. No matter who confesses to me, I definitely won't go out with any of them. If that's all, I'll be going back now," stated Ebina with a stony expression.

After she said that, Ebina turned around and quietly retreated, leaving Hikigaya and Tobe behind. I see. It was going to be a failed confession anyway. Therefore, Hikigaya confessed to Ebina before Tobe could. The result was the same. However, this meant Tobe would not have to suffer through a failed confession. Hikigaya bared the full brunt of the embarrassment, dissatisfaction, and sadness for Tobe. So, this was Hikigaya's plan, the result of his resolution. A logical conclusion.

So..

"Why?" I muttered under my breath.

Why were my own shoulders shaking? Why was I so angry?

Tobe looked as if he were about to cry and walked in the opposite direction of Ebina. Hikigaya sauntered back to us with his hands in his pockets. His eyes were pointed toward the ground. Both the hair and the darkness of the forest hid his expression. I glared at him.

"…I hate how you do things," I said, lashing out at him before I could take back my words.

My heart smoldered, yet the source of the fire was unclear. I was on the verge of tears, but the reason for it was not known to me.

"I can't explain it very well and it's really irritating but… I really hate how you do things," I spat.

"Yukinon..." said Yuigahama as she attempted to reach her hand out to me, but dropped it.

Hikigaya took on the blame, just like during the festival. To him, it did not matter how he carried out as long as it provided a satisfying result. He had a complete disregard for morals, kindness or respect. Whatever happened to the people in question, to related people, or even to himself, was not considered. Hikigaya's plans never compromised. They were the absolute worst.

"…I'll be going back first," I said in a low voice.

I turned around and headed away from Hikigaya. My feet carried me quickly, as far away as possible. I kept moving away without a destination, for I didn't want to be there at all.

I always thought that I was a cold, logical machine - a logical monster. I thought that it wasn't possible for me to get worked up like this. I thought I could use something up and throw it away without any attachment. I always thought that Hikigaya desired something precious and unbreakable more than anything, more than anyone else. I always thought that Hikigaya had a line that he could not cross, for he held onto that desire for that precious thing.

I was wrong. Hikigaya's true nature was nothing like what I thought it was. It was him that was the logical monster. He would willingly embrace all that was false, all that was vicious, if it was for the sake of his plans.

To be faced with the incarnation of what you thought you were rattled you to the very bones. But what was even worse was having the image of the person who you thought you knew being forcibly shattered, revealing that they were that incarnation all along.

I bit my lip and began sprinting far far away from it all, and from Hikigaya Hachiman.


	2. (V8)Dissent

_**During Volume 8 Chapters 1 and 2**_

I brought the steaming mug to my lips. The scathing hot black liquid was revolting to my tongue and rejecting to my throat. Bitter.

I was not the type to skimp on breakfast. I fully recognized the benefits of eating an early, energizing meal, especially for being someone of low stamina. During the day of the last time that I had not eaten breakfast, my right hand had hardly enough energy to even write with.

However, my daily ritual of a proper breakfast was violated today. Other than the mug of black coffee, the only morsels of food in front of me were a single slice of buttered toast and a banana.

I did not feel lazy today at all. I did all of the things that could be mechanically done. Yet, when it came to tasks requiring a certain degree of, for a lack of a better term, passion — choosing clothes, cooking — I did not perform well.

I crunched into the slice of toast. It ground into annoyingly dry pieces in my mouth that sucked in all of my saliva. The overly rich and fatty taste of butter made the bolus difficult to swallow.

I sighed. I rubbed my face to make sure that I was still there.

I felt something like a heavy chunk of lead weighing down the chambers of my heart. That feeling had pervaded me day and night for the last few days no matter what I did. Even if I momentarily distracted myself by reading a book or watching a cat video, that feeling would return without weakening.

I knew the source of that deadening weight. Yet, I would be unable to describe precisely what the weight itself was.

I was only sure of the following. I was wrong, but Hikigaya Hachiman was even more wrong.

My meal became completely undesirable after I began thinking of those things again. I returned the banana to my bowl of fruits. I threw the remaining portions of the toast into the garbage can. I splashed the remainder of my coffee into the sink and forcibly doused the blackness with tap water until it was all gone.

I hated lies. I always thought that deception was worthless. Whatever you obtained by deceiving someone would surely be fleeting and fragile.

In that case, what could be said about myself, whose anger welled up upon Hikigaya's deception, which I should have been expecting from the beginning? What could be said about the fact that I was so devastated about being wrong?

I had inflicted onto myself the very thing that I was supposed to have hated. The very things that I had thought were all acts of self-deception.

I began washing the plates and the mug. Because I was deep in thought, I accidentally let the mug slip through my slippery soapy fingers.

The mug clattered onto the floor and ceased to be a mug. Clay shards of variable sizes flew away in unpredictable directions. Spontaneously. Just like that.

* * *

Classes were a chore. All of the material covered today in all of my classes were simply boring. Nothing was particularly challenging for me, one who has built herself up strongly in academics because she did not have a single friend to ask for help.

Going to the Service Club after school had long since cemented in me as an automatic routine. It did not require me to think of anything complex. I was thankful for that. I was not in the mood for puzzles.

The moment I entered the clubroom, I dropped my bag off at the usual spot, took the kettle and exited the room to fill it with water at the usual place. When I returned to the room, I immediately plugged it into the wall, flipped the switch to the ON position, extracted my book from my bag, settled down, and opened the book.

More routines.

I did not read. I picked up the words with my eyes and processed them with my brain, before archiving them. I obtained the objective outline of the plot. That was the most the current me could do. I completely glossed over the theme, and I felt no attachment to the characters. I neither liked the book nor hated it. I performed the proper motions, again, without putting much thought into it.

Routines again.

"Y-Yahallo!"

The door was rudely opened by Yuigahama, who arrived with punctuality. Her customary, barbaric greeting was tinged with a hint of awkwardness.

"Come in. I'll prepare the tea," I said, as usual.

Right after I said that, the kettle began to whistle. Using the now boiling water, I performed the tea-making motions that were even more instinctive than going to the clubroom.

"Um, Yukinon, I brought cookies today. Should I get them?" meekly asked Yuigahama.

"Of course," I said, giving Yuigahama a formal smile, "You don't need to ask. We always have them anyway."

I distributed the tea in our respective cups. Then, I sat back down and picked up my book again, opening it to where I left off. Yuigahama had already began tapping the screen of her smartphone.

"Say, Yukinon, how is everything?" murmured Yuigahama.

"Good, as usual. Except —"

The words that I was supposed to say did not manage to transmit themselves. I dropped my head and stared at my hands. They were curled up into fists that shook uncontrollably.

What could I say? What exactly could I speak of that would make sense to Yuigahama? The things that I could say would only make me sound like a bratty child.

I sighed out a lung's worth of breath and looked up at Yuigahama. Her hands were clasped together at her chest as she stared worriedly at me with a held breath.

"No, it's nothing. I'm just a little uneasy. That's all," I said quietly while shaking my head.

"Ahaha... Maybe you're still queasy after the field trip or something," carelessly spoke Yuigahama.

I frowned. It was obvious that Yuigahama would try to talk about what happened on the field trip. It may not even be entirely incorrect to say that the purpose of her coming to the club today was solely to talk about it. How much she wanted to do so was evident by her unusually miserable attempt at sneaking the topic into our conversation.

I did not add anything following Yuigahama's words. I simply tore my eyes away from her and switched them over to the clock. Fifteen after.

"You know, Yukinon, I... I didn't like it either, so, you know," vaguely muttered Yuigahama.

I turned toward her again. She was fiddling with the bun of hair on her head.

"But Hikki did what he could do, so, I mean— yeah," incomprehensibly muttered Yuigahama.

I spoke in a low voice, "What he did could definitely not be called good."

Yuigahama continued to stumble over her words, "It's just, it's just that he doesn't really understand this thing, even though he understands everything else, so, so, I mean, that's why it was like that."

I was well aware of Hikigaya's twisted way of understanding. He was completely unable to comprehend what should have been normal because he was denied the right to live normally. Because he was constantly rejected, he became immersed in all of the ideas and methods that were rejected by those considered normal. Decency no longer became a requirement for him. When it came time to take action, whatever was cruel, whatever was unjust, was never eliminated in his repertoire.

How could he understand that what he did was wrong? It was simply not in his nature.

"Even so, it's not something that can be forgiven easily. Ignorance has its limits," I clearly spoke.

I did not intend to overlook this. No, I could definitely not turn a blind eye to this. What Hikigaya did had never stopped gnawing at the fringes of my being which detested deception.

"Even though it's like this, can't you um, like, I'm sure it was hard on Hikki too, so you don't have to be like that on him too, or something," awkwardly spoke Yuigahama.

I did not respond. I merely closed my eyes and rested my hands on the table. If I were to speak something, if I were to allow myself to form an expression on my face, I would definitely blurt out something irrational, something that I could not take back.

Yuigahama slowly spoke, "I-I mean, it's not like you have to agree with him. I don't like it at all, either. It's just that—"

I opened my eyes. The first thing that entered my vision was the clock showing twenty-five after, a time far beyond late, to the point of sure absence of a certain individual. I, once again, faced the sole attendee of this club. She was looking downwards.

"Just what?" I said, urging her to finish.

"It's already too much that Hikki is like that. If you... if we're like that to him too, then—"

Yuigahama did not finish her words. No, she was forcibly stopped. At that moment, the door was flung open, and the door knob thrashed into the wall. Our attention was wrenched toward the direction of that senselessness.

The senseless one who appeared before us was Hikigaya Hachiman.

Without any one of us exchanging even a suppressed murmur or greeting, Hikigaya, with an apathetic look, made his way to his usual chair at the maximum possible distance across from me. Just like always, he immediately rummaged through his bag and extracted his book from it.

I felt something like rising magma within me. Hikigaya's display of defiance, a show of accepting the unacceptable, threatened me to do something careless like a spurt of lava.

I was unable to suppress the bare minimum of words from leaving my lips, "...So you came after all."

"Yep, as you can see," said Hikigaya without bothering to move his eyes away from his book.

I tore my eyes away from him. My vision came to focus on the cover of my book on the table. Uninteresting.

No further words were spoken for a while. The mood was like a trap waiting to be sprung. Hikigaya did not care to make a move at all. Yuigahama fiddled around as if she was prodding the mechanism of a trap. I merely sat still in a static posture waiting for time to advance.

How utterly pointless. Pointlessness was detestable.

Tick tock. The clock continued to advance to thirty after and even forty after. The dreadful stalemate continue to linger between the one who accepted a situation like this, the one whose hand was waiting for the right timing, and the one who did not dare to express herself.

Finally, as if testing the waters, Yuigahama took a shallow breath and began speaking, "Ah, speaking of which, everyone was acting really normal. Um, that is... everyone..."

Her voice gradually became more and more diminutive, as if she was half retreated, half exposed.

"...Right. Just looking at them gives me the impression that there's nothing wrong," muttered Hikigaya.

"I see," I said with narrowed eyes, "Then, that's fine."

I did not dispute the effectiveness of his methods. I did not doubt that Hayama's group dynamics remained fine in the end. Yet, in solving it, something important that I did not know the identity of was thrown away. With regards to that, I was definitely not fine with it.

"I mean, it was a little scary, but I didn't really have anything to worry about. Everyone's just... just normal," said Yuigahama.

She spoke the word "normal" with an entirely unconvinced tone. Were they truly normal deep down? Were they merely acting normal while hiding contempt?

Yuigahama laughed powerlessly while stroking her hair bun.

"I don't really know what everyone's thinking about anymore," sullenly spoke Yuigahama, "Everyone is... I just don't know."

"That's how it was originally," I said while shaking my head, "There's no way we'd understand what they'd be thinking about anyway."

The very words that left my lips left behind a bitter aftertaste.

At my words, Yuigahama showed an incredibly pained expression. To her, it was far worse than a bad taste. After all, the people in question, though not close to me, were dear to Yuigahama.

I continued, "Besides, even if people knew what others were thinking about, whether or not the people will understand it is a different problem."

My throat felt awfully dry. I drank my tea that had long since lost its heat. The usual tea that I was fond of did not quench my thirst in the slightest.

"Sounds about right," muttered Hikigaya.

I glared at him. Hikigaya, himself, was a person who was never understood. I did not understand him. I would never be able to understand how he could justify to himself the value of his methods.

He sighed before continuing, "Well, you don't need to worry about it too much. As long as we act like normal, then that would be for the best, right?"

Hikigaya smiled pathetically, like a cynic.

"We should act normal too... yeah..." Yuigahama tested those words in her mouth.

Yuigahama nodded weakly, as if having no choice but to accept. Hikigaya nodded back, as if telling her that nothing else could be done.

Normal. To be within a certain range of the mean. To not deviate much from what's expected. Even if it forces you to lie, just act like usual and go through the accepted routines. That was what Hikigaya was suggesting. He abided by this guideline from the start as he showed up to club even when he knew that he had done something despicable, something that both Yuigahama and I hated.

"Normal... I see, to you, _that_ would be normal," I slowly spoke.

"Yeah."

To be truthful, to be true to yourself and to others, those were clichéd, and idealistic desires of mine. To me, brutal honesty was far superior to a beautiful lie.

What was Hikigaya's original purpose in attending the club? Though not by his own will, it was to cause a change in himself. Yet, even calling the progress slow was already glorifying it. He continued to stick to his own twisted ways, even taking them to new extremes.

His stubbornness in sticking to his worst possible methods was something that was incomprehensible.

I sighed and spoke, "You won't change, is that it?"

Hikigaya wordlessly opened his mouth not to speak but to show slight surprise.

There was something that I did not say, that I needed to say. I, too, was stubborn. I definitely need to point out the wrong in all of this.

I started, "You... um..."

I gripped my skirt so tightly that my nails deeply dug into my palm. My head felt dizzy as I forced myself to think as hard as I could and to let loose words.

I had to say something. I definitely had to. I—

"Um..."

—Could not formulate a single cohesive sentence. I could think of nothing that made sense even though I, overall, felt that it was wrong.

What was I afraid of? Why couldn't I pinpoint exactly what I hated so much about it? I hated lies, but what part about Hikigaya's lie made me grow angry at him to the point where I could no longer stand his presence?

Yuigahama slammed her mug on the table and bolted upwards.

"Y-Yukinon! Um, um, um, you see—"

She sputtered absolute nonsense. Her goal was clearly not to communicate something. She only managed to succeed in drawing our attention to herself, which was her goal. She sought only to deter me from saying something. Just like Hikigaya, she was sweeping something under the rug.

My fists continue to shake. I was feeling something close to displeasure, but more like betrayal. Somewhere along the line, I had come to assume that Yuigahama and Hikigaya would not keep things under wraps. I was mistaken.

Silence dominated. Hikigaya continued to look at me and Yuigahama with defiant eyes. Yuigahama continually open and closed her mouth, searching for something to say, but ultimately arriving at nothing. I searched as well to continue with earlier, but the heaviness in my stomach prevented me from finding anything as well.

Suddenly, knocks were heard from the door. Our heads turned towards it, but none of us stood up. None of us could move.

The impatient one on the other side of the door rapped it again several times. Coming to his senses, Hikigaya barely spoke.

"Come in."

"Coming in," said our guest.

Hiratsuka marched into our room as if it was her property. The triumphant look on her face revealed her troublesome intent to push onto us another problem.

"I'm here with a request for you guys," Hiratsuka animatedly spoke.

She flashed us her crudest grin, but none of us was in the mood. Hiratsuka retracted her smile and tilted her head in blatant confusion.

"But... Did something happen?" she said in amazement.

Yuigahama averted her eyes, finding it difficult to explain anything to Hiratsuka. Similarly, I had nothing to say. I merely closed my eyes to indicate my unwillingness.

The most level-headed person in the room, Hikigaya, curtly responded to Hiratsuka, "No, nothing at all."

I re-opened my eyes and saw Hiratsuka frown.

She suggested, "Maybe I should come back some other time?"

Hikigaya shook his head in resignation and said, "Well, we don't mind either way."

We were too strained at the moment to be seriously tackling any requests. Yet, Hikigaya had decided to accept it regardless because he would not try to fix the things that he had broken with Yuigahama and me. If he were to do so, that would mean he would deny his past actions and regard them as incorrect. No, Hikigaya was far too stubborn for that.

No matter how things turned out between us, all that mattered to him was the result. To him, even if the side consequences were horrible, he did not mind it. He would simply accept it as the normal by-product of his methods. Hiratsuka had intended to leave and come back at a time when we were back to normal. Hikigaya had basically told her that what she saw was the new normal.

"...I see," bitterly spoke Hiratsuka.

She sighed deeply as if she had an inkling of our current situation. The wrinkles on her forehead creased together.

Yuigahama asked, "Sensei, was there something you need?"

"Ah, right... You can come in."

A voice from the outside softly spoke, "Excuse me."

Entering the room was a girl with cute, braided pigtails and fluffy hair to match her fluffy personality. Although she could be said to be as airy as cotton, she was not a person to be underestimated. After all, this person, Shiromeguri Meguri the student council president, held much in past achievements.

Shiromeguri started, "We had a request, so—"

As Shiromeguri spoke, another girl appeared from the doorway. Unlike Shiromeguri's bountiful fluffiness, this girl's hair was straight and short. Their healthy flaxen colour spoke of the care that this girl put into her outward appearance. Her impish face had a shade less of maturity than the people I usually came into contact with. She must be a first year student.

She faced us and shyly smiled. I gauged her attitude as she gauged ours. When her eyes met with mine, she gave me a carefully calculated friendly smile complete with the countenance of a seemingly harmless rabbit.

"Ah, Iroha-chan," said Yuigahama with familiarity.

"Yui-senpai, hellooo~," greeted this Iroha girl.

"Yahallo~!"

"Ah, so you're an acquaintance with Isshiki-san. Why don't we skip the introductions, then?" suggested Shiromeguri.

Judging from Hikigaya's annoyed, I-don't-want-to-deal-with-this glare, he was not well-acquainted with this Iroha Isshiki. No, judging by Yuigahama's friendliness, Iroha should be the first name, while Isshiki was her family name.

I was not acquainted with Isshiki Iroha either. Yet, I vaguely managed to recognize her appearance, and her name did not sound completely unknown to me. It was probably during the judo tournament where I saw and heard of her, though we never talked face-to-face.

Hikigaya looked toward Shiromeguri to urge her to start talking about her request with impatience.

"Do you know about the upcoming student council election?" she asked.

Hikigaya transitioned to a clueless face at that question. Yuigahama did not look very sure either.

I would never have expected those two to know anything about the student council. Yuigahama was not the type of person to be well-informed. The organization that mandates order within the school would have been repulsive to Hikigaya, someone who was socially unfit and whose valuation on order was far below his valuation on results.

Unlike those two, I kept up to date with the workings of Sobu. I was not particularly personally interested. It was out of a sense of duty or obligation as a student.

"Yes. I believe it was already announced," I replied, "I think the running candidates should have been as well."

"You sure know your stuff, Yukinoshita," praised Shiromeguri without restraint, "Yep, yep, aside from the secretary not having a candidate, everything else was announced. We were supposed to do the election a long time ago, but there was a lack of candidates, so it was postponed. And, without a suitable successor to the seat of the president, I can't retire in peace too..."

Shiromeguri glanced downward in self-depreciation. I doubted that anyone actually blamed her for anything, nor was she the cause of the lack of interest. In fact, her own reign should have inspired at least a few people to join the student council.

Hiratsuka chimed in, "The school more or less left it up to Shiromeguri, you see. That is, her replacement was supposed to have been chosen by the time of the athletic festival, but—"

—If you were too busy, then it couldn't be helped. Perhaps that was what Hiratsuka was trying to say.

"Oh no, not at all! Since the school I was recommended to is set in stone, the exams didn't really matter all that much," said Shiromeguri as she vigorously shook her head.

That was quite problematic. Everything had a cost. The cost of Shiromeguri fulfilling her duty to manage the athletic festival and perhaps studying was not finding a presidential candidate. Although I had some problems with the improper balancing of short term and long term goals, now was not the time nor place to berate Shiromeguri for it, especially since she likely did what she thought was best.

Shiromeguri continued, "Ah. Right, right, I should explain everything, hm? Anyway, for my last job as president, I will be working, along with all of the current student council members, in the election administration committee."

Candidates do not also manage the administration for the election. That meant that there would be no possibility that the current members, who decided to do the administration, would run for their seats again. The subtraction of that many candidates was substantial. It contributed greatly to the lack of them.

Shiromeguri went on to say that the edicts have already been done. That meant that the candidates, however few they amounted to, have already been decided.

"Isshiki is a candidate for the student council president," explained Shiromeguri.

Isshiki did not look particularly proud or excited of it when Shiromeguri said that. Rather, her devious smile was tinged with a hint of annoyance. Hikigaya stared at her in doubt.

Noticing Hikigaya's stare, Isshiki joked, "Ah, did you think I was totally not fit for the role or something?"

"Ah, n-no, not really," stuttered Hikigaya.

Dissatisfied, Isshiki pouted, "I get told that a looot, so I more or less know what they're saying. Like I look dumb or super dense or something."

Despite her words, it was definitely more likely that Isshiki was anything but dumb or dense. Rather, as a fellow female, I could tell that she was cunning. Given the way she had acted, she would have likely used her cute looks and needy attitude to take advantage of boys starved for attention from the opposite sex. If you could ignore her attractiveness, then it was easy to the selfishness behind the honey.

In other words, Isshiki had the qualities of a temptress. The way that she would take advantage of others was, unfortunately, somewhat reminiscent of my sister.

"...So, may I ask what the problem is?" I spoke.

So far, we only knew the background information, not the actual problem itself. I could not see what was wrong from this. If anything, the position of president would grant more power to Isshiki to further her own selfish desires.

"Isshiki is a candidate for the student council president, but, that is, how should I put it...?" said Shiromeguri, "She wants to avoid being elected."

Hikigaya narrowed his eyes and bluntly spoke, "In short, you want her to lose the election?"

In response, Shiromeguri awkwardly nodded her head with reluctance. I would like to believe that the reason for this was not nearly as cynical as the way that Hikigaya put it.

"Um, so you don't want to be the president?" asked Yuigahama in confirmation.

Isshiki replied, "Ah, yes. That's right."

A person who did not want to run for president ended up running for president. No matter how many times I tossed that fact around in my mind, I could not get rid of the sense of ridiculousness. The types of causes of it could not have been anything beautiful.

"So, why did you become a candidate?" I interrogated Isshiki.

"Um, I kinda didn't want to," she nervously spoke, "I, er, I was kinda forced into it on a whim or something. I, like, stand out a lot, you see? I keep hearing about how I get along with Hayama-senpai and other senpais, and like, since I'm the manager of the soccer club, that image ended up getting stuck to me."

"Are you getting bullied?" instantly asked Hikigaya.

Disturbingly, both Hikigaya and I arrived at that conclusion, although he voiced it out before I did. Undoubtedly, Hikigaya's twistedness had its roots in the evils of others — bullying. Such treatment was not foreign to myself either. Yet, how our present selves were shaped from it were completely different. My methods completely avoided the kind of lying and slander that plagued me in the past. Hikigaya's methods had no problems with their use as the evils he had experienced had already become normalized within him.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that, but it's like getting too overboard or something," smoothly spoke Isshiki, "Like when my classmates gather around, they keep poking at me and stuff. So like, I think this way is the same way or something~"

I could tell immediately that Isshiki was tip-toeing around the heart of the matter. That shrewdness of hers, coupled with her advantageous position in contact with the upper hierarchs, would easily earn her enemies, especially (or possibly even exclusively) among the girls. Just like in some of my own cases, the root cause must have been envy.

Isshiki chuckled lightly as if it wasn't a big deal. This, too, was calculated. Unfortunately, if she was going to act like that, to try and use her charms even on us, then she would not get any of my sympathies.

Yuigahama asked, "Can you just randomly get into running for candidacy like that?"

Hiratsuka spoke in exasperation, "When the candidacy papers were turned in, the person in charge didn't actually confirm it..."

"Erg... If only we election administrators were more alert," groaned Shiromeguri as she hung her head.

Hiratsuka comforted her, "Well, no one would expect someone to do something like this as a prank. It'd be a little cruel to be blaming the election administration now, wouldn't it?"

Envy was seductive. At times, it could seduce whole hordes of people and tempt them to do something that would even overturn the conventions. As long as the lust for revenge was satisfied, even the nonsensical could become possible.

"We even made sure to check the endorsement list too, though," sullenly added Shiromeguri.

Hikigaya tilted his head and said, "Endorsement list?"

"Uh huh. To run as a candidate, you need a certain number of endorsement signatures, and that was satisfied too."

I said in amazement, "Still, this is rather complicated. I believe you needed more than thirty signatures to be qualified."

It was to the point of being scary. The collusion of such a high number of people likely for the sake of bringing down Isshiki was bone-chilling. Isshiki probably felt that everyone was against her. There was no way she actually passed it off as a mere prank.

"That much? I'm surprised they managed to get that much," croaked Yuigahama.

Hiratsuka confirmed, "Of course, we checked it over with the students. Fortunately or unfortunately, all thirty names were authentic."

Hikigaya spat, "Writing their actual names on there, are they idiots or what?"

Hiratsuka shrugged and bitterly responded, "They likely didn't think it'd turn into something important. A deficiency in their imagination, I suppose."

Hatred and malice could cloud and deceive. They would cause a person to ignore all else in their single-minded pursuit for retribution. This deception would become their excuse for acting.

Isshiki and Hiratsuka then talked about how Isshiki's homeroom teacher was strangely stubbornly supportive of Isshiki's run for the president. That also added another layer of difficulty. The weight of a teacher's words rivalled that of the support of the thirty signatures. Even if Isshiki did nothing, with all of this support, she would probably win.

"Then, I guess withdrawing your candidacy might be a little too difficult then," bitterly spoke Hikigaya.

"Uh huh... So, now we're just wondering if we can withdraw at all," said Shiromeguri with a sigh.

In the first place, a candidate wanting to withdraw was an incredibly unusual event. After all, it took significant effort to reach the status of candidacy. Throwing it all away was normally out of the question. It was like embarking on a treasure hunt, then refusing to open the chest after digging it up.

I would not be surprised if the school legislature did not account for such an event. Actually, that might be it.

"Regarding the withdrawal of the candidacy, is it because there isn't anything officially written about it in the election rules?" I questioned Shiromeguri.

"Yukinoshita, you sure know your stuff. That's right, there's nothing written about it in the first place," she lamented.

Yuigahama suggested, "Ah, wouldn't it be enough to say that she can't become the student council president because she's a first year?"

"It wouldn't."

"Eh? Why not?"

Yuigahama was making an erroneous assumption. She must have observed mainly second year students running for president. Unfortunately, repeated observation could only suggest a certain cause or restriction; it was not sufficient evidence.

"That's not in the rules either," explained Shiromeguri, "There aren't any restrictions written down about second years only for student council president."

"Basically, student council presidents tended to be second years out of custom," I added to that.

It could not even be said to be an unwritten rule. Unwritten rules would be looked down upon if broken; there would still be somewhat significant consequences. Isshiki's run for president itself was not wrong in any way, as seen by the support of the teacher and the lack of criticism.

Officially, it was not wrong. Unofficially, it was also not wrong. That removed the option of Isshiki escaping candidacy by disqualification.

Hikigaya looked away from Isshiki and everyone else. His eyes were directed toward the floor, but I could tell that they weren't focused on anything in particular. The fact that he was erasing his attention of everything else, shutting them out, meant that there was only one presence remaining in his mind — himself.

Within that secluded mental landscape of his, his eyes became hard, and his mouth morphed into various shapes. He was considering something. He was passing every option available to him through filters of deceitfulness, dreadfulness, and terribleness to gauge their overall effectiveness.

Finally, he nodded to himself. He determinedly looked up toward Isshiki Iroha and Shiromeguri Meguri to reveal to them his method that was set in stone.

"If she doesn't want to do it, then she can just lose the election," firmly proposed Hikigaya, "Actually, that's the only way."

Shiromeguri dropped her eyes and said, "Umm... Actually, the only one running in the election is Isshiki so—"

"So that means a vote of confidence," I interrupted, glaring at Hikigaya.

"Right, so it's pretty much set in stone..." said Shiromeguri with a sigh.

As far as I was aware of, I had not heard of anything particularly bad about the current candidate for president. Therefore, with the lack of competition, Isshiki's victory was guaranteed, as long as there was no reason for the students to believe that Isshiki was irresponsible. That is, she would definitely win the vote of confidence.

"Well, if it's just losing, there is a way to do it," started Hikigaya.

Isshiki quickly interrupted, "Like, wait a second, losing a vote of confidence would be supeeeer lame! I mean, a vote of confidence is just lame in the first place... That's too embarrassing. No way!"

Isshiki's outburst was not unwarranted. Sly Isshiki was definitely concerned about her public image, but even for a person who did not particularly mind their image, to be thought of as unreliable would not be good.

Hikigaya, again, thought for a moment. He was finalizing his cruel tricks and traps.

Still dissatisfied with something, Hikigaya asked about some final details, "Only the names of the candidates will be announced, right? Not the endorsers at all."

Shiromeguri replied in a confused tone, "Eh? Yes, that's right."

Turning to Isshiki, he continued asking, "Isshiki, do you have a person to give your campaign speech yet?"

"No..."

That did it. His cruelty was completed.

"In that case," — The mastermind unhesitatingly moved his plan forward — "There's one quick and easy method."

"Um, what do you mean?" hesitatingly asked Yuigahama.

"Like I said before, we need to make Isshiki lose the election. In the worst-case scenario, she can just get a vote of no confidence, as long as she doesn't get hurt or lose face in the process. That should be fine. In other words, if they understand that she lost for a reason that was out of her control, that it wasn't her fault, then that should be enough."

Yuigahama asked slowly, as if she her very words were corrosive, "Can you really... Can you really do that?"

Yuigahama's expression was locked with utter pain, with eyes widened in blank astonishment. She was frozen like that, as if a single small motion will upset some balance and toss something into motion again.

"If the campaign speech serves as the reason for her loss, then Isshiki won't be the centre of attention."

Hikigaya continued speaking smoothly until he noticed Yuigahama's state. He swallowed the rest of his words.

Silence encumbered us. Yuigahama's pupils quivered as if they were unsteady, shaking barriers holding back a flow of tears. Hikigaya hesitated.

The three of us were thinking of the same thing. It would become a repetition of that day in the bamboo forest.

Therefore, my reaction to this was clear. This deceit, this maliciousness was out of the question. Hikigaya had proceeded before without letting us know. This time was different.

"I can't agree with that kind of method," I declared.

With raised eyebrows, Hikigaya muttered, "Your reason being?"

"It's—"

—Because I detest it. But I couldn't say that. A statement of my own feelings would never convince this monster of logic. I needed to say something solid.

I resumed, "It's because it's not guaranteed. It's not absolutely certain that she will receive a vote of no confidence. And, you'll definitely cause problems for Isshiki-san with a botched campaign speech. And, even if she loses, will it even be feasible to run another election? Even if there was never such a precedence in the past? And... And also, there was never much interest in the student council in the first place. They won't care if we don't properly announce the vote tallies and announced the results that we wanted. In other words, if there's enough people willing, it can easily be done. See! There's a number of different methods that can be done if we—"

I rattled on until I noticed the bewildered stares all around me, which shut me up. It took me a moment to realize that all that I had spewed from my mouth was nonsense. Realizing exactly what I had done and knowing what kind of thing caused it, my entire being felt unsteady.

Hiratsuka gazed at me kindly and said one word.

"Yukinoshita."

"...That was rude of me. I'll take that back."

Shiromeguri lightly shook her head, but also with a smile. Shiromeguri's and Hiratsuka's kind reprimands pained me.

How deplorable of me. I was trying so hard to denounce Hikigaya's methods that I even began suggesting alternate, yet similarly undesirable methods. How nonsensical. How illogical. How shocking.

"Hey, about that speech, who's going to do it?" Yuigahama barely voiced, "I don't think I really like that."

I could not see Yuigahama's expression, for her head was bowed so low that it was about to contact the table.

"That's— Anyone that's able seems fine to me."

Hikigaya altered his words mid-sentence. It was clear that he was about to suggest himself, but changed the meaning a bit at the last second. Yet, it did not serve its purpose, for, among the three of us, only one person would approve of such methods.

I hated deception. I hated his methods that were full of deception. I thought that over and over as if it were a charm, to remind myself that I would never approve of his methods. I never thought that I would act so irrationally.

Up until now, we have always relied on Hikigaya's ways. We had no alternatives. Yuigahama and I were always at a loss. No, it was that we did not try hard enough. We had no alternatives because we discarded them immediately upon learning of Hikigaya's perspective on it.

How I unquestioningly went along with everything this whole time was exactly like how it was in the past. If it was like that, then it was as if I had no ambition, no power in the first place.

Therefore—

Therefore, this time, I will not rely on him. If I disapproved of his methods, why must I see them through to the end? Why must I discard the alternatives. No, this time I will use those alternatives. I will do the thing that I had only done a few times in the beginning, the thing that I should have kept doing up until now.

"Shiromeguri. In the case where Isshiki-san withdraws from the position, another candidate will be needed, correct?" I inquired.

"Yes, that's right," she confirmed.

I let out a short sigh, expelling any qualms I had, any lingering thoughts of leaving it up to Hikigaya.

Isshiki will have to lose. I had no problems with that result. As I have thought over and over to myself this past day, and since the end of the field trip, the problem was with the method. If Hikigaya's methods were detestable, then the method of the one who was opposed to his methods would surely be the correct one. Such a method would be that of my own.

"Then, the only thing left is to find another candidate and support him so he can win the election," I proposed.

Hikigaya's methods would cause Isshiki to lose by defacing her reputation and would result in a loss for the school since there would be a lack of a president, a lose-lose situation. What I proposed would not only allow Isshiki to retain her reputation through "putting up a good fight", but also allow the election to succeed in nominating a president. It would be a win-win situation.

Yuigahama brightened up, looking pleased with my suggestion.

However, Hikigaya dissented with my plan.

"If there was someone raring to go with the position, then they should have been candidates already. There's clearly something wrong there. Don't tell me you're going to talk to people one-by-one for their support?"

Yuigahama wealky voiced, "But, um, if we just talk to the people who'd help us out, then—"

He cut her off, "Fine. So, let's just say that we did find someone willing for the position. But can that person win against this first year here? I'm sure you're already aware, but high school student council elections are essentially popularity votes. Where are you going to find another person that's both popular enough and willing to become president? Another thing. Before the day of the election, there are things like picking cabinet members, promoting the damn campaign, and doing a bunch of other annoying election stuff. Do you actually think that you can do all of that by then? Like hell. You even need to do it all with the intention of going for gold too, you know? If you have something realistic in mind, then by all means. But given our crappy situation, I don't see what it as being possible at all."

Halfway through, Hikigaya's tone transitioned to a highly irritated one. His mouth was contorted, and his fists grinded the top of the table. He looked absolutely terrifying.

Shiromeguri had a hand over her mouth gaping mouth. Isshiki sighed in pure annoyance.

Yuigahama was fully paralyzed. Yet, her fragile, agony-stricken face looked as if it would shatter at any moment.

My ability to form words was temporarily sealed. I felt like I had endured a beating.

It was just—

I had glimpsed something that I thought that I should not have seen.

That thought lasted only a moment. I forcibly brought back my previous resolve as to not let it deteriorate.

As if on cue, Hiratsuka, who was leaning on the wall, sprung forward and cheerfully spoke, "Doesn't look like we're getting a solution any time soon."

We were not going to reach an answer today. Hikigaya and I disagreed with each other. We needed to settle this first.

"Shiromeguri, could you come back another time?" I said briefly.

"Eh, ah, okay... Sure, no problem."

Hiratsuka ushered Isshiki and Shiromeguri out of the room. Just before she, herself, was about to step out, I called out to her.

"Hiratsuka-sensei, do you have a moment?" I calmly spoke.

I had an idea of how to settle this. It involved what Hiratsuka had originally intended us to do. However, that purpose was gradually lost by the wayside as our club began to change in an unfortunate direction.

Seeing my serious expression, she complied, "Okay then, let's hear what you have to say."

Hiratsuka helped herself to a seat. Yuigahama and Hikigaya adjusted their seats to properly face her as well as me.

What Yukinoshita Yukino should have been doing will now be resumed.

* * *

"There was something that I just remembered."

At the very beginning, after Hikigaya had just joined the club, we entered a competition. The competition would prove which one of us was superior. It would allow us to show directly which one of us was wrong and which one of us was right.

We were beyond the point where mere words can settle this. I needed to show Hikigaya, through action, that his methods were unacceptable.

"Has there been a clear winner so far?" I asked Hiratsuka.

"Winner?"

Hiratsuka blinked in confusion. Yuigahama looked like she had no clue what I was speaking of. Hikigaya was also confused for a moment, but then he realized it.

"Um... winner?" muttered Yuigahama.

Hikigaya explained, "It's a match of who can serve people the best or, in other words, who can solve the most problems of others. It doesn't matter who you ask for help in accomplishing the objective. And, if you win, the other person has to do whatever you want them to."

I was never interested in the prize. From the start, I only wanted to peg down Hikigaya's arrogance, to make him realize that he needed to change his ways.

"There was something like that..." spoke Yuigahama in utter surprise.

Hiratsuka looked even more flustered than Yuigahama, as if she had made a mistake.

"I-I wonder huh. W-Well, you know, you guys have been working hard together for the requests and all. Yep. Everyone's doing a nice job, yep."

We have been putting aside the contest for a long time, especially as we worked together, rather than against each other. Though I did not like to leave things unfinished, more importantly, the contest was necessary to sort out Isshiki's request.

I stared hard at Hiratsuka to let her know that there was no sidestepping this.

She sighed in response. She collected her thoughts and began speaking solemnly and seriously like she should have done so in the first place.

"Aside from the first task, you guys have been doing things that I wasn't aware of. Strictly speaking, I'm a little reluctant to give you a proper judgement right now. It's just..."

I urged her to continue, "It's just?"

"My bias and my own personal judgement," brazenly said Hiratsuka, "They will be a part of what I have to say. Essentially, the judgements will be based on my personal and relative opinion on you three alone with no standard of comparison. If you're fine with that, then..."

"I don't mind," I immediately replied.

I had accepted this contest knowing that there would be many problems in the judging process since it was initially casual. However, even though the circumstances have changed, I did not intend to dispute the nature of the contest which I had contracted myself to.

Besides, there was no other person, other than Hiratsuka, who could judge us. No other teacher was as nosy. She had forced Hikigaya and me together all this time. It was part of her responsibilities to see this through.

"You two are fine with that as well, right?" I asked them.

Hikigaya nodded firmly. Still bewildered, Yuigahama had no choice but to nod.

Hiratsuka declared her judgements, "If we consider results alone, then Hikigaya is one step ahead of the rest of you. If we consider the process and what happens afterwards, then Yukinoshita is ahead. Though, there were also other things that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Yuigahama's contribution, but..."

Hiratsuka trailed off as if she had run out of things to say. It was a sign of indecisiveness. It was a sign of a stalemate in the competition.

"So that means the match hasn't been decided yet," I stated.

"That's what it comes down to," confirmed Hiratsuka.

It would have been easier had I been more decisively ahead of Hikigaya. No matter. What I needed to do did not change in the slightest.

I readjusted my seating position until I was facing Hiratsuka completely, without a single angular degree of deviation.

"If the match is still ongoing, then there won't be a problem with our opinions being divided this time, correct?"

Yuigahama asked uneasily, "Um, what do you mean?"

I turned my head towards her and, trying my best to keep Hikigaya out of the periphery of my vision, clarified to her, "It means that him and I aren't required to do things the same way."

The normal was not cooperation. Our cooperation so far was the abnormal.

The contest would give me the final push needed to distance myself from Hikigaya's methods. It would give me a reason to use the alternatives. It would force me to put my all into using my own methods and would completely remove any hesitation, any temptation to leave it up to another.

He and I were always alone. That was normal. It became abnormal when we were forced to associate with each other. Along the way, I had become complacent with something, even finding it comfortable. I began losing sight of the sureness, truth, and confidence that I strove for as I felt that I was stepping away from aloneness.

I was returning.

"Well, that seems right. There isn't any point in trying to force ourselves to cooperate if it's not necessary," Hikigaya spoke with a low voice.

"...Yes." I said, still not looking at him.

Hiratsuka appeared conflicted over what I said, as if she had anticipated the outcome of her words. After a few moments, she resignedly sighed.

"You guys... guess there's no helping it. You guys should do as you please, then."

That settled it. We were now divided. What Hikigaya was going to do was none of my concern. Rather, I will make sure that what he does is of little concern.

"Until the request is solved, what about the club?" inquired Hiratsuka.

There was no point in opposing parties to be occupying the same space. It would inhibit the progress of us both.

With something renewed, I turned toward Hikigaya and announced, "You have the freedom to come to the club if you like."

"...Well, that's the correct decision," commented Hiratsuka.

Hikigaya nodded. He grabbed his bag and stood up. His stubbornness was satiated. Whatever he was trying to tell us had been communicated fully. And, he accepted the division without hesitation.

"I'll be heading home then."

Yuigahama noisily stood up as well and tried to stop him, "Ah, w-wait a second!"

Hikigaya stopped her with a glare and said, "You should think about what you should do too."

That's right. I had allowed a division to occur not just between me and Hikigaya, but also between us and Yuigahama.

Yet, I knew for certain that Yuigahama shared the same dissatisfaction as me with regards to Hikigaya. She will be likely supporting me rather than him.

But, as I looked at the motionless Yuigahama who looked like she was about to cry, I felt a small, though nonetheless, splitting regret.

Without another word, Hikigaya briskly turned around and headed for the door. His back told us that he had already decided what to do, that he was fine with it, and that nothing could change his mind.

No matter what, Hikigaya Hachiman will not change.

Even though I had disagreed with him that on his point that change was self-denial, I had thought that his self-confidence was admirable. I thought that he would never lie or deceive. Because he strongly believed in himself, I had thought that he held such things as worthless.

It turned out that we were not looking at the same things. What I firmly rejected, he fully tolerated. What I denied, he accepted as natural.

"I thought that we were both supposed to have hated superficiality more than anything..."

Those words left my lips and dissipated into the air. Whether or not they reached the ears of Hikigaya, he simply gave me a final gaze devoid of reproach, yet also devoid of warmth. He silently shut the door and disappeared.

* * *

The unclaimed tea in the teapot amounted to the volume of one paper cup.

The teacher left the room after giving us a sad, but understanding smile.

The normally boisterous girl whimpered.

The icy girl was, once again, neither understood, nor could she understand.

And, the ones who had claimed that clubroom as theirs returned to the path they once followed. This time, there was no turning back.


	3. (V8)Un-independence

_**During Volume 8 Chapter 4 and Chapter 5**_

In my room of near complete darkness, I laid down on my plump bed over my sheets. I sunk down on the mattress, like a fish, without resurfacing.

I could hardly see anything past a centimetre in front of me. The faint lines of light seeping out from the underside of the door at a distance away only allowed me to see vague outlines of the furniture in my room. Effectively, there was little distinction between what I saw, or rather, what I didn't see when I closed my eyes and when I opened them.

Gray. Or perhaps black.

In that kind of blind abyss, there was nothing material that I could focus on. My brain, not standing to be idle, began drift to thoughts that were in dire need of processing.

I thought about Isshiki Iroha. Exactly who she was wasn't what weighed on my mind. Rather, it was her circumstances that I was more concerned with. At the moment that I arrived home, I had immediately started thinking of ways to deal with her situation. Isshiki approached us for a request, so it was my duty to fulfill them. If I couldn't even do that, then there was no meaning in the club, and my convictions would have been worthless from the start.

I thought about Hikigaya Hachiman. With regards to him, I was angry, disappointed, bitter, and confused. But his ways were firmly set. Therefore, I also firmly set my own ways. We would no longer see eye-to-eye. I thought we had come close to that, but we had never even faced each other properly from the start. There was no way we could, not with the disparity of ideals between him and I.

And, I thought about Yuigahama Yui. She likely held expectations about both Hikigaya and me. Maybe even she thought that Hikigaya and I would eventually reach some sort of understanding. Maybe she had been awaiting something beautiful to sprout as she continued to spend each and every day attending the Service Club. Whatever she hoped for, those dreamy goals of her were dashed to pieces starting at the bamboo forest and were incinerated continuing at the clubroom earlier today.

Beside me, atop the nightstand, my smartphone's screen lit up like a beacon and began vibrating. Its normally quiet hum of vibration was amplified to a roar thanks to the consequential shaking of the nightstand. Thinking of it in a different way, its normally suppressed scream was fully revealed thanks to the assistance of the nightstand.

I reached out to grab it. When I brought it above the nightstand, the loudness was immediately reduced to quietness. Smothered in my hand, my smartphone continued to vibrate, continued to scream, but its noise was no longer as intense as before.

I peered at its screen. The name that showed up was Yuigahama Yui. Without taking a moment more to think, I answered the call.

"Hello, Yuigahama-san."

"Ah, hey, Yukinon," she faintly spoke.

Through the speakers, I barely heard Yuigahama deeply breathing in and deeply breathing out. I was grateful that she did so at a distance from her phone's microphone.

"Um, I talked a bit with Iroha-chan after, and she's planning on coming to the club tomorrow to talk about the election and stuff."

"Is that so?" I muttered.

"Ah... yeah..." vaguely spoke Yuigahama.

After that, silence broke in between us. For many seconds, neither of us could find words to say to each other. Even so, I could not bring myself to say good-bye and hang up.

From the speakers, I heard the restless rustling of something. Yuigahama's steady breaths acted like a metronome for my own breaths.

Finally, Yuigahama spoke in a meek voice, "Um... about that... what Hikki said..."

"Which of his words?" I uttered with a strangely low voice.

I heard a faint gasp. Nonetheless, Yuigahama attempted to continue as if brushing it off.

"A-Ah, about what he said about me needing to decide as well. I don't really know, and honestly, I'm a little scared about having to decide," said Yuigahama with a trembling voice, "It's like I'm in a corner."

I gripped my smartphone a little more tightly. Yuigahama's dilemma of supporting either me or Hikigaya was wholly undeserved.

"Yukinon, I don't know. I really don't know. There's only one thing that I do know, and it's that I... I really don't like any of this."

Yuigahama's trembling voice became a nearly hysteric one. If Yuigahama was physically with me right now, I would have to avert my eyes, for she would definitely be showing a face that was on the verge of tears.

"The way that Hikki does things is really cruel. What's even more scary is that they work and we always have to rely on them."

"No, Yuigahama-san. What happened on the field trip, I definitely do not consider that a success," I declared.

"I know. That's why we can't let him do something like that anymore. That's why..."

I gulped. It was predictable what Yuigahama's decision would have been. Anyone could see that. Even so, I still felt dreadful anticipation.

"That's why, even though I don't like it that we can't work together with him this time, I'm going to go along with you," decided Yuigahama, "Because, Yukinon, you really hate it, don't you?"

"Yes."

An ending born of insincerity, a result built upon lies, those were things that I absolutely hated. I hated how he, Hikigaya Hachiman, would call the kinds of methods infused with falsehoods the most efficient ones.

That's right.

It could not be said for certain that his methods were the best, the most logically sound. His own twisted viewpoints and way of thinking tampered with his criteria. The things he did not think of or the things that he discarded still had the potential to be better than what he accepted as viable.

What he considered trash could, in fact, be treasure.

I decided. I will take what he would have discarded and attain an even better result.

"Yuigahama-san, I know what to do."

* * *

In the clubroom after school, at the next day, I began writing down my propositions.

Isshiki Iroha sat to my left, though she was oriented perpendicular to me. That was because I was sitting at the end of the table, and she was at the long side of it. She shifted around a bit in her chair, but had a contrastingly calm face.

Yuigahama, who as at my right, had her phone out on the table, and she periodically glanced at it, perhaps to check the time.

"Umm, I told Hikki to come, so I think we should wait a bit..." spoke Yuigahama.

I coldly retorted without looking up from my paper, "Do you really think he'll show up?"

"Maybe... I told him we would be talking with Iroha too, about what we're going to do."

Hikigaya was not cooperating with us this time, so he did not need to meet with us. On the other hand, this would be a good time for him to gather intel for whatever nefarious schemes he would design. Whether or not he would show up would depend on just how much he believed in his twisted pragmatism.

"About our plan, Yuigahama-san, do you remember it all?" I asked as I continued to write.

She readily replied, "Mmhmm. I think it's great. It makes a lot of sense. And if we go through with it, then it won't have to come down to _that_."

Yuigahama frowned after speaking that last word. My knees suddenly felt stiff and cold, as if the flow of blood to my legs were cut off.

At that moment, the door was flung open. The one who showed up was, without question, Hikigaya Hachiman.

"Ah, he really came..." muttered Yuigahama.

There were no words to be exchanged between Hikigaya and I. After confirming with my eyes that he had come, I redirected my attention to my write-up.

I put the finishing touches to what I was writing. Putting it that way was embellishing it a little, though. The premise of my plan was relatively simple. Though, that the execution of it may not be as straightforward.

I placed my pen down and rested my slightly fatigued hand on the table.

"Well, shall we begin?" I announced.

Isshiki eagerly nodded. Yuigahama looked a bit unsure of something, but she, too, nodded. Hikigaya, who took his usual seat that was at the greatest distance from my own, was looking at the clock lackadaisically.

"...Sorry for making you wait," he spoke as he turned his pupils, but not his head, towards me.

"...That's fine," I briefly replied.

My tone was unintentionally sharp and conclusive. It even ended the discussion, that I tried to start, prematurely, causing us to become wrapped in silence.

I let my head gradually droop down until I was staring at the paper in front of me. I could hear the recurrent, but not periodic, tapping of the table from the sound source farthest away from me.

Finding the silence uncomfortable, Yuigahama quickly spoke to Isshiki, "Um, sorry for making you come here. Were you busy with your club by any chance?"

Isshiki frantically waved her hands back in forth and denied, "Nooope, not at all! Besides, I let Hayama know that I had something important to do and he gave me the okay too."

Isshiki went on to ask if Hayama knew about her circumstances, given that he gave her permission so easily. Frankly, I was uninterested in all of that. Yet, this exchange was not entirely worthless, for it gave me the momentum to segway into our main topic.

When it looked like Isshiki and Yuigahama were satisfied with what they were talking about, I immediately cut in, "Yuigahama-san, let's get started."

"Okay, good idea," — Yuigahama immediately nodded — "So, we're going to decide what our objective is, so we're going to ask you about a few things, okay?"

"Yeeees...?" crudely responded Isshiki.

Yuigahama continued, "For now, Iroha, we'll find another candidate to step in, and you'll face off with that person in the election."

That was how simple the premise was, and anyone could have come up with it.

"And then you'll lose as simply as possible in the final vote."

Yet, it was because that it was so simple that there was little at stake. It was because that it was that it lacked great elaborateness that it would lack any and all falsehood.

"We think this is the best way. Iroha, is that okay with you?"

This straightforward, successful plan was the antithesis of the devious, cunning setups of Hikigaya.

"Let's see, that really does give you a 'final vote' feeling," thoughtfully spoke Isshiki, "Ah. But if possible, I'd like to lose to someone who's amazing. It'd be better for me personally!"

I narrowed my eyes just a little bit. Although Isshiki, herself, did not want to become president, the fact that such a selfish and irresponsible girl could even get nominated in the first place made me question the prestige of the position.

Hikigaya brought up his criticism, "Did you find someone willing to be a candidate?"

Yuigahama faltered, "Not yet actually..."

He pressed on, "Well, when's the cutoff for when you can run as a new candidate in the election?"

Yuigahama weakly opened her mouth, but before she could stutter, I confidently gave Hikigaya my precise response.

"The Monday two weeks from now. That said, the deadline's supposed to have been already passed, but that Monday is tentatively the new cutoff day. It's the last day when they'll accept any more candidates. The voting will take place on the following Thursday."

Not only Yuigahama, but I also spoke with Shiromeguri a little bit yesterday as well. Being the capable, if not airheaded, and high-status, if not wonky, person she was, she was able to pull a few strings to give us more time.

Hikigaya relented, "Really? Until then, you need to find a candidate, persuade him or her, and find over 30 people to endorse him or her. After that, there's also the election campaign as well, huh..."

"We're very aware of how little time we have left," I snapped, "That's why we plan on going on ahead regarding those things."

That was why the execution of the plan was difficult. We had many different items on our plate to sort through in paltry amounts of time. Yet, there was one thing that was good. Because the principle of the plan was simple, we could truck through the practical matters of our plan with a clear and honest goal. We did not have to waste time brainstorming ploys and establishing tricks behind the scenes.

I turned my head towards Isshiki and called her name. She recoiled backward in response, but she soon righted herself and faced my seriously, though a little unsteadily.

"Regardless of how it's done, a speech needs to be made for Isshiki," I declared.

Isshiki sighed and spoke reluctantly, "Haa, well, that isn't too much of a problem..."

Isshiki still looked unsure. Very well. After my explanations, she will understand and gain confidence.

"In the speech, the promises of the campaign need to be laid out so you can talk about them. Although, I don't think there'd be anyone who would listen to it seriously."

To the common students, matters such as the student council are irrelevant when brought up against their studies and social lives. They wouldn't seriously dwell on the fine details of our platform. This "rational ignorance" of the superfluous was something that I was well-accustomed to, something that I considered actually irrational.

There was a remedy for that, though.

I continued, "It might be better for the other candidate to have a different campaign platform to what Isshiki is doing. If it's just the same thing, it'd become a popularity contest. We want to aim for a somewhat noticeable difference in the two platforms."

If people weren't drawn to the elections, then we needed to make it interesting for them. The conflict between two ideals would surely draw people in since entertainment thrives on conflict (Source: the news). The existence and acknowledgement of real differences and real divides between two candidates would at least force people to turn their heads around.

"I thought up the details of the campaign platform and the speech, so could you take a look at them?" —I slid the piece of paper that I had been writing on this whole time over to Isshiki — "It'd help me out if you could think of other things that are slightly different using this as a reference."

However, on that piece of paper were only two brief ideas: creating a study program to help students get into university and to lower the bar for acquiring funding for club activities. Isshiki tilted her head, puzzled by the brevity after our grand explanations.

Yuigahama reassured her, "You know, I thought it wasn't all that much either, too."

"Numbers aren't the issue at times like these," I followed up, "Having at least one would've been sufficient as well."

Another reason why the common student would not be interested in the student council elections is that they disliked anything longwinded and complex. I would like to say that this is the result of a fast-paced modern society, and not the result of low intelligence. In any case, keeping it simple allows the common student to retain the information better.

Also, if the brevity of the ideas made them seem less desirable, then that was fine too. After all, Isshiki was supposed to lose in the first place. We can come up with even better promises for the opposing candidate.

There shouldn't be any major problems with my plan. I thought it all through carefully.

Hikigaya leaned forward and rested his arms on the table. He gave a tired sigh, then looked squarely at me.

"You guys were the one who thought up what the campaign should be about. That means that the other candidate is pretty much a puppet candidate, but is that okay with you?" he uttered.

My thoughts froze as if my head contacted dry ice.

"It's fine doing it your way if it turns out well. That is, if reality was that simple... But let's say the candidate does win the election. How is he going to go about managing the student council?"

"Th-That is—"

"Are you going to continue helping him after that?" malevolently spoke Hikigaya, "Maybe even forever?"

Yuigahama broke in, "Th-That's why we want to look for someone capable first."

He easily refuted her, "You're just making it harder. If you think about the future, the long term, then it doesn't really mean much. It's not a very good idea."

Hikigaya's words stung like darts. The circumstances of the student council after the elections never once entered my mind. I had been wholly focused on the immediate election. I failed to grasp something so fundamental.

I turned my face down towards the table so that no one could see my stunned expression.

Outright rejection.

He regarded my plan as something with no value. He saw it as inefficient and destructive. He saw not one thing that was good about it. It was because what he valued never did include what I held as valuable, as things that should never be violated.

"...Then, what meaning is there behind _your_ methods?" I muttered.

What was the point of cold indifference? What did he hope to achieve by trying to reach the endpoint by any means possible?

He spoke with a hollow voice, "If it's just this time, then for now, I'd say avoid everything. After losing because of a vote of no confidence, then we can pull out and let the special election happen. That's the right answer."

He responded to my question of meaning with an answer of method. Therefore, engrained within that method was his meaning.

"Just this time? No, that's wrong."

The endpoint of a problem was the absence of the problem. It is normally the case that a problem disappears because it has been solved. Hikigaya's methods never once solved a single thing. What followed afterwards was never ideal, never complete. Every single time he avoided the situation, covering it up, hoping that no one would notice anything anymore.

I looked up. I faced Hikigaya. It was too late, and it was too much. I bit my lips, but overflow spilled out of my mouth nonetheless.

"...You did the same thing before and avoided the situation."

The endpoint of a problem was the absence of the problem. Therefore, Hikigaya chose to pretend that the problem was never there in the first place. He avoided it. The solution was not a requirement in his methods. To him, there was no need to resolve Tobe's feelings if he could make them irrelevant. To him, the problem was as good as solved if he erased it from existence or made it unnoticeable.

Hikigaya avoided my eyes by tilting his head downwards. The bangs of his hair hid his expression, just like on that windy night in the bamboo forest. The same chill I felt on that night brushed past the back of my neck.

He rustled the hair on the back of his head as if shaking off dust.

In an almost mocking tone, he spoke, "So... was there a problem?"

That was his acknowledgement. If there was something that was crumbling, then he didn't have a problem with letting it crumble. As long as no one was left to acknowledge that there was a problem, then he was fine with it, no matter the outcome. His earlier words about the vote of no confidence contained false concern. It was only used in an attempt to convince me.

Even so, I didn't want to believe it. What I now knew were lies, but I didn't want them to be lies.

"Weren't you the one who said there wasn't any meaning in such superficiality?"

He grimaced. He must have been distressed at having one of his many lies pointed out. He didn't answer.

Then, I asked him that same question that I had asked at the beginning and yesterday. I asked him one more time.

"You don't plan on changing, do you?"

His previous hesitation gone, he answered without a second thought, "Yeah."

Any last hope of understanding had been erased. Underneath the table, I silently and weakly clenched my fists.

Hikigaya and I fell as silent as corpses. We've said all that we could have spoken to each other. Any additional words would only sprout a new conflict. There was nothing left.

"U-Um..."

Yuigahama tried to find something, anything to say. But she faltered, her words dying before they could pass by her lips.

Hikigaya ruggedly stood up and said solemnly, "I'm going to head home now. I already got the gist of what's going on."

In other words, the chance for us that he had allowed to come up with a good plan had been wasted. Us explaining our plan to him only strengthened his own resolve to carry through with his own methods.

He turned around and headed to the door without pushing in his chair. On his way out, he closed the door the moment that both of his feet were outside of the room. Isshiki, whose mouth was wide open, looked around erratically before saying that she will be right back and headed out of the room as well.

Yuigahama and I remained seated. We no longer had the energy to turn back. Therefore, the only thing left was for us to continue.

Yuigahama gradually raised her arm and weakly tugged at the sleeve of my shirt.

"Hey, Yukinon... this kind of thing... I don't like it at all. Don't you hate it as well? Hey, tell me, Yukinon."

Yuigahama's quivering eyes were such a sorrowful sight to behold that I lost my own ability to keep a straight face.

"Tell me, even though Hikki and you have been like that this whole time, why is it like this now? Why is it that it's so different this time even though you and him have always been talking back to each other and arguing!?"

I couldn't grasp the meaning of Yuigahama's words. Even so, my eyes widened and my bones rattled. I suddenly became vaguely aware of what I had initiated on my own.

* * *

Later on that day, far into the night, at a time when most people should be sleeping, I sent a mail to Yuigahama, asking her if she was still on board with me. Ten seconds later, I received one simple reply.

"Yes. I have to."

On the next day, Yuigahama and I met up at the club after school to discuss what Isshiki would say and what the other candidate would say as their platform. Yet, it soon became clear that we wouldn't be getting very far without finding an alternative candidate. After we had our fill of black tea, and I disposed of the excess tea that I accidentally made, we gave ourselves the assignment of finding that candidate.

A student council president should be responsible, dependable, charismatic, intelligent, rational and trustworthy. When I thought of the people that I knew and observed the people in my class, I found that none of them could fit my standards. Whether that was the result of them truly being of low leadership quality or if that was the result of a poorer actual ability to judge others than I had believed I had was unknown to me.

At the next time that Yuigahama and I reconvened, Yuigahama suggested a person that I had overlooked — Hayama Hayato. Surely, Hayama Hayato's nauseating smile that he would attract the masses with would be an incredible, if not a slightly dubious, asset in being a student council president. His irrational desire to try and get everyone to get along was also something that a leader needed to have. Indeed, the proof of excellent leadership was his history of being the president of his soccer club.

Associating with Hayama has been, for a long time, something that I would rather avoid. Yet, throughout the past year, our club has assisted him, and he has assisted us. It could not be helped at those times. And this time was surely another time where it could not be helped. It could no longer be helped that I needed to go much farther than anyone would have originally thought I would have, that I would decide to swallow something detestable so that the other detestable thing wouldn't taste as bad.

"Yes, let's use Hayama Hayato," I declared within a clubroom that was occupied by one member less, "He would be... an excellent candidate, I suppose."

* * *

"Even so, the obligations that that person has is certainly not few in number or of low importance," I said with a frown.

"I know," sullenly spoke Yuigahama, "But I guess that's what makes Hayato-kun our best bet."

We were walking toward the busy commercial centre of town. The time was quite far past the dismissal period of school. Under the transitioning orange and blue sky, even those that had come straight here after school to play had already expended all of their energy and relocated to cafés and restaurant for a quick bite or for a full dinner.

Yuigahama and I were also on our way to a café. Yet, even though neither she nor I had eaten a proper full meal since lunchtime (snacks being obviously excluded), our primary purpose in going to the café was not to satisfy our hunger.

I cautiously looked around the block. Far too many eateries surrounded me. The fact that many of them had brightly coloured signs and conspicuous, flashing lights spoke volumes of the intense competition that they shared. The rush for coffee guaranteed the existence of many cafés, and I wondered if we were heading in the right direction.

"Yuigahama-san, I know that it might be difficult to convince him, but if we emphasize the troubles of Isshiki, then... Yuigahama-san?"

Yuigahama had disappeared from my side. Did she get lost?

"Yukinoooon, the café is over here!"

Yuigahama's distant shout reached my ears from the left side. I swiftly made my way over to her.

"Why were you walking that way?" she asked, "We reached the café a while ago."

"...I seldom find the opportunity to visit such places," I said as I played with a strand of my hair.

Earlier, Yuighaama had told me that Hayama would be busy today, so he couldn't meet with us immediately after school to talk about the election. Thus, it was necessary that we met at a later time. The café was the next best place to meet up as the time now was past the absolute school closure time.

"Yukinon... I'm sure that Hayato-kun will understand," assured Yuigahama.

"...That would be ideal," I murmured.

We were running out of time. I had no backup plan. If, for some reason, Hayama would not become a candidate, then we would risk failure of the entire plan.

The two-floored café was only moderately crowded. When we ascended to the second floor, it didn't take long to spot him who had a head of blonde and a nauseating smile of gold. He noticed us as well, and he stood up from his seat and waved at us. We headed toward his table.

The person who was sitting beside him hurriedly stood up as if he was startled. This accompanying person was, at our blatant surprise, Hikigaya Hachiman.

"You guys..." Hikigaya sputtered.

"Hikki..." muttered Yuigahama, her voice sounding distant.

I found myself glaring at Hikigaya. For him to be present along with Hayama Hayato, who we were supposed to have been using for our plan, made me think that he had ideas of sabotage. Such a cruel act would not be out of the range of possibilities for him.

Yet, Hikigaya was not the only person with Hayama at the table. Two unknown girls, who looked aghast, sat opposite to the two boys.

Yuigahama tightly gripped the strap of her bag. Hayama was not wearing his usual smile. Instead, he wore strict, even vicious, frown. He exerted a deafening pressure that went completely against his usual desires of getting along.

"Why are you guys here...?" Hikigaya barely voiced.

Hayama answered, "I called them here."

Hikigaya looked extremely confused, as if he was met with something outside of his calculations. Hayama stiffened his back and shot the two girls a hostile glare. He was primed.

"Hikigaya isn't the kind of guy you two make him out to be," he spoke coldly.

He pointed towards us. Yuigahama flinched, as if she were struck with a needle.

"He gets along fine with those two girls who are much, much more wonderful than you two could ever be," Hayama uttered, "Could you two please stop running your mouth on only what you can see?"

The two girls became petrified. They could not muster a single response. How could they? Even I found Hayama's actions to be incomprehensible.

Us getting along well with Hikigaya? What a farce. The bliss of ignorance only lay with the ignorant. To those who were involved, we would only make pained faces, and angry faces. Or even apathetic ones.

Having seemed defeated, one of the two girls heaved a deep sigh.

"Sorry, I'll be going home," she quietly spoke.

"Y-Yeah. Sorry, me too..." spoke the second girl.

The second girl followed after the first one, looking terribly flustered. The two of them quickly headed for the stairs heading downwards.

As they walked by me, one of the girls muttered something under her breath, but I did not know which one nor did I hear what she had to say. I didn't check. I only continued to glare at the blonde-haired fool in front of me who was wasting my time with whatever it was he was doing.

After the two girls had gotten away far enough, I sighed as if releasing a stopper. I was only aware that something heavy and grimy had accumulated when I did so. Yet, I was still rational enough to shape that grime into a smooth sword, rather than let it explode in an outburst.

I directed my eyes precisely at Hayama and, in an even tone, spoke, "I was told we were having a meeting regarding the election."

"By election, do you mean the student council?" asked Hikigaya, his surprise not yet subsiding.

With the two girls gone, Hayama crumpled. He slouched his back and nodded weakly in response to Hikigaya's question.

Looking back and forth between Hikigaya, Hayama and I, Yuigahama spoke in a hurry, "U-Um, you see, Yukinon and I talked about how maybe we could try to get Hayato to come out for the election, so that's why today, we were going to talk to him about it, and, and..."

But Yuigahama couldn't persist with her explanation. Everything was far out of her expectations. Struck with the combination of Hikigaya's unwarranted appearance and Hayama's brash actions, she sank into silence, not knowing in the slightest how to proceed.

The cloud of confusion around Hikigaya gradually dissipated and, looking as if he was starting to understand the situation, he shot Hayama an accusatory glare. Hayama allowed himself to be penetrated by it.

"I just wanted to do whatever I could," Hayama spoke with frailty.

"Hmmm, I see, I see."

That response did not come from Hikigaya. Instead, a woman had walked over to us from the smoker's corner and said those words in amusement. That woman was Yukinoshita Haruno, my dreaded older sister.

I widened my eyes. My expectations of today went from being unfulfilled to mercilessly shattered. My knees shook uncontrollably.

"Nee-san..."

Why was she here?

What were her plans?

What will happen?

How much will I be hurt?

"So, Yukino, you're not going to run for student council president, huh?" she spoke with a malevolent grin, "I was totally under the impression that you were going to."

Haruno was never a student council president in the past, and, from her words, she expected me to take this opportunity to try to raise myself above her. She knew perfectly well that I looked up to her. No, that was putting it far too euphemistically. I envied her skills. But this and that should be entirely different things.

Hikigaya half-opened his mouth, not because he was about to say something, but because it was an instinctive reaction to horror. Hayama averted his eyes shamefully. Yuigahama clasped her hands together far too tightly.

Haruno stepped right to my front, leaving mere centimetres of separation between us. I avoided her gaze by looking downwards, but her overpowering aura locked me in still fear.

"You're exactly like mom in the way that you push someone to do things for you."

Me? Similar to my mother?

There was no way that was true. I didn't command absolute obedience. I wasn't shrewd to the point where everything I did had to be checked over to ensure that I wasn't tricking anyone or taking advantage of them.

But what if it was true that I was heading down that same path? Even though I, myself, absolutely did not believe it, I couldn't brush it off it came from Haruno.

"Well, I guess that suits Yukino-chan just fine, though."

She reached out and smoothly rubbed the back of my neck. She felt, experimented with, and took control of my spinal cord, and my whole back felt as cold as ice.

"After all, it's fine if you don't do anything. I mean, someone's always going to do it for you, right?"

I pictured my mother sitting down gracefully on a chair with a graceful smile to match. With gentle words, she commanded shadowy figures behind her. The words were soothing, but if taken as a whole, they turned out to be terrifying. The ones who listened had no choice but to obey.

One of those shadowy figures turned out to be myself. Then, both that figure and the image of my mother faded away, and my own self reappeared on that chair. I had the graceful countenance and posture of my mother. And, I also spoke commanding words that acted as a veil for something horrible.

I pictured myself commanding those shadowy figures to do something, and they left. But at the moment that I was left alone, my mind froze. I had no information, no data.

Haruno's fingers continued to trace around the back and now sides of my neck as I was locked in that trance. Eventually, her fingers crawled, like legs of a spider, to my throat. I felt a sudden sense of urgency. I was already treading on thin ice. It felt like her fingers would pierce right through and hit upon the murky depths that I couldn't bear to unleash.

I slapped away my sister's arms. She smirked at me. I stood as firm as I could before her.

"I see, so that's what this is about..." I muttered.

I sent a harsh glare towards Hayama. As if ashamed of the fact that he had willingly or unwillingly acted as a co-conspirator, he sighed and closed his eyes off to the world.

This was just another one of my older sister's pranks. This was just another one of her ploys to make me feel uncomfortable, to make me question myself, or simply just to make me cry. I didn't have a clue as to what brought on this sadistic style of enjoyment to her. It had been this way for as long as I could remember.

I didn't have time for this.

"If there's nothing else, I'll be leaving."

I turned toward the stairs and marched away. After a few seconds, I heard Yuigahama's worried steps trail up to me.

I simply couldn't be second-guessing myself at this stage. I had already set in stone my conviction, and I had already embarked on the journey to the ending to this election that I desired. I was already set out to bring about, using my methods that lacked anything despicable, a conclusion that was the most satisfying.

By myself, I had decided to bring about a solution that we desired, and not just one that solely fulfilled our needs.

I headed out the door. The emergence into the colder outside air shocked my senses and I automatically hugged my chest.

Yuigahama also emerged from the door. She moved around to the front of me and worriedly looked at me. She opened and closed her mouth a few times as she attempted to convey but ultimately withdraw her words. After a while, she looked downward and could only murmur the most naive question.

"Hey, Yukinon, what'll we do about the candidate?"

* * *

At first, I thought that the long sofa in my apartment would serve as nothing more than a decoration. Yet, throughout the past half year, after meeting Yuigahama, it had actually managed to serve its intended function. Tonight, however, it had regressed to a state only slightly above being a mere decoration. The reason for that being that I was its sole occupant.

I sat, and I brooded. I didn't know, so I searched for the way to know.

What do I do about the student council election?

The most obvious answer was simply to ask Hayama some other time. He wouldn't dare try pulling a similar stunt a second time.

Yet, that felt wrong. Somehow, I thought that I absolutely couldn't go to Hayama for this anymore. I rationalized it as the loss of trust. Yet, I also knew that I held little trust in him from the onset.

I shook my head to clear my mind of looping paradoxes and unnecessary thoughts. There wasn't any time to resolve why I thought about certain things. I needed to take my refusal of Hayama's potential service as a given. I needed to exclude him to proceed.

Then, what other potential candidates existed out there? Who could I go to and ask them to become the student council president?

Not a single person came to mind.

That was obvious. If there was anyone who was willing to become the student council president, then they would have already applied for candidacy, and I would have already been supporting them with all that I had.

No, I was thinking too close-mindedly. That's right. I only thought of _other_ people. I had, from the beginning, crossed myself off from the list.

If I look at myself objectively, I was responsible, systematic and intelligent. I had all of the right specs to become the president. The ideal candidate was right here, attached to this nose, the whole time.

_" So, Yukino, you're not going to run for student council president, huh?"_

No, I was following after my sister again. If I were to become president, then that would mean I would be playing catch-up with her again.

But was that really the case?

Perhaps it was a trap. Maybe she wanted me to think that in order to stop me from heading down the right path. A hint was purposely wrapped up in thorns so that I would avoid doing what that hint would say.

How great would it be if I became the president. The students and staff would surely be pleased with me. I would prevent a puppet candidate from being elected if I, the puppeteer herself, became president. Isshiki would not lose face if she lost to a "superior second-year senpai".

Though, I wouldn't know what would happen to the Service Club if I became president.

No, I would balance it out. I was fully capable of devoting time to both the student council and the Service Club. If it was just to fulfill the duties of both, then I would be able to do that.

I decided. This was the solution that would be the most satisfying. Not a single person would be hurt. There were few downsides, none of which were significant. It was desirable. I desired it. I came upon this solution myself, without anyone's direct guidance.

I stood up from the sofa and headed towards my room to begin the night's slumber. Today— no, these last few days were tiresome. I felt like I was ready to collapse. However, tomorrow would be the starting point of Yukinoshita Yukino's grand solution. I needed to rest this fragile body to prepare myself.

* * *

That night, I couldn't fall asleep until four in the morning.


	4. (V8)Election's Conclusion

_**During the events of Volume 8 Chapter 8: Hikigaya Hachiman waits for an opportunity and speaks**_

"I won't. This is the best way," I proclaimed to Hikigaya as I sternly stared at him.

I reconfirmed it with myself. Hikigaya's methods were wrong. Ignoring the pain of others, ignoring the pain of himself, Hikigaya has always solved problems this way. His methods were the worst possible. They solely fulfill the primary objectives. However, problems are seldom self-contained. For example, if your primary objective was to melt an ice cube, you had many options. One of these options is to use a furnace. While the ice cube would definitely melt, the risk of using the furnace was much greater than other methods.

There was merit in putting the extra effort to make things right. There existed alternatives where no one would get hurt. And, that alternative was for me to become the student council president.

"...I won't either," Yuigahama declared.

I bit my lips. I lamented the way this turned out.

"Yuigahama-san, there isn't a need for you to participate…"

"I will. And I don't plan on losing."

"Why even you as well…"

"…Because if Yukinon's gone, then we'll lose it… I don't want that."

Yuigahama's voice quavered. Even now, Yuigahama's resolution pricked my heart. She was usually timid, lacking any real drive. Yet, for these few days, Yuigahama became assertive in an effort resolve everything. The tipping point had been reached and she desperately tried to rebalance it.

The way we were during those weeks was partially my fault. A wave of guilt lurched in my stomach. That was why it was necessary that I do this. This was to prevent further suffering and to prove Hikigaya wrong.

"I already said it before. That won't happen. That's why it shouldn't be necessary for you to participate," I said, denying her.

"But…!" she started.

I glared at Yuigahama with a stony and sure expression. My will was absolute. Seeing my face, Yuigahama became speechless and looked down. I slowly closed my eyes. Yes, this was the way things should be. The situation would become perfectly resolved if I became president. Perhaps Hikigaya came to the club today to tell us that he is giving up. That was fine with me. It was for the best.

Hikigaya picked up from the momentum of my words and added, "In truth, there really isn't a need to participate in the election… Not just Yuigahama, but you as well, Yukinoshita."

However, Hikigaya's words ran contrary to my expectations. My eyes burst open and I began gripping the hem of my skirt. I stared straight at Hikigaya.

"What do you mean?"

Was he still not giving up? Not even now?

"I believe I rejected your suggestions," I muttered.

I gripped my skirt even harder. My body began shaking slightly. I looked down at the floor. This was going to be a repeat of that night in the bamboo forest. Hikigaya will put himself on the chopping board for the sake of results. However, I know what he will do this time. I definitely could not let him do it.

This time, I will stop him.

But before I could speak again, Hikigaya responded, "…Yeah. That's why I'm not talking about that one. That kind of stuff… I'm not doing it anymore,"

I went silent. The resolution I reached just one second ago became dashed away. I became confused. Was he backing down? No, there must be a reason. Whenever he became involved in something, Hikigaya would always go through it to the end. It was part of the character of Hikigaya for him to always persevere, giving his all, no matter what that entailed.

Yuigahama asked, "So… why is it okay for us to not participate?"

"Isshiki is willing to run for the student council president now," stated Hikigaya, "That's why the request itself doesn't exist anymore."

I stared wide-eyed at him. I felt extreme incredulousness. The request ceased to exist? Did he eliminate it?

"Why so suddenly?" I questioned, unable to accept it.

"Rather than suddenly," began Hikigaya, as he withdrew a stack of paper from his bag,"The premise was wrong in the first place."

Hikigaya paused for a second and recollected his thoughts. From what I knew, the request was to cause Isshiki Iroha to not become the next student council president. After considering various things and trying out different solutions, it became clear to me that I should, myself, aim to become the president. If I won, then Isshiki Iroha would not have to take the positon. Of course, it did not have to be me, but there was no one else more suited than myself.

But why? Did I miss something as I single-mindedly pursued this plan?

"It's not that Isshiki didn't want to be the student council president. What she didn't like was being elected as the unsightly student council president who won a vote of confidence in an election where it was obvious who would win," explained Hikigaya.

In other words, Isshiki's worries were never strictly about the burdens of becoming president. What she desired was to keep her social image intact. If she was to snag the seat of president with no significant competition, the students would not think highly of her.

Hikigaya passed the sheets out to us. I took them and skimmed them over one-by-one. Twitter. The pages showed tweets endorsing Isshiki for president, as well as other candidates. Most of the retweets were of Isshiki's endorsements. The massive amounts of retweets meant that Isshiki became a popular choice. She was no longer a leftover that was to be chosen because better main courses were unavailable. She became a main course herself.

And the one who did created these tweets was surely...

"Did you do this?" I asked.

"A volunteer probably did it," denied Hikigaya, "I don't know who, though."

"...I see."

It was surely Hikigaya. I did not press further as it did not seem he would be willing to admit it.

My thoughts accelerated. Out of all of the possibilities, I did not even once consider encouraging Isshiki to run for president. I believed that I had thought this through well. However, I missed this other path completely. I was unable to grasp the situation fully. I was unable to see every door out of the problem. Had I thought of absolutely everything, I would have considered what Hikigaya managed to do.

I realized it at that moment. I was blinded by my own desires. I did not act solely to fulfill Isshiki's request. I took the scope and expanded it to include something else: proving that Hikigaya's methods were wrong. I tacked on something unnecessary. Yet, in doing so, the scope of the solutions effectively narrowed. Eliminating the motivation of the request was something that Hikigaya would surely do, thus I unconsciously ignored it.

Hikigaya gathered up all of the pages and returned them to his bag.

"In order for Isshiki to become the student council president, all of the shackles that made up the conditions have been cleared. That's why… that's why there isn't a need for you two to become president," he concluded.

Yuigahama sighed in relief beside me. Hikigaya's tense shoulders also relaxed. Once again, Hikigaya Hachiman has resolved the conflict. I remained silent. I alone remained dissatisfied at this outcome.

"I see."

I sighed. But why was I dissatisfied? I looked out the window. No, I already knew the answer.

"Then, both the problem and reason for me to act are gone..." I murmured.

"I guess that's how it is," said Hikigaya.

I closed my eyes. Even as I tried to prove his methods wrong, he found a better method. Surely, there was nothing wrong with his plan this time. Yet, something broke within me.

At one point, I thought he and I shared that something.

"I thought it was something that was understood..." I muttered.

I was wrong. There was no way for Hikigaya to know. He and I shared nothing, therefore he would never know. Even I only discovered, just now, that I hated being unable to understand and being unable to do anything.

How could he know? After all, Hikigaya Hachiman was a monster of logic. It just so happened that he began to factor in the wellbeing of others in his plans, a new variable. However, simply keeping people safe was not enough to satisfy my own selfishness. I sought to get rid of the ugly feelings from that night in the bamboo forest. I wanted to destroy that monster of logic. I wanted to look for something deeper within Hikigaya Hachiman, something that I could understand.

Perhaps that deeper thing did not even exist. What was Hikigaya Hachiman? All I saw was a small, yet capable man whose values will never intersect with mine.

I stood up.

"I'll go report to Hiratsuka-sensei and Meguri-senpai," I robotically declared.

Yuigahama rocketed up from the chair, but I stopped her with an crooked, joyless smile. I left the room quickly, just like how I left the forest at that time. I was running away.

I was mistaken the whole time. That time and this time, Hikigaya Hachiman turned out to be much different from what I expected, from what I wanted. The image that I had of him this time was not guaranteed to be the correct one either. Yet, I had no choice but to cling to it, knowing full well the falseness and futility of it all. I thought I hated that the most, but there were no other options. What I desired was unattainable. These worthless presumptions of Hikigaya Hachiman was all that I had.

Even now, I still did not understand the one called Hikigaya Hachiman.


	5. (V?)Soliloquy

_**Soliloquy between Volume 8 and Volume 9**_

What was Yukinoshita Yukino?

When the door to the clubroom opened half a year ago, a dead fish-eyed boy entered along with Hiratsuka-sensei. His looks, while probably average, were completely ruined by those eyes. His personality was cynical, and it was undeniable that he was a loner. I thought nothing of one who belonged at the lowest stratum of society. Perhaps I thought that my light could enrich such a tiny vermin such as him.

During the Service Club's first job, we baked cookies in response to Yuigahama's request. Yuigahama's cooking skills were anything but praiseworthy. I tried to teach her my culinary methods, yet nothing could be done to remedy her lack of skill. But that was when he took action. He approached the problem from an angle that strayed from the obvious. Rather than trying to improve Yuigahama's poor cooking skills, he suggested that she should continue on with what was doing as the receiving party would surely be delighted at the thought of receiving cookies more than they would repulsed by the taste. In other words, the taste was practically irrelevant.

Many other requests were brought to the Service Club following this one. For the vast majority, my hand played little part in the resolutions. They was all solved by Hikigaya Hachiman. I realized that even the vilest of vermin could resolve crises for it was the vermin who knew first-hand what it was like to be struck with trauma and grief. If vermin were to cast aside unnecessary thoughts, delusions, and emotions and utilize the basest lessons obtained from these horrific past experiences, it was possible that they could think of ways to resolve the situation that would never stem from those of more shining standings. They were monsters of logic.

In that case, what did that make me?

Noblesse oblige. That was what Hikigaya muttered under his breath at one point some time back. I cannot deny that I am beautiful and intelligent. This was not entirely narcissism. Those around me seem always praised me. That was proof. Therefore, it is considered fact. It should have been me, the one most highly regarded, that was best suited to help others. Yes, this was what I believed: it was my duty.

The results could not be further from my expectations.

Every time I tried to help others, reality showed its mercilessness and crushed my efforts.

Every time he tried to help others, the situation usually improved. Reality was in the palm of his hand.

Perhaps I should have been happy that the scum of the world was producing results. In reality, I became angry during that time in the bamboo forest. In reality, my soul was crushed during the student council elections. I shouldn't have hated it, but I did.

What I should have hated were facades. That was one of the reasons why Yukinoshita Haruno was my greatest enemy. In the past, facades broke down the world around me and a certain person. I became unable to accept that person. The relationship between him, whose name is Hayama Hayato, and I, became strained henceforth.

I was now embracing a facade even though I should have hated it. Day after day, the three of us at the Service Club met and talked about meaningless things. No progress was made. Nothing was resolved. A facade is no solution; it is an insulator that prevents anything from changing. Something broke during the student council elections, and now I was trying to protect the remnants. I was clinging onto what was left.

There was nothing that I could do. Perhaps being in company for a long time has dulled me. It was rare that someone ignored differences and looked at you honestly. That was why I could not turn away from Yuigahama Yui. And, that was why I thought I saw something in Hikigaya Hachiman. I thought he and I understood something. But what did I understand? How many times have I rewritten my image of Hikigaya Hachiman? I laid out the dots to connect them, but the dots were in the incorrect position every time.

Yukinoshita Yukino was a genius princess who extended a hand to those who needed help, and valued the club that he was forced into. And, Yukinoshita Yukino sought something true.

At the same time, Yukinoshita Yukino detested facades, yet willingly took hold of it; was bounded by her past; and could do nothing to those who reached out their hands. And, at the same time, Yukinoshita Yukino still did not understand his motives and his ideals, nor the reasons behind them.

So what did this all amount to? I didn't know. All that I have brought up were past experiences and pieces of knowledge about myself, and even those contained contradictions. I could not synthesize them into anything meaningful. But it was probably that I couldn't bring myself to, otherwise I would lose the superficiality that I was so desperately clawing at.

Ah, I never did apologize to him about the accident. We haven't talked about much at all...


	6. (V9)Mall

_**During Volume 9 Chapter 5**_

I bid farewell with Yuigahama and began walking down the street. The sun had almost completely set despite being not too late. The outside was becoming colder and colder. Frigid wind punctured straight through my thin blazer, chilling the pale flesh underneath. It was a sign of the coming winter.

Most people had already gone home by this time. The only ones left were people who attended clubs after school. They, too, must have finished theirs, and perhaps earlier than usual given the shortened days. These people walked side-by-side, cheerfully conversing about mundane things like manga or current events. However, what they discussed wasn't at all superficial even if unremarkable. Such people accompanied me down the street. Of course, I didn't mean that too literally; I walked alone while they indulged in their own companies.

Whenever I was alone, I liked to read books to pass the time. I recently finished a novel about a cat that went missing. I read it strictly for scientific purposes, so don't get me wrong. Sometimes I liked to take a trip to childhood and read simpler books like ones about Pan-san, not that there was any other meaning in that too. The number of books that I have read numbered hundreds, and my backlog never seems to diminish. Take from that what you will.

As much as I liked to read, there was no way I could do so now while walking down the road, as much as I would like to. Even a child could tell that would be foolhardy. You would be asking for a car accident to happen.

These days, however, it was becoming difficult for me to finish even a single book. Normally two or three days would suffice in scouring over a piece of three hundred pages. I make significant progress during club, but circumstances were causing me to stagnate my journey through words. The empty words that we conveyed and the acting stilled my hands.

No, I purposely stilled my hands. Even the very act of reading, which should have been what I enjoyed, became a part of the mask that we wore. How vile.

Frozen. How accurately does that word describe my book-reading. But it wasn't just in reading. I shivered a bit from the cool air. Japan was frozen too. But most importantly, most unfortunately, we, the Service Club, were frozen.

Isshiki Iroha came for a second request. Hikigaya Hachiman rejected her request on behalf of the Service Club. However, Hikigaya Hachiman accepted her request on his own, apart from the club. Thanks to this, Hikigaya has been leaving club early. With just Yuigahama and I, we would fall silent every time he left.

Walking down the street led me straight to the mall. That was natural as I intended to go into the bookstore inside. I thought I would be more excited at purchasing the next book in a certain series that I became interested in. I had been looking forward to reading it for months, yet, at the present, the thought of reading it did not stir in me any joy. Well, I was already there, so I continued onward regardless.

I parted the glass double doors and stepped onto the red matted carpet. Jingle bells. The mall was flourishing with winter and Christmas vibes. Countless decorated pines, tinsel, wreathes, and stockings lined up every nook and cranny of the mall. Stores were redecorated as per the holidays, having themes of red and green. Christmas carols were being played over the speakers in place of the usual random baroque, classical or romantic pieces. Youth excitedly paraded through, looking at every shop, scavenging for holiday sales, perhaps buying them as gifts. Even the older generation, the adults and seniors, were looking more upbeat today, possibly due to getting a time off. The atmosphere was definitely warmer than usual. For me, though, it was stuffy. There were too many people, which I highly disliked. I needed to hurry to the bookstore where it was less crowded to escape an oncoming headache.

I entered the Christmas-themed bookstore in hopes of escaping the crowd. However, no solace existed in there, to my disdain. The bookstore was also densely packed with people. This couldn't have been in any way healthy. I could already feel the headache coming.

I squeezed my way through to the section I needed to go to, while picking up a certain panda book on the way. I lost count of the amount of times I bumped into someone and said sorry to them. If I had came with someone, I would definitely have lost them in the crowd by now. Then, I would have to waste time trying to find them afterward. See, it was less bothersome being alone.

After I purchased everything I wanted, I left the store. The crowd of people lessened in density by a quarter or so by now. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I headed to the escalator and went down, carrying my shopping bag of books, as well as my personal bag. It was a slightly heavier load than usual, but I would be able to manage to walk to my apartment. It's not like I was a sheltered princess.

At the base of the escalator, I walked forward. Suddenly, my eyes met with a certain person's. He was holding a plastic bag full of KFC food in addition to his own bag. His appearance did not particularly stand out, which was, sadly, an overstatement. His dead fish eyes crippled his what would be an average appearance. The expression he wore was a little more depressed than usual, if that was even possible. However, to the passing onlooker, it wouldn't mean anything, and he would probably just be ignored whether he was sad or happy. Why did I pick out such an uninteresting guy in such a crowd of much more interesting-looking people?

That was because that boy was Hikigaya Hachiman.

We stopped. It was too awkward to ignore each other and pass by once we had seen each other like this. Our feet were planted on the ground for a while. The stream of people around us did not end even with two roadblocks in place. People walked past Hikigaya as if veering away from an obstacle. People walked past me and sometimes stole a glance at my figure.

Finally, Hikigaya began opening his mouth.

"Yo," he greeted meekly.

I slightly averted my eyes.

"Good evening," I said in response.

I awkwardly adjusted my clothes. Meeting together here at this time was a little unsettling. After all, Hikigaya had been leaving early from the club these past few days, as well as today.

Hikigaya seemed to be at a loss of words. His contorted mouth and darting eyes formed an incredibly dumbfounded expression. Likely, he never expected us to meet in a place like this. That thought was the same as mine too. Perhaps I had a similar expression as his on my face, but I couldn't tell.

Hikigaya quickly brought up something random to say.

"Oh, uh, you shopping just a moment ago?"

"Yes. But, what are you doing here at a time like this?"

Even though Hikigaya had to leave early, leisurely strolling around in the mall only two hours after he left seemed very abnormal. Indeed, the most logical conclusion would be that he had grown tired of our meaningless exchanges at club and had left early to escape it all.

"I- no, well, there were things that I had to do," muttered Hikigaya.

Of course, that hypothetical reason would be the conclusion of an outsider. However, I knew the real reason why Hikigaya had been leaving early the previous days as well as today.

I fixed my gaze at Hikigaya.

"I see... so, you've been helping Isshiki Iroha all this time?" I stated.

Hikigaya looked taken aback, but only a little, and answered, "Well, there were a few circumstances and all..."

Hikigaya did not seem as perplexed as I thought. As expected, he had likely foreseen my prediction.

The jig was up. The true reason why Hikigaya had been leaving earlier has been brought to light. However, it wasn't a shining victory for me. It was a shameful admittance that neither brought me joy, nor improved the situation by even a little bit.

"You know, you didn't have to lie about Komachi," I said.

"No, that wasn't necessarily a lie," he quickly responded.

"I see. Yes, I suppose that wasn't a lie," I murmured.

Earlier Hikigaya had given the reason that he needed to help his sister with studying when saying why he needed to leave early. It wasn't untrue, yet it did not tell the whole story. It wasn't a lie, but, at the same time, it was deception. Of course, both I and Yuigahama saw his true intent.

I adjusted my muffler and, once again, averted my eyes. Again, Hikigaya Hachiman shouldered everything by himself. During those times in the bamboo forest and during the student council elections, he did what I hated. He did what I could not prevent.

"Sorry," apologized Hikigaya.

I gripped my bag tightly. What need was there for him to apologize? He has done nothing inherently wrong all this time. Was he sorry for not fulfilling his duties at the Service Club? Did he take something from me? How could I be sure that the answer to these were a resounding "no"? Genuinely understanding another person was something I've never thought of doing in the past.

And, because I didn't understand, I reflexively attempted to refute it. To harshly push it away. That was why my next words came out before I could stop them.

"Did you think that you needed my permission?" I asked.

Hikigaya made a painful expression, then quietly replied, "N-No, just confirming."

Hikigaya shrank back. In the past, our exchanges, as harsh as they were, were mere jests. The words I spoke just now were similar to those jests, yet the motivation was very different. Hikigaya seldom ever retreated. Yet, he retreated now.

I could easily identify the objective factors that make up each event. Why something happened was always due to some reason. It was logical. Yet, the reasons themselves could, at times, be illogical. Humans always make the most illogical, most inefficient methods due to their emotions and sense of morality. It was always difficult for me to identify these illogical reasons.

"There's no need for you to apologize. Besides, Isshiki-san won't be as anxious working with you."

I told Hikigaya that first reason, the most obvious one for me, why he would choose to help Isshiki Iroha for the second time. Of course, that didn't explain why he did not ask us, the Service Club, to help her out as well — the more efficient path.

"If it's you, then you can definitely help her out. It's always you who solved the problems."

But Hikigaya knew about these illogical reasons. That was why he was able to forcibly shatter the hearts of elementary school students in order to stop the bullying. That was why he was able to convince the unwilling Sagami to finish her duties. I was wrong. Hikigaya was not a monster of logic. In his grasp, his understanding, were all types of reasons — logical and illogical. He was a monster of reason.

Hikigaya bluntly replied, "I never really solved anything. I always did it by myself because I was alone."

Hikigaya scratched the side of his head and readjusted the bag in his hands and added, "I could say the same for you."

That was incorrect.

"No, that definitely isn't true," I interjected.

You have what I don't have. The entire textbook is at your fingertips, while only the index is available to me.

"I just pretended that I could solve them. I never understood a thing," I added.

"Hey, Yukinoshita..." muttered Hikigaya.

But another problem was already present. How should I respond to Hikigaya's decision in helping Isshiki? Even if I didn't understand anything before, I needed to try to understand Hikigaya's reason to act now. Then, I could take, as suitable as possible, a course of action. That was the least that I could do for the useless me.

I needed to go through what I knew. Following Hikigaya's self-destructive act in the bamboo forest, we got the first request from Isshiki. If nothing was said, Hikigaya would have probably used those terrible methods again. I didn't know why, but I hated those methods. Therefore, I chose to try to become president to stop that. In the end, Hikigaya enacted a Twitter plan, one that was unlike his previous methods, and one that prevented any of us from getting hurt. Of course, that plan also stopped me from becoming president. The relationship between the members of the Service Club became exactly what I hated: meaningless, superficial, cold.

After that incident, Isshiki came for another request. Hikigaya refused on behalf of the Service Club, but he personally began helping Isshiki. He purposely rejected the most efficient path of having the whole club help him.

I thought and thought. I dissected those facts and tried to use as much as my knowledge as possible on connecting those events with why Hikigaya decided to help Isshiki alone. I narrowed down the possible reasons, and, after much deliberation, I finally came down to one conclusion. It was an extremely simple answer, and I felt confident in it.

Of course, now that I had a reason, the action that I needed to take became clear. What I needed to do was obvious.

"Why don't you take a break from club for a while? You- you're being considerate, right? You don't need to do that."

Hikigaya rejected my conclusion, "It's not like I'm being considerate..."

However, I stood firm, "You don't need to force yourself."

Yes, Hikigaya Hachiman was also nice. I ignored that fact while wallowing in my own emotions. I couldn't see anything, but at least that was what I was definitely sure of.

He and I never were bound by anything. Maybe we could have, but I ended it myself, with my own selfishness. Perhaps he only stayed in the Service Club out of a sense of duty. In that case...

"For it to come down to this from something like that, that means that was all that it was, right? Hikigaya-kun, you don't need to force yourself to come anymore," I ended.

I turned away without letting Hikigaya reply. I did not let him respond. Perhaps he is needed elsewhere, like with Isshiki. I couldn't let him be shackled by me.

I strolled out into the winter night. The moon was hidden behind clouds. The coldness bit into my hands and steeled my legs. I sniffled twice and wiped my nose with my sleeve, an unusually uncouth act for me. My apartment was not that far from here, and my load was light, yet I stood still and didn't feel like moving.


	7. (V9)His Request

_**During Volume 9 Chapter 6**_

Last night, after I had finally went home from the mall, I immediately collapsed onto my bed, with my thoughts in disarray. It took me several minutes before I came half-way to my senses and took a bath. I was rather dreary, though it was not surprising, given what had happened in the mall.

I sat in my bath tub for a time that was far longer than usual. I was sitting there in a slight daze, attempting to forget what happened during the day. After approximately twenty minutes, it became clear that the thoughts that were bothering me would not retreat into the inactive recesses of my brain. After another twenty minutes, the bath became extremely uncomfortable, but I continued to stay there in hopes of escaping from those thoughts that continued to plague me. Maybe the dangerously rising temperature of my body would force me to think of pain rather than of him and of her of the club. Twenty more minutes later, my wrinkly skin and the unbearably hellish hotness that I felt convinced me to leave the bath if I wanted to remain in a healthy state. So, I finished my hour-long bath that did nothing to soothe myself.

Hikigaya won't come to the club for a while. I made sure of that. That was surely for the best. I'm sure Yuigahama would agree with that as well. But, the consequence was that nothing was resolved at all. In fact, this may accelerate the breakdown of the relationship between us.

"I see, so I used the worst possible method. And, it's what I hate the most as well."

I would be losing something again. Something that was within my grasp would be forcibly thrown out and crushed.

Thoughts like those ran through my head as I laid sprawled on my bed. After my bath, I attempted to sleep, but my own thoughts prevented me from doing so. My Pan-san stuffed animal lay at the foot of my bed, but I didn't bother to retrieve it. My blankets were messily strewn about, only covering a portion of my body. My pajamas were in disarray, with the lower portion almost sliding off. Those were the results of my tossing and turning. It seemed that I wouldn't be able to sleep without calming down.

Unfortunately, such respite never came, and light shone through my windows as I turned my body from left to right for the seven millionth time. I pulled the blankets over my face to shield myself from the sunlight. Just when my consciousness was about to fade, a loud, high-pitched, beep shocked me right back to reality, and I sprung up from my bed. That annoying sound was my alarm clock. I slammed the slumber button and collapsed back onto the sheets. My droopy eyes naturally closed as I attempted to, once more, retreat to my dreams. In what seemed to be like ten seconds later, my alarm gave off its deafening blare once again. Defying the wheel of time once again, I reached for the slumber button. I slid back under my sheets while snapping my eyes shut. Yet, the third ringing came just as relentlessly as the first two. Enough was enough, I thought, and I tiredly turned off my alarm and exited my bed.

Feeling particularly out-of-it in the morning, I foregone the usual, more luxurious breakfast options, and opted for cold cereal and coffee. An unappetizing start. But for me, who had not ended a day properly with sleep, today felt more like the continuation of yesterday.

After cleaning up, I got ready to go to school. As I approached the door leading outside my apartment, I realized that my running shoes were nowhere to be found. That was odd. I usually kept track of everything regarding myself rather well, and given that I lived alone, no one could have taken them. I assumed that no thieves broke in either, given the orderliness of all of the rooms. Having a scientific mindset, I also did not believe in shoe-stealing ghosts as well.

Well, no one was completely perfect. I must have misplaced them somewhere, as rare as that happened. People have always said that I had perfect looks. But that was only one part of me that was considered perfect. I knew only too well what my imperfections were.

I began scavenging for my shoes around my apartment. I searched all of the likely locations in an effort to shorten the search time. I couldn't take too long. After all, the slumber button stole ten minutes of my time. Being conditioned from an early age, I felt slightly concerned about being late for school as I searched. With time ticking away, I eventually abandoned my search and decided to compromise. It was less-than-favourable, but I would have to settle with wearing my alternate, unsuitable-for-walking footwear — namely, my high-heels. But before that, a quick trip to the washroom was in order.

Lo and behold, as I entered my bathroom, I discovered that my pair of running shoes were right in front of the bath tub. I must have wore them all the way to my bed last night, taking them off when I needed to take a bath. What an unexpected location. I neglected to search at the most unlikely places, and the consequence was wasted time. Perhaps Hikigaya would have figured this out. I could imagine his gross, victorious smile as he would have opened the door to the washroom immediately after knowing my shoes were missing. But I could not expect such help now.

I strapped on my shoes and left my apartment. I stepped into the brisk December morning. It was rather dark for a morning, but that was to be expected of the time of year. As expected, the sky was obstructed by vast stretches of gray. Not a single ray of sunlight managed to penetrate through to the ground.

I began my trek to school with a face as ashen as the clouds above.

* * *

They say that the majority of your learning comes from studying on your own time. Perhaps I tested that rather extremely during the classes today, for I was absentminded during the lectures. Words went in through one ear and left out the other. Though, none of my classmates noticed my abnormal state of mind. Successfully answering all of the questions asked of me was probably the reason why. Or maybe we just weren't close enough to notice these subtle changes.

As per my usual routine, I headed straight for the club room after school after borrowing the keys from Hiratsuka-sensei. She looked a little concerned, but I headed off without a word after she gave me the keys.

I opened the door to the club room. It seemed that the sun did manage to somehow come out even during this winter day, for the room was illuminated with a sombre orange glow. I headed to the chair near the window. Even with the sun, the room was still a little chilly. For that reason, I did not bother to open the window. I pulled out my book from my bag and turned to the page indicated by the bookmark, which hasn't flipped to the next page for a long time.

After a few minutes, the door slowly opened. Yuigahama slowly stepped in and quietly greeted me.

"Y-Yahallo,"

"Good afternoon," I greeted back.

She sat down on a nearby chair and wordlessly pulled out her cell phone. She fiddled with its button while I pretended to read from my book. Neither of us looked at each other. Silence dominated. The atmosphere was tense.

Even now, the atmosphere in the club room was unbearable. Even now, I slouched my back and stared at the pages without reading. No, it was worse than usual. Yuigahama probably detected what I was feeling as she did not even try to start up the superficial conversations today.

Ten minutes have passed. Finally, Yuigahama began to speak up while still looking at her cell phone.

"U-Um, is Hikki coming today?" she asked.

"No, I told him that he didn't need to come to club anymore — for his sake," I replied.

"I see..." she trailed off.

I raised my eyes up from the book and looked directly at Yuigahama. Likewise, her eyes became directed at mine as well.

"I used the worst possible method," I mumbled with a low voice, "So, he definitely won't show up."

I returned my eyes to my book. I desperately tried to hold back this dreadful feeling of melted wax in my gut.

Silence returned after that. There was nothing more to say, and nothing more I could do.

Suddenly, someone began knocking. Yuigahama and I whipped around and stared at the door, surprised that someone would come for a request at this time. No, I suppose it was only abnormal for us. To outsiders, it would not have made a difference.

The person knocking knocked a few times before I came to my senses. On the fourth time, I managed to muster up the power to talk.

"Come in," I weakly said.

The door slid open, and the one who stood before us was Hikigaya Hachiman —the one who was not supposed to come. Needless to say, Yuigahama's face was filled with shock. Mine was filled with pain.

"Hikki. Knocking like that, what's wrong?" inquired Yuigahama.

I replaced my bookmark in my book and set it aside. I turned my body to face Hikigaya, but I stared downwards, not being able to meet with his face.

"I told you already. You don't have to force yourself to come," I muttered silently.

Hikigaya seemed to have heard and responded, "I- I just had some business here."

Yuigahama prompted him to sit down. Instead of sitting down in his usual seat diagonal from me, he pulled out a chair and sat directly in front of us two. He let out a long and weary sigh. Bracing himself, focused his eyes on us.

"I have one request," he smoothly said.

"Hikki... You'll talk to us properly about it now, right?" Yuigahama said with a slowly spreading smile.

I reacted differently from her. I turned my head to the side in an attempt to hide my trembling. We all knew what he was going to talk about.

"The Christmas event. The one that Isshiki asked us about. The situation is much more dreadful than I thought. So, I wanted to ask for your assistance..." spoke Hikigaya.

He paused for a moment and looked down. The sun shifted its position slightly, allowing it to shine its rays directly at us, yet the slight warmth gained was not enough to override the frigid atmosphere. Long shadows extended in front of me and Yuigahama and behind Hikigaya.

"Tsurumi Rumi, that kid we met at Chiba Village, is also there. She hasn't changed," Hikigaya continued, "How she became like that, it's my responsibility. All of it. What I've done until now, all those 'solutions' that I've enacted, they were the cause of all this. I know that."

Hikigaya shot his face up and stared directly at our faces and pleaded, "But, even if it's selfish of me, please consider my request."

I squeezed my fist tightly. Hikigaya's tactics at Chiba Village certainly left a bad aftertaste in my mouth. Yet, the results were satisfactory. During the election, he learned to use a method that would not hurt anybody, and it resulted in what was objectively the best possible scenario. Yet, he was taking it back. He was considering what was supposed to be good outcomes to be a bad ones.

"So, you're saying that it's all your fault, then?" I asked.

"I can't deny it," he replied.

No, It was my fault. After the election, both Hikigaya and Yuigahama were relieved that the method employed was one that was supposed to not cause suffering for anyone. Yet, I alone, was hurt by it. I opened my mouth to tell Hikigaya that it was not his fault.

"If you think that it was you were responsible for all of that, then shouldn't you solve those problems yourself?"

However, the wrong words came out and whatever meaning I had intended to convey never reached.

"Right, sorry. Forget what I said," apologized Hikigaya as he stood up.

Just as Hikigaya was about to turn around to leave, Yuigahama gruffly stood up, knocking over her chair, and called out to him.

"Wait, Hikki," she exclaimed, "This isn't right! Why did it turn out like this? This isn't normal!"

Hikigaya repeated the words I said to him, "No, it's nothing strange. It's my fault, so I'll take care of it on my own. It's the obvious thing to do."

"I suppose so," I muttered, unable to take back my earlier words.

"Hikki, it's not just your fault! I mean, me and Yukinon too! We pushed everything onto you, so-"

Yuigahama's eyes were swollen red. She desperately tried to reinforce her dam or her tears would burst out. Her cheeks were flushed and she clenched her fist while looking down.

Suddenly, she glanced at me and mumbled, "What Yukinon is saying, that's just unfair,"

I met her gaze and replied, "What you're saying is unfair too."

After all, that kind of reasoning was what Sagami tried to use during the culture festival — spreading your own failures to multiple people in order to lessen your own pain.

But I then realized that I was again trying to shut myself out. I was defending myself in order for the other party to back away before they could realize anything about me. I was closed off even in this situation where I should have been open.

"Wait, I didn't want to talk about that," said Hikigaya with strained face.

Yuigahama continued, "Yukinon, it's because you didn't say anything. Nothing will be understood if you don't say anything."

I retorted, "You didn't say anything either. You were just trying to smooth it all out, trying to ignore it all..."

And for the nth time, I desperately defended myself with my next words.

"If you- if you two both wanted understanding, then why didn't you..."

I trailed off, but Yuigahama and Hikigaya must have understood as they immediately looked away from me.

Hikigaya murmured, "So, we won't understand unless we say it to each other, huh?"

Hikigaya's face then filled without doubt. Perhaps he was recalling his past experiences.

"No, there are things that no matter how much we tell each other, we will still be unable to understand," he proclaimed, "Even if you said something me, it probably wouldn't have convinced me. I would have thought too hard about it and attempted to see some hidden meaning behind the words. I would dig and dig, only to miss the mark completely."

Hikigaya balled up his fist and looked it while continuing, "Saying 'if you say it, you'll understand' is arrogant. It's the conceit of the speaker who aims for self-assurance and self-satisfaction. There are many factors in life, and we couldn't possibly account for them all and fully understand each other. No, words aren't what I want."

Streams rolled down Yuigahama's cheeks and she sniffed several times. She wiped her overflowing eyes with the sleeve of her uniform. My heart felt heavy, and my vision started to blur.

"B-But if you don't say anything at all, then nothing will be understood..." she said while intensely trembling.

"I suppose that's true," agreed Hikigaya, "Perhaps you won't even begin to understand if nothing is said. But... But I-"

Hikigaya cut his words short. His back slouched greatly, and he pointed his head down. His shoulders shook uncontrollably, and both of his fists were crunched into tight and painful fists.

"But... I..." blurted out Hikigaya.

The pitch of his voice was slightly raised. His face became flushed, and before long, a liquid seeped out of his eyes and fell down his cheek in a line.

"Even so, I... I..."

The line of liquid quickly multiplied. He started sniffling and shaking as he attempted to push out sentences, but he did not break out into a sob. He gnashed his teeth while wiping away the tears from his eyes. He desperately tried to tell us something.

And finally, with a subdued and broken voice, Hikigaya revealed to us his true feelings.

"I want something genuine."

I stared at Hikigaya with a look of surprise. What came out of his mouth was something illogical. It was an irrational longing that ignored the circumstances. It was completely free of his usual statements that were calculated and cold. All was stripped away, and Hikigaya had laid bare to us something that had been locked away.

"Hikki..." started Yuigahama, but she trailed off without saying anything more.

I grasped my shoulders so tightly that it hurt. My expression contorted beyond the already distorted state.

"I don't understand," I quietly said.

His words were completely nonsensical, yet they shook me to my core. To claim to be unable to understand, yet wanting to understand, to desire for absolute truth without even a little bit of a lie, that was asking for the impossible. Yet, why? Why did such a desire manage to materialize so strongly with Hikigaya such that it brought him to tears? I thought I had determined that the world was full of lies, so why?

To be faced with such an unobtainable desire, to reveal one's frail self to others, I-

"I'm sorry," I muttered.

I sprang out of my seat and ran toward the door. I headed off in a random direction, sprinting as fast as my legs could carry me, huffing and puffing. I tripped once and bruised my leg. However, I ignored the pain and continued to flee farther and farther away.

I ended up ascending some stairs and going out a door. Before me was the rooftop. And I was alone.


	8. (V9)On the Rooftop

_**On the Rooftop**_

The strong winter winds cut through the open rooftop. It was like a vicious blade as it mercilessly stabbed through my body, stealing my heat. Yet, those winds blew not for the purpose of attacking me. They had no will and were the mere consequence of convection currents. Naturally, that meant that I could not stop them from blowing. It was out of my control.

The eastern skies darkened bit by bit. The sun was slowly descending and disappearing as per its inevitable journey, but the parts that were still there faintly illuminated my body. The clusters of buildings out in the distance had already had their lights turned on as their inhabitants awaited the oncoming night.

"I wonder what it is," I whispered to myself.

What out there was genuine? The sun would definitely set, and the night would definitely come. Seasons were fated to change year round. Those were inevitable things, which would definitely not alter their course. At the same time, however, those things could bring out problems. The nights of some areas were filled with dangerous hoodlums and muggers. Some seasons were unsuited for growing crops. Despite how much they wish for otherwise, they would definitely come. People learn to tolerate, but not eliminate, for they are inevitable. But if inevitable things can destroy you, are they really genuine?

"I don't understand," I muttered.

The door behind me opened, and two pairs of footsteps could be heard approaching me, but they stopped at a distance. A chilly gust of wind blew between me and the two that came as if it was trying to divide us.

I slowly turned around to face Hikigaya Hachiman and Yuigahama Yui. My eyes were moist and I clutched my hands together at my bosom weakly. Strength did not enter my legs, so I could not move from this spot.

"That genuine thing, what in the world is that genuine thing you asked for?" I voiced frailly.

"That's-" started Hachiman, but he was unable to answer.

He looked downwards as if he was ashamed. He gritted his teeth and remained rooted to his spot just like I was.

However, Yuigahama took a step forward, but paused uneasily. She looked to be contemplating something. Then, seeming as if she made up her mind, she puffed out her chest and displayed a look of strong resolve on her face. She then firmly walked towards me and placed a hand on my right shoulder.

"Yukinon, it's okay," she chimed.

"What's okay?" I inquired.

"To be honest, I don't understand it," she replied, "So, we have to talk about it more. But even if we talk about it, we still might not understand. We'll probably never understand, but, if we keep talkiing, then maybe we'll understand or something... and... but... you see, I-"

As Yuigahama continued her incomprehensible speech, tears started to flow down her cheeks. Her words became disordered, and it became hard to understand her. However, she forced her voice to become steady in order to say one final line.

"I don't really like how things are right now..." she uttered.

She grasped my other shoulder with her remaining hand, and pulled herself close to me in an embrace. She began sobbing behind my back. I couldn't return her embrace and opted to stroke her fine pink hair instead. She wheezed and sniffled as her entire body convulsed uncontrollably against me.

What Yuigahama said was completely nonsensical. To talk but to not understand, to persist in talking in an attempt to understand more, but still realizing that you won't understand, and to finally understand even while doing something that shouldn't be causing understanding, it was a terribly illogical process. To act without considering if it was realistic or if it was possible at all was a way of thinking that was foreign to me. Even Hikigaya discarded logical thoughts when he desired for something genuine. Their answers could not be properly rationalized at all.

Yet, without being able to fathom why, it made sense to me.

I finally realized it. It was a side of us all that was different from logic, yet was no less human. People could also acted on their desires and their emotions. Yes, I was overlooking these things. Desires and emotions could tear at us, breaking apart our relationships like they did these past few weeks. At the same time, however, they give us a drive different from those of logic. It makes us to do things that are, by logic's standards, unnecessary and inefficient. However, they were not less important.

That is, my relationship with Yuigahama and Hikigaya was important.

"Why are you the one crying? You really are unfair," I whispered to Yuigahama.

I brought my arms around Yuigahama and planted my face on her shoulder. I could feel a dam breaking down inside me, and I began sobbing on her shoulders.

My words just now stemmed directly from my emotions. How could Yuigahama, the one who was always surrounded by friends, be crying as if she was someone like me, who was always distant from others? We were completely different, yet she tried to carry some of my burden. It was supposed to be mine to bear alone, but she unfairly took some of it.

Yuigahama, the one that wanted everyone to get along; Hikigaya, the one tormented by the lies of the world and who now seeks for something genuine; and I, the one who held mistaken beliefs were gathered together. We quarrelled and became hurt. We took on the problems of others and were forced to use the most despicable methods, which threw us further into torment. It was an unmistakably dysfunctional group of people. Yet, this was surely not wrong. There was something that was valuable, something genuine, within all of this. That was what I felt.

So, let us unfairly take on each other's burdens from now on.

"Hikigaya-kun," I resolutely said.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"I will accept your request."

Hikigaya bowed his head and solemnly muttered, "Sorry."

Yuigahama turned around and warmly gazed at Hikigaya's powerless figure. I also looked at him without trying to analyze him, but with sincerity. How long has that boy been shunned by those who did try to understand him? How long has he been destroying himself to give the world solutions? He had already given up on living like an ordinary youth, not even trying to lick the crumbs that fell off the dinner table. Yet, this was only one aspect of Hikigaya. His other sides were not known to us, but surely, somewhere deep within the recesses of his being, there was something shining.

"I'll help too," said Yuigahama.

"Thanks," uttered Hikigaya.

He shot his eyes up toward the orange sky, as did Yuigahama's and mine. We stayed like that for a long time. Eventually, darkness claimed the town, but the shining moon and stars littered the black canvas like jewels. The infinite stretches of space above us was always inaccessible to humanity, but the yearning to discover, to comprehend, pervaded throughout the generations regardless.


	9. (V9)Conference

_**During Volume 9 Chapter 7**_

The afternoon was still somewhat bright and with few clouds despite the season approaching winter. That said, it was still quite chilly. According to my cell phone's weather app, the temperature was approximately five degrees Celcius. The air was more or less still, though, so we were spared from wind chills.

Hikigaya Hachiman, Yuigahama Yui, and I walked along the sidewalk with the community centre as our destination. After all that embarrassing sobbing yesterday, we agreed to help Hikigaya out with Isshiki's problem. Hikigaya already explained the gist of it while we were still in the club room, but we continued commenting on the matter as we walked.

"Let's break it down one more time, so we really understand," I declared.

"Do we really have to? It's not like there's that much to it," commented Hikigaya.

Then, both Hikigaya and I glanced over at Yuigahama, who was walking alongside me with a wide smile on her face. She was humming a melody, which was recognizable as the seventh top-selling song this month. Certainly, most musicians would agree that playing a piece was difficult, more so if from memory. From personal experience with multitudes of instruments and with singing, I knew that it required great concentration to produce music. That is to say, Yuigahama was fully immersed in her humming and probably missed most of what we discussed.

"I see," muttered Hikigaya as he closed his eyes in annoyance, "Reviewing might not be so bad."

The situation was like this.

Sobu High and Kaihin Sogo High were planning to join their forces and have a Christmas event. Representatives from each school would meet at the community centre to discuss the agenda. Of course, these representatives were student council members of each respective school. Isshiki Iroha, the president of the student council; the other student council members; and Hikigaya comprised of the members representing Sobu High, and Tamanawa and his underlings represented Kaihin Sogo High.

As with any meetings of people, especially with strangers, there were bound to be disagreements among the participants. However, if there were too many disagreements, nothing would get settled. That was the problem in this situation.

According to Hikigaya, Kaihin Sogo High would always attempt to bring up irrational ideas. For example, they had suggested to enlist entertainers and add more and more events despite the limited resources. In addition, communication between each school was less than adequate. Kaihin Sogo High used, as Hikigaya put it, "vague and stupid terms", and any suggestions from Sobu High was not properly received by Kaihin Sogo High (i.e. completely ignored).

In short, hardly any good ideas came up, and those that did come up were likely to have been lost in communication. The meetings got them nowhere, and the deadline was rapidly approaching. They were still at the starting line in this tedious race.

"I-I got it already, geez," complained Yuigahama after we explained it to her for the seventh time.

We eventually found ourselves in front of the community centre's entrance. Isshiki Iroha waited beside the glass door, likely for Hikigaya. She was holding a few grocery bags stuffed with snacks and soft drinks. She noticed us and began waving at a distance with a cheerful grin on her face. She began approaching us while Hikigaya went off to lock up his bike.

"Seeeeenpaaaii!" greeted Isshiki.

She noticed us two impromptu guests and bewilderedly added, "Yui-senpai and Yukinoshita-senpai? What's wrong?"

Hikigaya came back and returned a wave to her and explained, "I asked them for help."

I wryly smiled and said to Isshiki, "It looks like the situation isn't quite good."

"Yeah, that's riiiiight," she affirmed with a huge sigh and a stern expression, "That would be a big help."

Hikigaya began walking inside the community centre, and the three of us followed. Suddenly, he stopped. His expression told us that he forgot something. Perhaps he left something behind at the bike racks? I was about to step aside from the entrance to let him through.

Hikigaya came up to Isshiki, who proceeded to hold out her grocery bags. Surprisingly, he took them from her and began carrying them in her stead. Both Yuigahama and I stood stock still and stared at the bags with a shocked look on our faces, speechless before this unexpected spectacle.

Hikigaya tilted his head and asked us, "What's up?"

"No, it's nothing," I shook my head.

"Ah, yeah. Yep, it's nothing," giggled Yuigahama.

It was quite odd to see that Hikigaya being so courteous. Honestly, it was completely outside of my expectations. Well actually, if you thought about it, he had a little sister, not to mention that he himself was a gigantic siscon. Isshiki, a girl younger than him, might have unexpectedly awoken his Big Brother Mode. Not that I thought that it was amusing or cute or anything.

We ascended up the stairs and reached the training room. It was quite spacious, with plenty of chairs and tables. This was where the meeting was held, as I was told. Plenty of our own people were already here. At the other end of the room stood a group of students dressed in an unfamiliar uniform. They must be the ones from Kaihin Sogo High.

The Kaihin Sogo High students noticed Isshiki and gave her a greeting. Then, they noticed Yuigahama and I, and they glanced at us with puzzled expressions. A boy of average build and height stepped out of the group and personally greeted Isshiki. There wasn't anything terribly disfigured about this guy, and it was not like he was ugly at all. He had a cheerful disposition, and the high curvature of his smile made my cheek muscles hurt just thinking how he could sustain such an expression. Before they noticed Isshiki, all of the Kaihin Sogo High students gathered around him as he spoke to them, indicating his fair amount of charisma. No doubt he was the leader of the pack — the student council president.

"Tamanawa..." muttered Hikigaya under his breath to no one in particular, though I understood that he was telling Yuigahama and me who that person was.

It looked like Isshiki was telling Tamanawa that she had found more helpers as she pointed at us while talking to Tamanawa. He looked confused at first, but then gave her a grossly exaggerated smile while nodding, indicating that he was okay with it. Could he please stop acting so disgustingly gleeful?

Hikigaya emptied the bags of snacks and drinks onto an empty chair, and we helped him to sort it out. Just then, a girl with short black hair in a bob style walked past us. It was a girl that we had met recently, although not in an ideal environment. She briefly greeted us. Yuigahama frantically bowed her head, but I simply stared at her coldly. She returned my stare with a narrowing of her eyes and a frown as if judging me. Then, as if her previous expression had never been made, she flashed a smile at me before briskly marching away back to her group.

I thought back to the time in that restaurant, where I saw that girl for the first time. She and her friend was with Hayama and Hikigaya. Completely unlike himself, Hayama coldly told that bob-haired girl that apparently Hikigaya wasn't who what his appearance suggested and that he frequently associated himself with Yuigahama and I, girls who were apparently superior to her. We did not directly converse with each other, but Hayama's actions caused our impressions of each other to be less than adequate. Though, it probably would not have mattered even if we were properly acquainted. I had a feeling that I would not have gotten along with her anyway as she had an air of arrogance and conceit, going at her own pace and disregarding everything that she did not approve of, though not to the extent of Nee-san. I've never had the chance to bring it up to Hikigaya, but it was probable that there was some sort of unpleasant past between her and him as well.

"Why don't we sit?" suggested Hikigaya.

Yuigahama and I nodded, and we headed toward the chairs. Hikigaya sat on a chair beside one that was set slightly in front of all the others: the leader's chair. Yuigahama claimed a seat beside Hikigaya. I naturally gravitated toward that leader's chair.

"Huh? My seeeaat..." groaned Isshiki from behind me.

I quickly stood up, a little embarrassed, and apologized, "I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that the seating arrangement had already been decided."

Isshiki waved her hands in front of her and said, "No, no, it's not. It's fine, I'll just sit over there 'cause I'll be more relaxed."

She looked slightly downcast as she said that and made her way to the seat beside the vice president. After that, the rest of the people in the room took their seats, and the meeting began with.

Tamanawa spoke out first.

"After that BRAINSTORMING last time, I came up with a RESUME, so go ahead and read it," spewed out Tamanawa as he passed out sheets of paper to everyone.

BRAINSTORMING? RESUME? What he said was technically not incoherent, but why did he have to specifically use loan words? Was he trying to practice his English?

I looked through this "RESUME" of his, which was basically a proposal of various events to be done during the event. In summary, he aimed for having a CONCERT EVENT exhibiting ALL GENRES of music like JAZZ, ROCK BAND, and GOSPEL, with intermissions of CHRISTMAS SOUNDS, following up with a MUSICAL. The CONCEPT was "The Music Connecting Now", which aimed for the maximum synergy between all of the music and plays.

The overuse of these, for a lack of a better term, buzzwords got on my nerves. I could tell why Hikigaya said that these meetings never went well. In addition to Tamanawa's stupid way of wording, he was arranging for too many things with our limited time and budget. Everything was completely absurd and idiotic. I grimaced while bringing a finger to my forehead as if pushing my melting brain back into my head.

"Jyasu... roku b-bando... uh," muttered Yuigahama in confusion.

And, another source of headache came from that bun-haired airhead seated two chairs away from me. Perhaps I should have been amazed that a teenager this day and age doesn't know what jazz and rock band mean.

The meeting continued after everyone had read through Tamanawa's proposal. Tamanawa went on to try and convince us to adopt his inane aggregation of ideas. While doing so, he brushed off all of our complaints in an attempt to reach a CONSENSUS for his GRAND DESIGN, just like Hikigaya said he would. Eventually, those on our side could no longer muster up the will to interject as they tried to open their mouths but gave up speaking.

Hikigaya tried one last time to convince Tamanawa otherwise and said, "What about the budget? How are we going to make this work money-wise?"

Tamanawa triumphantly responded, "That's what this conference is for — trying to find out how to make that work."

With even the most fundamental problem of his plan brushed away, the training room was enveloped in silence. Tamanawa conveniently interpreted that as approval of all members of the meeting and began discussing how to fit his GRAND DESIGN within the CONFINES of FIAT CURRENCY.

Needless to say, with the expenditures greatly exceeding the budget, nothing worked out. Rational ideas were rejected, leaving us with what Tamanawa could one-sidedly impose upon us. The meeting was a complete failure. I've been at several bad meetings in the past, but none of them matched this one's in terms of nonsensicalness.

I sighed upon the conclusion of the meeting. Every face within the room showed dissatisfaction, save for a certain male Kaihin Sogo High student that none of us Sobu High students ever wanted to collaborate with again.

* * *

"Have these meetings been like that every single time?" I asked Hikigaya.

"Yeah," he responded with a pained expression.

Most of the people had already sauntered out the training room already. The only ones left were a couple students putting away the chairs and tables, as well as us three from the Service Club and Isshiki.

"What should we do?" asked Yuigahama to Hikigaya.

"I have no clue," he replied dejectedly.

So, Hikigaya Hachiman did not know what to do at all? That was completely unlike what I thought of him. In all of those problems in the past, he would always be the one to grasp the root of the issues, then accurately, and a little deviously, slice them away. Being well-acquainted with rejection and humiliation, he saw the blackness that those of us at the top of the food chain could not see. That's what I always thought, but I've forgotten that the opposite was also true — he could not see what we see. Yes, I one-sidedly imposed onto him my own convoluted image of him as a monster of logic.

I looked at him a little gloomily and muttered, "So, there are things you don't understand as well."

He contorted his mouth, gave me a look of annoyance and harshly replied, "You being sarcastic? Obviously there are loads of things that I don't understand."

I almost jumped. I did not expect for him to react so negatively to my words.

I looked down at the floor, feeling guilty over my unintended insult.

"I-I didn't mean that," I stuttered.

The mood became sour. Isshiki and Yuigahama peeked at us worriedly. My body was shaking a little bit. I felt fear somewhat similar to that of being afraid of disappointing someone, but it closer to worrying about something. I could not bear to look at Hikigaya's face as he was probably smoldering in anger.

"No, uh, I want to do something, but I really don't know what to do," added Hikigaya with a softer tone.

I looked up at him cautiously and saw that he was not mad at all. He scratched his head with an expression that said that he messed up.

"I-I'm not criticizing you or anything," I mumbled.

Yuigahama walked over to us and tried to smooth things over, saying "W-Well, let's just think about what we can do about it, okay?"

Her words brought us back from the awkward atmosphere. We had more pressing issues at the moment.

Right now there wasn't even a single solid plan. When I had thought that we were at the starting line, perhaps I overestimated the progression. We were still at the brainstorming stage. We have not even decided which lane of the race to start at.

Thinking aloud helped organize thoughts, so I began saying some of my suggestions to the other three. First of all, the whole scope of the event was too big.

"First, I think that we need to drop the scale of the event to something more realistic," I started.

"That's right, but what happened in the meeting is how it is, so..." interrupted Isshiki with an uneasy voice.

What Isshiki was implying was that it was highly unlikely that Tamanawa would agree to axe some of his ideas. In that case, we would have to take his plan as is and make some modifications. That meant that we would need to allocate our resources very carefully.

"If that's the case, then we need to think about those all those extra additions to the expenditures. For the concert, we would need to spend money even if we use student bands for things like securing a location for practice. We could use the music room, but if that doesn't work out, we would have to rent a studio, which would be even more expensive."

Of course, that was only the tip of the iceberg. We were all aware that there were plenty of expenses besides that.

Hikigaya commented, "So in that case, the estimate's going to keep on going up and up, huh."

Indeed, Tamanawa's suggestions were more troublesome than they first appeared, having many side costs, just like with that concert and studio example. That coupled with the current indecisive state of the whole thing made calculating the total expenditure quite problematic. Without knowing how much to spend, we would be unable to allocate our resources efficiently.

Besides listing the expenditures, there was also a need to discuss how we were going to acquire the funds needed to pay those off.

"In addition, we would need to decide how to secure the expenses. We could have the schools deal with them, and we could also find sponsors," I explained while raising my right index finger, "But finding willing sponsors with so little time left before the event will be easier said than done."

I looked at Tamanawa's resume of proposals. Even after skimming through it countless times these past few hours, I groaned once again upon seeing them. Forget sponsors, would our own schools even be willing to fund such ridiculous proposals?

I needed to make some changes to bring order to this chaos. I took out a red pen from my purse and began going over every point, crossing things out and making addendums. I tried my best to organize this mish-mash, cutting away some of what was unnecessary, while attempting to retain the core ideas of the plans. However, no matter what I thought up of, the majority of the ideas were either not doable with our current workforce, or it was far too expensive. As I began making massive amounts of corrections like a teacher grading a poorly-written essay, the page became plastered with red ink. The amount of my red notes and scribbles soon surpassed the typed letters of Tamanawa's original ideas. I began putting strike-throughs even over my own notes.

After ten minutes of rapid writing, I stopped for a moment and checked over the whole resume now covered in crimson. However, even after my additions, it was still unsatisfactory. I inhaled twice as much air as usual, then exhaled it all in a long sigh before making a big X over the entire sheet of paper. I was at a roadblock.

If you tried to solve a problem, but couldn't, then you were probably not digging deep enough. Perhaps we were not approaching this at the correct level.

"Money and time. We are lacking in those things, but I feel that we are overlooking something more fundamental," I muttered.

I felt that we were only scratching the surface of the issue. There was something that we were overlooking. You couldn't say much about the roots of a plant if you only laid eyes on its leaves, after all.

Then, Hikigaya stood up with a stern expression, as if he had decided on something. It was a familiar action that told us that he had already decided on what he needed to do. I expected him to explain and provide a solution for that root I was overlooking.

"There's not much we can do, I guess. Anyway, let's just try out the things you came up with. For now, we'll talk about the issue of money at school to see if we can go through with all these extra additions," he declared.

So, he really did not know either.

I looked at him blankly, blinking rapidly as if to wash out a false image painted on my irises. I had confidence with my ability to think and comprehend, but it still took me a little longer than usual to understand what Hikigaya said. For him to be unable to solve what I couldn't — for both of us to be stuck — was a situation that was inconceivable.

Hikigaya probably expected a response from me, but hearing none, he glanced down at me from above with a bewildered expression.

"W-What's wrong?" he asked.

"No, I was just thinking that you already had this in mind," I responded.

"No, at least nothing that concrete," he muttered.

"I see," I said while standing up.

What he said made sense. He would not have approached Yuigahama and I in the first place if he had an appropriate solution. It was me that was being illogical. I was still assuming things about Hikigaya. I knew that I shouldn't, but it was difficult to not jump to conclusions. That was the way that humans treated things that they did not truly understand to convince themselves that they did understand. It was a flawed method that created only surface-deep perceptions that were prone to falling apart when tested.

To think that one could know everything was conceited. When those baseless assumptions broke down, arrogance would cause one to try and reach for another incorrect conclusion. However, we wouldn't get trapped in a mire again. We were bound to not understand; it was inevitable. But we didn't need to understand it all right away. Slowly, but surely, if we reached for that genuine thing, then gradually something could be understood.

"Then that's fine," I whispered under my breath.

We headed out of the community centre and retraced our steps back to our school. Yuigahama and I walked side-by-side while she asked me what about the things she did not understand during the meeting (which was roughly 80% of it). Isshiki and Hikigaya bickered behind us, sometimes badmouthing the Kaihin Sogo High students. The weather forecast said that it would be colder at this time of day, but strangely it was bearable.


	10. (V9)Destinyland

_**Destinyland (Volume 9 Chapter 7 to Chapter 8)**_

When one encounters problems in one's duties that one is unable to solve on their own, it may be necessary to report to one's supervisor. Such a measure was necessary with our current situation with the Christmas event. As such, the four of us went to see Hiratsuka-sensei and explained the situation to her.

"It looks like all of you don't understand what Christmas is about," she replied unexpectedly.

We all became dumbfounded. We had told her about the non-concrete plans and the budget issues, but her response seemed to be completely unrelated. Hiratsuka-sensei's expression suddenly lit up as if she remembered something and started to search her bag.

"Why don't I show you what I mean? Ta-da!"

With a victorious grin, she pulled out four colourful slips of paper. Hang on a minute, I recognized those. Surely it couldn't be "those", could it?

The slips of paper showed a certain panda sitting atop a Ferris wheel. At the bottom, there were the words "ONE DAY PASSPORT TO THE LAND OF DREAMS" written in large, bold font. A bar code filled the latter tenth of the paper. I knew it, surely these were "those".

"Those must be Destineyland tickets," I said.

"What's this about? Where did you get them? Why four?" inquired Yuigahama.

At Yuigahama's words, Hiratsuka-sensei suddenly became crestfallen and she dropped the tickets messily onto her desk.

"I- well, I won it at an afterparty of a wedding somehow. Twice. A-And I was told that 'you can go by yourself two times' twice as well..." she muttered.

It looked like she stumbled upon another situation that, despite not being explicitly so, mocked her for her bachelor status at a less-than-young age. Surely, the adult life was difficult, especially with the unrealistic expectations that everyone threw at you. Indeed, Hiratsuka-sensei finding a partner was an unrealistic prospect. Such was life, but it could not be helped. My only hope is that I will not end up like that miserable teacher longing for the unattainable.

"I'll give these to you guys. Destinyland has a magnificent Christmas atmosphere, so take it all in as reference for your Christmas event. Also, I'm sure it'll serve as a breather," said Hiratsuka-sensei with an abrupt smile.

She's giving them to us just like that? That was pretty generous. I started to get a little excited, and my straight mouth started to curve up. N-No, I should show some restraint.

"Really? Thank you very much!" exclaimed Isshiki.

"At a time like this? It's so damn packed," complained Hikigaya.

That was true. At this time of year, people crowded en masse at amusement parks like Destinyland to get away from their busy lives and spend some time with their family. The density of people must greatly exceed the average comfortable amount. Well, it couldn't be helped, I guess. Even if I wanted to go, it would be bad. Seriously, I'm not lying at all.

"I agree, it might not be for me too," I added.

Yuigahama looked at us discontentedly and whined, "Eeeeeh? Come on, let's go!"

"Don't you know how freezing it would be at this time of year?" reminded Hikigaya, "The winds will give us severe chills on top of the whole place being on the coastline."

"We'll get choked by the congestion of people, and we'll be frozen like icicles while waiting in the long lines," I said.

"But, but Pan-san, Yukinon! They have 'Pan-san's Bamboo Fight' there! You said you'd be okay with going after we watched that DVD that time!" Yuigahama argued.

I-Indeed, Pan-san will be there. Well, it's not like I care about him or his soft, fluffy fur or his devious, yet childish face that makes you want to hug him back to the right path. I should stop looking at the tickets in yearning as well. I attempted to avert my eyes as naturally as possible.

"We can go whenever, so it's not like we need to go when it's so crowded," I argued back.

"Come on, Yukinon! It's Christmas, so Bamboo Fight will be all Christmas-y, right? It was like that in 'Haunted Campus'!"

Yuigahama was terribly misinformed. Unacceptable.

"No, this year's Bamboo Fight will be as usual. In the first place, Bamboo Fight has never had a Christmas version before, so it's unlikely that it will be a Christmas version this year as well. It's an attraction that's renowned across the globe," I corrected her.

"Y-You sure know a lot about it," muttered Yuigahama.

"Um, this much is common knowledge," I weakly retorted.

"Please, Yukinon, let's go!"

"Definitely not."

At this, Yuigahama became crestfallen. We fell silent for a while. Unlike before, she was giving up rather soon. Actually, I remember very few times she ever gave up at all.

However, it was not wholly unexpected. We had just been through all that up until yesterday. Some awkwardness remained behind as anyone would guess, though it did not make it any less uncomfortable.

Suddenly, Hikigaya broke the silence, saying "Goods."

I turned around to him and stared at him in confusion. It was an awfully random thing to say.

"They'll be stocking Christmas versions of Pan-san there, right? So, I want to pick one out for Komachi as a present," he said.

Yuigahama raised her face as if realizing something. She reached out and tightly grasped both of my hands.

"Ah, sounds good! Let's all go and choose one for her!" chimed Yuigahama.

I averted my eyes for a moment. Why was I trying to show resistance right now? No, I knew the answer to that. I was reflexively acting in a way that I had been doing for a long time. I was shunning away others and making myself appear stoic, intelligent, and unreachable. Even though I hated facades, I never knocked down my own. Perhaps I was untrusting. Or, perhaps I was afraid of something.

However, we had already realized the futility in all that. We were not saving ourselves by acting like that, and certainly we were not saving each other either. In that case, it should be okay. It should be fine to take a step and reveal a little bit of the flesh underneath the carapace. There was risk involved, but she, he and I have already decided that we would seek for that which was uncomfortable, thorny, yet true.

I stopped resisting.

"If that's how it is, then there's not much we can do," I submitted.

Yuigahama slowly spread out a motherly smile for me, like I was a long-lost child. Her undiluted joy caused the mood to relax, releasing our stiff spines from the tension.

That aside, it seemed that there was another person who I knew that was actually a so-called comrade of a different sort.

I turned to Hikigaya and asked him, "So, Komachi likes Pan-san?"

"Eh? Oh, um, she does, I think," answered Hikigaya unsteadily.

I became a little bit excited. My suspicion was true. The cuteness of Pan-san was universally recognized by many, but only a select few could see past the mere cuteness and discover the other parts that made Pan-san so great. Episodes six through twelve of the third season of "Pan-san's Adventures" showed off his unexpectedly weak strength despite his gruff appearance, which was an appealing trait in its own way. While walking home from school, I rarely heard the elementary school students talk about that side of Pan-san. However, if it's Komachi, then I was sure that she was not such a lowly fan of Pan-san.

"I see, I didn't know that. Choosing a present might be difficult," I murmured with a thumb and index finger on my chin.

Who knows if she would be satisfied with, say, a mere Pan-san #3 of the Winter Collection. What if she desired that extremely rare Pan-san X: A Very Bamboo-y Christmas that is up for purchase for only two days? We should not take this lightly.

For some reason, Isshiki was sulking while looking at the interaction between us three. I suspect that it had something to do with Hikigaya, but let's leave it at that for now.

"So, we're going with just the four of us, right?" reconfirmed Isshiki.

I nodded. We did have only four tickets, so that was completely reasonable. However, Hikigaya looked at Hiratsuka-sensei as if he was unsure about something.

"Well, since it's just the four of you out collecting data, there's no problem," said Hiratsuka-sensei to Hikigaya.

Speaking of Destinyland, I remembered that I had a one-year pass. I had purchased it earlier this year since I occasionally went alone to that gift shop in Destinyland selling exclusive goods. It was fortunate that I realized this. That means that the fourth ticket could be used by a fifth person.

"I have a year passport, so one of the tickets won't be necessary," I stated.

Hikigaya looked surprised and muttered under his breath, "A whole year? Just how much do you-"

I could not hear the rest of what he said as he trailed off. Presumably, it was a random comment, so it should be okay if I didn't know what he said.

As if waiting for something like this to happen, Isshiki quickly suggested, "In that case, I can invite another person, right? We can have good balance that way tooooo."

She smiled cunningly.

"Who are you planning on inviting?" inquired Hikigaya.

"It's a secret!" she answered.

Hikigaya frowned as if he knew the answer. I haven't interacted with Isshiki as much as him, but even I would have a good guess at who she would invite. According to the epitome of female teenagers, Yuigahama Yui, Destinyland was the perfect spot for a date. One would invite the perfect man to this perfect date. Only one such person fit the youthful criterion of perfect.

* * *

I pulled out my smart phone to check the time. Nine o'clock. I had arrived at Destinyland a whole hour earlier than the appointed time. After all, the morning rush at the train station was no less heavier during the weekends than the weekdays. Japan was just that congested. Crowds were stuffy, stinky, and way too tight, so it was necessary that I went as early as possible as the crowdedness only got worse as the day went on. As they say, the early bird catches the worm. At least that was what I was trying to tell myself. Despite the weather being three degrees Celcius, I was probably shaking my body for a different reason than coldness, not that I would admit it.

Even at this early time, families and couples made their way through the ticket gate to Destinyland. However, the lineup was quite long. Dressing up in bright red and green colours, the employees performed their jobs of checking over people's admission tickets frantically, letting people in as fast as they could, in an attempt to curb the waiting time for their customers. The rate-determining step in any multi-process was always the slowest step. In this case, bypassing the ticket gate held everyone up, preventing them from entering as quickly as they wanted to.

That said, the line was progressing at a sufficient rate such that if I were to line up myself, I would reach the front before the appointed time arrived, so I had no choice but to sit on a bench nearby and wait.

The sky was smooth gray, without a cloud in sight. That was good as no rain would come. I was fine waiting in the coldness like this as I was dressed in a warm knit sweater, a long scarf, and black mittens. Though I had decided to wear a skirt today, my tights and boots were enough to keep my lower half warm.

Surrounding Destinyland was a white medieval-style castle wall. Unlike real castle walls, however, it was not so high as to block out the view of the attractions beyond. Indeed, a large structure shaped like a volcano actively spewed out coloured smoke. Around that were a Ferris wheel turning gently, no doubt giving its riders a nice view of the rest of Destinyland as well as some parts of the city, as well as a rollercoaster, whose riders screamed so loudly that I could hear them even at this distance of a few kilometres away. The sight was enough to rile up even those without much interest in rides, such as I.

Though, I was less excited about the rides and more excited about the gift shop, not that I would admit that either.

As I sat there idly, gazing upon that familiar amusement park, a girl with pink hair in a bob came running up to me from behind.

"Yahallo! You sure are here early, Yukinon," greeted that girl, Yuigahama, with a beaming expression.

Yuigahama wore a puffy beige coat. On her head was a knit cap. A tuque, was it called? Around her neck was a red muffler wrapped carefully. Her mittens were larger than mine. She was probably less comfortable in the cold than I was. Though, that did not stop her from wearing a skirt in this weather.

"Only to escape the crowds," I said in slight defiance.

"Uh huh," she nodded in understanding.

She did not seem to believe me at all and acted like she knew the real reason why I came early. It's a little bit embarrassing for someone to guess at your true intentions, but since it was Yuigahama who did so, I did not feel too uneasy.

"Ehehe, aren't you excited?"

"Not particularly, no."

"Come on, don't you want to go on all those Pan-san rides?"

"Um, it would be lying if I said no."

"Ah, I haven't been here for a long time. I wonder which ride we should go on first."

"Please don't forget why we're here."

"I'm not, I'm not. But it would be a waste if we didn't at least go on each ride three times!"

"Given the amount of time there is in a single day, that would be a highly difficult plan of action. Given your average stamina, you probably can't run to each attraction quickly enough either."

"Muuu, Yukinon, you're saying that, but aren't you shaking with excitement right now?"

We exchanged meaningless small talk like that for a while. Yet, my conversation with Yuigahama could be counted as both meaningless and meaningful. The fact that we could now talk like this after all that had happened was, in itself, miraculous and full of meaning.

After a few minutes, another attendee of our meetup showed his face.

"Ah, Hikki!" cried out Yuigahama suddenly.

Hikigaya Hachiman walked slowly toward us, while Yuigahama quickly ran up to him. He was dressed very modestly, with a thick winter coat and beige gloves. At the moment, he was giving Yuigahama a slightly annoyed and embarrassed glare. Given his character, he was probably uncomfortable with that kind of ecstatic behaviour.

"Oh, you guys are early," he said to us in a slightly tired voice.

"Right, right. I thought I was here early, but Yukinon was the first to arrive," pointed out Yuigahama.

"Well, I just didn't want to dealt with the crowding train," I muttered, while turning my gaze to the side.

Hikigaya looked around, then said, "It's just Isshiki left, right?"

Yuigahama responded, "If it's Iroha-chan, then she's over there."

Yuigahama pointed to the corner store. I never really looked over there since I was pre-occupied with the sight of Destinyland. The door opened to the store and Isshiki Iroha walked out while happily chatting with someone behind her. The one that followed after her was, as expected, Hayama Hayato.

I sighed deeply. I knew from the start that this would happen.

However, it didn't end there. Miura, Ebina, and Tobe followed after Hayama. Almost their entire clique was present. I thought our objective for the day was to collect data to use for our own event. Why were all these useless extras present? Understaffing was one thing, but overstaffing was just a waste of resources. The marginal return for labour eventually decreases, after all.

Hikigaya's gaze met mine, as if asking if I knew what was going on. I turned to Yuigahama, expecting an explanation.

"Ummm," she studdered, "I-I mean, we had plans with each other already, and um, I can't just be Iroha-chan's only friend! I'm stuck in between two rocks, you know!"

Yuigahama groaned as she held her head with her hands. Sometimes Yuigahama's consideration was entirely unnecessary. There also existed the option of rescheduling her time with her other friends instead of having us all gather today. However, it seemed that thought never crossed her mind. Rather than moving along and trying to squeeze between two rocks, it was more like she attempted to carry two boulders and they held her down. I sighed at this preposterousness. I hope she was prepared for the consequences of bringing them here.

"Now, don't you go taking them along just because you can," I scolded her, "You'll take care of them, right?"

Yuigahama rapidly nodded, saying "I really will, okay?"

Well, Hayama and the rest shouldn't be that much of a burden on our activities. As long as they did not interfere, it would be fine. It would be rude to send them back or go separate ways. I suppose we should accept this situation for now. Rather, it was Yuigahama's problem and not ours.

"That's fine then," I affirmed, "It's not something we should be too concerned with."

"Yukinon..." she muttered.

Yuigahama had a look of both relief and thankfulness, as if I were a parent granting the her, the child, permission. She probably misunderstood something, but at least it saved some trouble.

Suddenly, Hikigaya assumed a serious expression for a second and warned her, "Yuigahama, don't try supporting them or anything."

Yuigahama and I did not immediately understand what Hikigaya was referring to. Hikigaya's head turned to face a certain member of Hayama's group — Tobe. Then, we understood.

"Ah, right, I guess," she said solemnly.

We all became downcast. A chilly wind blew past us, and the gate area became a little quieter as the guests managed to enter the park.

Surely, he was referring to that time in the bamboo forest. The coldness of the wind and the black night that sucked out all warmth still weighed on the back of my mind. It was a hopeless situation, which demanded an equally hopeless solution. Were we wrong for taking up that request? Was there anything different we could have done? The answer was a resounding no. It was a no that you could not help but accept. The solution that Hikigaya was forced to carry out was, without a doubt, cold and vicious. It was a denial of truth. Yet, truth was not a requirement of a solution. Taking it all in himself, blotting out the problem with an even greater problem so that the initial problem was transferred instead of eliminated, it was a solution that was devoid of truth, yet one that we desperately needed. It was the worst possible answer. But, no matter how much I hated it, I could only leave it up to him.

The way we were right now, we did not have the strength to deal with something like that. The only thing we could do was hide it away and hope that it doesn't spring out some day. It was unfortunate, and it may even be cold-hearted, but their problems could only be solved on their own. We were not in any shape to help them.

Hikigaya changed the subject, "Well, there's not much we can do since they were called already. This works, though, since we can get them to help with collecting data and taking pictures."

"Yeah, right..." whispered Yuigahama as she tried to force a smile.

Yuigahama looked like she still harboured some doubts. I reached out and combed through her hair with my right hand in an attempt to brush those sentiments away. Her smooth, healthy hair glided gently over my hand, and a waft of melon scent tickled my nose.

We haven't even decided what to do at Destinyland yet. We should decide on a plan of action.

"If we're going to collect data, it'd be a good idea to decide on how we'll go around," I suggested.

"Ah, that's for sure!" exclaimed Yuigahama as she brightened, "What should we ride first?"

I wanted to quickly go to Pan-san's Bamboo Fight. No other ride showcased the Pan-san so well. Contained within that ten minute ride were all of the sides of Pan-san: his cuteness, his softness, his bamboo-y goodness, his cheerfulness, I could go on and on and on. I've scoured over dozens of websites on Destinyland, and Bamboo Fight received few negative reviews. It just goes to show how great Pan-san is. Thus, it was good if we went there as soon as possible. No, it was completely necessary that it would be among our first destinations. The pictures we could take would be incredible. I would definitely keep a few copies for my Pan-san album.

Hikigaya pointed behind him, saying "A ride? Well, maybe that, then."

His finger was directed toward at the train that had just arrived on the platform of the Keiyo Line.

"The train!?" screamed Yuigahama, "You're totally ready to go home!?"

"Hikigaya-kun, is your inactive body causing you to become this tired after you just got here?" I teased.

"Shut up," he retorted, "I bike all the time so that I don't look like a lonely person walking down the street with no one to talk. Of course I'm active."

While we were conversing, Isshiki and Hayama's group had noticed us and were making their way here. Isshiki jogged over with light steps. A beaming smile was plastered on her face from cheek-to-cheek. It seemed that she was in a terrific mood.

"Senpai, good mooorning!" greeted Isshiki.

"Yeah," returned Hikigaya.

We exchanged greetings. Yuigahama, without question, amicably chatted them up just fine. As for me, I maintained my usual sense of distance. Hikigaya, however, seemed a little awkward, especially around Hayama.

Finished with the greetings, Isshiki took charge and said "Since we're all here, shall we get going?"

The line to the gate had shortened considerably. We waited only a short five minutes before we could enter the park. We headed down a short road toward the central plaza. Signs that said "You are about to enter a paradise", "Your wonderful retreat begins now" and the like surrounded us in an effort to rile up the guests. It hadn't snowed yet, but artificial snow was spread out along the walkway, as well as various Christmas-themed decorations.

We arrived at the central plaza. Collectively, we let out gasps. A towering, majestic Christmas tree proudly pointed up toward the sky, shining its colourful lights and showing off its glittering ornaments. Western-style buildings housing restaurants, shops, and other facilities lined up along the street. With the white castle walls around the whole place, it felt like a medieval castle town. A lion mascot wearing Santa-themed attire played with kids under the Christmas tree.

"Uooooh! The tree's amazing! Totally getting pumped up!" screamed Tobe.

The scene was ripe for picture-taking. We took out our cameras and cell phones and began snapping pictures of the scenery. We also took pictures of each other as we stood in front of the Christmas tree and buildings. I was pushed around by Yuigahama everywhere as we became the subjects of many photos. Between each picture, we transitioned to another location so quickly that I had absolutely no time to prepare myself for photos. I wasn't used to such vivacity, so I became a little bit distressed and uneasy.

"Yuigahama, please slow down," I complained.

"Aw, come on, Yukinon!" said Yuigahama, "We're already here, so we might as well make some memories, right?"

I was always subject to picture-taking in the past, so I now automatically posed whenever a camera was thrust in front of me. As we pounced from the tree to the surrounding decorated plants to the lavish buildings, my energy quickly drained. Yuigahama was still full of vitality, though. Perhaps those deplorable gluttonous masses on her chest provided her with a large fatty acid reservoir for gluconeogenesis.

After what I thought was the last picture, I released the tension on my shoulders and sighed. I was already tired just from all that, for lack of a better term, modelling.

Yuigahama approached Hikigaya, saying "Hikki, thanks for waiting."

He looked like he had no clue what she was talking about. I found it rather sad that Yuigahama assumed that he would wait around while the rest of us went off to take pictures. What was even more depressing was that he, himself, expected that outcome, and even became confused when someone pointed out what he assumed was the obvious. Such was the poor life of one who has been left aside by society, Losergaya-kun.

Suddenly, Yuigahama grabbed my hand. Then, she took a firm hold of Hikigaya's scarf. She pulled us both close together. Hikigaya had a stupidly bewildered scowl on his face, but my own face also displayed surprise. Our faces became close.

The sounds of shutters was heard. With that, Yuigahama released us and quickly ran to Ebina, who had been standing away from us with a camera poised in her hand.

"Yui, I took the picture," said Ebina.

"Ah, thank you," nodded Yui.

I distanced myself from Hikigaya promptly while fixing my scarf. Yuigahama came back to us, waving around the camera on picture display mode.

"Yuigahama-san, that was uncalled for," I voiced out my dissatisfaction.

"Don't go taking pictures like that," simultaneously complained Hikigaya.

Yuigahama became a little upset. Nonetheless, she pressed on as if it didn't matter.

"Eeeh? If I asked you two, you probably would have said no, anyway," she said while shrugging.

Hikigaya shook his head and said, "Not really."

"Well no, but it's not good to go around taking pictures on a whim like that," I sighed.

Yuigahama became dejected and looked at the floor.

"I-I'm sorry, I'll ask next time," she muttered.

"There won't be a next time," I coldly responded with a sneer on my face.

It was a little bit of a revenge for dragging me around left, right and centre. Perhaps that was a tiny bit mean, but I felt that it should be alright. Being close meant being able to disagree with each other and to tease each other without everything become awkward and without straining your relationship. If I could squabble like this with Yuigahama, then that was enough for me.

I walked on ahead. There was still plenty more to do today.

"I'm really sorry! Yukinon, wait up!" exclaimed Yuigahama as she dashed up to me.

We began walking down the road once more. The attractions were up and about in full throttle. Street lights started to turn off in response to the rising sun. Perhaps we should have treated the sun coming out even on a winter day a miracle. However, none of its warmth could be felt in this chilly morning. Yet, there was not a single soul around who complained about the coldness. Those around had their own plans, and surely they sought to enjoy their day in paradise.

Yuigahama and I conversed about where to go next. As we did so, I caught a glimpse at the display screen of the camera that she had neglected to turn off. The picture that was taken just moments ago was shown on the screen. Yuigahama stood in the centre, grinning as she held onto Hikigaya's scarf and my hand. Hikigaya's cheeks were flushed faintly with pink, clearly showing his embarrassment at doing something he was not used to. Unfortunately, my own face was not much of an improvement over his as I was also unprepared.

Caught by surprise, that picture surely showed our genuine reactions.

* * *

Space Universe Mountain. This rollercoaster consisted of terrifying loops, monstrously fast speeds, and flashing lights as the rider experienced an adventure through the reaches of space. As with any amusement park, their rollercoasters were surely one of their main attractions.

We were standing outside the dome of SpaMT, which was the attraction's hub. An enormous queue extended out of the entrance, showing just how popular this type of ride was. The thrill and adrenaline one felt from a rollercoaster was nearly unparalleled. It would oust the stresses of everyday life, their troubles being ejected out of them in the form of screams.

That said, a rollercoaster had nothing to do with Christmas. We had no business here.

"This wouldn't be such a great reference, right?" I announced.

However, Yuigahama was already making her way to the line.

"But, well, that place has a wreath, so it should be fine! Let's line up!" bellowed Yuigahama.

What a ridiculous reason. There were far better-decorated regions throughout Destinyland. Even the gate was more well-decorated; we would not even have to enter the park if we could solve our problems by referencing areas of such low-levels of Christmas-ness.

Except that Yuigahama began staring at me with teary puppy eyes, begging me to come with her. Strictly speaking, I was not doing anything considered wrong, but an uncomfortable sweat went down my spine regardless. Yuigahama sure had a knack for making people feel guilty.

"Fine, just this once," I conceded.

Although, I still thought that coming here served no practical purpose for our objective.

I queued up together with Yuigahama. The seats on the rollercoaster were arranged in rows of pairs, after all.

Behind us, Miura and Isshiki quarrelled over who would sit with Hayama. However, an unforeseen circumstance occurred. Tobe, being completely oblivious, begged Hayama to sit with him out of fear for the ride. Hayama agreed with a wry smile, though he was probably relieved that he had a way out of the cat fight. Sniped from an unexpected angle, Miura and Isshiki could only stare dumbfoundedly.

Hikigaya and Ebina stood behind those four. As expected of the antisocial, dead fish-eyed boy, he was unable to start a decent conversation with Ebina. Well, they did exchange a few words. Those two were closer than I had thought. Zero was greater than a negative number, after all.

As the line progressed, we eventually made it inside the dome. The interior was very dark, and it was difficult to see the faces of those a couple metres away from you. However, that darkness was on purpose. Space was simulated. Projections of planets and stars arranged in constellations were displayed around the entirety of the room. To the average person, it was an extremely breathtaking sight. To the expert, however, they would probably frown at the inaccuracies of the planets' and stars' positions due to the prioritization of artistic value.

After a couple minutes, Yuigahama and I got to the front of a line. The roller coaster car ahead was meticulously crafted into a kind of spaceship one would find in a child's cartoon. We sat down on the front-most pair of seats.

"Yukinon, w-will you be alright?" shakily asked Yuigahama.

"I think so," I responded, "Why do you ask?"

"B-Because, I don't know if you can handle this type of thing, you see," meekly said Yuigahama.

"Don't take me for a weakling," I retorted, "I won't be shaken by just a roller coaster."

"If you say so, Yukinon," said Yuigahama, "But if you get scared, it's okay to grab onto me. You can rely on me!"

"No, I won't need to," I reassured her, "I've been on this ride plenty of times in the past. I should be used to it by now. The last time I went on was a year ago."

The car began moving slowly up the track. As expected of a popular and high quality amusement park, the car did not rattle at all. I was completely relaxed.

"By the way, Yukinon, have you heard of the changes made to the ride a month ago?" mentioned Yuigahama.

"Of course," I said, "They thought that the ride wasn't exciting or scary enough, so they tripled the speed, added in new twists and turns, and- oh."

Before I could finish my thoughts or realize that I had not steeled myself enough for a ride of newly-increased intensity, the slow-moving car shifted gears and began blitzing away at staggering speeds. A scream left my lips before I could force it down my throat.

* * *

I staggered out of the stopped car first. My clothes and hair were in disarray, and my sense of balance was off. As shameful as it was to admit it, the roller coaster's improvements managed to throw me out of the loop. It felt like my total loss. I became a little angry at my failure.

I somehow stumbled my way out of the dome with Yuigahama trailing behind me. We continued onward, weaving around the crowds. There were more people in the park than before we went on the ride. Children ran in random directions, bumping into people and tripping. Mothers chased after them, while their fathers sighed as if it couldn't be helped. A few guests brought their dogs, some of which whimpered out of intimidation from the noise.

My stomach lurched for a little bit, and I suddenly stopped moving. I held my stomach and desperately held down my vomit. Sour hydrochloric acid seeped up through my esophagus and into my mouth, but I noiselessly swallowed it.

"Yukinon, are you okay?" asked Yuigahama in concern.

"I'm fine..." I muttered, "Just the crowds are getting to me."

I began walking forward again, signalling to her that I was okay.

I looked around for our companions. They were all behind us. I spotted a sickly-looking Isshiki, who was surprisingly being taken care of by Miura even though they fought earlier. Tobe looked incredibly shaken from the ride as even now he was clinging onto Hayama, who could only smile wryly. Ebina stared at the two guys with a rather uncouth expression, which would not be healthy to read more into. Hikigaya trailed behind everyone, looking relatively okay compared to the rest, though even he could not escape some disorientation. His rotten fish eyes were fixed forward absentmindedly, and his walking speed was below his average. Still, everyone else was moving along even slower than him. Before long, he surpassed them all and caught up to Yuigahama and I.

"Yo," he greeted.

"Hikki!" exclaimed Yuigahama, "How was the Space Mountain?"

"Ah, it was alright, I guess," he answered.

"O-Oh, that's good," said Yuigahama.

"Y-Yeah," muttered Hikigaya.

After saying that, we became silent for a while. I walked alongside Yuigahama, and Hikigaya trailed behind by about four steps.

An awkward air hung about us three. Yuigahama stuttered, saying unintelligible phrases and looking backward, before losing her words and closing her mouth. She repeated that several times. Each time, Hikigaya looked on with a bit of anticipation. She was probably attempting to start a conversation, but was unable to. Eventually, she gave up while looking a little defeated.

We had conversed fine earlier, but perhaps we had exhausted all of our words. People who were very different simply could not produce an unlimited amount of conversation topics between them. Thus, after all of the trivial matters were discussed, truly nothing was left. It was stalemate situation.

Once again, the difficulty of searching for that which was genuine was shown clearly to me. The gap between us three were legions wide. Yuigahama was a bit of an airhead and not very intelligent, yet she was kind and energetic. Hikigaya lacked proper social skills and his demeanor caught the eye of none, yet he was perceptive and, at times, reliable. However, none of those words could fully describe those two people. Humans could not be summarized into neat paragraphs. They were too irrational, too complex, and too dynamic. If knowing someone was impossible, then being able to understand them was an insurmountable task.

I looked backward. My eyes met with Hikigaya's. He was currently wearing an exasperated look, one that said that the large crowds of people around were tiring him out. He did not even try to hide it, though he knew that no one would pay attention to him anyway.

"What is it?" he inquired.

"Nothing," I responded and faced forward again with a smile.

However, that was probably just what life was. Grasping at straws and trying to make sense of a puzzle were what occurred when individuals interacted. We accepted the challenge. Losing may be inevitable, yet we still tried going for gold.

We would only be satisfied if-

Wait, did I just see Pan-san up ahead?

Surely enough, the familiar grizzly panda mascot was seen patrolling around the entrance to another attraction. It was still far away, but I recognized that attraction as Pan-san's Bamboo Fight.

Spectacular. That ride was the sole reason why anyone would come to Destinyland. It was a ride that whisked you away to the bamboo-y fields and forests where Pan-san lived. It was an entrance to a world beyond ours.

Coming to this ride was another part of our plans. Of course, Bamboo Fight also had nothing to do with Christmas. Pan-san's quest for bamboo that had him meet up with his friends and reconcile such that they would work together surely would not serve as a useful reference. However, I did not find the will in myself to complain. As prudent as I was, it would be foolhardy to ignore a diamond presented to you. That was what this situation was, so it couldn't be helped that we came to Bamboo Fight.

We quickly decided on who would ride with who. As expected, Isshiki and Miura's war over Hayama was not over. While they bickered, Hayama persuaded them to make a compromise, saying that he would ride with both of them. With that decided, there was still Yuigahama, Hikigaya, Tobe, Ebina, and me left. Given who we were, however, it was obvious who was going to sit with who. We did not need to exchange words.

"Shall we get going?" I said naturally to Yuigahama.

"Yeah," she affirmed.

I took my spot in the line to the ride, and Yuigahama came beside me. The line twisted and turned multiple times, attempting to pack as many people in as possible. This efficient queuing itself spoke of how many people were lined up for this ride, and of its popularity. However, there was not a single person living on Earth who liked to wait. I desperately wished for the speed of entry to increase. I could hardly stop my arms from shaking in excitement.

"Yukinon, what do you usually do to pass the time like this?" asked Yuigahama.

"I don't know," I responded, "But I just want to get this over with as soon as possible."

"I-It's not going anywhere, Yukinon, so please don't look so angry," said Yuigahama.

"Just how much do you want to get on this ride?" muttered Hikigaya under his breath.

After a while, the line shuffled forward as people boarded the ride. However, space was limited, so the advancement soon stopped, and we were back to waiting. A while after that, the process repeated. Through this motion, our group slowly advanced forward.

"Too slow," I said.

"Y-Yukinon..."

I wanted to get on. No, I needed to get on.

After the ninth repetition, we were just about to reach the ride. Five people in front of us decreased to four. Four became three, three became two, and two became one. I placed my right foot forward, expecting to board the ride.

Suddenly, the gate swung shut right in front of me. Had I gone three steps further, it would have collided with my stomach.

"Sorry, ride's full," called out the ride attendant, "You'll have to wait for the next round."

Next round? Next round, you say? After we were this close, we had to be delayed yet again. We waited all this time, and the promised land was within our sight. It was right there. Yet, we were denied. We reached out our hands, and it was slapped away. Unbelievable. This was almost criminal.

I clenched my fists, and I gnashed my teeth.

"H-Hikki, what should we do?" whimpered Yuigahama, "She's in a really bad mood right now."

"Don't ask me," responded Hikigaya, "You think I can stop a blizzard? Let the snow princess be, lest you incur her wrath."

What felt like a millennium later, our turn finally came up. Without a moment to lose, I gallantly boarded the ride. For some reason, Hikigaya hesitated, but Yuigahama pulled him up. I sat down on the seat furthest right. To my left was Yuigahama, and to her left was Hikigaya. Yuigahama inched toward me, greatly reducing the amount of stretching room I had.

"Space," I muttered.

"Ah, sorry," apologized Yuigahama.

She inched in the opposite direction. That was good. Enjoying a ride meant that one had to become comfortable. I did a few stretches with my arms, and I cocked my head around in a circle. I tensed up my spine one last time, then relaxed my whole body. I was truly ready now.

A loud hiss of air was heard, likely due to the activation of some pneumatic mechanism. The vehicle we were seated in began moving forward at a slow pace. We headed straight toward a tunnel so dark that seeing the person beside you was almost impossible. The loud chatter of the guests eventually died down as everyone anxiously anticipated what was to come.

Suddenly, a large screen lit up, showing Pan-san in extremely high resolution. He sprinted left and right, searching for bamboo, occasionally tumbling with a funny sound effect. Around us, lights switched on, revealing multitudes of plush Pan-san dolls marching in a line to and fro around the forest background made of papier-mâché. As the Pan-san dolls assumed a sinusoidal configuration in their march, so too did the vehicles of the ride. As the dolls waved back and forth, the vehicles alternated their tilts left and right. The matching movement of the vehicles truly did give the impression that we were directly participating in the Pan-san play. No, it was as if we were drawn into the wonderful world of Pan-san.

"This is pretty amazing," commented Hikigaya.

"Quiet," I uttered.

Hikigaya twisted his neck and stared at me annoyingly, but I ignored it. The ride was far more important at this moment, and I could not afford to have any distractions.

The vehicle continued onward. We experienced Pan-san's hardships firsthand. Winter came, and snow blanketed the horizons, making it impossible for Pan-san to look for bamboo. Many people, including me, groaned in pity as we watched Pan-san huddle up near a fireplace, attempting to heat himself up during that cold wintery night. Spring came, and Pan-san resumed his hunt. He searched and searched, but found very few shoots of bamboo. It was then that he realized that climate change and global warming reduced the yield of bamboo. Misfortune after misfortune piled up.

Yet, Pan-san never ceased to smile throughout all that. Unfortunately, due to the way his face was, his smile always came out looking devious, yet the audience knew that Pan-san was not always feeling evil in his heart.

Eventually, Pan-san sought the help of his friends. The troubles that he had experienced before were overcome easily with the combined strength of many hands. It was a terribly cliché resolution. Yet, the cuteness of it all more than compensated for it. Curtains fell after the final scene, and the vehicle transported us back to the main hub.

* * *

With no other purpose remaining, the three of us headed out of the hub of the ride upon its conclusion. We spotted Hayama and his two not-mistresses waiting outside the entrance way as we walked out. Behind us was Tobe and Ebina.

I felt extremely lightheaded and vivid. I was unable to focus my attention on anything in particular. My head was still full of Pan-san, Pan-san, and Pan-san. I felt like I had attained some state of inner peace. My gait was slowed, yet unsteady, and I almost walked into various objects a few times, prompting Yuigahama to look at me with a strained smile.

It was not like me to space out like this for so long, and it would be troublesome if it interfered with our objectives today. With an inhalation, I gathered up my blissfulness. With an exhalation, I sighed deeply in one final bout of revelling as I pulled myself together.

Oh, what was that over there? I spotted a gift shop close to the ride. Needless to say, it was stuffed full of Pan-san merchandise. It seemed Yuigahama noticed as well.

"Hey, Hikki," spoke Yuigahama, "There's a Pan-san shop over there. What should we do?"

"A Pan-san shop, huh?" muttered Hikigaya, "Let's see..."

Another of our primary goals here was to purchase a present for Komachi. The opportunity to do so was at hand, given close proximity of the Pan-san gift shop. Indeed, we should go inside as soon as possible.

Hikigaya turned to Hayama's group and said, "Sorry, I'm going to do some shopping over there."

Isshiki, looking amused, giggled, "Oh, Senpai? What are you going to buy from there?"

"A present for my sister," awkwardly said Hikigaya.

I could understand Isshiki's reaction. One could say that the mixing of Pan-san and Hikigaya was one that formed a suspension, rather than a solution. What a misfortune.

"I see," nodded Hayama, "So, what should the rest of us do? Go with them?"

"I'll pass," rejected Miura, "I mean, isn't Pan-san's eyes totally not cute at all? I want to see Sassy Cat Marie-chan instead."

My, my, Miura. I suppose a barbarian such as yourself is unable to understand the true value of Pan-san. Such unrefined tastes. It was truly a case of pearls before swines. How degenerating. Pan-san's eyes were not cute? Could anything have been farther the truth? Rather than being an un-cute characteristic, his slanted, thief-like eyes were one of his cutest aspects. The disconnect between his slightly unfriendly face and his actual caring side created the ultimate cuteness. Children around the world are clearly enchanted by Pan-san, yet you had the nerve to spout out such a diatribe. It disgusted me to think such a person existed.

"Huh, reaaaaally?" said Isshiki as she quickly dashed into the shop and picked up a common Pan-san plushy that could be found in any toys shop.

"Something like this is cute too. Right, Hayama-senpai?" said Isshiki with a large grin.

I nodded to myself. Even if I had seen that particular plushy hundreds of times in various shops around Chiba, Pan-san never failed to appear cute to me. I was glad that at least one person around me had refined tastes.

Miura's distastefulness and Isshiki's tastefulness aside, Hayama's gang still hadn't decided what to do yet. As they pondered for a few more seconds, Tobe snapped his fingers and spoke up.

"Seems like we ain't buyin' anything. Then we better line up for lunch. At this rate, things'll get packed," suggested Tobe.

Hayama appeared to have been okay with it. Miura and Isshiki looked displeased, but as expected, they would definitely follow Hayama no matter what he chose to do.

"Sorry about this," apologized Hikigaya.

"No worries, no worries. You have to do this for your sister, right?" chuckled Tobe. "Hayato-kun, let's get to that hotdog stand over there!"

With that, Hayama, Tobe, Miura, Isshiki and Ebina walked toward the food stands, leaving behind me, Yuigahama and Hikigaya. We headed inside the gift shop.

Immediately greeting us was a large inanimate figure of Pan-san holding a basket with miniature Pan-san keychain accessories inside. Before I realized it, I had already grabbed hold of three of the accessories. With a flushed face, I returned two of the accessories to the basket. I took off my muffler to cool myself down, not necessarily due to the high temperature of the shop itself.

Taking a good look around, the gift shop looked to be about the same as when I had visited it earlier this year. Strewn upon the numerous shelves on tables of the store were many kinds of objects with Pan-san and his friends as the theme. Not only were there the usual toys and stuffed dolls of Pan-san, but there were also household goods like pizza cutters, knives, spoons, forks and plates all adorned with the lovable creatures. New to this year was a hardware corner. I could see a little girl dragging her papa to a section full of wrenches and screwdrivers.

I turned to the two and said, "Shall we go looking for a present for Komachi-san?"

"Yeah. Much appreciated. If you find anything nice, let me know," replied Hikigaya.

I nodded. Ultimately, it was up to the older brother Hikigaya, the one closest to Komachi, to have the final say in the present. The usage of knowledge of your siblings to choose presents for them was a wonderful thing. I truly thought so, given the nature of my own older sister.

"Yes, I'll see what I can find," I assured Hikigaya with a smile.

But just saying that I liked it did not mean much. If I truly respected Hikigaya's thoughtfulness, I needed to take this seriously. Although, I would have taken this seriously even if it was not for a present. Such was the life of a Pan-san connoisseur.

I strolled deep inside the shop, quickly moving to the high-quality plushie section. Hikigaya and Yuigahama were, as expected, not as familiar with the shop as I was. They quickly got left behind. I wanted to wait for them to catch up, but I suppressed my urge. The mission at hand was far more important at the moment, so I needed to do my best.

This particular section that I arrived at contained a mixture of plushies first introduced both recently and a long time ago. Age was ignored here. The ones that were gathered were only the best. A few notable examples included the one-metre tall gold plush of Neptune, a dog character; the 1980s incarnation of Pan-san with even wilder-looking eyes; and the red-haired tiger character named Tigre. Come to think of it, there was also a character named Tigre in one of the books that the chuunibiyou boy liked to read.

Unfortunately, I knew nothing about Komachi's tastes. Thus, all I could do was pick out the ones that were popular amongst fans. I swiped several plushies off of the shelves. Ninja Pan-san, Samurai Pan-san, Neptune the Maid, and Bow-Wielding Tigre went into my arms, in addition to others. Before I knew it, I began cradling, like a baby, a massive pile of plush dolls with both of my arms. Even for me, picking just one among all of these good choices was a major dilemma. I was unsure if he would be easily able to choose one.

I headed back to Yuigahama and Hikigaya. They appeared to be looking at the general toys section, which had a large variety of items like pens, pencils, puppets, and cheap jewellery. For some reason, Yuigahama wore a headband with the ears of Neptune on her head. Oddly, I thought it fit her.

"Which one might Komachi-san like, I wonder?" I anxiously asked the two.

Hikigaya wore a befuddled face when he saw the pile in my arms.

"Th-that, you certainly took a lot," he muttered.

"I couldn't really decide, so I-"

"Hey, Yukinon," interrupted Yuigahama.

"What is it, Yuigahama?" I responded.

Suddenly, Yuigahama reached out her arm and placed something on my head. A weak clamping force pressing in on both sides of my head could be felt. Yuigahama must have placed a headband of some sort on my head.

"Wh-what is this?" I asked blankly.

Ignoring me, Yuigahama exclaimed, "Hikki, take a picture, a picture, a picture, a picture now!"

I was unable to reach for my head since both of my arms were occupied by the plushies. Yuigahama stood next to me and held onto my jacket. Hikigaya looked startled, but he raised his camera anyway, and snapped a picture.

"Hikki, show us the picture!" yelled Yuigahama as she dashed over and snatched the camera from Hikigaya's hands.

Unfortunately for Hikigaya, the camera hung around his neck by a cord. Thus, when Yuigahama grabbed the camera, she also pulled on the cord, constricting the neck of poor Hikigaya. I sighed.

"Yuigahama, Hikigaya-kun is in pain right now," I warned Yuigahama.

"Huh? Oh, sorry!" apologized Yuigahama as she quickly bowed while still holding onto the camera.

That action caused Hikigaya to bend over forward as well, and their heads collided. With a "Yah!" from Yuigahama and a "Geh!" from Hikigaya, they both fell backwards, with Yuigahama finally releasing the camera from her grip.

The camera's screen was visible to me as the two laid down on the floor. The last taken picture was displayed. In that picture, I discovered that the hair band had cat ears on it, much like Yuigahama's dog ear hair band. Actually, these were probably the ears of Tigre, so they should really be tiger ears. They did not look too bad on me at all. I should purchase these.

Hikigaya slowly got up from the floor and said to Yuigahama, "N-No, it's alright. Ow..."

"Hikigaya, which one would be best for Komachi-san?" I inquired.

While rubbing his behind, Hikigaya inspected the pile in my hands. He did so quite briefly without scrutinizing each individual plush. He thought for a moment, then looked at the price tag on one of the plushies. With wide eyes, he shook his head.

"No, uh, I don't think that I should give Komachi something as expensive as these," he said.

I had overlooked the price. The section that I got these plushies from certainly did have the best of the best, but their prices certainly matched their value a little too well. For someone like Hikigaya, a member of the middle class, it would be unfeasible for him to fork over that much cash just for a toy. However, if it was just the money barrier, I could help him overcome it if it was for Komachi.

"If it's money, I'll cover for you this time," I offered.

"No, it's not about that," he scratched his head, "I know it's a present, but if we go overboard, it will be awkward for us all. It's not supposed to be something that big."

Yuigahama, after standing up with a sore expression, added, "Ah, that's true. Imagine if you were to give her a ring or something."

"Are you implying that I am a siscon again?" accused Hikigaya, "I'll have you know that I would have proposed to her long ago if she wasn't my sister."

"H-Hikki, your jokes go too far as usual," croaked Yuigahama.

I wanted to place my face in my palms, but such an action was currently impossible for my occupied hands.

"Anyway," said Hikigaya after he coughed, "I'm sorry, Yukinoshita, but I can't give her any of the ones you got."

I was a little disappointed, but I was unable to argue with the ultimate decision by the big brother. But, these really were nice plushies. I supposed that I shall keep some for myself. I called out to the sales associate and handed to her the plushies that I decided not to buy.

"Yukinon, you're keeping that much!?" bellowed Yuigahama.

"Oi, that's over three quarters of them," grunted Hikigaya.

"My wallet feels empty just looking at those..." said Yuigahama wearily.

So, we needed to choose something cheaper. That was the condition. Even with that restraint, however, there was still too many things to choose from. It was a bit disappointing, but I had already done all that I could with recommendations. I could only comment on whatever Hikigaya and Yuigahama chose now. My role had to change from attack to support.

"Have you two chosen anything yet?" I questioned.

"Um, well, how about that puppet from earlier?" suggested Yuigahama.

"Puppet?" I said as I tilted my head.

"Ah, no," said Hikigaya while faintly blushing for some reason, "Even though I said to not get something expensive, that cheap-looking puppet will seem thoughtless."

"Then what about a Pan-san pencil sharpener?" suggested Yuigahama again, "Komachi is studying for exams, right?"

"No," denied Hikigaya, "However, getting something to help her out with exams is a good idea."

The most obvious way to help someone out with exams is to help them study. Perhaps what Komachi needed were study aids.

"A study guide, then. Or maybe we can get together and make one for her," I proposed.

"That sounds helpful, but it doesn't sound like that great of a gift," flatly said Hikigaya, "It would probably give Komachi more stress. And wouldn't that defeat the purpose of coming here? We should get a gift from this shop."

We were at a roadblock. Hikigaya put two fingers to his temple and tried to think. I was out of ideas myself. I looked toward Yuigahama, and she, too, was thinking hard.

"Exams, huh? I totally don't like those," commented Yuigahama, "They stress me out and stuff, and I take way too many breaks while studying to calm myself."

"Yuigahama, please fix your studying habits, and maybe your stress will be less," I said after sighing.

"Y-Yukinon..."

"A break, huh?" muttered Hikigaya, "Then, maybe that."

He pointed at an item on the shelf behind him. Many square pillows with images of Pan-san on them were strewn about each level of the shelf.

"Um, it's okay to take some breaks, so I want her to use those to relax and stuff. It will help with the stress," explained Hikigaya.

I stared blankly at the pillows. They looked quite firm, yet still soft. One could quickly fall asleep on it. The image of Pan-san would surely also relieve stress. Just looking at it already raised my spirits a bit. This should definitely help Komachi out. It was magnificent. In fact, I wanted one for myself too.

Noticing my face, Hikigaya stammered, "I-Is it no good, after all?"

I shook my head and said, "No, this would be a good gift. Komachi will surely be happy with it, Onii-chan."

"Yeah, this is totally perfect," agreed Yuigahama, "Good choice, Onii-chan."

"Could you stop it with the 'Onii-chan'?" complained Hikigaya while scratching his head.

With that decided, Hikigaya took a pillow from the shelf. Together, we walked to the register. I attempted to pay for everything, but Hikigaya shook his head and told me that it wouldn't feel right for me to impose. He probably wanted to use his own blood, sweat and tears for the happiness of his sister. We decided to pay for everything separately. After that, we left the gift shop with one bag in Hikigaya's hand, one bag in Yuigahama's hand, and three bags in my hand.

With our business done, we headed toward the foot court area, where Hayama and the rest were waiting. It was necessary to partake in the afternoon meal to replenish our stamina.

The winter sky was full of clouds even now, during the afternoon. However, a few gaps in the clouds leaked some sunlight through, illuminating Destinyland with the little, yet precious light. I put my muffler back on as it was still cold. However, being here beside my two companions warmed me up greater than the frost could chill.

* * *

I munched at the small sandwich in my hands one small bite at a time. Occasionally, I would also drink from my can of lukewarm tea. My appetite was not particularly large, even among girls, so I was satisfied with only this much.

Unfortunately, today was a particularly crowded day at Destinyland. All of the tables and benches in the food court area were occupied. We were forced to stand around the periphery of the place to eat our lunch.

Ebina, Tobe and Yuigahama formed a small group and chatted about various mundane things. Isshiki and Ebina were bickering as before, with Hayama being the rope for their tug-of-war. Hayama, himself, futilely tried to pacify the two. Hikigaya, as usual, was by himself, chomping on his large hamburger while browsing the internet on his phone. As pitiful as he was, I, too, was by myself.

After a couple minutes, I had consumed the last bite of my sandwich. I washed it down with a large gulp of tea. With nothing else to do, I planned on simply waiting quietly until everyone had finished eating and resting. However, that plan was made impossible to realize as a certain someone started heading towards me.

"Hey, Yukinoshita-san," greeted that someone named Hayama Hayato.

"Good afternoon, Hayama-kun," I greeted in turn.

He went to my side and stood there. His gaze was focused on the attractions around us. For a while, we silently remained in that position.

The chatter of the other guests was loud and unending. Music from the stalls and shops blared throughout the plaza, mixing into a disharmonious mess. The noise was unbearable and nauseous. If I had not eaten lunch, I would probably have no energy to steady myself from the pandemonium.

Finally, without turning to me, Hayama began speaking, "So, how are things?"

"Okay," I replied.

"Is that so?" said Hayama with a nonchalant expression, "That's good."

Hayama took a gulp out of the beverage in his hand before he continued, "Are you really okay?"

"Yes," I responded simply.

"You know," muttered Hayama, this time with a slightly sorrowful expression, "Hikigaya, he did something during the student council elections. He made it so that Isshiki-san would win. Did you know?"

Turning to Hayama, I answered, "He denied it. But I knew."

"I see. And, are you okay with that?" repeated Hayama as he turned and met my gaze.

Hayama stared at me with a troubled expression. His usual carefree expression was gone from his face. Instead, he wore a deep frown, and his eyes were as dull as lead. I was reminded of that day when Hayato-kun changed to Hayama, but I brushed that thought away.

I closed my eyes before responding, "No, I was not okay with that. Perhaps the situation was resolved in a way where no one was hurt. At least no one was supposed to be hurt."

I clenched the hem of my skirt and continued, "Even so, I lost something. What I set out to do, what I wanted to do, it all became meaningless."

That's right. I realized that I was dissatisfied not because I failed to fulfill my objectives. I became depressed because I knew that I could not do anything. I did not have what he had. With my weakness, I was unable to solve any problems, and I became disillusioned.

I opened my eyes and stared at Hayama with vigour, "But, I've found something now. No, I haven't found it, but I want to find it."

In the sunset on the school rooftop, the three of us decided to face each other. We wished, with all of our hearts, to be able to understand. It was the deepest desire of Hikigaya Hachiman. It became the support for Yuigahama Yui. It was a moment that finally gave Yukinoshita Yukino something.

"I see," said Hayama in a quiet voice, "So, it went like that. That's great, I think."

Hayama averted his eyes from me as if he was shielding his thoughts. However, he could not stop a lonesome expression from covering his face. The expression he had at that moment was surely the same as that expression in the past. Then and now, he could not take it back. Whatever he felt then, and whatever he feels now had and has been made into unshakeable reality.

Perhaps there was a chance back then, but it was forcibly torn apart. Now, we were entirely different people, and had entirely different ties. The chance had, for a long time, passed away.

"Well, break time's over," spoke Hayama in a noticeably brighter tone as he faced the conversing group of Tobe, Miura, Ebina, Yuigahama and Isshiki.

In a volume just sufficiently loud enough that only I could hear, Hayama provocatively added, "We should get going, _Yukino-chan_."

"Yes, we do need to move on, _Hayama-kun_," I replied in a nonchalant voice of normal volume, "We need to see the other attractions."

Hayama left my side and walked toward the group. Tobe shouted out his name and asked him where he wanted to go next. Hayama gave a neutral response, implying that he was fine with anything.

I turned my eyes away from Hayama. My eyes accidentally met with Hikigaya's, who was looking at me with a serious expression like one who paid attention in class. He quickly tore his eyes away while faintly blushing.

I downed the rest of my tea, which had gone cold. With the previous fatigue faded away, I stood up, ready to continue on with the day.

* * *

After we had finished our lunch, we resumed our journey around Destineyland. We went to many other attractions, taking pictures before and after we rode them. We occasionally revisited those that we particularly liked.

I never forgot our original purpose in coming here, but the others gradually forgot as the day went by. It was up to me to diligently remind Yuigahama to be on the lookout for potential material. However, I never had to remind Hikigaya to take pictures. He, on his own, would snap his camera at the scenery. I was grateful for that. Despite his lazy self and his dream of becoming a house husband, Hikigaya worked hard when it counted. But at this rate, he would become just another corporate slave. Dreams were fleeting things, indeed.

Given the remarkable size of Destinyland, attempting to cover the as much as the park as possible to gather material was tiring and time-consuming. Before we knew it, the sun had set and the night-time lighting had switched on around the park. However, even now, the density of the crowd never lessened. In fact, the crowdedness only swelled ever higher at night. Perhaps it was due to the events that would take place later tonight, such as the parade and fireworks.

By now, our group had grown weary, as if the lunch break we had earlier that day had not happened. Our pace had slowed to a speed below that of shoppers at a mall. With the exception of the ever-energetically conversing Yuigahama and Ebina, the number of words exchanged and the complexity of the vocabulary decreased greatly. The crowdedness did not serve to give us a peace of mind either. However, we still marched on forward in order to get to one or two more attractions before the night parade would start.

Suddenly, Isshiki, who was beside Hayama, lagged behind to talk to Tobe. She whispered something into his ear, which caused Tobe to put on a troubled expression. Tobe whispered back into Isshiki's ear while nodding, seemingly agreeing to a proposal. With a grateful smile, Isshiki thanked Tobe and rushed back to Hayama's side. Tobe remained looking troubled, scratching his head and pulling at his hair, while looking downward as he walked. Ebina had noticed that exchange and put on a rather sad smile for just one second before reverting back to her usual, more joyful one, as she continued talking with Yuigahama.

I had a bad premonition. The chilly winds coming from the coastline felt the same as that uncomfortable breeze which blew through the bamboo forest. In this night, at the same time as during the final day of the field trip, I was sure that something would happen.

I was unaware of it for a while, but I had clenched my fists tightly. Uncomfortable sweat glistened on the nape of my neck. I was feeling tense. However, that was no good. We still had a bit more to do today, so I couldn't lose myself in sentiments from that day. I deeply sighed, attempting to expel that tension out of my gut. I forced my heavy legs forward one step at a time.

Noticing me, Hikigaya slowed down his pace until he was beside me.

"You okay?" asked Hikigaya in concern for me.

"Yes," I replied briefly.

"Ah, okay," awkwardly murmured Hikigaya.

I turned my face away from him and silently added, "Thanks."

"Ah, crap!" exclaimed Yuigahama who was ahead of me.

I looked forward, first at Yuigahama, then at her surroundings. Then, I noticed that workers began roping off the street. Another worker placed down a sign saying "Parade in progress, do not cross". However, our group needed to cross the street. We needed to get to the other side before the barricade was fully set in place.

Hayama, Isshiki, Miura and Tobe, being the furthest ones ahead, sped out their walk and made it across first. Yuigahama and Ebina, being behind them, were forced to break into a sprint. They were fortunate, as they were able to touch down on the opposite sidewalk just as the worker closed it off. Hikigaya and I did attempt to run as well, but we were slow to start. The rope was placed in front of us five steps before we got there. We became separated.

Yuigahama, on the other side of the street, looked left and right, trying to locate Hikigaya and I. After a few seconds, she managed to locate us, the slow ones who could not cross.

"Go on ahead!" bellowed Hikigaya to Yuigahama, "We'll be right behind you."

"Got it!" shouted Yuigahama as she waved to us once before running to Hayama and the others.

Hikigaya turned to me. The two of us were alone now.

"W-Well, let's get going," he muttered.

"Y-Yes, I suppose so," I stammered.

Becoming separated was rather inconvenient. It was hard to locate other people within this crowd. However, it was not that big of a deal for us. We had planned for our next destination to be at Spride Mountain. We could simply meet up there.

Hikigaya led the way, and I obediently followed after him. Thanks to the blocking off of the road, the horribly packed crowd of people became even more congested, as those who needed to move were unable to move. It was like clogging a section of a pipe. If water continuously flowed in even after it was clogged, water would start to build up within the pipe. It was difficult to weave through the crowd, so I was forced to hold onto the sleeve of Hikigaya's coat so that we would not be separated.

After what seemed like a decade, we finally made our way to Spride Mountain's entrance. I looked around for Yuigahama and the others. However, I was unable to locate them. We should try something else. I turned to Hikigaya.

"Shall we call them?" I suggested.

"I guess so," said Hikigaya as he pulled out his cell phone.

I peeked at Hikigaya's cell phone as he operated it. He went to his contacts list, which was pitifully small. He paused for a moment, probably to consider who to call. He then decided to call Yuigahama. He put his phone to his ear. After a few seconds, Yuigahama's blatantly loud and cheerful voice bled through the speakers.

When Hikigaya was done talking, he hung up.

"It looks like we'll meet inside," said Hikigaya to me, "We'll use the FASTPASS line."

He looked at the FASTPASS lane and the normal lane before continuing, "Well, we'll just take the normal line until we get to the FASTPASS one."

The FASTPASS line could only be used after you were sufficiently ahead in the normal line; it could not be used right away. No, that's a bit incorrect. You technically could use the FASTPASS line if the normal line was short. However, the normal line was long enough to fill in the seven loops. The option of an early entrance to the FASTPASS line did not exist for us.

"Alright," I said while nodding.

With that, we queued in the normal line, which progressed at a steady pace. It wasn't fast, but it wasn't particularly slow either. That was thanks to the parade, which attracted people away from the attractions.

Spride Mountain was, without a doubt, Destineyland's greatest rollercoaster. Its architectural design had won many awards in engineering. Its high thrill level had put it on the front page of amusement park enthusiast magazines. Recently, its popularity raised even further thanks to its renovations for a more enjoyable and more exhilarating experience. Even though Splash Mountain had also been improved, Spride Mountain far surpasses it in terms of the scream factor.

That was bad. Splash Mountain was enough to nearly make me vomit. Spride Mountain would surely... surely...

I tried my best not to think about it. My shoulders and legs shook like I was hit by a curse. Fear and anxiety filled my thoughts. My heart rate began increasing. It beat so fast, that it felt like it would burst out of my chest.

"What's wrong?" asked Hikigaya.

I opened my mouth, but a garbled noise came out. I gripped the hem of my skirt so tightly that it stretched irrecoverably.

"Um, do you mind if I ask you something?" inquired Hikigaya.

"What could that be?" I tensely said.

Hikigaya looked squarely at my face. I straightened my back and attempted to put on a poker face to hide my nervousness.

"You, could it be that you're not very good with this?' questioned Hikigaya.

My eyes slowly sailed to the side to avoid his gaze. I was completely not okay with this. I wanted to run away immediately. I could not stand the sharp drops and the loops of rides such as these. The plummeting made you feel like you would splatter onto the ground. I was terrified.

I didn't want to appear that weak to Hikigaya, though.

"I-It's not that I'm not very good with this," I said, lying about it.

"You really need to say that ahead of time," muttered Hikigaya, "Let's just go back."

"No, I'm fine," I assured him, lying again.

"Well, you're not good with this kind of thing, right?" persisted Hikigaya.

I was happy that he was being considerate of me. However, at one point, I realized that, for some reason, I wanted to board this ride more than I wanted to leave it.

"Look, I said I was fine," I declared more strongly, this time with true words.

"Don't be an idiot," scolded Hikigaya, "Something like this isn't worth forcing yourself over with, let alone being stubborn with."

No, that wasn't it. I was not being stubborn like that. My stubbornness right now was not like my stubbornness during the student council election. I did not know the reason, but I felt that I needed to ride this with Hikigaya. I felt like I needed to prove something for myself. I was not trying to prove something wrong, but I was trying to prove something right. This desire was entirely illogical. However, I needed to do this illogical thing.

I lost myself by doing it in my usual ways. However, if I did it this way, then...

"...That's not it. I'm fine, really," I said sullenly, "I'm not forcing myself at all."

My shoulders, which were shaking from the tension from anticipating the ride, began shaking faster for something different. My gaze dropped to the floor. I shut off my mind. I voiced out my words without the filter of logic.

"I wasn't too confident, but I was okay when Yuigahama was with me before," I said clumsily, "That's why I'll be fine. I don't know, but I will probably be fine."

Hikigaya widened his eyes in amazement. However, it seemed that my irrational words got through to him somehow. He understood something, even though nothing rational was conveyed.

"Well, if you say so," he relented.

I relaxed just a little. I did it. I've proved it. With this, I've set something in stone.

That said, my anxiety of the ride still remained. As the line progressed further, and the inevitable came closer, I kept my head down, shaking my body all the more.

"Um, well, you should just take it easy," advised Hikigaya as he scratched his head, "It's not like you'll die from this."

"I-I suppose," I murmured.

Surely there were safety belts and handle bars we could hold onto. As well, the rollercoaster was supposed to be designed in such a way that, even as we experienced drops of tens of metres, we would not fall off. No, no, we would still be dropping. It was secured, but we'll still be falling. It was locked in place, but we'll still be going upside down.

I tried to reason with myself, to no avail. I could not get rid of my fear.

"...We won't die, right?"

"Don't worry. At least from what I've heard."

"We definitely won't die, right, Hikigaya?"

"Yeah, of course not."

"We... We won't fall off or anything, right?"

"Yukinoshita, just grab onto the bar. You'll be safe like that."

"W-We definitely, definitely won't die, right?'

We continued that exchange right up until we reached the boarding station for the ride. I sounded like a kid trying to get reassurance from her parents. I was embarrassed, but I was more scared than i was embarrassed. If only I wasn't traumatized by _that._

We boarded a car of the rollercoaster. I tightly gripped the bar, just as Hikigaya suggested. The car slowly ascended up the rails into a relatively dark corridor. A delightful tune played to the theme of Br'er Weasel and Br'er Ferret came out of the speakers, but I did not have the luxury of listening to it. I affixed my gaze forward onto the rails, daring not to look down. My hands gripping the bar became sweaty and sticky.

"Yukinoshita-san, we're not dropping yet, so you don't need to hold it right now," said Hikigaya as soothingly as he could.

"I-I guess..." I uttered.

I slowly let go of the bar. I instinctively flinched, but it turned out that it was really okay. There was no drop immediately after I let go of the bar. This time, I truly relaxed. I sighed deeply, releasing my tension, leaving behind plain exhaustion.

"You really aren't good with this, huh?" commented Hikigaya.

I suppose there was nothing to hide. It should be fine telling him now. No, it was never something that needed to be hid, but I was always afraid to tell other people because I never truly trusted anyone for a long time.

"Yes. Long ago, with Nee-san, she did something," I started.

"Ah, with your sister," he groaned.

"It was something back when I was younger. Nee-san would always meddle every time we came to places like this," I said.

I recalled the times that my sister Haruno would take every chance to bring me on the brink of tears. Being the kind of person I was, I desperately held back, though not without showing off a pathetic expression every time. I chuckled cynically.

"She would shake the Ferris wheel."

It felt like the cage we were in would fall off.

"She would take my hands off the bars of roller coasters during drops."

I would scream like a banshee as I desperately tried to keep myself seated.

"One time, she spun the table in the coffee cup ride even after I reached my limit."

I was so dizzy that I could no longer tell up from down, left from right. I ran into benches, pillars, and other people, as I made my way to a garbage can to vomit.

"Nee-san looked like she had fun doing all that to me. Nee-san... she's always been like that," I concluded.

I always thought that talking about myself like this to other people would have brought me much embarrassment and shame. Yet, I felt little of those right now. Even though I should have been anxious right now, I became unexpectedly calm after talking.

I began taking note of the ride's features. Within that corridor, mechanical frogs in a river leaped to and fro across the lily pads. A rubbery snake slithered across the bank of the river. A mechanical vulture suspended by a nearly invisible string flew above the river.

The ascension of the car began to slow. That indicated that we were near the peak. We gradually entered a section of the corridor where the roof was open to the outside.

The vast, black night sky spread overhead. Being in a city, the stars were not visible. Despite being the cause, as if to compensate for that, the city lights below stretched as far as the eye could see. Hotels were gorgeously lit with Christmas lights of red and green. The newly constructed city centre did not lose to the hotels; at its walls were rows of stars created by Christmas lights. People littered the streets like ants, hoping to get some last minute Christmas shopping done. Out at sea, the active volcano glowed with red embers. Billows of grey smoke rose lazily into the sky.

Again, my tension began to rise as the car finally reached the peak. As I fixed my gaze to the white walls of Destinyland beyond the confines of the ride, my pulse quickened, and my vision narrowed. This was surely a stress response. I placed my hands back on the bar.

As we sat there in anticipation, contradictory emotions fought back in forth in me. One part of me was frightened. I reacted in the same way as back then with Haruno. Yet, I also fully realized that Haruno was nowhere near me at the moment. Beside me was Hikigaya Hachiman. He would surely not act like her. Rather than tease me, he showed concern for me. Even now, he may have been keeping my well-being in the back of my mind. Because that, another part of me felt assured. The battle between assurance and fear made me uncomfortable, but, strangely, it did not feel unnatural.

Another desire welled up within me at that moment. Hikigaya Hachiman, the lonesome boy whom I have known for half a year already, the one who broke into tears because he desired something so badly, was right there at this moment. To him, who had wanted to find a tiny beacon of light in his dark life, who himself became a tiny beacon for me, I wanted to make a request.

"Hey, Hikigaya-kun," I muttered.

"Yeah?" he said absentmindedly.

I turned to face Hikigaya. The involuntarily beating muscle inside my chest accelerated to speeds that I had never felt before, even faster than during those traumatizing times with Haruno. I let go of the bars, and, with both of my hands, grabbed onto Hikigaya's cuffs instead. Faced with something unexpected, his eyebrows rose slowly and he half-opened his mouth in astonishment. However, he did not retreat for a single inch. He stayed like that, waiting to hear what I had to say.

Time seemed to slow down, and all of the sounds around me seemed to be muffled. I felt an inexplicable feeling halfway between dread and euphoria. I did not know which agitation was greater: the fear of the near free-fall that was to come or the fear of uncertainty and leaving it all to another. I did not know which of these granted me more solace: the fact that I was gripping onto cuffs which would never let go of the bar for my sake or the fact that I knew that the person whom I was clinging onto would unhesitatingly carry everything on his back for my sake.

"Someday, help me, okay?" I whispered.

My voice came out clearly, as if the world had erased all other sounds at that moment.

Then, the world resumed. The car swiftly descended, going down and down. A floating sensation assaulted me. The howl of the wind filled my ears and cut through my head and torso, giving me no time to breathe. I shut my eyes so tightly that it felt like they would be stuck. I continued grasping onto Hikigaya's cuffs, never letting go of my safety.

Hikigaya used his other hand to firmly sandwich and secure mine, which were clutching at his cuffs. That was his answer.

* * *

Even after several minutes past the conclusion of the ride, my anxiety had yet to subside. I could only sit there, on the bench outside of the Spride Mountain gift store, with blank eyes, and an almost unhealthily rapid thumping in my chest. My spine was as stiff as a metal rod, and my legs vibrated uncontrollably. The adrenaline rush had not yet faded away.

Hikigaya had gone inside the shop to purchase some refreshments. While he was away, I, with my staggering body, somehow managed to wobble to the booth selling photos. Spride Mountain had a various cameras along the track that took pictures of the guests as they screamed and flailed. I handed over a large sum of money to the lady manning the booth. With a look of concern on her face, she passed me a long thin oblong pouch containing a series of photos with me and my partner on the ride. I graciously thanked her, but she told me to get some serious rest.

I wobbled back to the bench and sat down a little too forcefully on the metal frame. I winced in pain. While rubbing my underside, I took a look at the pictures. As I expected, my fearful expression and posture made me look like a child lost at the mall, especially as I clung onto Hikigaya. Hikigaya did not look too terribly afraid, though. Being good with this kind of thing made me a bit envious.

After several minutes, Hikigaya came to the bench with two drinks in hand. I hurriedly put the photos in my bag. It would be a little awkward if he saw me buy them without his permission.

"Here," said Hikigaya as he handed me the drink in his left hand.

I graciously received it and thanked him. It was a bottle of a dark fluid, presumably the popular soft drink. Around the bottle was a Pan-san sleeve. I broke into a smile, and lightly chuckled at his thoughtfulness. Turning the cap, a hiss was let out. I inserted the straw and greedily sucked, letting the carbonated drink trickle down my throat, tickling it in the process. My stress and disorientation faded away significantly. My body relaxed, and my legs stopped shaking.

I stared at the Pan-san sleeve-wrapped bottle in my hands. I would have been fine with just the drink, but adding on the sleeve must have pushed the total costs to about a thousand yen. It did not sit right with me for Hikigaya to spend so much for my sake. I reached into my bag and felt around for my wallet.

"How much was it?" I asked.

"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it. It would be awkward taking money from a sick person," he declared.

"I can't have that," I said while shaking my head.

"No, something like this is- well put it this way. The ambulance doesn't take money, right?" said Hikigaya with his index finger raised.

Another absurd comparison again?

"The firefighters get proper compensation for their duties, though," I retorted.

"The citizens are standing up for something good, so they would do it for free if necessary," stated Hikigaya, "I was just acting like that. It's for my self-satisfaction, so just take it."

"Hikigaya-kun, this is just sophistry," I groaned.

What a ridiculous banter. Yet, Hikigaya's thoughtfulness was as clear as day. A normal person would have used more choice words to handle that. Hikigaya, a person who strayed far from the normal, could only use his own absurd ways to convey his meaning. Though, he was no less sincere. Yes, it was just like all of those months ago, when we went shopping to buy Yuigahama a gift.

"Something like this happened before, right?" I muttered.

"Really?" said Hikigaya with a tilted head and a puzzled expression.

I thought back to that day. It should have been a significant event for the both of us, considering what happened at the end.

"Yes. Nee-san was there at the time, too," I recalled.

With an "ah", Hikigaya looked like he managed to remember his first meeting with my older sister that day. At that time, I thought that he would react just like any other person. Yet, the contents of their exchange went far beyond my expectations.

"I was really surprised because you suddenly pointed out accurate things about Nee-san," I said with a small snicker.

During that moment, I truly thought that Hikigaya was somehow different. It was the first time that I witnessed someone around my age could see through and stand up to Haruno. He did not fall for her petty lies. He did not delude himself with anything surface-deep. Even for Hayama and I, the ones who could be called close people to her, it was something unimaginable.

Hikigaya shrugged and commented, "It's just what I thought after my first impression. Besides, when she gets like that, she doesn't try to smooth it over or anything, even when she was being obvious about it.

"I suppose so," I agreed with a chuckle, "But I think that's her charm."

To be straightforward- no. To appear to be straightforward was something that anyone would find agreeable. Her convincingness and pompousness made her appear big and reliable to other people. That did not exclude me, nor did it exclude Hayama in the past.

"Even with that personality... no, because she had that personality, people loved her and doted on her. Many expectations were put on her," I said.

I quivered slightly before continuing, "And she had the ability to answer to those expectations."

Yukinoshita Haruno had the impression of being perfect. However, she also had the power to uphold that impression. No matter what was thrust her way, she could brush it off or even thrust it back. Compared to her, I was weak and powerless. I could never do what she did even after I followed after her footsteps, attempting to trace the path she left behind.

"I conducted myself like a doll behind her," I mumbled self-depreciatingly, "Because of that, I was told that I was obedient, good, and unproblematic. Yet, I knew. I knew that, behind my back, they were saying that I was unsociable, and I was lacking in Nee-san's charm underneath everything."

Yukinoshita Haruno had the impression of being perfect. Yukinoshita Yukino also had the impression of being perfect. However, the similarities ended there. Whereas Haruno had depth to that impression, Yukino was completely lacking underneath those appearances.

I tried my best to be a good girl. I tried my best to become my idol Haruno. But it wasn't enough. It was never enough. I would always be ruthlessly compared to her. Good things stood out, but insufficient things stood out even more. Faced with someone who had it, the one who had half of it was criticized and mocked.

"Is that so," murmured Hikigaya as he cradled the coffee in his hands.

He looked up at the black sky with a forlorn expression. Someone like him, who was both the oldest child of his family, and one who was never noticed by anyone, had never faced these kinds of problems before. He could not sympathize with me. Logically, that meant he could do nothing for me.

"I was told that too, that I was unsociable and charmless. Actually, I still get told that even now by Hiratsuka-sensei," he joked.

"Aren't you more along the lines of impudent, cheeky, or garbage?" I teased with a sadistic grin.

"Hey! Wait, wasn't that last one kinda different?" he exclaimed.

We laughed. The weightiness of the conversation dissipated, like a solid losing mass due to sublimation. With his nonsensical comments, he made everything seem ridiculous.

I gently smiled at Hikigaya. The way that Hikigaya was known to the select few who interacted with him was not at all wrong. Even though they had a poor opinion of him, he never put up a facade to improve his image. What they saw, and what he really was, were the same.

"Both you and Nee-san are consistent in your actions. I think that's why you're seen like that," I spoke softly, "But for me, being the way I was, I didn't know how to react to other people's words."

By chasing after the back of my older sister, I've denied myself. I became someone who I wasn't. I was never as energetic and outgoing as Haruno. Yet, I tried to take, for myself, her brilliantness and success. As a result, I became cold-hearted and unsociable. I lacked the qualities that Haruno had to balance out colder logic with warmer joy.

I looked up at the sky, as did Hikigaya. Lamps extended far above us. They gave off bright orange light that lit the way for the happy guests. The sea breeze blew past the lamps, flickering the lights as if they were waltzing.

Hayama, too, looked up to Haruno. He and I were tied together not only due to our families' businesses, but also due to the experiences we shared. Together, we chased after Haruno. Together, we lost sight of ourselves.

"In that sense, Hayama-kun and I were definitely the same," I said in an almost whispering voice, "It's because we've always, always been watching Nee-san."

I reached my hand into the sky. Above me, there appeared to be nothing. However, the moon definitely existed far away from here. With my tiny, insignificant arm, there was no way I would be able to touch it.

"Are you still thinking that you want to be like her?" questioned Hikigaya.

"I wonder," I muttered, "Right now, I don't think that. It's just that Nee-san has something that I don't."

Consistency, perfection and ability. Together, they made up something that Haruno had, which was difficult to describe. After all, that was the limit of human speech. To summarise a person was impossible. To precisely describe every part of a human being in a succinct paragraph was not within anyone's abilities.

I dropped my gaze from the unreachable skies back down to my hands, the things that I could touch.

"It's the same for you too," I said, almost in a whimper.

Somewhat different from Haruno, Hikigaya, too, possessed something. For the past weeks, for the past day, and for the past hour, I was still unable to pinpoint exactly what Hikigaya had.

"You have something that I don't," I mumbled.

That something allowed him to see clearly. If he used it, he would not be blinded by his own desires or by the facades of others. With it, he could see tyranny, corruption, selfishness and foolishness.

"We weren't similar at all it seems," I uttered with a tone of sadness.

"Well, yeah..." said Hikigaya with agreement lacking in delight.

For the past nights, I've kept thinking. I've thought about where I was mistaken. I've thought about what would happen had I been able to see like Hikigaya. I've thought about what to do, with both Hikigaya and Haruno in mind. What would they do? What could I have done if I was like them?

There was no answer. It was impossible for me to become like them. Every person was unique and had no equal. Yes, even I was unique. Even I should have had something that no one else had.

"That's why I thought I wanted something different," I proclaimed as strongly as I could.

I adjusted the collars of my coat to make myself more presentable. I properly faced Hikigaya. He raised his face and met his gaze with mine.

"I realized that there wasn't anything that I could do," I said in a voice a little louder than my usual volume, "If I had something that you and Nee-san didn't have, I thought I could save something."

I won't forget his expressions as he solved problems. For just a moment, as he claimed all of the suffering for himself, he looked broken, alone, and in pain. His capacity was far higher than anyone else's, but it was not limitless. Yet, he would not let anyone else shoulder it for him. He desperately wanted to remove the taint that pervaded even if it meant taking on that taint for himself, grinding himself further on the painful whetstone of life.

I wanted to make him stop taking it all in by himself. I wanted to save him from being crushed under the yoke of the world's resentment.

"Save what?" inquired Hikigaya.

"Who knows? What could it be, I wonder?" I teased with an impish smile.

Though, I couldn't let him know. He would definitely say that it was no big deal and ignore or even stop me. It was in his nature to do so. I will prevent him from doing that. I will prevent him from crushing himself with his own kindness.

Yes, underneath his ineloquence and devoidness of normal virtues, there was the kindness of Hikigaya that few saw.

Hikigaya took an unusually large gulp of his drink, tilting his head and the can back to get every last drop. That meant that he was finishing it up. I had already finished my drink long ago since I was more fatigued than he was.

I took off the Pan-san bottle case and put it in my bag. I planned to throw away the now sleeve-less bottle, but then I noticed that it was a Christmas edition bottle with all of the Destineyland characters on it, including Pan-san. I made sure to finish every last drop of soft drink inside, then sealed the bottle tightly and put it inside my bag as well. I stood up from the bench.

"I'm fine now, so we should get going," I told him.

"Yeah, we really should meet up with them now," agreed Hikigaya.

We left for the plaza. It was almost time for the fireworks. I looked forward to seeing the dazzling display with the ones whom I now confided in.

"Hey, Yukinoshita," called out Hikigaya as I began walking, "I don't really know how to say it, but you don't need to try and save anything if you're troubled right now. Because... you know..."

"I could say the same to you too," I chuckled.

* * *

Hikigaya and I had arrived in front of the White Wall Castle, where we would meet up with others to watch the fireworks. When we got there, Yuigahama spotted us and waved her hand to catch our attention.

"Hikki, Yukinon! Over here!" cried Yuigahama.

We came up to her. She then clapped her hand and bowed her head.

"Sorry for going on ahead and stuff!" she apologized.

"It's wasn't a problem," I assured her with a smile.

"That's a relief," said Yuigahama as she patted her bountiful chest.

"We couldn't make the others wait for us," I said while shrugging, "Anyway, did you take pictures of the parade for reference?"

"Ah, yeah! Check them out," excitedly said Yuigahama as she handed over a camera to me.

I switched to Display Mode on the camera. The icon on the top left showed the number 341. She sure had taken a lot of pictures today. I scrolled through the ones of the parade. Destineyland characters marched through the brightly-lit streets. The dog Neptune ran on all fours as kids excitedly laughed and pointed at him. Pan-san sat on top of a moving platform, munching on bamboo. I clicked my tongue. We should have watched the parade if Pan-san was going to be there.

"How are they, Yukinon?" asked Yuigahama with upturned eyes.

"I suppose they're alright," I replied, "Thank you for taking them."

"Ehe, that's good," she sang.

I finished checking over the pictures and handed back the camera to Yuigahama. Then, an announcement came from the loudspeaker, telling everyone that the fireworks were about to start. Most of the people wandering around Destineyland went to the side of the paths and stopped, ready to observe the fireworks.

I scouted out the plaza in search of Hayama and the others. I spotted Tobe pulling Miura to our direction with Ebina following behind him. However, I did not see Hayama and Isshiki.

"Come, come, Miura-san. This here's like the bestest spot, kinda? Ebina-san would prefer it here, yeah?" gibbered Tobe.

"Eh? Sure, but anywhere's fine, really?" said Ebina with a neutral smile.

Yuigahama also looked around. It seemed that could not find Hayama and Isshiki either.

"Tobecchi, where's Hayato-kun and Iroha-chan?" asked Yuigahama.

"Um, well, they'll be straight on over here soon," vaguely spoke Tobe, "Just wait a bit okay?"

I hope the two did not get lost. Trying to find them would be a huge bother and a giant waste of time.

Hikigaya did not ask where the two were. He had a rather firm expression on, despite the coming fireworks.

Three quarters of the street lamps turned off. Christmas lights around the plaza dimmed. Through the same loudspeaker that was used for the announcement, soothing classical music was played. As shameful as it was to admit it, I did not recognize this particular piece. However, I was sure that it was composed by Beethoven, given that its dominating emotional motifs, which was unusual among the pieces of its time. All of this was the signal for the start of the fireworks.

"It's starting," I warned the others.

I looked up at the sky around the White Wall Castle area, and the others followed suit. Within twenty seconds, the first firework was launched into the sky. With a crackling sound, it burst into a colourful red ring. A chorus of ohs and ahs arose from the people who watched. That was merely the warm-up. Immediately afterward, several more rings of different colours burst. The launching of new fireworks increased in number and speed, and soon, the night sky was illuminated with artificial colours. The creativity of the fireworks gradually increased too. The fireworks assumed patterns showing Sassy Marie-cat's face, Pan-san's body, and other Destinyland-related things. It was an amazing light show that held many people's attention. It was a magnificent way to see off our wonderful time at Destinyland.

A blitzkrieg of popping fireworks started with unmatched vivacity. The finale had been reached. The patterns were gone, and the sky was savagely filled with as many lights as possible. Yet, it was no less wondrous than the explosions before it. After two minutes, the firework show stopped for a brief period. Then, a final loud whish was heard. With an explosion that echoed across the whole park, the sky was lit up with the words Merry Christmas in English as the classical music ended with a majestic V-I cadence.

"Uwaaa, that sure was something," said Yuigahama in a trance.

"As expected of Destinyland, they did not skimp on the fireworks this year either," I praised while nodding.

As we voiced our impressions of the fireworks to each other, I noticed Isshiki walking toward us looking downwards. Her lips were squeezed shut, and her eyes were quivering. Suddenly, she broke into a sprint, heading straight past us.

"I-Irohasu!?" yelled Tobe, "Hold up, Irohasu!"

Isshiki disappeared into the crowd of people. Tobe ran after her with an usual look of distress on his face.

After seeing that, Miura wore a tired expression on her face, one that said "here we go again", while Ebina had a frown. The two then decided to go after Isshiki as well.

"M-Me too!" exclaimed Yuigahama, and she tried to run after Isshiki too.

"Yui? Oh, and Yukinoshita-san? You guys should wait here, okay? Since she might come back. If I find her, I'll call you, so let Tobe know," instructed Miura.

"Okay," affirmed Yuigahama.

With that, Miura nodded and walked away quickly in the same direction as Isshiki. For Isshiki to suddenly act like that, something terrible must have happened to her.

"Did something happen?" I asked the two that were still with me.

"No idea," replied Yuigahama.

"I don't know, but I think I have an idea," said Hikigaya, "Well, I'll get going too."

"Okay, got it," answered Yuigahama.

Hikigaya walked, with a smooth, steady pace, in the opposite direction that Isshiki ran off to. Perhaps he knew where Isshiki went and is taking an alternate, shorter path. Only Yuigahama and I were left.

"Yuigahama, do you know what's going on?" I inquired.

"No, not really," said Yuigahama, "Come to think of it, where is Hayato-kun?"

"Tobe-kun was being vague," I said, mulling it over, "You don't suppose the two were together, right?"

Unless they went to the washroom, none of us had a reason to wander off on our own. I doubt Isshiki would act like that due to some incident in the washroom. Thus, it is highly probable that they were together.

"Hmm, yeah, you have a point, Yukinon. Did something happen between them?" murmured Yuigahama with a tilted head.

I thought back to the events that lead up to this moment. Isshiki whispered something to Tobe that made him distressed. Tobe pulled Miura and Ebina away during the fireworks in response to what Isshiki said. Hayama Hayato and Isshiki Iroha were finally able to get some time alone. The perfect date with the perfect man. Destinyland.

This entire get-together, the plans that were put forward, and the conclusion with the two together were reminiscent of a certain night in the bamboo forest. It was a day that caused instability to arise between Yuigahama, Hikigaya and I. I have not considered it for all this time, but a rift had likely also arisen in Hayama's group.

Yuigahama looked at me with wide eyes, and as if she was unable to breathe. She cupped her mouth with her hands.

"Yukinon, that-"

"Yuigahama, that's probably it," I interrupted, "It seems the same thing happened again."

As if on cue, Hikigaya came back to us. His hands were in his pockets and he was staring at the ground, much like Isshiki was, but much more like that night in the bamboo forest.

"Hikki, where's Iroha-chan? I thought you went to get her," spoke Yuigahama.

"Ah, no, there's already enough people looking for her," mumbled Hikigaya without looking up, "I went to Hayama."

I got straight to the point and asked, "What happened? What did he say to her?"

"Ah, well, that guy went on home after I talked to him. Must have been repulsed to meet with someone like me after he turned down a confession," he joked with a coarse voice.

"Hikigaya-kun."

"Hikki..."

We stood in silence. The chilly winds were starting to become a forceful gale. The street lamps drew long shadows of ourselves. Around us, laughter and merry conversations continued to occur, regardless.

Before long, Miura and Ebina came back, neither of them pleased. Behind them was Tobe with an arm around Isshiki, whose face was incredibly red, and her makeup ruined. She was sniffling loud enough for us all to hear. When we regrouped, we didn't say anything for a while.

To break the silence, Miura raised her voice, "Hey, Yui, where's Hayato?"

"Home," answered Hikigaya instead, "Didn't you get a mail from him?"

Miura crossed her arms and looked away before spitting out, "Of course I did."

"I see," said Hikigaya.

"Of course he did," added Hikigaya under his breath, and he said no more.

There was not much purpose to stand around here. We should get going and soothe our tired selves, especially for Isshiki.

"That concludes our trip. Good work everyone, we managed to get a lot of material," I said, formally ending it all.

* * *

The train we were in rattled occasionally, but thanks to modern advancement, every little bump was hardly noticeable. Most of the ride was as smooth as silk.

The time was quite late. It was fast approaching 11 o'clock. Because of that, the train had little people riding it, other than myself, Yuigahama, Hikigaya and Isshiki. Even if there were more people, I doubt the noise would be very loud. At this time of day, when people are returning from work or play, people were extremely fatigued and had no incentive to chat loudly. Of course, the four of us had little incentive to chat as well, given what happened.

After twenty minutes, the train arrived at the Kaihin-Makuhari Station. This was my stop, so I stood up.

"I'll be getting off here," I informed the others.

As I was walking to the door, Yuigahama also quickly stood up and followed me. She tumbled a bit due to moving too fast, but I caught her arm before she hit the ground.

"Ah, I'm getting off here too," said Yuigahama.

"Aren't you a bit further ahead?" I reminded her.

She released my grip on her arm and placed both of her hands on my arm instead.

"Tomorrow's a day off, so I'm going to stay at Yukinon's place!" declared Yuigahama.

We never agreed to that earlier. However, it was no big deal for me for her to accompany me.

"Ah, that so," I consented.

This wasn't my only stop, though. I looked at Hikigaya, expecting him to stand up.

"Isshiki, which station are you getting off at?" inquered Hikigaya.

Isshiki did not reply to that question. As expected, the thought of the failed confession still weighed down on her. Her usually vibrant personality was gone, leaving behind an empty husk. She pulled on Hikigaya's sleeve and handed her bag to him.

"Senpai, it's super heavy," she uttered falteringly.

"It's because you bought too much," lightly scolded Hikigaya as he took the bag.

Watching that scene, Yuigahama smiled like a dear mother, just like when we went to Hiratsuka-sensei's office. I couldn't help but break into a giggle.

"Uh huh," said Yuigahama, nodding with understanding, "I think that would be better."

"Isshiki-san, make sure to be very careful," I jokingly warned.

We should let those two alone. It was now up to the local Onii-chan to handle things from here. Wait, it was Senpai.

When the train stopped at the station, Yuigahama and I stepped out after waving goodbye to Hikigaya and Isshiki.

The train closed its doors shut. Within seconds, it was whisked away. Yuigahama and I stared at the train until it became a dot.

Surely, on that train, at this very moment, the one who was rejected was being comforted by the one who was always trampled on.


	11. (V9)Close Conversation

_**Conversation (after Volume 9 Chapter 8)**_

"Yukinon, did you have fun?"

"I suppose so. For most of it anyway."

"Uh, huh. We should come back and try out the roller coasters again."

"If possible, we should focus only on the more fun rides."

"Eh? Aren't the roller coasters supposed to be the best rides?"

"W-Well, that's true..."

"Yukinon, you may not be good with them, but I'll always ride with you, you know! Ah, and maybe Hikki too."

"It's not that I'm not good with them or anything. Oh, let me get the tea ready."

"Ah, thanks, Yukinon."

"Yuigahama, please conduct yourself properly. Don't go laying down on the couch. Where am I supposed to sit?"

"It's fine, it's fine! If you want, you can lay down with me!"

"N-No, that's a bad idea. There's no space. I would probably fall off."

"Ah, the tea's good as always."

"Sit up already, I- well, whatever. At least don't spill any on the couch."

"I-I won't so... ah."

"Yuigahama, just sit. I'll go get the towel."

"Hey, Yukinon, have you ever been confessed to?"

"What's that all of a sudden? You know how it is with me. It's decreased lately, but I used to get love letters every week."

"Th-That's a lot."

"What about you?"

"M-Me!? Um, well, I have before... A-Anyway, what I mean to say is, do you think Iroha-chan will be okay?"

"She will. The master of getting rejected was with her. Even after his terrible childhood, he still hasn't broken down. If he uses his techniques, he could easily comfort Isshiki-san. Licking each other's wounds, as they say."

"Y-Yukinon, that's a horrible thing to say. And licking wounds? I do that sometimes, but they should really put on bandages."

"That's enough, Yuigahama. We're studying tonight."

"Huuuuh!?"

"Just joking. Anyway, we've done what we could in terms of referencing Destinyland. Really, though, there are other, better, places for this."

"It's fine, it's fine. At least we bought Komachi's present."

"Yes, that's true. I wonder if she will like it."

"Don't worry! Remember what Hikki said a long time ago, when I had my request?"

"No. Frankly, it was too long and the story of his traumatic experience was more distracting than helpful. Well, I get what you're saying. As long as Hikigaya-kun tried his best to pick a present, then his feelings would get through, right?"

"Yukinon, you remembered it pretty well... But yeah, that's it, so don't worry."

"I see."

"Hmm hmm, I wonder which of these teacups are better?"

"When did you buy so many teacups?"

"At Destinyland. So, which one do you think is good?"

"What are they for? Ah, the Pan-san one."

"W-Well, of course you would pick that. At least your feelings got through."

"What are you saying? Don't repeat what I said earlier. Also, if you look at the design of the cups, the volume, and ergonomics, clearly the Pan-san one is superior. Well, maybe that dog one is a bit more expensive, but then again, price may not necessarily reveal its quality. If it's about marginal benefit equalling price, then that's just an assumption, a theory. Things can differ slightly in reality."

"What? Um, so the Pan-san one, right?"

"...Yes, the Pan-san cup."

"Great! I hope Hikki will like it."

"Hikigaya-kun? Are these supposed to be presents for him or something? Why didn't you tell me?"

"You never asked, Yukinon."

"I did ask."

"Ehehe, I wonder what his face will look like when he receives it."

"He would probably fall on his knees and cry in joy. Never before has he received a present from two beautiful girls. A time like this will never come again, so he would savour the moment as if it was his last day alive."

"N-No, I don't think he would cry. And, this won't be the last gift either, right Yukinon?"

"...I suppose so."

"Mm, yeah."

"Yes."

"Uh, huh. Hey, Yukinon, I wonder what that genuine thing is."

"I don't know."

"Do you think we'll ever be able to find out?"

"No. No, but I think I'm starting to understand a little."

"You and Hikki went on Spride Mountain together, right? Did you talk about anything?"

"Yes. I asked him if he would help me."

"Really? That's good, I think. Yep. Me too, Yukinon. I'll help you out too, someday."

"Is that so? Thank you, Yuigahama-san."

"Ah, no need to bow or anything! Ah, it's already two. Fuwaaaaah, getting sleepy."

"I've already prepared the guest room. We should retire for the day. Good night, Yuigahama."

"Aw, can't we sleep together?"

"Absolutely not... is what I would like to say, but you keep climbing in anyway. Suit yourself, but don't hog the blankets, don't take away the pillow, and don't push me off."

"I won't hog the blankets this time! So, let's go!"

"At least say that you won't do the other two things too."


	12. (V9)Balderdash

_**During Volume 9 Chapter 9**_

"Haa, we're lacking in money, time and manpower, aren't we?" said Isshiki with a sigh interjected.

The date was Monday, and the time was long after classes. The yolky orange glow of sunset shined through the window of the student council room that members of the Service Club and the student council had gathered in. In contrast to the solar brightness, most of the people present were rather restless and tired. It couldn't be helped, given our topic.

We were discussing about what to say in the oncoming conference with Kaihin Sogo High. We needed to agree with something as soon as possible. No, we needed to agree on something today. Time was running out, and the plans so far have been completely unfeasible. To get ahead, we needed to do something drastic.

Thinking about it, needing to meet up just to prepare for a later meet-up was highly unusual in itself. That just showed how unproductive the meetings with Kaihin Sogo High were. That Tamanawa person has completely no capacity for rational thought or compromise. After all this, I hope I never have to work with that person again.

"That's right, Isshiki-san," I said while nodding, "So, what would we have to do about that?"

"Ummm, maybe some outsourcing? We would need to gather voluntary workers since we don't have the money to pay them, but we also need to get some money for materials somehow." pondered Isshiki.

Hikigaya nodded in agreement with Isshiki and added, "Given how Hiratsuka-sensei reacted to the acquisition of the budget, it looks like it'll be difficult. Also, fundraisers are a complete no-no for me. I don't want to talk to people, I can't talk to people, and I also am unable to talk to people."

"What a selfish reason," I said in amazement, "And why did you need to say it three times?"

Hikigaya aside, even for the rest of us, fundraising enough money for the event would be an arduous task, given its own pile of troubles. We had enough on our shoulders as is. There was no guarantee we would hit the minimum required funds anyway.

After coughing once, Hikigaya continued, "The current plant's aren't very realistic. Even if we carried them out, only a part of them would work out. With all the advertising we did about our event, the real thing would turn out to be extremely lackluster in comparison. It'd be a very disappointing event."

"Ah, that might be true," agreed Isshiki before she sighed.

Isshiki was sighing a lot today. I was sure that I had sighed as much as her.

"I want to confirm something first," checked Hikigaya, "I want to know how the student council is feeling about it. Are you fine with how it's going to turn out? Oh, and I don't really care either way. I'm just a helper. I'll just do what I'm told, no more no less."

As usual, Hikigaya added on something stupid, yet somewhat harsh at the end. To be fair, it was likely meant to beat Isshiki into a shape where she could answer seriously. However, he could have stated it less barbarically and without giving the impression of a loner that has degenerated into apathy. Oh, but I suppose he was both already.

"Well, it most certainly isn't a gooood thing, the way it is," contemplated Isshiki with arms akimbo, "Like, we might as well not do it if the event is going to be shabby. But, there's like no way we can stop now or anything, not at this point, you knooow. And that's just the part that can't be helped. Like we can't do anything about it so..."

Isshiki rambled wishy-washy like that without any motivation whatsoever. I could feel a headache coming on. To be a capable leader is to be charismatic. To have direction is to have desire. Isshiki was failing as the student council president right now, lacking in both those traits. This was extremely troublesome.

"isshiki-san..." I muttered with a low voice, "This isn't the time."

"N-now now," said Yuigahama while attempting to smile.

At my words, Isshiki bolted upwards.

"Ah, no no no, I'll do it! I'll do it properly, you hear meeee!" exclaimed Isshiki as if her previous unwillingness had never existed, "I'll make the event something biiiiig!"

Isshiki raised her fist high into the air, as if trying to punch something. Her eyes were reminiscent of a certain expression seen in Japanese animated works consisting of eyes looking like the left and right angle brackets together and with a V for a mouth.

"Good," I said with a slight nod, "If you can get like that, then that's the first step."

Above all, a diligent leader needed to persevere no matter what. Giving up halfway, after all the investment, would be spitting at not only your coworkers, but also at yourself. At Isshiki's show of perseverance, the other student council members followed suit, pumping themselves up, and also agreeing to continue onwards with the event.

"Right. Now, we need to consider what things are blocking us from moving forward, the things that are preventing us from achieving our goals," stated Hikigaya, "Isshiki, I have a question for you. What, exactly, could be that barrier that we need to overcome?"

"Ha?" squeaked Isshiki.

Her fist raised into the air sank back down to her side. She peered at Hikigaya as if he was an alien. Yuigahama awkwardly laughed. Everyone else was silent, looking dumbfounded.

I wasn't sure why the mood suddenly became awkward like that, but this was like a quiz. As the top academic student in the school, there was no question that could not be answered by me. I took pride in my knowledge, and one could say that it was my defining feature, even more than my looks. I could feel my blood boiling. I could feel the desire to answer that question, to fill in the deficit of knowledge, overflowing from within. I puffed out my chest and raised my hand.

"The structure of the current conference. That would be consensus decision-making.," I replied in place of Isshiki.

Reaching a consensus meant that absolutely everyone had to be satisfied. It was not enough that the majority agreed; every last person needed to be convinced. However, that last point was a double-edged sword. Certainly, the ridding of all disagreements would allow a plan to proceed smoothely. However, the act of persuading every member of the meeting to agree was a tough task. Given the large amount of people in our conference, the wall for us was nearly insurmountable. Without everyone agreeing, the decision would not be passed.

I faced Hikigaya, awaiting his response. So, Mr. Judge, how was my answer?

"C-Correct," muttered Hikigaya.

"Hmph, that much is obvious," I said with an impish smile.

I knew it. Of course I was right. I did a small fist pump underneath the table, accidentally knocking onto the bottom side of the table in the process, hurting my knuckles. But I did not even feel the pain in my ecstasy.

"Senpai, why is Yukinoshita-senpai acting like that?" whispered Isshiki.

"Well, that's just the way she is," responded Hikigaya under his breath, "She just hates to lose and loves to win."

With an ahem, Hikigaya clarified my response to the others, "Yeah, in those conferences, we would listen to everyone's opinions and examine every single idea in great detail. Thanks to that, there was no end. There wasn't a single person of authority who had the right to call on the final decision, to veto it or to accept it."

"Isn't that what the other president is doing?" asked Yuigahama.

"No, Yuigahama," said Hikigaya as he shook his head, "Tamanawa's just leading the conference and putting things together. He just synthesizes, acting like another brain, processing ideas. However, after he has gathered everyone's ideas, he doesn't make the call to decide things."

Isshiki then muttered something to Hikigaya, but I couldn't hear it. She looked worried about something, but Hikigaya reassured her.

"Um, Yukinon, I still don't get it," said Yuigahama who was dazed.

"Yuigahama, it's like a judge in court. The criminal and the victim present their cases, and the judge makes the final decision. In our case, we lack a judge, so while we present our ideas, there's no one to choose which one to go with," I explained to her.

"Eh, I sorta understand, I guess," uncertainly mumbled Yuigahama, "So it's like there's no mom to stop her kids' arguments or something? Like forcing them to share a chocolate bar?"

"Sure, that would be another reasonable comparison," I said while nodding my head.

"Anyway," continued Hikigaya with a more stern expression, "Right now, the problem is that everyone's being considerate each other, meaning that there isn't a clear hierarchical relationship. There's no higher-up that decides what we'll do."

I think I saw Hikigaya flash a self-deprecating smile. Being at the bottom of the food web, Hikigaya knew, better than anyone else, what it was like to be crushed underfoot, to be regarded as incompetent and insignificant. However, Hikigaya also knew the importance of having a king at the top. Even as he was being trampled upon like rubble on the street, he realized the importance of direction and order. He saw the need for authority.

"That's why we need to eliminate that pretentious friendliness and have a real conference," menacingly proclaimed Hikigaya, "That kind of conference draws the line between the winner and the loser. It becomes an all-out war, where we refute, oppose, and antagonize."

"I see, so that's your plan," I said while nodding my head.

To become a king, one had to fight a war. It was only after he drove his enemies away and kept them at bay that he could establish his kingdom, a place of law and order. In the same way, we needed to fight. The winner would then forcibly enact his or her plan, which would result in the much-needed direction. Though, it would be better if we were the ones to win, given the idiocy of Tamanawa.

However, there were some risks. Waging war hurts both sides.

"Isshiki," said Hikigaya as he finished saying what he needed to say, "As the student council president, what are you going to do?"

"Eh, I have to decide? Is it really okay for me to..." mumbled Isshiki, "You guys, um, w-what would be good I woonder?"

The vice president replied, "I... I feel it'd be better not to cause any trouble. It's going to be hard to time our refutes properly. We have also never before actually objected to Tamanawa's plans outright. What if we get into a dispute thanks to it? I don't want odd rumours about the deadly clash between Sobu and Kaihin Sogo floating around."

The vice president's words were rational. While a hierarchy is needed, trying to make one will increase the tension between our schools. In the worst case scenario, an irreparable rift will open between us. If that happened, cooperation is as good as dead. We should decide carefully. Will we do it?

"I guess soooo," groaned Isshiki in a fleeting moment of thought.

In the next moment, wiping away all hesitation, Isshiki then precariously declared to the vice president, "But we're going to do it. Personally, I'm not so sure I'd like it to be a shabby event, you knooow. So, if we have to do it, if we want to do it, we're going to reeeeeally do it! We'll show that Tamanawa guy!"

"I-Isshiki-san, don't overdo it," groaned the vice president this time.

Isshiki looked like she had no intention of playing it safe. She was probably tired of it all and was ready to take out her frustration on Tamanawa. This was going to messy and a huge fuss if it didn't work. I put two fingers to my temple, trying to suppress a headache. Good grief.

"Right, so that's Isshiki's decision then. Now that we decided to go with that attack plan, we need to think of what counter-arguments we could make," stated Hikigaya, "Why don't we think about what we should do for the event?"

Coming up with a counter-proposals had another benefit. Since Tamanawa's plans were useless, the plans we could come up with could be used for the event. In other words, after we make Tamanawa submit to us, we wipe away the failures resulting from him.

Hikigaya stood up from his seat and walked to the whiteboard. Taking a marker, he wrote "To Do" a little messily and disorderedly, probably from being not used to writing on such a large surface in front of others. While it was legible, it was clearly not written with the thought of broadcasting the message throughout the room. With a look of pity in her eyes, the secretary, a first-year glasses-wearing girl, stood up to take his place. With a displeased grunt, Hikigaya sat back down.

"Even if you say that, I don't really have anything I want to dooooo," lazily spat Isshiki with a shrug.

"Well, I guess so. Me neither," muttered Hikigaya with the same degree of laziness.

"That's no good," pouted Isshiki.

"No, that's fine," said Hikigaya while shaking his head, "The thing is, doing what you want to do is equivalent to playing around. Doing the things that you don't want to do, the things that are a pain, is what's considered work."

Yuigahama had a wry smile, as if thinking "here we go again". Isshiki looked like she didn't understand and tilted her head at a 30 degree angle. Well, that was alright, Isshiki-san. It was better if you did not listen to Hikigaya's ramblings.

"Putting aside your concept of labour, what you're saying is certainly accurate, Hikigaya-kun," I said with a hint of annoyance, "The current plans aren't in the interests of the guests. There is a disconnect between Tamanawa's plans and the desires of the visitors because he only thought about what he wanted to do. Simply put, what we wanted to do was irrelevant in the first place. We have to do what the visitors want."

"Ah, I see," said Isshiki, understanding it.

"Eh? Is that what it meant?" commented Yuigahama, "I thought Hikki was just talking about the difference between work and play."

"Yuigahama, you need to work on your comprehension skills," I said in amazement.

"Well, that still doesn't tell us what we should doooo," complained Isshiki.

"If it's you, you should be able to come up with something," encouraged Hikigaya, "If you're stuck... Well, there's plenty of ways to get going on the work. Like, you know. Working is about how much you don't work."

To work is to not work? That seemed extremely far-fetched. I wasn't the only one who thought so. Yuigahama glared at Hikigaya with cold eyes.

"That sounds totally contradictory," said Yuigahama in denial.

"No, it's not a contradiction," refuted Hikigaya, "If I'm forced to work on something that I don't want to work on, I will actually think about what to do, you know. If I skip or rest, people will yell at me, and I'll be docked pay. Things will become even more of a pain if I don't work. So, if I'm forced to work anyway, the problem becomes how do I do it efficiently? How do I maximize my productivity with the little amount of effort that I would bother putting in?"

"Even though your beginning points are completely nonsensical, the conclusion feels somehow right," I said in astonishment.

Hikigaya's lack of common sense still astounded me, even after all this time. Why would anyone be forcing him to work? In fact, he should be begging people to hire him, given the tough times of today. Furthermore, his motivation to work hard was completely inane. Isn't it normally the case that one wanted to work to obtain the results rather than working to avoid being punished? Well, amidst the sophistry, what he said about efficiency was true. We needed to come up with efficient ways of making use of our scarce resources.

"Isshiki, identifying the overarching problem is a pain. Don't worry about that hard stuff. You should just look at the specific problems you see and counter them one-by-one," suggested Hikigaya.

With limited time and limited options, trying to induce the main problem was, indeed, inefficient. I saw what Hikigaya was trying to get at. Do not worry about the grand scheme of things, basically. Solve the individual problems at hand one at a time. By doing what we can do, solving the issue slice-by-slice, eventually we can get to the point where the whole thing is resolved instead of tackling the entire ordeal head-on.

Hikigaya removed a sheet of paper from his bag. It was Tamanawa's resume, a piece that made one realize just how far human incompetence could go.

"Speaking of which, we have this plan which we can find a lot of faults with," said Hikigaya as held up the page, "You don't have to scan that far down the page to find the problems that you can address. Also, don't worry, Isshiki. Trying to find bad things to say about yourself is difficult, but finding the faults of others is a simple task. This just so happens to be your specialty. Give it your best shot."

"Senpai, just what do you take me for?" groused Isshiki.

"Exactly what I said. So just try it out with everyone. Go on, go on," said Hikigaya as he did a flicking gesture with his hand as if swiping away a pest.

With a dissatisfied face, Isshiki turned to the other student council members. They skimmed over Tamanawa's resume and began discussing its faults and possible alternatives. Seeing that, I opened my mouth to say some of my own suggestions.

"Right, well first we-"

"Yukinoshita-san," muttered Hikigaya, interrupting me while shaking his head, "Let them do this."

Hikigaya looked sternly at me, as if he was ready to jump over and cover my mouth if I were to continue speaking.

"It's better if we only step in this far," said Hikigaya.

"...I suppose so," I complied.

I had forgotten. The Service Club only helped out others with their problems. It did not provide the solution, only the tools to get there. That was our policy. However, for the past few weeks, we have been going beyond that policy. We waded in when it was unwarranted. We put ourselves on the line even though that was not our role. As a result, even if the problem was solved, bitter feelings remained. We became overloaded. We became distant.

The discussions with the student council began slowing down. That did not mean that they were at a roadblock. Rather, they were almost done. They had identified most of the problems and had amassed a large number of ideas.

"Alright, you're this far now," spoke up Hikigaya, "Now, we will construct a plan by working backwards from here."

"Oh, so that's how it is," I whispered to myself.

If you took the rightmost path at the split and it led to lava, what would you do? You would backtrack and take the leftmost path — the opposite path. If something was problematic, one of the most obvious things to do to resolve it was to do the opposite. Tamanawa had an unrealistic plan, yet it had a small bit of direction. We just needed to do the opposite things to rectify it. The skeleton was already there; we just needed to fix the positions of each bone. Well, that was if we had the resources to do it.

"If you're taking it in that direction, then it looks like we can come up with a plan," I recognized, "Ultimately, however, we are still lacking in budget, time and people."

"No problem. We'll just have to do things that won't take up money or time," informed Hikigaya as if it was obvious.

"But if we don't use any money at all, it'll turn out shabby anyway, hmmm?" groaned Isshiki, "That's tooooooooootally out of the question. Nope nope."

"Hikigaya-kun, that's impossible. Everything will definitely consume resources to some extent. You can't make something out of nothing," I said, agreeing with Isshiki, "And if you try, well, Isshiki-san already said so."

Then, Yuigahama lit up and pounded her hands like a hammer on a nail. She had an exuberant face as if she discovered a gold mine.

"Oh, I know! How about a homemade kind of thing in a family-oriented way!? Like, you know, making baking the cookies yourself, using origami for the Christmas tree, yeah!" bellowed Yuigahama.

Homemade style. The opposite of the style of mass production. No two things were the same, and nothing was made with perfect precision. Everything was natural as opposed to being artificially made in a lab or factory.

"I think that's something up to interpretation by those on the receiving end, rather than those on the giving end," I muttered in disagreement.

There was a blatantly obvious downside to Yuigahama's suggestion. Things seeming homemade could also be seen as cheap or made with low effort. A feeling of something being a cop-out would surely fall under the category of "shabby" as set by Isshiki Iroha.

"No, Yukinoshita, Yuigahama has a point," said Hikigaya in a rare mode of agreement with Yuigahama, "Elementary students and the nursery kids, we'll have them do some things for us. It's cheap and it's amateurish. But if it's those cute kids doing it, it'll become a weapon."

Hikigaya said that last sentence with a devious grin. Yuigahama nodded furiously as if her head were a maraca.

Kids, weapons, kids, cheap, amateurish, kids, cute. The image of a young child doing her best in a play brought about warm feelings in the heart. The pure melody woven from their sweet voices as they sang songs would surely reverberate comfortably in our ears. I experienced it all myself as I went to that Pan-san play put on by elementary students. It was simply magnificent. The children on the stage dressed as Pan-san and his friends were criminally cute. I wanted to take them home with me.

If we used them, yes, they would surely be a fearsome weapon of ours. And them being low-cost was true. We could definitely get them to volunteer. It was a great suggestion.

"I see, you thought of something good," I praised, "You can say some good things sometimes. I'm impressed."

It would not be an exaggeration to say that I was awestruck. As expected of Onii-chan for thinking of something like this. I've thought about it before, but Hikigaya was surprisingly pretty good with younger people. Perhaps it was due to his siscon nature. It would also explain his interactions with Isshiki.

"Eh? Ah, yeah, thanks, right. You see it in CMs, like when they are in trouble, they show animals and stuff," mumbled Hikigaya as he became flustered.

"Yes, that's right. Certainly, if we show a play done by the children, no one would complain even if it was awkward. No, that awkwardness was a plus. It'll go well with everyone, elders included," I commented, "Yes, it's all good. With something like this, we finally have a tool for success."

I looked toward Isshiki before continuing, "And that tool is in your hands, Isshiki-san. It's up to you on how to use it."

"Oh, is that soooo?" excitedly spoke Isshiki, "It's something that like that, huh?"

Isshiki became more motivated at my words. The vice-president also perked up as if waking from a nightmare. The secretary at the white board poised her hand, ready to write down ideas.

"Ah, maybe something like a soooong?" suggested Isshiki.

"Or a play," added the secretary as she stepped close to Isshiki and leaned forward.

"A song, huh? That would count as part of the music," chimed in the vice-president has he shifted his chair to face Isshiki.

The three excitedly chattered. The other student council members whispered amongst themselves, exchanging even more ideas. With the white board ignored by the secretary, Hikigaya stood up and went to the board himself. He then wrote, in large bold letters, "Play".

Let's recap. So far, we've decided to alter the structure of the meeting itself in order for concrete decisions to be made. To do that, we will forego consideration for each other and assertively debate. We've also come up with ideas for the event that are superior to Tamanawa's to supplement our arguments. We've found a solution to both the budget issue and entertainment issue: centering the event around children's performances. We've mostly decided on what to do, but one small problem remained.

"The last problem is practice time," I proclaimed.

"Remembering lines for the play sounds hard," groaned Yuigahama.

Hikigaya suggested, "How about we split the children into two groups: one with actors on stage and one with actors who read the lines?"

"Those off-stage children, you mean like having voice actors?" I asked.

"Yeah, that way the people on stage don't have to remember a thing," said Hikigaya with confidence.

"I see. I suppose that would work. Impressive, Hikigaya-kun. As usual, you're a genius at cutting corners," I teased.

Hikigaya wryly smiled.

I would have preferred it if the ones acting were the ones to speak, but this will have to do. Well, this type of play also has its own charm, I suppose.

"That should be it," concluded Hikigaya.

"Our plan's set, huh?" said Isshiki as she relaxed her shoulders a bit.

"Since you all went to the trouble of planning it all, be sure to follow through!" encouraged Yuigahama.

"Wait, one more thing," interjected Hikigaya, "We're going to hold a play, but Tamanawa would still want to hold his concert. He seems obstinate about that, and it's not necessarily a bad idea if done right. So, we should split the time so that both can happen. Why not try suggesting that at today's conference?"

Indeed, total rejection of Tamanawa's ideas would give off an extremely bad impression. Not everyone can cast aside their own feelings for cold, hard practicality. That especially applied to Tamanawa.

"Is that even possible?" questioned Isshiki.

"I don't have a clue," replied Hikigaya, "Well, if we all work together, maybe we can compromise."

"I see, I think. Haa..." unconvincingly said Isshiki.

I smiled wryly. Working together might be a bit difficult after we oppose them. However, that was something that was up to Isshiki's abilities.

"Okay, for the rest, try your best to work out the rest of the details for the conference, Isshiki," said Hikigaya as he stood up.

"Yeeeaaah, I will, Sen- eh!? Where are you going? Am I supposed to be the one doing the talking!?" exclaimed Isshiki.

It was time for Isshiki to stop relying on her Senpai. Beyond this, the situation was up to the student council president. There was no more room for us to interfere. It was time for the child to let go of the father. I, too, stood up.

"The presentation is something the student council should be doing," I said with Isshiki, "We're the Service Club. We only provide advice."

"Ah, but if you have trouble at the conference, Hikki and Yukinon will help you out!" comforted Yuigahama.

Yuigahama sprang up from her chair as well. She did a few light stretches, emphasizing the line of her body. Hikigaya looked at her for a moment, but quickly turned away.

"Yuigahama, did you just exclude yourself from that help? Anyway, Isshiki, try your best. I'll buy the snacks for today," said Hikigaya.

The three of us bowed. Isshiki faced us with a displeased expression, saying "yeah, yeah" as we did so. I felt just a little bad for stopping here, but we knew our limits.

We stepped out of the classroom. Hikigaya told Yuigahama and I that we were going to the convenience store to buy those snacks. With our destination decided, the three of us sauntered down the long hallway together. The light from the setting sun casted our shadows on the wall that mixed with each other, forming one continuous image.

* * *

We headed out the campus. It was already long past the dismissal time of classes. Few students were left, and of those who were left, most of them were going home

We headed down the familiar streets and entered a familiar store. The store clerk greeted us as we entered. Hikigaya returned the greeting gruffly, causing the clerk to jerk slightly. Yuigahama and I giggled at this spectacle while Hikigaya sullenly placed his hands in his pockets.

After we bought everything we needed at the store, we headed down the road side-by-side to the community centre. Hikigaya was carrying all of the bags. Yuigahama asked if she could hold one, but Hikigaya declined, saying that this much was the usual.

"Mmmm, I hope that this conference goes well," muttered Yuigahama.

It was a sentiment shared by all of us. In many ways, the conference was a gigantic pain in the behind. It was difficult enough such that Hikigaya alone could not handle it. No, that was the wrong way to put it. Hikigaya had said that his abilities were not fit for handling this problem. That was why he turned to us. Also, I suppose that being the sole coach for Isshiki in this issue was difficult for anyone.

"Well, it should be fine. Even if it doesn't get through to them, we'll make sure it does," said Hikigaya nonchalantly.

Yuigahama and I stopped walking. I was sure that we were both thinking of the same thing when Hikigaya said those words. Hikigaya asserting that he will do something was a phrase we have heard many times.

Hikigaya walked ahead a few steps. He noticed that we didn't follow and turned around.

"Does that mean you're going to do something, Hikki?" asked Yuigahama with a stony voice.

"That's-" started Hikigaya but paused.

We fell silent. Yuigahama and I waited. We stood there, waiting for Hikigaya to tell us what he had decided.

"Well, I'll think of something when the time comes," Hikigaya casually said, attempting to brush it off, "We won't know unless we try."

Hikigaya saw that we still did not move and scratched his head. We wanted to know. We wanted to know what he would do if everything fell to pieces. We wanted to know if Hikigaya would etch his plan in stone with his fingernail, bloodying his finger in the process.

Yuigahama persisted, "Hikki, isn't that... that thing you do something you don't like?"

"Even there are things I don't like," solemnly stated Hikigaya.

There was no way Hikigaya liked any of it. I did not know what had transpired during the cultural festival with Sagami, but he came back looking like a weathered statue. His heart must have been distraught when he was forced to reset the relationship between Tsurumi Rumi and her peers. Even though he hated falsehood so much that he felt uneasy being with Haruno even on the first meeting, he was forced to blurt out a deceptive confession within the forest.

He disliked it. We, too, disliked it. None of it felt satisfactory. Seeing him hurt broke our hearts just as much as the solutions broke his.

So, if Hikigaya Hachiman abhorred it, Yuigahama Yui would break down because of it, and Yukinoshita Yukino would lose sight of herself thanks to it, what would he do?

"What I don't like is giving in to that superficial discussion," said Hikigaya, "It's something I hate the most."

Hikigaya looked away and scratched his head in embarrassment. What he had said was incredibly conceited. After all, we were engaging in superficial discussions between us not too long ago.

However, that was his answer. If he hated something, he would no longer embrace it. He would force it to turn into something that he was better with.

During the student council elections, he said he would no longer use his malicious methods. However, that did not mean that he would stop giving it his all. His nature would surely prompt him to take the plunge, even if the waters were muddy. So, if he was to descend into darkness once again, I must also descend. If he would offer up his fingernail to etch in stone, I, too, would place my fingernail beside his.

I sighed strongly, as if blowing wind over a dusty mantle.

"You should do as you like," I softly spoke.

"...Uh huh, got it," responded Hikigaya.

Hikigaya nodded resolutely. He resumed walking. I smiled at that hunched back. Yuigahama looked like she still had some misgivings, but even so, she and I began moving forward as well. We caught up to him and surrounded him on each side. No more words were needed, so no more words were exchanged. Our footsteps echoed in a cacophonic, yet regular rhythm.

* * *

Stalemate. That was what the conference amounted to.

Our side had pushed for our idea of a play. Tamanawa readily accepted, spewing some garbage about increased synergy from the collaborated acting or something. Then, we pushed for the separation of our schools' efforts, with our side managing the play and their side managing the musical. Tamanawa was not so ready to accept that. He wanted both of our schools to jointly manage both parts.

We argued for the increased efficiency of specialization. Tamanawa argued for the increased combined manpower to overpower high hurdles. Our heated debate was unending as words flew back and forth like reciprocally-thrown rocks. Tamanawa was unyielding. He desperately clung to the notion of a joint effort in all areas. Perhaps he was trying to avoid the apprehension caused by the splitting of the people. However, that being the main reason seemed unlikely. There was something else to it.

Isshiki wore a girlish smile as she talked, but her eyes were dull with fatigue. Tamanawa rapidly typed on his laptop as he argued back. His strained face displayed a hint of desperation.

"Hey, Yukinoshita," whispered Hikigaya, "What do you think? Is he really only trying to avoid trouble from our schools doing our own things?"

"One would assume so at first," I replied, "But that doesn't seem to be the case here."

"I have a bad feeling," groaned Hikigaya, "Something's not right."

Hikigaya and I crossed our arms as we continued listening to the exchange.

"I think that the play would be a very good idea. That's why if we start back at the CONCEPT, we'll head toward the direction of COLLABORATION," spat Tamanawa.

"That's nooot what we want, you know? Your idea will be hard on the budget, riiiight? If we collaborate, we won't have the money to be able to do anything anyway," argued Isshiki while shrugging.

"Then we should think about what to do together," suggested Tamanawa, "That's why we're having this conference right now."

What was he even talking about? We were already discussing it together. His words were pure rubbish. He may as well have said that he wouldn't consent because he didn't feel like it. He was practically abusing his right for respect as a student council president in order to refute arguments. Just because of his stance, no matter how silly his reasons were, his opinion had to be taken into consideration. We were unable to proceed if Tamanawa did not agree.

"Why are you opposed to breaking the event into two parts?" inquired our vice president.

"It's not that I'm opposed to it, it's just that I feel that it's not enough," explained Tamanawa, "If we have a shared VISION, we could make the event feel more unifying. I know, there are advantages to our IMAGE from your idea, but, overall, I feel that it would be better if we stuck to the framework of a collaborative EVENT."

Our prolonged debating finally managed to pierce through Tamanawa's thickened skull, and he recognized the some of the benefits of our plan. However, he was still keen on collaboration. Even after all this, he refused to budge. There must be something that he couldn't give up no matter what. He was benefitting somehow.

"Hikigaya-kun, him being this adamant on his so-called 'collaboration', could this be related to that bad feeling of yours?" I said with a frown.

"Yeah, I think so," muttered Hikigaya.

Hikigaya stood up from his chair, looking like he had decided on something. He looked straight at Tamanawa, trying to figure something out from his expression. Hikigaya's face was grim, and his rotten eyes narrowed to slits.

"Do we really have to do it collaboratively?" questioned Hikigaya.

"Through collaboration, we can hold a large EVENT that will maximize GROUP SYNERGY," declared Tamanawa.

"Synergy? I don't see anything synergistic about this. You want it to be large, but with where we're going, there won't even be an event. Yet, why are you so fixated on it?" interrogated Hikigaya.

Hikigaya's provocative words sparked whispers from Kaihin Sogo High's side. Amidst their insults to Hikigaya, their own side began questioning why they were doing what they were doing. It was obvious to anyone the unfeasibility of Tamanawa's plan. Yet, no one had explicitly touched on the fundamental errors of it until now.

"Y-Your ideas strays off from the original intentions!" hurriedly explained Tamanawa, "We had a CONSENSUS, and we were able to cooperate and share a GRAND DESIGN, and we had all laid out, and we maximized our SYNGERGY, and we wanted to make this EVENT big, and..."

My head hurt from trying to decipher the ghastly drivel sputtering out of his mouth.

A consensus? Don't make me laugh. Yes, the conference strove for one. However, one was never reached. When have we ever agreed on anything? The plans that have been seemingly approved were actually ones that Tamanawa one-sidedly pushed on everyone in the absence of alternatives. No, Tamanawa denied the existence of alternatives. He never gave us the option to go with something else.

A grand design? So that error-filled resume was considered grand? Being grand meant more than plastering as many frills and glitter as possible onto something. It also had to work.

Synergy? A big event? We could have synergized better with the elementary school students. At least they would show a shred of rational thought and leave the complicated planning to us. Tamanawa's ability to plan was even worse than what kids could come up with. Even kids would realize the importance of a proper scope. A small group of students with little money and little time could not possibly hope to hold an event as exhaustive as what was stated in the resume.

Tamanawa was delusional. Not one thing he suggested could work out. It was almost as if he was trying his best in order to fail.

Hikigaya distorted his mouth. A malevolent smile spread out on his face. Combined with his dead fish eyes, he was like the incarnation of a devil.

"Wrong. You're acting conceited by thinking you can do it. You can't accept that your plans would lead to failure. That's right. You just wanted to hide those failures," said Hikigaya in a cold tone.

I nodded my head silently. Hikigaya saw through it. He was able to sniff out that stench.

"You're just using your plan to get everyone to join in so that you can feel relieved. Because, when you're wrong, it feels a lot better to make it someone else's fault. You're trying to make us accomplices. No, you're trying to make us scapegoats," malevolently claimed Hikigaya with a raised voice.

Whispers halted. Hikigaya's voice echoed in the enclosed space, exuding an overwhelming aura. The Kaihin Sogo High students stared hatefully at him. The Sobu High students fixed their spellbound gazes on him. Isshiki Iroha, though flustered, had a look of understanding. Yuigahama gripped her sleeve tightly, giving a look of concern to Hikigaya.

Hikigaya's words were undeniable. That's right. Success was never primary to Tamanawa. His main goal was to preserve his self-worth. Everyone saw how terrible Tamanawa's plans were. There was no way that he, himself, could have ignored that. But success was not a requirement. Therefore, he pushed for mutual failure. We would all fall together and be sacrificed, becoming cushions for Tamanawa, reducing the hit on his dignity.

"That's not the thing," denied Tamanawa with shaking shoulders, "It's just a lack of COMMUNICATION."

"Let's COOLDOWN for a bit, and after we calm down, we can talk it over," sternly suggested another Kaihin Sogo High student.

No, there was nothing to talk about anymore. Their cruel intentions had been made known. What I hated the most was superficiality. I hated that they said they would make the event a success, but in reality, they were just stalling. They knew that their words were meaningless, yet they spoke them anyway. They used the meaninglessness to evade an issue. It was all too familiar. The three of us had first-hand experience.

At that time, I couldn't do anything. I even played along. I was a perpetrator. But not this time. I would not let this shallow exchange persist for any longer.

What I needed to do had been decided by myself.

"If you want to play a game of make-believe, could you do that somewhere else?" I viciously remarked.

My voice did not have the same volume as Hikigaya's. Yet, my feeble vocal cords clearly conveyed my message. All eyes turned to me. Silence gripped my grim audience like the claws of a beast.

"For a while now, I've been hearing nothing but empty talk. Meaningless banter. Directionless conversation. A useless exchange," I hostilely spat, "Do you honestly think that it's fun to pretend to hold a conference, spewing out that pretentious jargon, and acting like you're doing worthwhile work?"

I stared at Tamanawa as if a hole would open up in his face in doing so. I put my very being into my words.

"You used vague words to try and make yourselves think that you understood, yet not a single thing was done," I muttered, "There's no way... not a chance... that you'd move forward like that. Nothing at all will be created. Nothing, nothing at all will be gained. No, not even a single thing will be handed to you. That's... that's nothing but a sham!"

Halfway through my words, my head gradually drifted downwards until I stared at the floor. I shut my eyes tight, preventing the tears from overflowing. My hands squeezed as hard as they could into fists, suppressing a flow, otherwise other, more rampant emotions would leak out.

I wiped my face with my left hand. I looked up, straight at Tamanawa, who met me with astonished eyes.

"Could you please not waste our time any more than this?" I said, to him and to myself.

No one moved. It was as if the temperature had dropped to zero Kelvin. Isshiki met me with blank eyes. The vice president beside her had his mouth agape. The secretary tightly held to her chest her clipboard. Tamanawa was at a loss for words. His underlings silently hugged their knees or scratched their heads. That particular short bob-haired girl rapidly switched her focus from me to Hikigaya and back, her eyes swimming in desperation. Hikigaya glanced at me with a pained expression.

"A-a-a-ah! Um, it might be a little too hard, so rather than forcing ourselves to work together, wouldn't it be better to think that we could have more fun by going through things twice?" quickly voiced Yuigahama, "Yeah! And the individuality of our schools would show! Right, Iroha-chan?"

Yuigahama shot her head in the direction of Isshiki, who suddenly sat upright.

"Ah, yes. I-I think that would be good," she mumbled.

Yuigahama switched to the Kaihin Sogo side. Coincidentally, just in front of her was that bob-haired girl.

"How is it? Okay with you?" checked Yuigahama.

"Eh, ah, sure... Sounds... about good, I guess?" stuttered that bob-haired girl.

That bob-haired girl faced her peers with an unsteady expression. Not knowing what else to do, they nodded. Tamanawa, his head in front of his laptop monitor, did not nod, but he did not shake his head either.

That Yuigahama, to take advantage of the situation like that, really, her gentle nature really showed itself. I sat back down with a sigh.

"Ah, I don't really know what to say, having it defused and resolved just like that," I murmured.

"Yeah, but that's just what makes her Yuigahama," commented Hikigaya, "But what you did was still... well, I guess Yuigahama followed up properly."

"I suppose so. Perhaps that would have been a good way to have ended those things before too," I added.

Isshiki stood up and declared, "So, we've decided to go with the separate event plan! That concludes everythiiing! Meeting adjourned!"

* * *

"Ah, good work, Isshiki-san,"

"Glad we're over this. Isshiki, you must be exhausted."

With the stiff meeting out of the way, spirit re-entered the room. Not everyone (namely the Kaihin Sogo High students) was satisfied, but we had, at the very least, reached a feasible conclusion. What will follow afterward was up to simple hard work. Hikigaya always says that to work is to lose. But this was definitely a case where working was the preferred option, rather than leaving our plans undecided.

Hikigaya and I greeted Isshiki as she came over to us specifically. Her cheeks were inflated like a balloon. I could understand. If I were her, I, too, would pout, given the suffering caused by the conferences.

"Why did you two have to go blurt out stuff like thaaaaaaaat?" complained Isshiki, "The mood's just the worst, you knoooow? Didn't you think we could lose the event, hmmmm? Gaaaaaaaah! Didn't you know how hard it was trying to keep myself polite!?"

Isshiki grabbed onto tufts of her hair in frustration. Strange, I thought for sure that she would vent out her anger at Tamanawa.

"That was supposed to be polite?" said Hikigaya with a tilted head, "Do you know what passive aggressiveness is?"

"I didn't say anything wrong," I said and looked to the side in annoyance.

"Senpai, why don't _you _look up what it means? Yukinoshita-senpai, you may be correct, but you have to pay more attention to the mood and stuff, you knoooooow?" scolded Isshiki.

I looked at Hikigaya and countered, "If you're expecting this man to read the mood, then that's pointless. Even at the club, all he does is read sentences. He has no ability to infer."

"Not true. As an avid reader of Japanese literature, I can read between the lines quite well," said Hikigaya as he shrugged, "Besides, weren't you the one who got mad just now?"

"Isshiki-san just recognized I was right, didn't she?" I said, head tilted, "With her approval, I have no reason to be angry."

"Agh, I don't mean about that. I meant before that. Listen to what I'm saying," moaned Hikigaya.

"Guuu, are you two listening to meee?" snapped Isshiki, "I'm saying to the both of you, you knooow?"

"N-Now, now, it's fine, Iroha-chan!" exclaimed Yuigahama, "It's cooled down, and we didn't lose the event, so we should be happy with that, right?"

Isshiki sighed with an exasperated breath.

"Haa... well it's not like it mattered but, yeah. Though, yeeeeah, I feel a lot better, " softly spoke Isshiki.

Slam! She suddenly punched the whiteboard beside her.

"Buuuuuuuut, this and that are two different thiiiings! It's super hard to do things now, you knooooow!" shouted Isshiki.

"Ah, well, sorry about that," apologized Hikigaya as he scratched his nose.

"True, it would be a problem if we can't coordinate with each other," I agreed.

That was the trade-off, I suppose. Given how broken it all was, forcefulness couldn't be helped.

"Iroha-chan and I can follow up on communication-related stuff!" bellowed Yuigahama.

"Eeeeh, me too?" groaned Isshiki.

"Of course. You're the representative," I chided.

Besides, I wouldn't trust Yuigahama to communicate effectively on her own. Her ability to get things across in a professional matter were, how to say, even-less-than-inadequate. However, her air-headedness could be useful. Isshiki would be the primary communicator, while Yuigahama would serve as a tension dampener.

"So, Yuigahama, make use of that scatter-brain of yours," I said while nodding.

"Leave it to me, Yukinon!" yelled Yuigahama.

"Uh, she was making fun of you, you know," sighed Hikigaya.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, I have to do it still!? But like, it was Yukinoshita-senpai's fault," grumbled Isshiki.

O-ho, trying to run away from your responsibilities, Ms. President? Perhaps I shall drill into your head what exactly is demanded of you? I wordlessly communicated that to Isshiki by glaring at her with narrowed eyes. In response, Isshiki coughed once and whistled while looking off to the side. Then, she skipped to Hikigaya's side and whispered into his ears.

"Seeeeenpaaaai, Yukinoshita-senpai's really scary," groused Isshiki.

"H-Hey, Isshiki, um, like it's not like she can't hear you right now or anything," mumbled Hikigaya.

"Isshiki-san?" I said with an evil smile.

"Y-Yes!?" she yelped.

I cleared my throat to steer the conversation back to a more serious note. Now that what we were going to do was decided, it was possible to start thinking about the practicalities — the actual budget numbers, expenses, available time, and the like. Frankly, we should have done those things long ago, but there was no use crying over spilt milk.

"Isshiki-san, can we confirm the allotment of the time and budget with the other side?" I requested, "Also, I need to calculate the expenses."

"Ah, then, shall we do it with the glasses secretary-chan?" said Isshiki.

"You know, you should really learn the names of your fellow officers," I berated.

"I-I'll get to it eventually," groaned Isshiki.

Isshiki and I walked to where Tamanawa was sitting, leaving behind Yuigahama. Yuigahama tilted her head, wondering what to do. Well, we would probably need her help later, so I'll just leave her on her own for a while.

In the corner of my eye, I spotted Hiratsuka-sensei. I did not even notice her arrival. For some reason, she was chatting with Hikigaya. Perhaps she came to check up on us. Did she see what had transpired during the meeting? If so, then she would see that we were finally on track. It would make requesting for funds easier to do later on, if needed.

Isshiki and I went right up to the Macbook of Tamanawa. He was staring blankly at the screen like a statue. His still fingers did not move a single centimetre across his keyboard. He had a miserable expression of defeat.

"Uwaa, what happened to all that energy befoooore," commented Isshiki with a look of unbelief.

I called out to him, "Tamanawa, let's take a look at the finances."

Tamanawa moved his eyes in my general direction and muttered disinterestedly, "Huh? Oh. We agreed to do it separately, so it's fine if you calculate it all on your own, right?"

"Although it would be possible for us to calculate it ourselves, it would be more efficient if you would help us," I replied, "Also, there's some data that you have that we don't. The opposite is true we need to exchange that."

"But we're through with the COLLABORATION, right?" said Tamanawa absentmindedly, "Just worry about your thing, and we'll worry about ours."

"Look, you..." I started to present a counterargument, but stopped.

It appeared that Tamanawa had lost the will to continue. We knew that forcing our plan to go through would bring about some enmity, but this was an unexpected outcome. Good grief. We did not have the time for this.

"Tamanawa, what do you want to do?" I asked.

"Weren't you listening? I said that I wanted to COLLABORATE to make a BIG EVENT. Oh, but that's wrong, I guess. Like you guys said, I was using the event to satisfy myself," said Tamanawa nonchalantly.

"Weren't you listening? I told you that a sham was a waste of time," I mimicked, "Stop it with those superficial words. Do you want the event to succeed?"

Tamanawa rested his chin on his hands. He closed his eyes for a moment, probably losing himself to tumultuous thoughts, attempting to swim through it all and reach something. I knew because I had also been thinking like that for the past week.

Tamanawa re-opened his eyes. They quivered ever so slightly, but were definite.

"Yes. Of course I do," he answered.

"Good. Now, here's what we need to know. How much money is your school willing to give you for the event? Also, we have a lot of things to buy. Which ones will you purchase? We also need plenty of time to rehearse. We were thinking of having the kids act. We should decide it all today, so we can get started on it tomorrow immediately," I spoke sternly.

"Y-You, that's pretty COLLECTED," murmured Tamanawa in amazement.

"The event does demand a fair bit of organization, given its size. You wanted this to be a big event, right? Well, it might not be to the scale of what you imagined, but it is still possible to make it feel, how you say, significant," I said.

"No no, I meant that you are COLLECTED," said Tamanawa as he shook his head, "I see, so this is what it means to be... well, nevermind. Oh, I never got your FULL NAME."

"Yukinoshita Yukino. Also, can you stop it with that weird way of saying things? Just use regular Japanese," I hissed.

Isshiki stared at me as if I was of an organism of an unknown taxis.

"Is something wrong?" I inquired her with a tilted head.

"Ah, no, I just never expected the Yukinoshita-senpai to give someone a pep talk," said Isshiki, not bothering to her hide her bewilderment.

"Pep talk? No, it was nothing like that. I was simply confirming something. It saved me a bit of trouble, but if his response was that he didn't care about the event, I would have forced him to comply with me," I said, simply stating the obvious.

"Y-Yukinoshita-senpai, don't be so meeeeean," moaned Isshiki.

I pulled out my phone and opened the calculator app. It was time to crunch some numbers.

"Alright, let's get started!" yelled Tamanawa with renewed energy, "Let's make this a COMPETITION then!"

* * *

"Fuwah, my head is spinning. Um, it'll cost about seventy yen each so if we get eleven, um, that's sixty six thousand, right?"

"Yuigahama, please do some elementary school mathematics arithmetic problems when you go home tonight."

We spent the remainder of the time gathered together, calculators in hand. Numbers slowly filled the cells in Tamanawa's spreadsheet. He highlighted the cells containing information about our budget green and the expenses red. Red greatly outnumbered the green. However, when we actually summed everything up and subtracted the expenditures, we somehow managed to not delve too far into the negatives. Our schools would surely increase their subsidies for this small deficit.

"Well, at least this is numerical proof that our current plans are feasible," I said while nodding, "We will need to work out on the specifics tomorrow. I'll see what I can come up with tonight."

The ones who stayed behind to help calculate the numbers stretched in unison. We were done for today. We began to put everything away.

I helped Yuigahama stack the chairs. My strength was good, but, as usual, my stamina was sorely lacking. I could carry five chairs at once, but only for a few rounds. As a result, I had to settle with carrying stacks of two to conserve energy. In the corner of my eye, I saw Hikigaya freely heaving stacks of seven. I felt an immense sense of defeat, but it would be unreasonable for me to try and beat him.

As we were doing that, that short bob-haired girl bumped into me accidentally.

She apologized with a grin, "Oh, sorry."

"No, I wasn't watching where I was going," I said solemnly.

We wordlessly walked together to the piles of chairs and placed them down. I was unsure of what to say to the bob-haired girl. Our only connections were that troublesome time at the café and these conferences. Our initial impressions were downright atrocious, and what little interaction we had after that was strictly business-related.

Yuigahama was there as well. Shehad just finished placing her chairs down too and wiped the sweat off of her forehead.

Noticing me, she called out, "Ah, Yukinon! And, uh..."

"Orimoto Kaori," greeted the bob-haired girl, "We've seen each other several times already, but nice to meet you I guess."

"A-Ah! I'm Yuigahama Yui," sputtered Yuigahama.

"...And, I'm Yukinoshita Yukino," I declared.

"Yukinoshita-san and Yuigahama-san, then?" confirmed Orimoto.

Orimoto Kaori gleaned, with her eyes, up and down our bodies, with a curious look. She put a hand on her chin, thinking about something.

"Hmmm, you two are pretty good in the looks department," praised Orimoto, "That's kinda unexpected, given how Hikigaya is and all."

"W-Well, you're pretty too," mumbled Yuigahama with a faint blush.

"Haha, well, not as pretty as you two," returned Orimoto.

Orimoto, while still smiling, showed slightly envious eyes. She looked as if she was dissatisfied with something.

"What's your relationship with Hikigaya?" asked Orimoto.

"Um, I'm Hikki's classmate. And we're in the same club and stuff," explained Yuigahama.

"Hikki, huh? What about you?" said Orimoto as she turned to me.

"Clubmates. Nothing more, nothing less," I stated.

"Nothing more, nothing less, huh?" muttered Orimoto, "Is that so?"

Orimoto gave me a mischievous grin. It was obvious that she did not believe me. I suppose that could not be helped. After all, I did not believe those words of mine either.

"No, I suppose not. My relationship with Hikigaya-kun is... well..." I started, but couldn't find the rest of my words.

What did I think of Hikigaya? Half a year ago, I would have said that he was an "acquaintance, maybe". Fast-forward a few months after that, and the answer would have been "an acquaintance, definitely". Right now, did I consider Hikigaya as just an acquaintance? Even now, I still did not know enough about him. Twice had Hikigaya attempted to ask to be my friend. Twice I turned him down. But during that second time, I definitely felt that the word "friend" would have felt wrong in some way that I was unable to put to words.

"Ah, I see," said Orimoto as she nodded, seeming to have reached some conclusion, "So you're his friend, right? You see, if it's like that, then I'm his friend too. Like I told him that we could remain as friends, you know?"

"No, a friend is... I don't think so. Not at this point," I muttered while shaking my head.

"Hmm? Did I misunderstand something?" wondered Orimoto with a tilted head. "Say, did Hikigaya approach you two and..."

"No, it was more like he was forced to see me at first," I stated as a matter-of-fact.

"Um, Hikki was already in the club when I decided to join, so..." mentioned Yuigahama.

Orimoto widened her eyes in surprise.

"Oh, there I go assuming things again," she groaned as she hit herself lightly on the forehead, "So I guess our circumstances are a bit different, then."

"Orimoto-san, so you and Hikki are friends then. I thought he didn't have any," said Yuigahama.

That last phrase of hers was rather cruel, but I don't think that Yuigahama noticed. Though, Orimoto seemed to have noticed. Orimoto broke into a laugh.

"Haha, is that so! Well, to be honest, we are just mere acquaintances. I mean, I haven't even talked to him since middle school. Like we just coincidentally met this month, you know? Haha!" she bellowed between her unsuppressed laughter.

Tears formed at the corner of her eyes. She wiped them with her fingers and calmed herself down.

"So, no. We're not really friends," she added with a serious tone.

It bothered me the way she talked about her friendship or lack-thereof with Hikigaya. It didn't give the impression of being something pleasant. There was some strange disconnect. I felt something like a spider crawling up my spine.

"But, I don't think I would mind if he was my friend," continued Orimoto as she fiddled with her hair, "Like, he's hilarious. Like, he was hilarious back then, but right now, he's even more hilarious. Like maybe if I-"

"I don't understand what you're trying to say," I said with a sharp voice, stopping her.

Something made me prevent her from saying something that could not be taken back. There were no grounds to that thought. I acted solely on the impulse of those eight legs rapidly prickling my back.

"No, I guess you wouldn't. And if I said something, it would probably just make you mad, right? Oooooh, I don't want to face your wrath again, Yukinoshita-san," cackled Orimoto.

My own expression was not one that was as joyous as Orimoto's laughter. Yuigahama wore an uneasy expression and was tensely gripping her wrist.

"You two are interesting," spoke Orimoto with a cheeky grin.

"What makes you say that? I don't suppose that we've talked all that much up until now," I said cautiously.

"Oh, no. But I can tell," chuckled Orimoto, "Geez, you give off the impression of perfection, you know? And you, Yuigahama-san, well, you're pretty nice, I think. I'm surprised that Hikigaya hasn't taken it the wrong way yet!"

"Wrong way? No, he has," sullenly said Yuigahama, "Ah, but that was a long time ago, and we made up."

"What? But I thought that- no, wait, it was just about some misunderstanding, right?" said Orimoto.

Orimoto chuckled as if making fun of something ridiculous. The glee in her eyes were very real, yet was not directed toward us at all.

Orimoto kept suggesting something in her words. Yet, I was unable to figure out exactly what she was thinking about. Perhaps the answer laid in the past shared by Orimoto and Hikigaya that was unknown to Yuigahama and I. It was frustrating to not know. Orimoto's subtle hints made me realize just how much I didn't know.

"Oh, whoops, I need to give something to Tamanawa," suddenly announced Orimoto, "See you later, Yukinoshita-san, Yuigahama-san."

She bowed slightly, then turned away. She lightly skipped away from us while humming an unfamiliar tune. Her bobbed hair shook gently and with each step.

Orimoto Kaori. A girl who went along for the ride. A girl who loved to laugh. A girl who loved interesting and hilarious things. But even this view of mine may be biased and imprecise. I only had one clear conclusion. I would never come to like this girl.

"Yukinon, that girl... I wonder what Hikki thinks of her," muttered Yuigahama.

"I don't know," I responded, "Maybe Hikigaya-kun will tell us if he feels like it. But it doesn't look like she's troubling him. At least, not anymore."

People's pasts acted as their very base, the foundations that they were built on. For some it was something to be proud of. It may have been strong, helping them to stay up even in the face of a sudden gale. For others, it was something that they wanted to hide away. Perhaps it was frail or cracked. They cloaked it for fear that a suspicious fellow would topple the whole building down with very little force. For Hikigaya, it was clear that his past was the latter.

But even so, one just needed to reinforce and refurbish if what was currently there was weak. The Hikigaya that I knew was definitely not weak. Surely, Hikigaya had overcome something. I detected no signs of aggravation from Hikigaya given the presence of Orimoto.

"But, that girl, she seemed to be worried about something," said Yuigahama.

"Really? Well, whatever it is, it wouldn't be polite to dig deeper into it," I said while shaking my head.

"Yeah. I thought she would say it right away, though," said Yuigahama deep in thought.

There was a lot that we didn't know about Hikigaya's past. In the future, he may eventually talk more about it. Not superficially and without joking around. That went for Yuigahama and I as well. Right now, we were not ready. But we will be. For now, we should enjoy this comedy of our everyday life.


	13. (V9)Aroma

_**During Volume 9 Chapter 10**_

"Of all who give gifts, these two were the wisest."

"Of all who give and receive gifts, people such as these two are the wisest."

"No matter where in the world, these people are the greatest magi."

"That's why from us, we will give to them. And then, we will give to everyone. A gift containing only the heart. Merry Christmas!"

An elementary school student on the stage announced those lines with vigour. His booming, yet high-pitched voice gave no aura of authority, but certainly filled our hearts with a kind of meltingly sweet feeling. Even though the large hall was submerged in darkness, it was apparent that each and every face of the audience wore smiles of the paternal kind.

The other actors on the stage joined the narrator with a triumphant shout, "Merry Christmaaaas!"

An angel stepped away from the crowd and moved to the centre of the stage. That was not an exaggeration; this extremely cute girl was adorned with feathery white wings and a flashing halo. In her hands was a cake that I had helped bake.

The audience stood up and cheered wildly. The adorable angel on the stage did not even attempt to withhold her joy as she flashed her widest possible smile. She was like a serene seraphim.

At the opposite end of the hall, farthest away from the stage, Hikigaya and the vice president nodded at each other. Together, they threw open the doors to the next act, literally and figuratively. An army of angels marched out from that newly-opened passageway into the hall, each equipped with his or her own cake. With practiced motions, each angel made their way to the old folk in the audience and blessed them with the confectionary in their hands. In response, the seniors softened their expressions like marshmallows.

"Merry Christmaaaaas!" bellowed the kids on the stage as if reminding everyone that the show had not yet ended.

Almost every single source of light was extinguished. Half of the angels on the stage stood in a line with their arms holding a cake outstretched. Then, the other half of the crew took out matchsticks and simultaneously lit the candles atop each cake. Each tiny flame flickered back and forth, drawing orange shapes across the angels' faces, making them appear all the more ethereal.

Despite there being almost a dozen candles being lit, it was not enough to dispel the darkness. Then, the first row of people closest to the stage had the candles on their cakes lit up by the angels that had given them the cake. The row behind them subsequently received their light. Row-by-row, the flickering orange lights increased in number. It was an astonishing sight, this creation of fire, this illumination of the hall. By the time the last row had their candles lit, dozens and dozens of flames inhabited the once dark hall. Soon, not a trace of that blackness was left. In its place was a warmth that did not falter, a resplendent glow that comforted. By this light, the audience and actors were connected.

I let out an amazed sigh, then commented, "Well, I suppose I'll give it a passing grade."

I tried to downplay it in order to prevent myself from running up there and hugging every single precious child, but even so, I could not withhold my gentle smile.

Surely, our efforts amounted to a firm success. By no means was this professional. Yet, by no means was a single person unsatisfied. I think that a lot of what we did was inspired by the idea of "homemade" as brought up by Yuigahama. Unexpectedly, it turned out very well. I should treat her with higher regard from now on.

"Heh, this sure is amazing. It's like FIRE! Whoooooooaaa!" yelled Yuigahama with arms outstretched, imitating an explosion of some sort.

Instantly, my newfound respect for her was dissipated.

"Yuigahama-san. It's called a candlelight service," I said in a disappointed voice with my hand held to my forehead.

"Did you mean campfire or something? Because this is definitely not that," said Hikigaya in a tired voice.

"I-It's kind of the same thing, jeez," indignantly retorted Yuigahama, "Fire here, fire there, you know?"

"Yuigahama-san, I beg of you, analyze each and every word that pops into your head before it flows out of your mouth. Perhaps you can then see the disconnect," I lectured her.

One headache after another. Well, it's not like I hated it. What I hated was when I was unable to talk back like this at all.

A member of the Kaihin Sogo High student council motioned for the kids to return to the stage. They gathered in a large line, much longer than the line formed by fewer people earlier. They locked their hands together. They raised their arms simultaneously like arches, then bowed down. That signalled the crowd to start a thunderous applause that reverberated throughout the entire hall. Without thinking about it, my own hands joined in on the clapping. Hikigaya, too, was clapping as he gazed upon one particular child on the stage – Tsurumi Rumi – with fatherly eyes (as fatherly as those rotten eyes could get, anyway). Yuigahama had her hands above her heads as she clapped and shrieked like a wild animal. I couldn't exactly blame her. I, too, wanted to act that barbarically.

With that curtain call, the show came to an end. Only half of the original lights were turned on, for the hall was already adorned with multitudes of small, flickering lights.

"Job well-executed, I suppose," I happily announced.

"Yeah, superb work," agreed Hikigaya.

"Ah, I want to eat some more cake," groaned Yuigahama as she quickly ran towards a table of refreshments.

That girl, is she planning on further increasing the mass of fat on her chest? Well, Yuigahama's actions were not incorrect. With the show over, it was time to begin the party portion of our event.

"I'm going to help hand things out," announced Hikigaya.

"Your face will frighten away the children," I teased, "It's unfortunate, so I'll have to help you do that. If I'm there, maybe I can cancel out that rotten effect from you."

"Yukinoshita-san, it's a Christmas event, you know? Please don't say something like that or I'll really break down and cry," said Hikigaya nonchalantly.

The noise level in the hall gradually increased as the people realized that it was now appropriate to talk. Christmas music in the style of jazz sounded out through speakers on the stage, providing delightful background music that provoked merry-making. Some of the elementary school students ran to their parents, still dressed in their stage costumes, where they received hugs and words of praise.

We made our way to a table of fruits that contained all sorts of items like cut chunks of cantaloupe and chocolate-dipped strawberries. Hikigaya picked up a pair of tongs and snapped them closed and open like a crab's chela.

"Preparing food and volunteering to hand out food at your child's event. Exactly what a house husband should be doing," said Hikigaya with a proud smile.

"They say that Christmas is a time for wishes, but that still doesn't make yours any less stupid," I remarked.

We transferred fruit piece after fruit piece onto the passing people's plates. The younger ones tended to avoid Hikigaya as I expected. Therefore, it was up to me to give them my most sympathetic smile possible and to fill their plates in his place.

There was one exception, however. I recognized her as that first angel on the stage, before the others came in.

"Ah, Hacchan! Give me that one!" requested an unusually fearless elementary school girl.

Wait, who was Hacchan?

"Yes, yes," said Hikigaya in slight annoyance as he put an apple slice onto her plate.

Suddenly, loud footsteps could be heard. A person stomped their way towards us to the little girl. That person was Kawasaki Saki.

"Keika, don't run off like that!" yelled Kawasaki.

"Sacchan, look! Hacchan gave this to me," said the girl, Keika apparently, as she held up her plate.

"No, we need to be close to each other always and- wait, 'Hacchan'?" said Kawasaki before looking over at Hikigaya.

For some reason, Kawasaki jumped out of her shoes for a second as if she was struck by a taser. I knew that Hikigaya's eyes were a little unnerving, but even the kids did not act like that.

"Yo, Kawa- uh, Kawa-" started Hikigaya.

"Y-You! Keep away from Keika!" bellowed Kawasaki as she quickly grabbed Keika's arm and dragged her away from the table.

Keika waved her outstretched free arm as if trying to grab some more food. Unfortunately, it was not possible for this elementary school child to resist the clutches of a high school student.

"Hikigaya-kun, I'm calling the police," I said.

"Wait, stop jumping to conclusions," said Hikigaya before he sighed.

Kawasaki and Keika looked similar somehow. Perhaps they were siblings?

Another stomping sound closed in on us. This time, the steps were at a slower pace, but were heavier. I almost had to convince myself that the ground was not shaking. Those footsteps belonged to that chuunibiyou fat boy. His name was Zai-something something or so forth. His face, swollen and greasy, shook up and down as he breathed like a ventilator.

"Hachiman! I desire the finest morsel of dessert fit for an emperor-warrior such as myself!" he confidently exclaimed.

As disgusting as this person was, he had helped us to prepare for the event. An extra pair of hands and feet certainly helped to dampen the stress that we all had as we rushed back and forth in the limited time that we had. I suppose that I shall forgive him for existing, at least for today. Using my tongs, I placed a slice mango mousse cake onto can't-remember-it-kuza's plate, complying with his request for something fit for a king.

While looking straight at Hikigaya, he graciously said, "Thank you, Hachiman!"

"Wait, I wasn't the one that gave that to you. And can you please stop looking at only me, already?" complained Hikigaya.

The neck of that obese boy began to glisten with sweat. I had gotten used to Zai-still-can't-recall ignoring me in the past, but it was rather unnerving for him to thank the wrong person.

"That's right. Zai-, sorry, Zai... well... You. Face me properly and say that again," I ordered.

He hurriedly adjusted his posture. He faced me for three seconds, did a light bow, and quietly muttered a word of thanks to me. With his face looking like he had seen a ghost, he quickly turned and walked away from the table.

"Hikigaya-kun, teach that friend of yours some proper manners one day," I ordered with a hint of scorn.

"He's not my friend. Also, loners like us have our own ways with dealing with things. My methods won't work for him, just like how you do things won't work for me," said Hikigaya while shrugging.

"...That does sound plausible. Your rotten eyes would turn people away before you could emulate my polite words to others," I teased.

"I wish you would stop looking so uncannily sympathetic when you are mocking me. Actually, stop mocking me in general," retorted Hikigaya with an exasperated expression

Hikigaya looked distantly in the direction where too-long-to-bother-mokuza headed off to and softly said, "Still, that guy, he sticks onto you like a pest. Whether you like it or not, you can't scrape him off. Even if you slouch your shoulders for a single short moment, he'll take the chance to hop right on."

"A parasite has a parasitic relationship with its host, but you're giving the impression that it's almost symbiotic," I said as I turned my face toward Hikigaya.

"Maybe. I don't know for sure. What I do know is that he's scum. I can't believe that someone would be pathetic enough to try and take some of which that was supposed to be mine alone," affirmed Hikigaya with a smile devoid of joy.

Hikigaya said nothing more of that topic. I did not inquire further either. It was not everything, but it was something. A step was taken forward. What was exchanged between us was within the capacity that our current relationship had established. Surely, that limit could be raised higher. I awaited that future where two monsters could reach out and feel each other's rough and uneven hides.

More children and guests came and went by. Hikigaya and I continued to slip bananas, peaches, cookies and slices of pies onto plates. I watched the smiles that I could not ever hate. I watched the waltzing of the candlelights that seemed to match the excitement of the chattering people. Yuigahama, Tsurumi, Keika, Kawasaki, the chuunibiyou boy, Totsuka, Hayama, Iroha, Tamanawa, Orimoto, and many more chuckled and beamed at each other.

It became a little toasty. That could not be helped, given the, how you say, ecstatic exothermicity of the excited bodies occupying the hall. I removed my blazer and put it on the chair behind me. I felt a gaze on the left side of my body. For some reason, Hikigaya was staring at me. When I met his eyes with my own, he quickly turned away.

Even though it was a little stuffy in here, I did not dislike it at all. I continued to observe and to etch within me this scene of delight.

* * *

The skies outside were brightly lit from the sun's rays. Yet, not even the sun could fully remove the chill from the frosty atmosphere of winter. Luckily, we were in the clubroom, which was well-insulated from the coldness outside. I dreaded having to step out into zero degrees later on, but right now it was a time to unwind and make ourselves comfortable.

The kettle began to whistle, indicating that the water had reached the boiling point. I disconnected the power and opened the lid of the kettle. Water vapour rose lazily into the air and dispersed, the spontaneous consequence of a gas being introduced to a new enclosure. I waited a minute for the water to stop bubbling and cool slightly. After all, when making tea, one did not want to cook the leaves in water of a hundred degrees Celcius.

With practised, yet recently unused, motions, I poured the water into a teapot with my favourite tea leaves inside. As the water mixed with the leaves, a fragrance emanated from the pot, tickling my nose. The scent was comforting to the senses and pleasant on the stress-ravaged mind.

"Hmm, I feel like we haven't had tea together in a while," commented Yuigahama.

"No, it's not a feeling. It's a fact that we haven't done so recently," I corrected her.

"Mmm, it sure is nice, though," spoke Yuigahama as she glanced at the teapot, "Like, drinking it together, I mean."

"I agree," I said as I nodded.

We were back. From another person's point of view, it may not seem like much. However, as I was one who had experienced deterioration countless times, it was miraculous.

Yuigahama turned a page of the magazine that was on the table in front of her. Frilly dresses transitioned into casual street-wear. The models were sitting around a round table, coffee in hand, and with exuberant expressions.

"You know, Yuigahama-san, it's not a bad thing to read something of higher literary value once in a while," I suggested.

"Eeeeh, why would I do something boring like that?" moaned Yuigahama.

"Boring? Far from it. Good literature makes you feel all sorts of emotions, making you think and reflect on it," I explained.

"But how can I do that if I can't even understand it?" said Yuigahama as she tilted her head.

"That's problematic in its own way," I muttered before I sighed.

The door opened with a slight squeak. Into the room stepped Hikigaya. We had gone ahead to the clubroom since we had nothing else to do, but Hikigaya was forced to do the majority of the after-event cleaning. His face looked rather weary, and he was slouched more than usual.

"Yo," he greeted customarily.

"Ah, welcome back," returned Yuigahama.

"Good work," I spoke with a gentle smile.

Hikigaya made his way to his usual spot and hurriedly sat down. His expression lightened, indicating the release of some tension. Perhaps he thought that, with that final action, all that had to do with the event was wrapped up and done with. Truly, it was a long and arduous road for all of us.

Some mental alarm clock in me rang. The tea was ready. I tipped the teapot over Yuigahama's dog cup, depositing a translucent brown liquid. Next, I filled my own favourite teacup. After that, I withdrew a certain teacup from a bag. I stared at it with anticipation as I tilted the spout of the teapot over it.

"Yuigahama-san, I poured the tea," I announced after I was finished.

Yuigahama reached out and took her cup, while I brought mine over to where my seat was. Of course, the soon-to-be new owner of that last cup did not know of its existence yet, so I personally placed it in front of that recipient.

Hikigaya wore a bewildered look as that cup entered his line of sight.

He tilted and head and wondered, "Eh, what's this all about?"

"It's a Christmas present!" chimed Yuigahama.

"It's quite a waste if only a single person was using paper cups," I recited just like how I mentally repeated it hundreds of times.

A feeling like rising hot water filled my chest. Out of the overflow, my mouth curved upwards. I felt some emotion similar to, but ultimately different from pride. Nothing was being done for me, yet I felt inexplicably happy.

"We both bought it for you!" revealed Yuigahama, "I picked the shape and Yukinon picked the design!"

"It's a well-crafted cup, if I daresay. It's as close as you can get to the original Pan-san that Waltz Destiny had intended him to be. And the shape of the handle fits right into your hand. Its material acts as an excellent insulator. It keeps the drink hot or cold, while preventing you from feeling much of the temperature," I rambled as I attempted to keep this torrent of emotions in check.

"A present? Wait, I didn't prepare anything myself, though," apologized Hikigaya as he scratched his cheeks.

Did he think that we were having a Secret Santa exchange? No, this was nothing like that. Something like that would serve little more than to have fun. You could not choose who to give your gift to, and there were usually all sorts of restrictions. The only thing that you got out of it was the inane self-satisfaction that you gave a gift to someone. You would delude yourself into thinking that you were a good person by participating in what amounts to a mere game. No, what Yuigahama and I had decided to do was something that embodied much more.

"You don't have to worry about it, Hikigaya-kun," I said as I nodded my head, "That cup was for... was... well, it 's just for replacing the paper cups. We want to be economical."

Although, admitting it was still embarrassing. However, Hikigaya seemed to understood somehow. His expression lit profoundly, and his eyes widened in utter astonishment.

"Thanks. For giving me the cup," he muttered.

I detected no trace of falseness, no hint of repulsiveness, no sign of sadness. He was truly thankful, and he was genuinely glad.

"Also, that request... thanks. You really helped me out. I was able to finish it without a hitch thanks to you two," spoke Hikigaya was a somewhat hoarse voice.

He bowed his head. It was rare to see him show so much gratitude so explicitly. Yuigahama looked on at him warmly, as if she had been the one that had been helped.

Strictly speaking, however, Hikigaya's words weren't entirely right. We had helped him somewhat, but there was still much that we had yet to do. Our business was far from finished.

"The request still isn't over, right?" I said to that bowed head.

Hikigaya looked up at me in confusion. Well, I suppose he would not understand immediately. He was probably thinking solely about the Christmas event. Yet, what he wanted from the bottom of his heart during that day where I ran to the rooftop was not the successful completion of the event.

"I said I accepted your request, remember?" I hinted.

"No, that should've ended already. What's this, a riddle?" questioned Hikigaya.

I chuckled heartily. Yuigahama and I had accepted more than that to help out with the event. The event was just one footstep. What we had decided to see through was not a typical problem. The word problem, itself, was not entirely appropriate either, as it would imply that we were forced into it. No, we wanted it ourselves. We wanted to reach through and grasp something, even if we risked missing, slipping and falling down. It was located over there, past the thorns and thistles, the rocks and stones. That faraway place was where that genuine thing lay.

"I suppose so, it might be a riddle," I spoke whimsically.

Hikigaya was here in front of us, within physical reach. Yet, a gap existed that we could not cross at the moment. Understanding was blocked by the riddles of differences and discomfort. If only we could solve it, then the treasure would immediately be for the taking. But we did not know the answer at the moment. But we did know how to discover that answer.

That, surely, was what I had accepted to do.

"I think I understand... it might be okay if Hikki doesn't though," murmured Yuigahama.

Hikigaya tilted his head far to the left. Well, it was impossible to tell him anything if I did not exactly know it myself.

"Well, putting that aside, what should we do about our Christmas?" wondered Yuigahama, "You know, like afterwards or even tomorrow! It's still the Christmas season, after all! Let's have a party!"

"No, we're not doing that," irritably groaned Hikigaya.

Ignoring his protests, Yuigahama asked me anxiously, "Yukinon, do you, um, have any plans or anything?"

It was a line that was frequently used as a stand-in for when you lacked a suitable topic in a conversation. In other words, it could be used as a meaningless comment or interjection akin to asking about the weather. However, this time, it had none of that intention. What Yuigahama desired was to spend time with us, and she was asking if we were fine with that. My answer had already been decided.

"If we're going to do it, I'll open up my schedule," I said, giving her the okay.

I would have to phone home and tell my family that I would not attend the annual meet-ups and get-togethers. Although I was always reluctant to go anyway, this time I had a legitimate reason to not attend. I would force that hardened mother of mine to comply if necessary.

"Really!? Yay! Okay, it's decided then!" exclaimed Yuigahama as she pumped up her right fist.

"So you're not even going to ask about my plans then, huh?" muttered Hikigaya, "Or could it be that you're indirectly saying that I wasn't invited?"

"Hikki, you definitely won't have anything to do anyway," mentioned Yuigahama as she shrugged, "Anyway, the party! I want to eat Yukinon's cake! Mmmmm, so delicious!"

"Yuigahama-san, every single slice of cake you ate today during the Christmas event was made by me," I said in exasperation, "All of them... Really, I don't want to make any sort of confectionary for a long time."

At first, a few of us had gotten together to bake some of the goods. However, their skills were not quite up to par. I was dissatisfied with all of my fellow chefs' products. That and the lack of manpower in other areas of preparation moved me to relegate them to more, how you say, fundamental or basic tasks like hauling ingredients, or to kick them out of the kitchen altogether. As a result, I was the sole cook for every morsel of food, except for the ones that were pre-prepared.

I did not really want to see another cup of flower or brown sugar for a while.

"If Yukinon's not going to make any, then I guess I'll have to do it," groaned Yuigahama as if it could not be helped.

Hikigaya forcefully implanted both hands on his table and hurriedly stood up with a worried expression. His action was not unwarranted; both of us knew that if we left Yuigahama to her own culinary devices, we would be forced to fill our stomachs with charcoal and coal. I sighed in resignation.

"If you're going to say that, then I'll have no choice but to make it then," I murmured.

"I-Isn't that kind of mean!?" yelled Yuigahama, "At least, like, can we make it together or something!?"

Good grief, did she want to cook that bad? However, it was praiseworthy to want to practice. I suppose that I shall allow this.

"I suppose so. That might not be out of the question, then," I consented, "But make sure you do absolutely everything that I say exactly how I say it. If not, I'll whip you."

"Y-Yukinon!? I-I'll do it properly! I really will!" exclaimed Yuigahama as she waved her hands.

"Yukinoshita-san, I'm counting on you to avert the disaster," seriously spoke Hikigaya.

"I'm well aware of it. I'll do what I can," I said to him as I nodded with a firm will.

"Y-Yukinon, Hikki, really..." weakly sputtered Yuigahama.

The tea in my cup had become lukewarm. I brought the rim of the cup to my lips and drank. It was not as satisfying, but at least it slid easier down the throat.

I noticed that the level of tea in Hikigaya's Pan-san cup had dropped to below a quarter.

"Would you like some more tea, Hikigaya-kun?" I asked.

Hikigaya looked bewildered for a moment, but then slowly replied, "...Yeah. I'd like some more, thanks."

He passed his cup over to me. Taking the now cooler tea pot, I emptied the rest of it into the teacup. Only a few faint lines of vapour rose up from that tea of reduced heat.

"I'm sorry, it's gone cold," I said in regret.

"No, I have a cat's tongue," said Hikigaya as he shook his head.

"I know. You told me before," I spoke with a sly grin, "If it was hotter, I would have been able to bother you a little bit. Really, it's a shame."

"I want to retain a sense of feeling in my tongue, thank-you-very-much," retorted Hikigaya.

Yuigahama wryly smiled. I let loose a cheerful giggle. Hikigaya scratched the back of his head and had a look of one who had returned from a long voyage.

We who were dysfunctional and abnormal were somehow thrust into the lives of each other. We thought we had found something, only to discover that what we knew was a lie. We became wounded, scarred beyond reason, out of our misconceptions and our decisions. Even as we tried to reconcile with each other, we, again, misunderstood. We tried our best only to fall down again. Yet, we will continue to agitate each other in search of something meaningful. It was not easy, but it was not supposed to be. After all, what we sought was something that none of us could define clearly.

Then, let us hope to stand together once more, twice more, thrice more and many, many more. Our story had yet to conclude. We had not gotten as far as we could yet. We had been with each other for a long half-year now. Surely, we will continue to search, to greet the future, and to show each other our genuine selves.

"Hikigaya-kun, you can keep your cup here. I'll wash it for you."


	14. (V6,5)Noel

_**During Volume 6.5 Bonus Track (Chronologically after the events of Volume 9)**_

December 25th was Christmas day for a lot of people, although some denominations celebrated Christmas at a later date. It was clear, though, at least from an economic point of view, that the twenty-fifth was the day that most people decided to celebrate Christmas.

I buttoned up my cardigan. I had selected the nicer navy blue one that I recently purchased with Yuigahama. Considering what had transpired, it, however, felt like centuries ago.

The celebration of Christ's Mass or Christmas was, quite obviously, one that commemorated the birth of Jesus Christ. December 25th was likely not the exact date of His birth; it was, more or less, arbitrarily designated. Yet, it was because the Christians realized that it was the motive behind the celebration that was most important that they could designate a day to celebrate His birth without knowing exactly when the real one was.

December was a time of coldness in Japan. To insulate myself, I needed additional accessories. I withdrew a black tuque from my closet. I had scarcely worn it up until now as I did not have much of a reason to stay outside for long periods of time, but today's plans broke that trend.

Numerous other traditions arose for Christmas. Of course, there were special church services and masses around this time of year, but Christmas also began to be a day where one spent with their neighbours, their loved ones. Certainly, out of this came the ritualistic gift-giving. Because of this, even the secular peoples treated Christmas as a special day. The evidence is clearly seen within the streets of Chiba that would definitely contain multitudes of happily chatting groups of friends and hand-holding couples.

I had already decided to wear a thick (synthetic) fur coat, where a large amount of fur covered the neck region. A scarf was unnecessary. I put on that coat and smoothly zipped it up. I waltzed to the mirror to perform one final check-up. I mentally conjured a list. Hair, check. Cellphone, check. Bag, check. Coat, check.

Today's consumerist society led to exploitation by firms. I had already hinted to this earlier. People gave each other gifts, but to obtain goods, one had to purchase them in this market economy. As a result, the demand for Christmas-related goods and services shoots up every December. Firms rush to advertise and drop their prices in hopes of getting a slice of that Christmas money pie. Firms must equate Christmas with profit.

I was ready. I grabbed my bag, put on some shoes comfortable enough for walking, and opened my door. Although it was winter, I was fortunate to receive a ray of sunshine through the windows of the hallway in my apartment complex. I locked my door and headed toward the elevator.

Yet, even if one were to "fall prey" to the schemes of firms, one may argue that it may not matter. So what if one were to partake in consumerism? So what if this day was being exploited by greedy men? If the purchaser's attitude was for the sake of her recipients of her gifts, then all was well. The greed of the firms has been converted to goodness. Yes, what was most important was the motive of those involved. For many actions, whether it can be deemed righteous or not depends upon the thoughts of the doer.

Excitement, check. Knowing what to do, not check. Although we had decided to celebrate Christmas together, I have never spent a Christmas with people other than my family and affiliates. In addition, it was all extremely formal, usually with the intention for business, with the odd Christmas that I went somewhere with my older sister and Hayama. I thought about what to expect, but I still did not really know. I even went over facts I knew about Christmas, but the answer for me was not there.

With a ding, the elevator door opened. I took one nervous step into that enclosed box that I trusted to take me to the ground floor.

* * *

I pushed open the door to the mall. Beside me, a frantic-looking woman shoved open her door and sped-walked right in, heading immediately to the right. Really, one would not have to rush like that if one was more proactive in gift-purchasing. Doing things at the last minute was bound to land one in a world of trouble.

I stepped into the interior. Christmas trees and decorations surrounded me, forming a path of lights and sparkles. The mall's usual background music was entirely replaced with a holiday repertoire. About twice as many people busily roamed the mall even during these early morning hours.

A mall Santa sat on a chair fashioned into a sleigh. On his lap was a familiar-looking elementary school girl. Keika, was it? Kawasaki was busily snapping multitudes of pictures at the two. For some reason, the Santa had an uneasy look on his face.

I spotted Yuigahama standing near a pillar. She was engrossed with some activity on her cell phone. In my opinion, it was not too good to become so attached to that small hunk of high-tech junk as it subtracts from your ability to observe the real world around you. However, the usefulness of these devices were undeniable. As shameful as it was to admit it, I had used mine to pretend to be busy and avoid some trouble with the girls in my classes. Wait, I sounded like Hikigaya.

"Good morning, Yuigahama-san," I greeted.

"Ah! Yukinon, yahallo!" exclaimed Yuigahama as she waved at me.

I had gotten used to her ridiculous way of greeting. No, that was wrong. The very fact that I even bothered to comment on it to myself proved that I still took note of this mundane thing, that it still bothered me. However, I suppose that there wasn't anything that I could do about it. Her way of greeting was undeniably a part of her personality, which was not something that could be easily changed.

"Ah, Hikki and Komachi-chan will be here soon," notified Yuigahama.

"Is that so? Those two should learn to be more punctual," I said while shaking my head in slight displeasure.

"Y-Yukinon, it's still ten minutes until the meeting time," stuttered Yuigahama.

"If they left the house right this instant, they would be late in coming here," I stated.

"I-It's fine isn't it? It's not like it matters that much if they're off by a few minutes," said Yuigahama while wryly smiling.

"You're right, I suppose. There's no serious consequences," I said as I nodded in agreement.

While we were waiting, let us not idly waste the time we have. It was best if we reconfirmed our action plan.

"So, we are going to go shopping for some gifts here. Then, we will make our way to the karaoke place again for the party, right?" I confirmed.

"Yeah, that's right," said Yuigahama.

"Let's see... If we spend about an hour in each wing of the mall, we'll be able to cover every store. No, we need some time to have lunch too, so maybe fifty minutes? That way, we'll be left with around forty minutes to eat around noon. But we can probably cut down on the time that we circulate the mall if we ignored some obviously inadequate shops like a grocery store. Oh, there are maps on those pamphlets over there. See, if we head in this direction, then-"

"Yukinon!" interrupted Yuigahama, "I-I think that you don't need to go overboard. I mean, we have all day so, why don't we put aside all of this bothersome planning and stuff and just have fun?"

"We won't be able to go everywhere if we don't manage our time efficiently, no?" I said as I tilted my head.

"It's good if we can go everywhere, but I think it's most important if we just have fun! Like stress-free or something! We can leave aside all that kind of hard thing for when we go back to school!" bellowed Yuigahama with a pumped-up fist.

"Yuigahama-san, your ability to be so carefree is enviable, but I can't ignore what you said about planning being too bothersome to do. I do agree that it's annoying, but planning is a necessity. A soldier does not head to war without a strategy or he simply faces an early death," I reasoned.

"Yukinon, you're being too serious. It's just Christmas, you know? Ah, I don't mean that it's not important or something, it's just... well, aren't you being a little stiff or something," mentioned Yuigahama.

"Am I?" I wondered.

Perhaps my attitude was not correct for Christmas. I acted as I usually did, always trying to maximize productivity. Yet, this was not a time for work, but a time to relax. Maybe I should do what Yuigahama suggested.

"I don't really know what you do on Christmas," I muttered, "I think I'm doing something wrong. So, Yuigahama-san, please show me what I should do."

"Don't worry, Yukinon!" yelled Yuigahama as she clutched my hands, "I'll tell you all about Christmas, so leave it to me! You see, Christmas is when there's gifts and trees and... and... uh..."

"I know that. What I mean to say is, um, how to have fun, or so to say, on this day," I said while looking to the side.

"I-I knew that! Well, just do whatever first pops into your mind or what you feel is good or something," suggested Yuigahama.

"That sounds vague. Also, is that not what we usually do anyway?" I said, unconvinced.

"I, well- that's true, actually," spoke Yuigahama in realization.

Goodness, I learned almost nothing. Well, I should not have expected an adequate response from Yuigahama in the first place. However, what I did manage to get out of that was that even Yuigahama did not have a concrete idea of how to correctly spend your time during Christmas. Yet, what pieces she did know did cause her to see that I was not doing something right.

The idea of acting solely on emotion did not sound entirely bad though, even if it was cliché. I understood the value of simply letting loose.

"Ah, look Yukinon, they're here!" announced Yuigahama as she pointed toward the mall entrance, "Yahallo!"

Walking toward us was a pair of close siblings. I turned towards them to receive them.

The one on the left, the older brother, had disgusting, narrowed eyes like a dead fish's. His gait was crude, and he lazily slouched forward, giving the impression of being devoid of hopes and dreams. One of his hands was deeply rooted in his pants pocket. His whole body exuded an aura of repulsion. That was not entirely metaphoric; I was sure that not one stranger paid attention to him, and those that did only thought about getting away from him.

The one on the right was the cute little sister. One of her mitted hands grasped the hand of her brother. She skipped along, sweet as a fairy. The knitted sweater she had on warmly snug her body, making her furry like a rabbit. Her entire disposition was the opposite of her brother's. Really, were they even blood-related? Perhaps Hikigaya received all of the bad genes. It was pitiful that he drew the short end of the independent assortment and crossing over stick. Oh, the suffering that the little sister must go through! If she decides to leave her family, I would gladly take her in.

That little sister Komachi waved her hand at us and greeted, "Yui-san, yahallo! Yukino-san too, yahallo!"

"Hello," I greeted her back.

Although, I would still prefer it if you greeted me normally.

"Yo. You two sure are early. Is this everyone? If we're all here, let's get going," suggested Hikigaya.

"Hold on," stopped Yuigahama with her right hand raised, "I invited Sai-chan too."

Hikigaya's nonchalant expression brightened rather quickly and largely and he remarked, "Oh really? Then let's wait forever until Totsuka gets here."

Yuigahama groaned with a dissatisfied expression, "Okay, that works, but somehow that bugs me."

Yuigahama did not mention that to me. However, I was fine with it. Totsuka Saika was a respectful and kind boy. If he was here, he could purify Hikigaya. Although, looking at Hikigaya's blissful expression, I suppose that another kind of impurity could surface.

"Yukino-san, Yui-san," said Komachi, "Thank you very much for that wonderful Christmas present."

She bowed to us. Her single long strand of hair swooshed forward and gratefully lowered itself, pointing downward. On top of being extremely cute, this girl, time and time again, showed off her perfect manners. On top of that, she was good at cooking and housework. Apparently, her only flaw was her brains, although it could not possibly be that bad. Overall, I would give her a nine out of ten: more than qualified to be a little sister of that barbaric Hikigaya.

"Not at all, if you're happy with it, then that's great," I assured her with a smile.

"Yup, yup. We only wanted to cheer you on, so it's nice that you liked it," said Yuigahama as she nodded her head.

"I wasn't sure what to expect from the Onii-chan with his tastes and all," continued Komachi, "But I'm glad you two chose it for me!"

Hikigaya nodded as if pleased by something.

Hang on, Komachi was implying something that was not entirely correct. We were mere helpers to the one instigator.

"Komachi-chan, we did give some advice, but the one who chose the present in the end was Hikki," corrected Yuigahama.

I confirmed those words, "That's true. Although he normally doesn't think all that much, he was truly worrying about it up until the gift was placed in the shopping bag."

Komachi widened her mouth in surprise and squeaked, "Huh? Is that what happened?"

For some reason, Hikigaya became disgruntled and spat, "You didn't need to mention that. Really, stop. Don't say anything more."

He gruffly scratched the back of his head. His cheeks became a little red.

With an unsteady voice, Hikigaya spoke in a hurry, "A-Anyway, what's this about me not normally thinking all that much? I'll have you know that there aren't many people who think as much as I do. I could literally get a bronze statue for it. You could say that I'm like Socrates."

How amusing. For the likes of him to compare himself with Socrates was truly laughable. Well, I suppose that his ability to make one's face distort in disgust was legendary.

"Oh? I'm sorry," I said sarcastically, "'You don't think of anything worthwhile' would've been more correct."

"You're not wrong there, so I'll give you that," nonchalantly said Hikigaya as he shrugged.

"Hikki, you're okay with that?" spoke Yuigahama in amazement, "Ahahaha, umm, but look, Komachi-chan! It wasn't like that at all. I mean, Hikki really did think- huh? Komachi-chan?"

Komachi had been in the same wide-opened, surprised stance for the last minute or so. I suppose that receiving a present from_ that_ Hikigaya would be intrinsically startling.

However, joking aside, a gift full of meaning and adoration was something that I truly believed was admirable. The gifts that I have received in the past were mainly out of obligation. To the givers, it was no different from paying taxes. When I was a child, I received dolls. I played with them for a few weeks, then I became bored. I tossed them aside, and they were trampled underfoot unknowingly by those who passed by. Yet, I did not even feel an ounce of sadness, for I held no attachment to those gifts that were fully material, zero affection.

Undoubtedly, the gift that Komachi received from her dear older brother brought her an immense joy that had almost nothing to do with the material make-up of the gift.

"Aahhh, oh, shoot! I almost got fooled by Onii-chan being a hinedere again! Um, thank you very much Yukino-san, Yui-san! Also..."

Komachi turned toward Hikigaya, put on a bashful expression, and more quietly murmured, "Thank you, Onii-chan."

"Mm. Well, it's not a big deal," spoke Hikigaya, "Just like, forget about it."

The two siblings looked away from each other in embarrassment. The heat rising from the two was enough to make even a stress-forged businesslike icicle melt into a gooey, childish puddle. Komachi looked so deeply touched that she wore a saccharinely loving smile far-removed from her typical expressions of playfulness. Hikigaya's face was beet red, and both of his hands were stuffed far into his pockets so that even his wrists were no longer visible. The forced frown on his face failed to hide the pride of making a close one happy and the satisfaction of seeing joy made form.

Before I realized it, a gentle smile had spread on my own face. No matter how many times I saw it, I still thought that them being this close was something amazing. I was once like this, but those times are long past.

Hold on a minute. Did not Hikigaya mention that Komachi was busy studying for her exams before we went to Destineyland? His gift to her was to help her out. In that case, was it really a good idea for her to be out playing like this?

"Oh, Komachi-san, I know you're having a difficult time with your exams. I'm sorry that we had to call you out. I mean, if by chance that you're just forcing yourself, then-"

"No, it's fine," interrupted Komachi, "Relaxing is necessary too."

Certainly that was true. A moment to cool was necessary to prevent overheating from stress. Yet, a certain individual was too cool in that sense. Having the dream of being a house-husband, Hikigaya Hachiman did not serve as a great example to emulate in becoming a diligent person.

"If all you do is rest, not only do you get complacent, but your knowledge will deteriorate too," I warned as I glared at Hikigaya with my hands on my hips, "Like this future house-husband here. His goal gives him an excuse to not improve on his miserable grades in the sciences."

"Ugh, you hit it where it hurts," groaned Hikigaya.

"Don't miss out on a chance to improve your mind. If you don't learn how to study now, no, if you don't get the habits laid out now, it will be very difficult for you in the future," I cautioned Komachi.

Komachi nodded several times. For some reason, she was mumbling something under her breath. I couldn't quite catch what she said entirely, but I managed to make out something about an academically-centered mother and a sister that you could depend on.

"Now, now, Yukinon. It should be okay. After all, Komachi-chan is veeeery responsible, so you don't need to worry so much,"

"You do have a point. Considering who she has to support day and night, she would have to be responsible," I agreed.

Again, Komachi was saying something under her breath. This time it was something about a domestically-centered housewife and a tolerant sister.

I was not sure what she was thinking, but if it were me, I'd choose the people she was thinking of in her former musings. In this day and age, one needed very good skills and experience to survive to find a good job. If your mother raised you up to be mindful of academics, you could go far. It would also make the child highly responsible. The traditional housewife without a degree of some kind would not serve to be helpful in this regard. Also, tolerance can lead to complacency. Dissatisfaction is a driving force for improvement, which blind acceptance eliminates.

"We don't need to be all that worried, right?" assured Yuigahama, "Besides, look, even I passed the tests!"

She knocked on her own chest in pride. Hikigaya looked at Yuigahama incredulously.

I had occasionally thought about this anomaly: the bird-brained Yuigahama managing entry into the prestigious Sobu High. No matter how much I tried to make it sound reasonable in my head, everything I thought up of was completely implausible. Perhaps Yuigahama studied extra hard during the exam period? No, Yuigahama could never last more than thirty minutes nose-deep in a textbook. Was Yuigahama initially smart, but somehow became less intelligent afterward? Unfortunately, out of all of the things she had said about her past, none of them gave me the impression that she was clever at any point in her life.

I made a troubled expression and accepted, "When you put it that way, there's not much we can say."

"Please say something! You need to follow up somehow!" cried Yuigahama.

"Then, question," I raised my index finger and quizzed, "Name the prefecture that's ranked first in the production of Satsuma sweet potatoes. Oh, by the way, Ibaraki Prefecture is ranked second."

Yuigahama looked at me as if I was speaking Latin. Oh, please no. I beg of you, please get this right.

"Potato... Ibaraki... Ah! It's Chiba Prefecture!" answered Yuigahama.

"Incorrect," I groaned as I held my aching forehead, "I just said Satsuma, didn't I? The correct answer is Kagoshima Prefecture. By the way, Chiba is ranked third."

"Yukinon, trick questions are unfair!" complained Yuigahama.

"What trick? It was extremely simple," I spoke in astonishment, my forehead throbbing as if I had slammed it on a wall.

Read the question. Glean the information, taking what is given to you. Utilize this information and your own knowledge to answer the question. Yet, she was unable to do this.

"Yuigahama-san, I beg of you for the one thousandth time, get better study habits and improve on your problem-solving skills," I uttered.

"Um, Onii-chan, just how did Yui-san pass?" asked Komachi.

"Miracles and magic. Well, you don't need that. Komachi, you should do okay on the tests," said Hikigaya, "You're my little sister, so you should be inherently good at problem-solving. You're an idiot, but you've got a firm grasp. Like, you've got the thing by the heel."

"I agree that you're good at problem solving, but the way you put it is annoying. But I see where you're getting at. Komachi should be fine in that case. Taking advantage of the situation ought to be your forte," I remarked.

The time I've known Komachi was about as long as I've known her brother. By this, I refer to actually interacting with, rather than seeing them briefly during that unfortunate incident a few years back. From what I saw, Komachi had the potential to be rather cunning. If she put that type of thought to use in her studies, she would do well.

Komachi frowned and muttered, "Those don't sound like compliments at all."

"Ah, that's true. When you get told that, it's like you're cheating or tricking people, or something," commented Yuigahama as she lightly nodded.

"Then, let's call her a little sneak," suggested Hikigaya.

"It got even worse!?" gasped Yuigahama.

"How about 'impertinent little fiend!' or the like," I said grandiosely.

"Yukinon, you're like a boss character!" shrieked Yuigahama.

"Oh, oh, I know! Little devil, teehee!" twinkled Komachi.

"You're going to say that about yourself!?" shouted Yuigahama in disbelief.

I felt that "little devil" was not too far off the mark. I knew how frightening Hikigaya's methods were. Being his sister, Komachi must have her own unique and terrifying ways. Being not-at-all a loser and so cute also increased her attributes of attack. Imagining what she was capable of would send a shiver down anyone's spine.

"Komachi's cute, or something," said Hikigaya as-a-matter-of-fact.

"There's the sis-con," sighed Yuigahama.

Correct, Yuigahama. In front of us here is a disgusting human being with absolutely no shame. He is so enamoured with his sister, that the danger level has surpassed critical. If Komachi was not blood-related to him, then it was easy to imagine what would happen. I would have to assign a speed-dial to 119 on my phone.

"Uh, just now even I was grossed out there," said Komachi with a contorted expression, "I'm fine if you say that to me at home, but doing that outside is a little problematic."

"So it's fine at home," I muttered blankly.

I forgot. As much as Hikigaya was a sis-con, Komachi was also a hopeless bro-con. Really, what kind of upbringing did these two experience? I could never have become this close with Haruno.

"Hachiman!" overlapped two voices.

Coming towards us was Totsuka Saika. He waved at with his arm as delicate as a petal. Sometimes it miffed me how he could be more feminine than I was.

Stampeding behind him was that beastly, flabby chuunibiyou. His name was Zai-something Yoshi-I-forgot. Have I met him before? If so, I would like to unmeet him for the seventieth time.

"Yahallo!" greeted Totsuka.

"Hachiman, YA-HA-LOOOOOO!" thundered Zaimo-forgot as he stomped toward Hikigaya, sweat streaming down his face in waterfalls.

I took one large step backward.

"O-Oh, hey," sputtered Hikigaya with a half-wave.

Looking incredibly grossed-out, Hikigaya turned to Yuigahama and I and asked, "So, who called Zaimokuza?"

Oh, so his name was Zaimokuza. This time I will remember it properly.

"Eh? You weren't the one that called him, Hikki?" said Yuigahama with a tilted head.

"No, I didn't," responded Hikigaya, "Well, this works out, though. I was going to thank him at some point anyway."

"Fumu, fumu. As they say, if you wish not to turn bald, then I would advise you not to fret over the specifics," spoke Zaimo-I-already-forgot.

"Would those 'specifics' involve those heavy footsteps that stopped outside the door to the Service Club yesterday and left right before we dismissed ourselves?" I interrogated hard-to-remember-kuza with a sinister smile.

"A-Ah, um, s-so to speak, for what reason are we gathered here today?" stuttered Zai- forget it, I'll just refer to him as Chuuni just like how Yuigahama and Komachi do.

"We're going to have a Christmas party, but before that, we'll be shopping for presents for the gift exchange. Did I get it right?" spoke Komachi without a hint of regard for Chuuni.

No matter who he was, that was a little rude, Komachi-san. Even for me, I at least gave Chuuni the decency of a cold stare and a repulsed look.

Yuigahama nodded as she responded, "Yep. Since we're all here, let's get going."

"I suppose. Let's get this over with quickly," I said as I headed toward the first batch of shops.

The usual people had gathered for this outing. The fact that I could call these people the usual was, to me, something brilliant.

A interlocked my hands behind my back as I walked. Hearing the footsteps and chatter behind me, a smile naturally spread on my face. I still did not know how to celebrate Christmas, but I would probably discover that answer today.

* * *

Please, someone end this suffering.

I underestimated the modern-day shopping experience. The demand for gift-type goods shot up immensely during this time frame, meaning that more of them were sold. I forgot one thing, however. One needed to be present at the stores to make the transactions. Since there were many more transactions today, there were also many more people present.

The crowds here were no less nauseating than crowds at Destineyland. I wormed my way around the people, bumping into bags and boxes. The mall was quite large as well. My stamina was already at half, but we had scarcely even begun our shopping spree.

"Yukinoshita-san, stay close. If you get lost, it will be a pain to find you," cautioned Hikigaya as he let two people go by him.

"I won't get lost that easily," I retorted as I shuffled by a small child.

"Right, right. Anyway, stay close," spoke Hikigaya as he weaved past three people.

"Did you even hear a word I said?" I said as I narrowed my eyes, though not too much as I needed my peripheral vision.

"Yes. Just stay close," said Hikigaya in annoyance while pulling Komachi to the side, away from a group of haphazardly-running boys.

It was not like I was that bad at navigating anymore. Recently, I managed to locate a new patisserie that opened near my apartment complex. It only took me forty minutes of circling around the block, half as much as before.

"Anyway, where should we start looking first?" I wondered.

I checked my bearings. I saw a familiar knife shop and a barbershop right beside it. Strange, I had thought we passed by them already. I attempted to backtrack, but the others continued on in the same direction as before. Hikigaya looked surprised for a moment, but seeming as if he understood something, he motioned for me to come back. I complied but I was skeptical.

"Well, let's see. What kind of presents does everyone want to buy?" inquired Komachi.

"I'm thinking of accessories or something, but what about you guys?" said Yuigahama.

Chuuni slapped a fist into his palm and said, "When you hear of Christmas, you think of toys. And when you hear of toys, you hear of 'R Us!"

"Ah, their commercial tune had some pretty nice lyrics," said Hikigaya with appreciating.

"What kind of song was it again?" asked Totsuka.

"Well, it was something like-"

Then Hikigaya opened his mouth, and what came out was a horrifyingly depressing voice. The notes were not necessarily wrong, but it lacked, for the absence of a better term, soul. In addition, for one who claimed that the lyrics were memorable, he could not recall the lyrics except for the part about not wanting to grow up and become an adult. But didn't he say that he was an adult because he whined and lied through the teeth way back? What an unfortunate existence he was, being stuck in the limbo between childhood and adulthood, not being sure which he was.

"W-Was it that kind of song? A-Anyway, look! There's an 'R Us over there," pointed out Totsuka.

"Indeed. Let us enter the kingdom that awaits us!" announced Chuuni.

"Oho, sounds good! I'm starting to get giddy now," cheerfully said Hikigaya.

Yuigahama folded her arms behind her head and said in exasperation, "Are we really going inside?"

"Now now, they might have stuff like party goods," pacified Komachi.

Party goods were things that we needed. It would be wise to stock up on them now so that we did not forget. With so many arms, we would not be encumbered even if we bought them now.

"That's true. I wonder if they sell crackers," I said a little excitedly.

With a pop they would burst into colourful confetti. The slow fall of the shiny pieces and the curls was a fantastical sight. When I had seen kids deploy crackers during a play, I was blown away. To reproduce something like that would surely be exciting.

We strolled into the store, and the noise of the passing crowds behind us seemed to muffle. True to the season, the interior of the store not only had Christmas trees and wreathes, but several products were displayed in a Christmas-y manner, such as being in gift boxes or giant stockings. A doll sat with crossed legs atop a giant pile of present boxes. A model airplane was wrapped in ribbons of green and red.

As I scanned the interior, my eyes fell upon a certain buxom body squatting in front of plastic figurines in deep thought. Hikigaya walked up to her with a rather troubled expression.

"Oh, Hikigaya..." trailed off that woman, Hiratsuka-sensei.

"S-Sensei... you..." mumbled Hikigaya.

"Oh, Yuigahama and the others are with you too," mentioned Hiratsuka.

Hikigaya wore a sad and sympathetic look. His hands were curled into fists, which trembled at the unfair world, one that denied the woman in front of him a spouse, forcing her to spend her time off at a children's toy store.

"Ah, Hiratsuka-sensei! What could you be doing at a place like this?" innocently asked Yuigahama.

"U-Um, w-work I guess," mumbled Hiratsuka.

"Eeeeehh? That must be rough. I mean, it's Christmas and all," said Yuigahama in sympathy.

"Urg! W-Well, yeah, it's work. I-I mean, it's part of my job to stop the kids from playing around too much. Aaaaaaah! What a bummer!" complained Hiratsuka as she laughed in self-derision.

As she expelled a forceful laughter from her gut, her eyes trembled, ready to burst with tears. I looked away instinctively. If I continued to lay my eyes on the mess in front of me, I was afraid that her inability to get married would rub onto me.

Her waves of laughter eventually subsided, leaving behind a gritty, rocky shore known as her wrinkled, aged, frowning face. She flushed red for just a moment, but she got a hold of herself and assumed a neutral smile. Such a skill for rapid transformation was necessary for the professional adult world, where being too emotional would annoy your coworkers.

"So, I'm in the middle of my work, but what are you all doing? questioned Hiratsuka.

So, she was still going with the work excuse? I did not particularly mind, but an educator should not be blatantly lying to the children that would use her as an example. Then again, the older you were, the more wrongdoings you have committed, and the easier it was to fall to that, so it was inevitable that one would lie often. I suppose it would not make much of a difference whether or not we had a bad example.

"We're thinking of holding a Christmas party soon, so we're doing some shopping for that," answered Yuigahama, "Oh, I know. Sensei, why don't you join us?"

"Fumu, it doesn't hurt back to cut loose for a bit. Maybe I'll bother you guys. It's not like I had plans or anything," said Hiratsuka as she shrugged.

Wait, what happened to her work excuse? Inconsistency is annoying, so please, at least stick with your previous lie. Or better yet, confess that it was a lie already.

"What ever happened to your work?" inquired Komachi.

"Komachi stop. Don't ask," halted Hikigaya.

"I'm suddenly feeling super excited. Come, Hikigaya, there's a ton of fun toys around!" exclaimed Hiratsuka with a fist raised high into the air.

Hiratsuka grabbed onto Hikigaya's arm and led him to a nearby shelf. Chuuni and Totsuka followed behind the two, eagerly devouring, with their eyes, the multitudes of figurines and robotic models strewn about the shelves. Meanwhile, Yuigahama, Komachi and I merely stood together from a distance, eyeing the boys with puzzled stares. Oh, I suppose that Hiratsuka-sensei was a woman, but she was the most excited out of everyone in that group.

"She's energetic all of a sudden," I said tiredly.

"I guess her lid's off now," explained Hikigaya as he shifted uncomfortably, his left arm clasped with Hiratsuka's iron grip, "Well, I guess we could entertain her."

The boys marvelled at remote-controlled cars and transformable robots. There was a shelf dedicated to trading cards. Silvery packets glistened with bright colours to attract children whose parents' pockets were deep.

Being surrounded by all of these toys made one ponder.

What, exactly, was so interesting about them?

"I guess boys just like that stuff, huh?" coldly stated Yuigahama.

"Now, now. Boys will be boys wherever they are," pacified Komachi.

"So why is Hiratsuka-sensei with them over there?" I wondered.

The woman with well-defined curves laughed uproariously while playing with the arms of arobotic suit of some kind. I overheard her say that it was a Gunpla toy. Seeing her mess around like this made her seem more masculine than the other boys around here. I also feel the need to point out that "boys" included Totsuka.

Komachi walked to a Gunpla box and extracted the robot from it. She examined it curiously, rotating it and flexing its limbs.

"Onii-chan, you used to make this a lot back then," commented Komachi with nostalgia.

So there were models that required self-assembly? In that case, these toys would be particularly desirable. Building the model yourself would be an enjoyable act, but there was another benefit. For a child, learning how to assemble and construct something is important. It develops their imagination, ability to follow directions, spatial recognition, and other skills. I felt like I partially understood some of the appeal now.

"Aah, you used to break them all the time, though," protested Hikigaya, "Well, that's the fate of the older sibling: receiving the short end of the stick without the younger sibling being punished for it."

Komachi lightly knocked herself on her head and stuck out her tongue with a goofy face. Hikigaya flicked her on the forehead, after which Komachi squeaked an exaggerated "iyaa!"

Was that kind of relationship between siblings the norm? If so, that made the relationship between my own older sister and I the exception. It was always I, the younger sibling, that received the short end of the stick. In addition, the adults punished not Haruno, but me. By the time I had reached middle school, I was convinced that it was willful ignorance. Even if the adults knew that it was Haruno's fault, defacing the future successor of our family business was something they had to avoid. Thus, their whips turned to me.

Hiratsuka approached Hikigaya with a particularly fancy Gunpla box in her hands. The sticker on the side indicated a quintuple-figure cost in yen. I did not dare comment on the price of this toy, not even in my thoughts, for I was guilty, on several occasions, for purchasing Destineyland-related plushies for that steep a price.

"I hear girls have been making them too recently," noted Hiratsuka, "Surprisingly, this kind of hobby may affect popularity in the future."

I did not see how being able to construct a plastic model would boost your popularity amongst peers. Was there a new trend where girls did masculine things? A tomboy revolution? Sorry, Hiratsuka-sensei, you are plenty masculine already. I do not believe that this will increase your chances of getting married.

"Are you serious? Now I'm starting to get interested. Kirara~" voiced Komachi with glistening eyes.

So, the popularity part got her excited. Hikigaya-kun, at this rate, your sister is going to become a bigger queen than Miura. I did not need to say that to him. His uneasy eyes told me that he understood well.

"Oh, Hikigaya's little sister. Want to have a match with me in Gunpla then?" challenged Hiratsuka.

Komachi and Hiratsuka distanced themselves from each other and assumed a ready stance, as if they were ready to pounce on each other. The air became tense, as if the slightest motion could upset some precarious equilibrium, forcing a war to begin.

I steeled myself. If this was a battle, I would not be left out. I marched to the space between the two and alternated hard stares between their serious faces.

"If you mean match, then losing won't be forgiven," I uttered menacingly.

Komachi flashed a fearless smile. She placed her left hand on her hip, switching to a prideful stance, giving her the impression of a tyrant that would trample her subjects underfoot. She thrust her right index finger at us as if she was taunting us with the end of a rapier.

"Very well! Then let's have a match!" proclaimed Komachi, "Should you win against me, for the prize, I shall present to you my precious Onii-chan!"

A prize that far surpasses the riches of kings! Wait, no, that brother of hers was Hikigaya, so it was worth less than a peanut.

"Hohoo, what a tempting offer. Then, if I lose, I will offer you my hand in marriage!" announced Hiratsuka.

Receiving a beauty that bewitches all men as your wife! Wait, Komachi and I had no use for a prize like that.

"In that case, I must present something of value as well. If somehow I suffer a defeat, then my picture album shall be forfeit," I stated confidently.

'Feline Friends: Album of Cuddles and Cats', a revolutionary publication in the world of cat literature! If I were to lose my most precious thing, then so be it. I merely needed to avoid being defeated.

Our eyes flashed simultaneously with red intensity. We took one step closer to each other and-

"Me as a prize? Now just a second, Komachi-chan. Could you stop trying to sugarcoat your attempt at getting rid of a nuisance? I'll just say for the time being, but that's-"

Yuigahama interrupted Hikigaya, "No, you can't! You definitely do that! You can't make someone else own Hikki!"

Hikigaya stumbled over his words, "Y-Yeah, well, they certainly can't do that..."

"Ah, um, it's... it's not that they can't do that, er..." muttered Yuigahama.

Their eyes met for a mere moment before they flicked their blushing faces to the side. Then, an awkward silence dominated.

Everyone stared curiously at the two. I sighed in annoyance. How distasteful.

"Oh? Oh? Th-This mood, can it be? Could it possibly be?" perked up Komachi.

"Hachiman, I don't really give a damn, but can I, like, go pick a Gunpla already, huuuuh?" grumbled Chuuni.

"Eh? A-Ah, I guess I'll go look over there too," quickly responded Hikigaya as he rushed off with Chuuni.

"Tch, that darn Chuuni-san. He interrupted at such a good spot too. Uuuuu, Onii-chan's romantic comedy never goes right!" complained Komachi for some reason.

"Phew, I guess we're putting the match on hold. Why don't we go check it out too?" suggested Hiratsuka.

They got off lucky. Next time, circumstances won't be so merciful.

The boys scampered off in search for a suitable present. Their attention was held entirely by the Gunpla. Perhaps they were going to buy some? However, not everyone would be happy with a plastic model of a robotic suit, such as myself. Thankfully, Yuigahama stopped them from purchasing them.

"Crackers... Where could they be?" I said absentmindedly as I looked around the store.

I wandered around by myself in search of party goods. I was unfamiliar with the layout of the store, so it could not be helped that I walked in circles.

Then, my eyes were drawn to something that I could not prepare myself for.

The height of it was five feet, and its width was four feet. A black circle surrounded its right eye, while a black star surrounded its left eye. In its mouth was a bamboo stick. It was sitting on the floor with arms spread wide, waiting for a hug.

It was a life-sized Pan-san plush.

Immediately, I approached it. I pushed against its paw. The quality cotton pushed back at me. I ran my hands along its back. The artificial fur ruffled against my fingertips. I could not hold back any longer. I squatted down and brought my arms around Pan-san's entire body. I laid my head on his right shoulder. An incredible sense of peace swept over me.

Footsteps came up to me, but stopped abruptly. I turned my head and was met with Hikigaya's bewildered gaze. I hurriedly stood up and brushed the lint off of my clothes.

"What is it? Is something wrong, Hikigaya-kun?" I pressed.

"What? No. I mean, what were you do-"

"Is something the matter Hikigaya-kun?" I said with increased force.

"No, nothing. So, with Pan-san, what-"

"Hikigaya-kun, please do not bother me unless you have something to say," I pushed.

"Ah, forget about it," he said, indicating his surrender.

I walked past Hikigaya back to where I thought everyone was. However, what was in front of me was the store's exit. I turned around and noticed that Hikigaya was walking toward his sister. I looked down in shame and followed after him.

"Hmm, it looks like we're not going to get much shopping done if we stick with my brother and the others. Is it okay if we go look around on our own?" asked Komachi.

"Uh huh, I think that way might be better," agreed Totsuka.

"Agreed! When everyone's done, let's meet in front of the cake shop," announced Yuigahama.

"Yes, see you in a bit," I said, nodding.

We broke up into smaller groups. Some of us wandered around 'R Us some more, while others left. I decided to stay as well to purchase party goods.

I looked around for about fifteen minutes. When I was about to give up, Hikigaya tapped me on the shoulders and pointed to a basket near the entrance filled to the brim with party crackers. My shame doubled.

"Don't you need to get going?" I spoke harshly.

"I am. Good luck," he responded curtly.

He walked a couple step past me, but stopped after five. He scratched his head for a little while, then spoke up again.

"Do you need help carrying some of those?" he asked while pointing at the crackers.

"Not particularly," I replied.

"Oh, is that so. Well, later," he said before waving.

He placed his hands into his pockets and resumed his walk forward. Komachi rushed up to him and clung onto his arm. Together, they headed out.

I gathered enough crackers so that we would each have one. I bought some other miscellaneous goods that would be necessary at a party. I realized that things would get more messy than usual, so I made a mental note to buy a broom and dustpan later.

After paying for everything, I left 'R Us. Now, I had the freedom to explore the entire mall at my own discretion. Yet, a little direction would have been welcome here, even if it meant giving up some of my freedom. I internally debated where to go, but I was left without a decision. With no other choice, I simply began walking forward with the crowd of people that now filled the corridors, riding the wave, letting it carry me to wherever it pleased.

* * *

Too much.

After about five minutes, I hurriedly broke free from that claustrophobic gathering of frenzied Christmas shoppers while stifling my headache by holding my head with my right hand. It was a terrible idea to walk around haphazardly like that. My clothes were in slight disarray from all of the bumping and shoving.

After taking a moment to calm my stress, I took note of my surroundings. I was standing before an electronics shop. This kind of store stocked goods like computer hardware, televisions, gadgets, cell phones, and other wonders of circuitry and computation. To some, electronics were like the toys that adults played with. We had also shopped at 'R Us earlier, so toys did fall under the category of an acceptable gift. I decided to enter this store selling toys of the more technological variety.

Boxes of gaming consoles greeted me as I stepped in. Further in were shelves and shelves of video games and gaming peripherals. Several boys stared long and hard at the cases of the video games, deciding which ones to buy. A gaming console would be too expensive to buy. I was unsure of the gaming interests of everyone, as well as which consoles they owned, if they even had one. Console video gaming-related goods were out of the question for the gift exchange.

The store also sold music CDs and movies on Blue-Ray discs, though the problem of taste was also an issue with regard to those. I should pick something that was neutral. I continued looking around the store.

I entered the rather small computer section. There were barely three aisles of computer hardware, and what was being sold were items that even casual users would easily recognize. There were pre-built desktops, laptops, mice, keyboard, headphones, speakers, and the like being sold here. However, there was a severe lack of things like motherboards, processors, video cards, RAM, cooling solutions, et cetera. I suppose that this shop was more geared towards the common folk; the enthusiasts would have to go to another shop.

I took a look at the peripherals. They were rather colourful. Too colourful. There was a focus on fashion over function. I doubt that any of these goods would excite an enthusiast.

As I marched along the aisles, I accidentally bumped into a shopper.

"Sorry about that," I apologized as I bowed.

"N-No, my bad," he said with a hesitant voice.

I raised my face and looked at him. I was surprised to find that he was Chuuni. I suppose that an otaku like him would gravitate toward a store like this.

I took a look at the earphones mounted on the shelves. Thirty percent off signs were plastered on every price tag. While it appeared to be a steal, these earphones were already cheap enough at the original price. On the other hand, being so cheap, the quality and durability of these products were in question. It was one thing to be thrifty; if what you bought didn't last, you would have been better off with the more expensive purchase.

"U-Um, Yukinoshita-san?" fearfully called out Chuuni.

"Oh, are you still here?" I responded as I turned to him, "What is it?"

"I, uh, Hachiman... is he alright?" he asked in a quiet and soft tone.

"I don't believe he is sick," I answered.

"N-No, I mean, like is everything okay now?" he voiced with a hint of worry.

I was confused for a moment. Then, I remembered what Hikigaya said the other day. This fellow, whom I now remember as Zaimokuza Yoshiteru, was person that would not part from you, even if it meant becoming involved in your burdens.

What Zaimokuza was anxious to learn was if the situation surrounding Hikigaya, me and Yuigahama had been resolved. Being who Hikigaya said he was, Zaimokuza had likely seen through Hikigaya, right to his suffering.

"Yes. Everything turned out fine. There's no need for you to be concerned," I replied with a sure voice.

"R-Really? I mean, w-what happened?" he asked while sweating profusely.

"If you want to know the details, then ask Hikigaya-kun," I answered, "Together, we- no. I think it's best if he tells you himself."

"I-I see. Then I, the great fencer, have nothing to worry about! My disciple sure is strong. Oooooooooh!" he exclaimed suddenly.

Then, he turned his back on me and rushed to the cash register with a USB thumb drive in hand. I did not know how to respond to this outrageous outburst.

I looked around the store some more, but I found nothing of interest. Perhaps electronics weren't suitable. Although not all electronics were pricy, the fact that they were high-tech gadgets would make the receiver feel like they were receiving something unusually fancy and expensive anyway, causing discomfort. That would not be ideal.

I exited the store, now with some criteria in mind. I needed to find something that at least appeared to be low cost and that could satisfy anyone.

I, too, needed to think more about others, just like Zaimokuza Yoshiteru.

* * *

"I wonder what I should buy," I whispered to myself.

I stood near a wall and skimmed through a pamphlet with information on the mall. The pages were mainly dominated by advertisements for women's clothing. It was only after four pages that an ad for men's clothing appeared, and two after that for non-clothing ads to be seen. On the last few pages, there was a map of the entire mall complete with an index listing each store.

Women's clothes were no good for obvious reasons. No, it would be outright frightening to see Hikigaya wear a skirt. Although, it would strangely fit Totsuka very well. Men's clothes were also no good for a reciprocal reason.

With clothing stores eliminated, over sixty percent of the stores in the mall were effectively ruled out. It was amazing how that type of store could dominate a mall. If the name of the type of building I was in, a mall, were to be revised, I would name it something like clothing district.

My remaining options were toy stores like 'R Us and electronics stores like the one I had just entered, hundred yen shops, hardware stores, home decor stores, and single large-scale department store selling general goods.

"Hmm, Yukino-san? Yahallo!"

I looked up as I heard that and saw Komachi. She waved at me and walked towards me.

"Hello, Komachi-san," I greeted with a gentle smile.

"What are you doing? Have you decided what to buy?" she asked.

"No, not yet. I don't know what to get," I admitted.

"Oh, I'm sure you have some ideas floating around," said Komachi as she nodded several times.

"Well, I suppose that I should get something that anyone would want. Something like that should be gender-neutral in nature. With that, I ruled out clothing. I did not find anything of interest in the electronics store. Perhaps I should get something more functional in nature?" I pondered.

This was more difficult than I thought. I had to satisfy a lot of criteria, which was not easy, considering my deficit of information, particularly those involving everyone's tastes. It would not sit right with me to purchase a set of mechanical pencils and call it a day, either. During the other times I shopped for gifts, the gifts were specifically for Yuigahama and Hikigaya, which were relatively easier. Although, on the absolute sense, it was still tough. This surpassed that difficulty.

"Yukino-san, I think you're thinking too hard about it," said Komachi with one hand on her hip.

What a pompous pose. Yet, I shall forgive her for looking so cute.

"Is that so?" I said, looking surprised.

"Liiiike, it's the feeling that counts, or something," said Komachi half-heartedly.

"The way you spat out something that is supposed to have some weight like that really reminds me of your brother. Never do that again," I warned her.

"But, Onii-chan is my onii-chan, so it can't be helped," spoke Komachi as she shrugged.

"That aside, do you have any advice for me? If so, that would be helpful," I requested.

My mind was in that state where it burned like ember from thinking and re-thinking too much. In that state, I would regurgitate old thoughts that I attempted to discard earlier. I would loop myself in what-ifs and futilely try to glean something new from thoughts that had already been exhausted of ideas. Thankfully, I could ask someone else and introduce new information or point out something that I had overlooked.

"Well, maybe don't think about what others would want and think about what you would like?" suggested Komachi.

"No, this gift is for them, therefore I should think from their point of view," I refuted.

"That's true, but, you know, receiving a gift filled with 'you' would be pretty wonderful, I think," said Komachi as she crossed her arms in thought.

"A gift filled with myself..." I pondered.

To use yourself as the target in choosing a gift for others sounded illogical. There was no guarantee that what you liked corresponded to what the other person liked. Yet, that was not what Komachi was trying to say. She was suggesting that I make the present feel personal. It would be something like a memento to them, representing yourself.

"I see, so that's what it means to give a gift," I said with admiration, "It should be special in some way that has nothing to do with the gift's intrinsic value."

"Um, I hope you're not thinking too hard about what I said, Yukino-san. Just... feelings! Like, it just shouldn't make the other person feel like they it was an after-thought or something," said Komachi with a finger raised.

"I will keep that in mind. However, that doesn't help me narrow down exactly what I should pick," I spoke as I rested my chin on the back of my fingers.

"Hmm, what do you like to buy for yourself, Yukino-san?" asked Komachi.

"Let's see. Clothes, groceries... but those aren't appropriate. I do buy books, although other people these days don't read them quite as often," I thought aloud.

"Aha, true. I'm guilty of that too! Ah, but, as you know, Onii-chan loves reading! But, this is a random gift exchange. Geh, that really sucks," said Komachi disappointingly.

Why did she react like that?

I continued to wade through my mental sea of favourite items. Cats swam by, food drifted past, a cat brushed past me, Pan-san was swept away, and cats meowed as they struggled to stay afloat. Hold on, a cat would be the least appropriate thing I could gift to someone.

My thoughts somehow led me to the previous weeks. I remembered the sense of drowning as we continued our worthless exchanges, attempting to cling onto something that was broken. I remembered our tears that streamed down our broken faces as we took up his request. Finally, I remembered the fresh and warm aroma that tucked us into our clubroom, reminding us of the days past and the revealing the possibility of new things to come.

I had decided. I would get something that reminded me of those recent painful, yet important days. Not everyone was there to witness that, but even so, a gift that I picked with those thoughts would surely be something precious.

"But, like you're always welcome to give my brother things! Actually, please do. That would make Komachi very happy. Yukino-san?"

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't listening," I apologized.

"No, no, that's okay. Anyway, you thought of something yet?" inquired Komachi.

"Yes. I think I have an idea of what kind of thing I wanted to buy. I still do not know exactly what it is yet, but I will know once I see it," I replied.

Komachi nodded her head and said, "Good, good. I like that. So, without further ado, let's continue shopping!"

Komachi marched ahead with long, exaggerated strides, her arms swinging back and forth with great amplitude.

Obligation, strategy, and benefits. Those were words that I had tied to gifts for a long time. I was taught to be wary of those types of gifts. Eventually, I became wary of my own happiness stemming from gifts. However, today was completely different. I felt like I could entrust myself to everyone. There was no danger and no risk. We were participating in the original and genuine act of gift-giving that neither demanded something back nor expected a profitable return in some other way.

I followed after Komachi. We chatted as we walked alongside each other. Strangely, the suffocation from the crowd felt reduced.

* * *

Ceramic flooring of the main mall area transitioned to a marblewood flooring when I entered the next shop. A soft jazz piece was playing lulling my senses, calming the sweat. To my left were large furniture pieces. Luxurious sets of tables and chairs, plump couches, and dainty nightstands, among other expensive articles were spread out arrangements that tried to emulate the homely spaces that they usually occupied. To my right were the smaller pieces of decorative goods and useful items such as paintings of fruits, vases, and brand name kitchenware.

"A home decor store. You can't go wrong with this!" cheerfully exclaimed Komachi.

"Indeed. There are few people who would not appreciate a new set of knives or a pillow," I agreed.

Now, where should I start looking? I turned to Komachi for suggestions, but empty space greeted me instead. I looked around in confusion and saw Komachi heading toward the living room furniture. Well, she likely had her own shopping to attend to as well, so I should not bother her so much.

I headed to the kitchenware section. Something functional would work very well. Everyone needed to cook, after all. Unfortunately, even if something was necessary, it did not mean that one was definitely proficient at it. Take Yuigahama as an example. If she were to receive a new spatula, it would either be underused or be broken within a couple uses.

Speaking of Yuigahama, as I was just about to reach a shelf of cutlery, her recognizably bubbly voice rang, "Heeeey, Yukinoooon!"

I turned around. It seemed that those two came to this shop as well.

"Oh, it's Yuigahama-san and Hikigaya-kun," I said with a pleasant tone.

Yuigahama dashed towards me and shoved her hands onto my shoulders. I was a little bewildered, but I was mostly used to her usual intrusive touching.

"Yukinon, have you decided what to buy yet?" she inquired.

"Not yet. I've received advice from Komachi-san, but I don't have a good idea of what to buy," I replied.

"Me too," groaned Yuigahama.

"Komachi? I don't see her anywhere," said Hikigaya while searching the place with his eyes.

If Komachi had not yet moved, then she should be rolling around on a bed or relaxing on a couch by now. I looked toward the furniture section, and sure enough, my latter prediction was correct.

"Komachi-san's over there," I said as I pointed towards her.

We made our way over to where Komachi was. We caught her red-handed, or perhaps drool-mouthed, with her body sunk deeply into the sofa, her eyes half-closed, as her consciousness was about to descend into the world of dreams.

Noticing us, Komachi's back bolted upright up like lightning.

"Onii-chan, this is not good! This sofa turns people into good-for-nothings! Ah, I'm sinking, Onii-chan! Komachi is becoming a NEET. My future dreams, my work ethics, ah... not good..." trailed off Komachi as her energy was sucked away by the leathery vacuum of a common living room couch.

"Eh, is it really that good? I'm eager to give it a sit now," excitedly piped Hikigaya.

I suppose that the lazy aspiring house-husband Hikigaya Hachiman would be a connoisseur of couches. However, does this virtuoso of slacking off really need something this low on the lackadaisicalness level?

"Oh, I believe that isn't necessary for Hikigaya-kun, right?" I said with a teasing smile, "You're already a good-for-nothing after all."

"Stop with that insulting smile of yours, snowy princess. Did you not know? If you multiply a negative with a negative it becomes a positive," argued Hikigaya while shrugging.

What unsound logic. Multiplication can be thought of as the total number of objects in all groups containing the same amount of that object. If Hikigaya were to do an additional wrongdoing, he would be not be introducing a new group of wrongdoings but adding another individual on top of his current pile of wrongdoings. In other words, this is not a multiplication, but an addition.

"Hikigaya, this is an addition of a negative, not a multiplication with a negative. If you add negatives, then it just becomes a bigger negative. Did you not learn arithmetic in middle school? I mean, I know that you are not very good in the math and sciences, but I never thought that you failed it altogether," I teased.

"No, wait. How do you define a good-for-nothing, anyway? An exception? A subset of people? What if we just make everyone become a negative? Look, Yukinoshita-san, if everyone becomes a good-for-nothing, then good-for-nothings will disappear," confidently stated Hikigaya, "The elimination of discrimination of minorities by mass assimilation. I should get a Nobel Peace Prize."

I sighed so deeply that I thought my lungs would collapse, then tiredly muttered, "A misguided equality mindset just like always. As I thought, that sofa really isn't necessary for you."

No, it goes beyond being unnecessary. It would be devastating. If Hikigaya got any more good-for-nothing, then even the autonomous processes of his body would no longer be performed. For the sake of prolonging the beating of his heart, he should avoid this sofa at all costs.

Komachi got herself together, stood up from the sofa, and said, "What Onii-chan needs is something more family-oriented. Rather than a sofa that makes people into good-for-nothings, I want Onii-chan to get a wife that turns him into a good-for-nothing, you knoooooow, Yukino-san, Yuigahama-san. Hint hint. Nudge nudge!"

"You're not supposed to say those words at the end," complained Hikigaya.

"Heh!? Oh, no no, I um, that I would just that like you could not really, but..." stammered Yuigahama.

"Komachi-san, even a genie would be unable to grant a wish like that. It's impossible for Hikigaya-kun," I sympathetically responded.

"Really? What a bummer. I just want someone to succeed me already," groaned Komachi while she, for some reason, looked at me squarely.

"Hey now. Could you not destroy a person's hopes and dreams?" lamented Hikigaya as he flicked Komachi's forehead.

"Yah!" Komachi yelped as she exaggeratedly rubbed her forward.

Despite what we've said, however, Hikigaya proved to not be a mere idealist. He was not idle.

"For a hapless dreamer like you, Hikigaya-kun, you actually get things done when it comes down to it, you know," I said with rare words of compliment.

He should be happy with this.

"Ah, I can see that. Hikki, you'd look like you'd work even though you'll be complaining all the time," agreed Yuigahama as she nodded vigorously.

"Ehehe, there you have it, Onii-chan!" said Komachi while she spread her arms wide as if she was presenting something.

"No, that's not right. I wouldn't be able to get the right attitude at all," argued Hikigaya, "They'll work me hard with garbage pay, and I'll spit curses at the company. I'll be forced to work overtime to even get a decent salary. Eventually I'll get used to it and think 'maybe this life isn't so bad after all'. Before I know it, I will have become a corporate slave. You guys don't even know how worried I am about becoming like this. Seriously, I'm worried about my future."

My mouth hung wide open. His convoluted, yet convincing thoughts never ceased to astound me. He was the only person I knew who could be so blunt with his insanity of normality.

"His imagination is strangely realistic," commented Yuigahama dishearteningly.

"Yet, what he's worried about is off the mark," I said without energy.

Hikigaya concluded, "Anyway, my point is, because of that, I want to at least have some dreams for the future. And you can't call me pitiful for trying to resist something like that. I will definitely become a house-husband. Mark my words."

"Hikki, good luck with that, for real," spoke Yuigahama with a monotone voice.

"What a rubbish conclusion. I still haven't figured out how such drivel manages to be ejected from that rather imaginative mind. What a waste of creative juices," I said before I let out a huge sigh.

"Now, now, you two know well about the personality of my brother," pacified Komachi, "It'll be a big help for me if you expect nothing from him."

I nodded in resignation as I said, "I suppose so. I've already given up."

"Ahahaha, well, he's a lost cause I guess," awkwardly spoke Yuigahama.

"It still hurts having three people tell you that you're useless straight to your face, so please, I beg of you all, to at least tell me I'm at least good enough to do the dishes," moaned Hikigaya.

"Isn't that great, Onii-chan?" said Komachi with sparkling eyes.

That was an unusually cruel sarcastic remark from Komachi.

"No? That's not great at all. They've lost hope in me and think there's no way out for me. In the first place, am I really that hopeless? Am I even in a bad situation right now?" retorted Hikigaya.

"Mmmm, I wonder, Onii-chan. I just wonder..." trailed off Komachi with a look of bliss.

Komachi peered at the sofa she just sat on and added, "Guess we won't need this sofa, huh?"

Was she actually considering buying it? I suppose that it would be a nice surprise for her mother and father back home, unless she was planning to haul a heavy piece of furniture to the gift exchange. No, in the first place, did she even have the money?

"We don't need it. We already have a fluffy fur ball rolling around at home," said Hikigaya.

"Kaa-kun, right? Oh, that lazy cat would just love to lie on it all day," spoke Komachi, shrugging.

Who was Kaa-kun again? Judging by the description of a "fluffy fur ball" it must have been their pet.

"Ah, I could see my Sablé hopping up and down on that sofa!" said Yuigahama.

Sablé was the name of her dog, I believe. Remembering her dog made me wince as if someone had pricked my spine with a needle. I hope I wouldn't have to see her dog much or I would have to disgrace myself again by hiding behind someone.

"Your dog will just sink down. I mean, if our cat laid down, he'd probably sink too," explained Hikigaya.

Oh, so Kaa-kun was their cat! I definitely remember that its name was Kamakura. So that's where "Kaa-kun" came from.

Images came back to me like a torrent. That memory was still fresh. A little less than half a year ago, during that beautiful morning, I met Kamakura for the first time. His round, beaded eyes directed towards mine looked for something in me as I looked for something in him. His face cutely tilted to the side. His ears and whiskers twitched wistfully, sensing and searching for a unique identifier and proof of me, the girl before him. His claws lightly scratched the box he was in, attempting to break down the barrier between us. He meowed. I meowed. We both meowed together in the feline language. Our wordless exchange conveyed our messages of friendship.

That adorable cat deserved the sofa.

"If Hikigaya-kun's cat laid purrfectly down... That would be so cute," I muttered with euphoria.

He should get that sofa.

I took a step towards him and said, "Hey, Hikigaya-kun, buy that sofa. After all, pets are part of the family, and you treasure spending Christmas with your family. A present would be perfect, right?"

"No. Also, wipe that 'it's perfectly logical' expression off of your face. Your logic was full of holes," criticized Hikigaya.

"Onii-chan, the sofa is no good, but the small cushion on it should be fine, right?" suggested Komachi.

I picked up the cushion that Komachi pointed at. I squeezed it with my hands. My fingers squished into the cotton and was met with the purrfectly minimum amount of resistance, nya. Undoubtedly, this cushion would melt the misgivings of even the coldest of cats and provide proper sleep-time comfort to the weariest of cats, nya.

I approved, "I believe this size would be perfect for a cat, right Hikigaya-kun?"

"Yukinoshita-san, your increasingly cat-centric criterion is helping me less and less," remarked Hikigaya, "A cushion, though. It might not be a bad idea. I'll think about it. Anyway, I'll go look at some other things too."

"I want to go look over there," I said as I pointed at the kitchenware, "What is everyone going to do?"

"Komachi has an idea, so Komachi is going to head out now! Ah, but no peeking okay?" cheerfully spoke Komachi.

Without delay, Komachi dashed out of the shop. Her speed discouraged any of us from following after her.

"I think I might know what I want to buy as well," said Yuigahama, "But I kinda want to keep it a secret too."

"Looks like we're all going our separate ways then. Catch you later," said Hikigaya as he waved.

"Okay, then, see you in a bit," I said and returned a small wave of my own.

I headed to the where the shop showed off its spatulas and rolling pins. I found them unsatisfactory. I walked along the aisles of graters, knives, whisks, tongs, ladles, plates and cups, but nothing particularly stood out.

I wanted to buy something significant. The intrinsic value of the item did not matter. It could be a mere greeting card, or it could be an exquisite fork and knife set. The most important criterion was that it would somehow resonate with me.

I thought of the things that I liked. I thought of what I held as precious to me. I thought of the things that were important to me. And, I thought of those that were dear to me.

The answer finally came to me. The gift that I sought to buy was not sold in this kind of store. No, I suppose that it may sell them, but they would just be low quality shoe-ins similar to the common chocolate bars and soft drinks that every type of store stocked near the cash registers.

With hesitation and uncertainty gone, I strolled out of the home decor store. I withdrew the mall's pamphlet from my bag and looked for the store that I desired to go to.

* * *

I asked the cashier to wrap up that gift for me. I wondered if there was an extra fee for that service, but the employee shook her head. She told me that the serious consideration of which product I wanted to buy was payment enough to her heart. I thanked her after she handed back to me a rectangular package wrapped in classic greens and reds. I slid that gift into my bag.

With my gift being purchased, I had fulfilled my duties. I had nothing else to buy, so I decided to head to the cake shop where we agreed to meet up.

The crowd in the mall had not subsided in the least. Déjà vu. I've been thinking that a lot recently. I did not usually spend my time in areas of exceedingly high population densities, but this December was abnormal in that regard. I went to Destineyland during its peak days at its peak hours, I helped out at Kaihin Sogo High's and Sobu High's Christmas event that drew in plenty of people, and right now, I was shopping at this overcrowded mall. Even with all of the, how you say, experience, I still felt a little nauseated in this crowd.

Along the way, I recognized a male and a female from my class together. Their faces were flushed crimson as they walked side-by-side, but they were undoubtedly happy. They never showed signs that they were dating in school. Perhaps it was the holiday season that spurned them to get together.

I had spent a couple hours in the mall already. The pathways were familiar, so I did not get lost. I only had to circle around the west wing about three times, and I only wet to the north wing accidentally once. In fact, I only needed to ask two people where the cake shop was. I was improving in all sorts of ways.

I arrived at the cake shop. A giant sleigh was placed in front of the shop. Boxes of cake lined up on its seat. There was even a Santa Claus advertising the cakes. Actually, Santa was standing around awkwardly for some reason. Then I noticed Hikigaya. He, stood awkwardly with Santa.

"Hikigaya-kun, is something wrong?" I called out.

"Oh, it's Yukinoshita-san. Nothing, I just came across Tobe here," said Hikigaya with a relieved voice.

Tobe? Who was that? Hikigaya Hachiman was not a person who knew that many people personally, although, even though he was a loner, he could still memorize the faces and names of people. I imagined the disgusted faces of his classmates as Hikigaya would suddenly call out to them using their names even though they never told him their names. Anyway, with how few the number of people that Hikigaya knew, there were even fewer that the both of us knew.

"Oh? Oh? Yukinoshita-san? Why're bos o' ya shoppin'?" probably wondered the Santa.

Hold on a minute, I recognized that savage way of speaking that prevented me from being one hundred percent sure of what he was talking about. I never cared about remembering his name, but this guy was Hayama's friend. Perhaps this was the "Tobe" that Hikigaya spoke of.

"Ah! Uh huuuuuh," weirdly sounded out Tobe as if he realized something.

His eyes darted between me and Hikigaya, and he wore a smug smile. Hold on a minute, this type of smile was one that was frequently on the faces of gossipers.

"Hey, what's with that pause just now? Tell me, what the heck did you just imagine?" asked Hikigaya with a cold gaze.

Tobe put his white-gloved hand on his chin with an expression of a triumphant person discovering a prank planned against him. He was likely painting some pink picture in his head. Unfortunately for him, his delusions were quite off the mark. Hikigaya and I have no reason to meet together alone.

Even so, my brain suddenly brought forward the image of the classmates I saw earlier together with red faces. I averted my eyes from Tobe, but my glance fell on Hikigaya instead. My face rose in temperature. I quickly switched back to Tobe.

"It seems like there's a misunderstanding here," I said unusually strongly.

What was the matter with me? I knew the objective truth. There should be nothing more to it.

"What you're thinking of it's not... it's not the case," I continued, though with a shrinking and unstable voice.

"Aw man, if that's how it is, you shoulda said something back then ya know!" guffawed Tobe as he punched the shoulder of Hikigaya, "We coulda given both of ya some time togetha at Destinyland."

I looked down at the floor. My own clothes felt uncomfortable on me. Some kind of weird stress took hold of me. The sweat on my back felt like oil.

"Do you mind if I leave now?" I muttered with a low voice.

"Um, you know. Well, you were the one who talked to me first, though. Need something?" asked Hikigaya as he scratched his head.

Nothing, just affirming your existence, something that's so weak that it could disappear if I looked away. I could have joked like that, but an unfamiliar need to make excuses plagued my voice box instead.

I looked away and stuttered, "Oh, no... I mean, Tobe-kun was wearing the Santa outfit, so I didn't notice him at all, and I just, well, um, huh?"

Wobbling light-brown hair in a bun entered my vision. Yuigahama had arrived. Thank-you very much, Yuigahama-san. Please, rescue me.

"Hikki! Yukinoooon! Hm, what's wrong with- Oh, it's Tobecchi! Yahallo!" exclaimed Yuigahama.

Tobe looked surprised and probably said, "Eh, Yui was here too? Ah! Uh huuuuh."

"Again, what the heck did you just imagine?" spat Hikigaya as he did a facepalm.

"Uwaaah! What the heck, man!" yelled Tobe like an animal as he pulled his hair, "Goin' shoppin' wid two girls is totally crazy, yo! Seriously, Hikitani-kun, ya face am totally a normie, man! Like, serious normie, Hikitani-kun! Serinormietani-kun, fer real! Heck, ya might as well be called Seritani-kun!"

Thanks to Tobe's indecipherable sputtering, my mind diverted from my earlier embarrassment to a state of being plainly annoyed. Wait, that was not an improvement at all.

"Tobecchi, are you working?" casually spoke Yuigahama, "We're here to shop for a Christmas party."

"That so? Aw maaaan, das real cool too," said Tobe.

"Yeah, we weren't really doing what you were thinking of," confirmed Hikigaya.

Tobe did a big stretch while grunting like a gorilla. While he was doing that, Komachi and Totsuka came up from behind him. They called out to him, prompting Tobe to respond in kind.

"Oh, if it ain't Totsuka and Hikitani-kun's little sis! Weeeey!" he greeted.

Excuse me? Wey? Did he mean "wait" in English? Was he telling them to wait up? Was I unaware that the new way of saying hello to someone was to tell them to stop what they were doing? This was why you needed to communicate in Japanese in Japan. In fact, please communicate in any of the official languages of the world. If you communicated using some made up lingo, then no one would be able to understand you. The purpose of communication would be destroyed. Please do not waste any more of your or my energy.

"WEEEEEEEYY!" shouted Tobe at Komachi again.

"Seriously, Tobe is-"

"Weeey! Merry Christmas!" returned Komachi as she interrupted Hikigaya.

Hikigaya stared at his sister with a dumbfounded face. Surely he was thinking of why this blood-related sibling of his that he had so carefully looked after for his whole life was spouting the exact same crude nonsense as the gruff cake-selling Santa Claus Tobe.

While that was happening, Zaimo-I-forgot-again had arrived as well.

"What's this, what's this? Havin' y'all here is pumpin' me up like hell. Oh look over there! Isn't dat Zaimokuzaki-kun? Zaimokuzaki-kun, weeeeeeeey!" probably shouted Tobe.

Right, his name was Zaimokuzaki. How could I have forgotten?

"Yui and everyone, if y'all be havin' a party, can't forget the cake. Wanna buy this here fruity-kind?" probably suggested Tobe as he pointed at a box beside him with his thumb, "Dis here's my senpai's store. He axed me a favour, so I gots to sell them cakes out."

"Cake, huh? Yukinon didn't bake one this time so... What should we do?" wondered Yuigahama.

"It's not like I'm adverse to cakes now. As I said before, I just didn't want to make them," I clarified.

There was not a single soul in existence who disliked eating cakes. It was only the hard labour of making them that I was tired of.

"I've heard what you had to say! It looks like you're in a bind with the leftovers."

That loud voice simultaneously forced our head to turn toward its source. That owner, Hiratsuka Shizuka, dramatically folded her arms underneath her enviously giant chest and purposely made her coat flap up in an overly-dramatic manner. I gave her a displeased look.

"Totally, Sensei. Like there's soooooo many that I'm totally swimming in them, ya know," probably groaned Tobe.

Hiratsuka walked up to one of the boxes and placed a palm onto the top. She eyed it sympathetically, as if it was her precious comrade.

"I understand. I'll buy all of them. The ones that don't sell are very lonely after all," said Hiratsuka with a trembling voice.

Instantly, a scene played in my mind as if someone forcibly jammed a tape into a VCR. The lavish cake sat unsold behind the frosted windows during a lonely, snowy Christmas night. Staring at the cake was a woman in her thirties, alone and unclaimed. Gripped in her hand was her cell phone that displayed a photo of her friend and her spouse. The woman looked at the cake, and the cake looked at the woman. Two unwanted objects simply existed.

I wiped the tears that seeped out of my eyes.

"Wait a second. Let's not give these cakes feelings, okay?" said Hikigaya he placed his hand on Hiratsuka's shoulder.

"Tobecchi, that didn't count, okay?" frantically voiced Yuigahama.

"Geh. I really hafta sell these, you know. Senpai's totally going to snap, fer realsies. Yui, Hikitani-kun, everyone, please help me out!" begged Tobe.

Hikigaya wore a conflicted expression and muttered, "Even if you say that, there's not much we can do right now."

"Come on, Hikitani-kun, anything would help!"

"I know! Make it cheaper!" advised Yuigahama.

An obvious and reasonable advice. Even a child knew that people would only buy goods and services at prices up to the amount that they valued it at. Although, to determine what price one should sell their product at, how much they have available to be sold also came into play. To make up for costs of production, the price had to be at least covering those costs. The store had piles and piles of cakes. They had an excess supply, in other words. The higher the supply, the higher the total costs, and the greater the price that each cake had to be sold at. The price determined by the supply far exceeded the price accepted by demand. However, if they were to drop the price, they would suffer losses.

"That could work," probably responded Tobe without conviction.

"Ahem. How about including a special bonus to increase the value! Here, we can use my specially written novel," offered Zaimokuzaki.

No, including his poorly-written works would drop the demand to zero.

"That ain't gonna work," probably rejected Tobe.

"How about a service where you write their name on the cake like they do for birthdays?" suggested Totsuka.

Word-writing on cakes was a given for any cake shop. It was like a computer shop proclaiming that they sold computers. It would not attract that many people.

"That's totes possible, maybe," noncommittally replied Tobe.

The key problem here was the low demand. Our supply was a given now; there's no turning back on making all of those cakes. The only thing we could do now was to make the customers value the cakes as much as we were willing to sell them. We needed to shift the low demand up to par.

"How about labelling it as a limited edition item?" I suggested.

The thrill of exclusivity would help raise the value of the cakes. Raising the value of something did not mean you had to raise its intrinsic material worth. You just needed to make it appear better to other people. It was what they thought of it that mattered — their subjective valuation. That was how brand names worked, after all. Painting an apple logo on the back of a computer does not increase the performance of the processor or video card inside. Yet, attached to that apple logo, was the history of the company that made it and the public's view on it. The thoughts of "I trust this company" or "I think what they make is really good" raises the value the people put on that computer. My suggestion wasn't to bolster the brand name, but it targeted something similar.

"Maybe," tiredly said Tobe.

"No, all of those are pretty difficult, aren't they?" pointed out Hikigaya, "We're limited to what we're allowed to do by the store's authorities. Actually, if you're just avoiding getting yelled at, why not ditch your work?"

As always, the unemployed champion has his priorities in the wrong place.

"Pretty dark, Hikitani-kun. Dark for sure," said Tobe as he exaggeratedly shivered, "Senpai'll be after me if I ditch. But, I'm still countin' on ya."

"Well, actually, what Yuigahama said about reducing price is probably your best bet. I mean look. You got half-off stickers over there. If they're going to be half-off anyway, why not do it now?" recommended Hikigaya.

"H-Half-off. Uuuuugghhhh. When you pass twenty-four, you're half-off. When you're past twenty-five, you're ready to get thrown out," sobbed Hiratsuka.

"Hang on, we're talking about cakes, right?" worriedly said Hikigaya.

"Why won't they sell even though they're at a bargain? Why..." softly spoke Hiratsuka as she stared at the half-off stickers with a faraway look.

"S-Sensei, it's okay! Being half-off is totally a good thing! I mean like, um, well, th-the sales tax is lower or something," Yuigahama attempted to reassure.

"That's not a follow up, you know. I mean of course it's less since it's on a percentage basis," pointed out Hikigaya.

"That's right. Sales tax rate remains constant at any price. Though, theoretically, the drop in price should mean that demand is significantly higher if it's relatively elastic. In Hiratsuka-sensei's case, however, she's perfectly inelastic," I explained.

In other words, Hiratsuka's desirability will not increase from its low amount no matter how much her "price", or the relative ease at which she's willing to give herself away to a man, drops as her age rises. She has already hit rock bottom, but she was still untaken, so there was nothing more that she could do. In another sense, Hiratsuka was inelastic because her aged skin would no longer safely stretch.

The hopelessness was enough to make me cry.

Let's get back on track so that we can do our best to ignore this suffering.

There were other ways to raise the demand of the cakes as well. Perhaps the reason why the demand was so low was because some people did not know that this cake store existed or that they were too occupied to take notice of the store. I could not blame the latter people. The saturation of advertisements and attractive Christmas displays put out by the bigger stores blotted out the presence of the smaller stores.

"We need to make more people aware of the cake shop. Well, given our situation, the only thing we can do is call out normally," I suggested.

Advertisements took time for the conveyed message to perpetuate and influence decisions. Putting out Christmas displays would require permission in advance and had to be done before the mall was opened.

"Calling out, huh? That's exactly what Tobe was doing earlier unsuccessfully. If only we had something more attention-grabbing," commented Hikigaya.

"Yeah, if we did, that could totally work!" said Tobe as he nodded, "And yeah, we do need somethin' more of a BOOM I guess. Ah, we have some extra Santa outfits and reindeer horns!"

Tobe extracted several Santa Claus suits identical to the one he was wearing from behind the register. That sameness was a big problem. That meant that only people with similar body sizes as Tobe could wear it.

"It doesn't look like it'd fit a girl," mentioned Yuigahama.

I looked towards the boys and said, "One of you will have to wear it."

Tobe scanned each of the boys' bodies from top to bottom and decided, "Mmmm, too tight for Zaimokuzaki-kun... and well... okay, Totsuka or somethin'?"

Tobe made a difficult face as he said that. It was understandable. Zaimo- well, Chuuni was far larger than Tobe, so he would be unable to even get the first button on. Hikigaya was a bad idea for reasons unrelated to his relative size. That left only Totsuka. Unfortunately, Totsuka, was the smallest of the females here. I mean of the males.

"O-Okay, I guess I'll try wearing it then," acquiesced Totsuka.

Totsuka ran behind the register to change. We faced away to give him some privacy. For some reason, Hikigaya was trembling madly. Every so often, he would rotate his head to the side toward the register, but straightened it soon after.

"H-How is it?" called out Totsuka after a while.

Coming out from behind the counter was a dainty girl wearing an elegant red one-piece dress. No, that was wrong. The hem of the bottom that dropped down only to her thighs was reminiscent of a miniskirt. No, it was still connected to the upper part, so I suppose it was a mini-dress? No, no, no, this person wasn't even female to begin with. Clearly it was Totsuka, a male, wearing a Santa outfit for men. Clearly. Maybe.

"Sai-chan, you look so pretty!" complimented Yuigahama.

Calling a boy pretty was a little abnormal. Although, it didn't see that odd in this case for some reason.

Hikigaya flashed a thumbs up. Chuuni immediately pulled out his smartphone and snapped a picture.

"Ooh, ain't that good?" spoke Tobe in satisfaction, "Alrighty, let's try calling out together. 'elcome, cakesirs?"

"Just what is he saying? I don't understand at all," I criticized.

I suppose "'elcome" meant "welcome". Why did he omit crucial parts of the word? Also, what in the world is "cakesirs"? I've never encountered such a word in any language in the world. Is he referring to a new species of humans that have fused with cakes?

"It's late night convenience store lingo. Translation: 'Welcome, would you like a cake'? I think," explained Hikigaya.

"That's completely different," I spoke in exasperation.

"I-I see, Hachiman. O-Okay, I'll try it too. W-Welcome, c-cake... would you like a c-cake?" stuttered Totsuka.

With that our first customers came.

"Fumu, well then, these objects of cake, all 7 trillion of them, young master. I, the great sage, shall take them off of your hands!"

"Ah, excuse me, could I have a cake too please?"

Hold on a minute, those weren't customers. Hikigaya and Chuuni went in front of Totsuka and waved their wallets at him.

I turned to Hikigaya and said in annoyance, "Why are you buying one too?"

"Huh? Oh no. The overloading cuteness just made me do it automatically," said Hikigaya.

As I sighed, for some inexplicable reason, I found myself facing a decent gathering of people in front of the store. They began lining up behind Hikigaya.

"Ooooh, lookie here! We gots us some people!" bellowed Tobe, "It must be because of them cute girls here! Of course it'd turn out this way!"

So, it came down to sexual appeal. The problem is, the one doing the main attracting was not female.

"Cute girls!? Fu, fu, fu," giggled Hiratsuka-sensei.

I did not doubt Hiratsuka's mature beauty, but the key word was mature. The definition of a young "girl" would have to loosened enormously if we were to include Hiratsuka.

"Uu, my tears are blurring the lights. Hiratsuka-sensei is too bright. That's right. Sensei is a girl at after all. Women are always maidens at heart," poetically spoke Komachi.

The classic maiden. The young girl that longs for a lover, that hopes for romance. In that sense, Hiratsuka was definitely a maiden. Ten years, twenty years down the road, Hiratsuka will definitely retain her youthful heart. At that time, she will definitely still be hopelessly believing in romance, looking for a lover.

Passer-byers noticed the commotion in the store. Drawn in by curiosity, they also joined the queue. As the line grew in size, more people noticed it and more people lined up. In that way, the line had a geometric growth. The process was a positive feedback loop.

"Oh maaaaan, we'll sell out at this rate," said Tobe.

"Ah, no problem," modestly said Hikigaya, "Then again, it's not like we did anything."

That was true. We simply stood around talking and making a fuss. I could analyze this further, but it's more romantic to call it a miracle of Christmas.

"Regardless, our job is complete, I suppose. Good work," I spoke while nodding.

"Hikitani-kun and y'all are holdin' a party, right? Have a cake as my thanks. And just for y'all, I'll even do a special candle service," offered Tobe.

"We don't need candles on a Christmas cake," remarked Hikigaya.

Tobe lifted up an extra large cake from the shelf and handed it to Yuigahama. Then, he went to another shelf, picked up another type of cake, and handed it to Hikigaya. Finally, he went around back and came out with yet another cake. I received it this time.

"Tobecchi, thanks!"

"Nah nah, ya helped me out big time, so we're all good. Aighty, juicy! Party! Yeeeeeaaah!" screeched Tobe.

I preferred if we stayed more solid than juicy. Civilized fun is non-destructive fun.

"I don't understand at all what you're saying, but thank you very much," kindly spoke Komachi as she bowed.

You and me both, Komachi-san.

With cake as the reward, we had fulfilled all that we set out to do. I did not expect to solve someone's problem on a day off, but that's why we're the Service Club, I suppose. I wonder if this euphoric feeling of both a job well-done and of helping someone was part of the Christmas spirit.

We bid farewell to Tobe. He sent us off with another "weeey". If, on this Christmas day, we were allowed for some wishes to be fulfilled, then I would wish that Tobe would obtain a more eloquent vocabulary.

Our preparatory shopping was completed. Our next stop was someplace else, where we could hold our party.

Each of us basked in the atmosphere of Christmas. It was not like an unhealthy intoxication, but a gentle embrace. Amongst Komachi's cute grin and Yuigahama's cheerful beaming, I found myself with unable to hold back my own smile.

I was closer to understanding my Christmas.

* * *

We ended up in the usual karaoke place. Yuigahama and I had discussed where to go the day before, but this was what it came down to. The alternatives were doing it at one of our houses, but they were too far away. The closest one, my apartment, was a place that was intolerant of loud noise. It was a shame. If we had done this at Hikigaya's house, I could have played with his cat.

I finished cutting the three cakes with a large knife. Icing adhered to the grey blade, decorating even that uninteresting edge with white, green and red. I poured glistening soft drink into cups of ice. The drinks crisply crackled as they mixed with the ice.

Yuigahama unpacked the giant bucket of fried chicken. Immediately, the familiar irresistible scent of oil and spices filled the room.

We passed paper plates and the cups of soft drink around. Each of us had a go at the fried chicken and a slice of cake. None of us felt the need to be reserved; there was plenty of food for the taking. In fact, it would be better to let go of modesty. If we didn't, we would have too many leftovers, given the amount that was present.

"Yukinon, do you want another piece of chicken?" asked Yuigahama.

"Yes. Thank you,"

"Komachi is so glad that she's eating so much chicken this month!" spoke Komachi.

Food naturally met with conversation. We teased each other and chuckled heartily. We bit into forkfuls of cake and chunks of chicken while we engrossed ourselves in the presence of each other. Every time I took a gulp of the soft drink, my throat jumped alive with the tickles. Every time we shared words with plates in hand, we felt blissful.

In the middle of all that, Hikigaya suddenly wore a serious expression and called out to Yuigahama, "Hey, do you mind real quick?"

"Whaf ish it?" asked Yuigahama with a mouth full of cake.

"So, how is this any different from a birthday party?" inquired Hikigaya, "We're at karaoke again, eating food, eating cake, doing toasts, just like we always do. Is this really the right way to spend Christmas? This really doesn't feel any different from those guys going 'wey, wey'. I'm starting to fear for my own identity."

Never fear, Hikigaya Hachiman. It was impossible that you would be like those energetic types shouting incomprehensible words. Have more confidence in your own identity. Be more believing in the fact that you're simply a depressing loner.

"Th-that's, um," started Yuigahama, but she was unable to offer any explanation.

"Uwah, you're such a pain, Onii-chan," muttered a displeased Komachi.

Although, Hikigaya certainly had a point. Even as I got myself settled, I followed my habits. I did what I usually did when we meet up here. The only deviation was that we said "Merry Christmas" as opposed to "Happy Birthday".

"Certainly. How exactly is this any different?" I wondered.

"Not good, the pain in the butts are spreading!" groaned Komachi.

"Hikigaya, you're just like a cheetah. Just when I thought you took a step forward, you immediately take two steps back," jested Hiratsuka.

I was no expert zoologist, but would a cheetah actually maneuver like that? Would any animal even have such a behaviour? I saw no benefit, except maybe in tricking a predator. However, animals had far more creative ways of escape.

"Hey, Yukinon, are cheetahs really like that?" asked Yuigahama.

"I wonder? I've never heard of that before," I replied with a puzzled expression.

Hiratsuka slapped her head and said, "I-It didn't get across, huh. I guess our generational gap is just far too big. Haa..."

Hiratsuka's eyes sank like stones. Their lustre faded, becoming as dull as rock.

"Ugggyyaaaaah! I don't know what's going on, but the pains in the butts increased again!" yelled Komachi as she stood up and held her head with a crazed expression.

"Ah, but look, Hachiman. We still have the present exchange, right? That's something very Christmas-like," mentioned Totsuka.

Hikigaya snapped his fingers and said in realization, "Oh, you're right about that!"

Indeed, the event of secret Santa was something that was unique to Christmas. People seldom did random gift exchanges outside of the holiday season.

"That's true. We don't do something like this normally," I said, convinced.

"Nice one, Totsuka-san! With that being said, it's time for the present exchaaaaange! 'Kay, 'kay, everyone, please take out your presents! Please put them in the middle of the table!" directed Komachi with heightened gusto.

I took out my gift from my bag. I placed that small rectangular box on top of the table. Others also procured their own neatly-wrapped boxes. I was glad. It seemed that Hikigaya had enough sense to properly prepare his present.

"Okay! Then we'll get to mixing them!" announced Komachi.

"Shuffle TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!" roared Chuuni.

Quiet, you. I demand payment for ear surgery.

Komachi skillfully moved around the boxes on the table as if they were mahjong tiles. Although it was impressive, I hope that this does not lead her into seriously playing mahjong. Uncontrolled gambling quickly leads to demise.

Komachi raised her left index finger and quickly spoke her explanation, "We'll pass the presents around like in hot potato while the music plays. You'll get whatever's in your hands when the music stops. As for the rest... well, just read the mood as we go along."

Although I appreciate the directions, please it in more detail, especially the part after the music ends. I needed to be fully aware of the rules to prepare an optimal strategy for maximum success.

"This girl, she tries to be considerate, but her explanations can get quite crude," I said before I sighed.

"Nah, it's not that big of a deal. You'll see how it is once we get down to it," reassured Hiratsuka, "Now then, Yukinoshita. Get your hands ready. The music's starting!"

Hiratsuka picked up the karaoke remote control and pointed it at the screen. She operated it, and the screen quickly switched from Main Menu to Music. She selected "We Wish You A Merry Christmas". The settings screen showed up and Hiratsuka set the timer to 1 minute. With an exaggerated motion, she slapped the OK button.

The lyric-less instrumental accompaniment played from the speakers around the room. I passed the present in my hand to Komachi on the left. After that, I received another present from Yuigahama on the right. I, and everyone else, repeated that process many times. It was quite simple.

Meanwhile, we were completely silent as we concentrated on this task at hand. Only the rustling of paper and the music could be heard. The atmosphere was a little awkward. Were we supposed to do something else as well?

"What's with this bizarre silence," uneasily spoke Yuigahama.

"This is a lot more normal than I expected," said a disgruntled Hikigaya, "Hey, Yuigahama, is this how it's supposed to be?"

"W-Well, for the most part, I guess so. I mean, well, this is normal. Christmas parties tend to be less exciting or something," spoke Yuigahama without confidence.

Often, when we compare expectation to reality, we become deeply dissatisfied. Companies tried their best to sell the image of their product to you, and you got an unrealistically positive notion of it. When you go out and actually buy it, however, the real object does not match the perfect image in your head. The feeling of having something not meet your expectations was, in my opinion, one of the worst feelings to be experienced.

"I think I was subjected to a really regrettable story just now," muttered Hikigaya, "Oh, the music stopped."

Confound it! I had a present in my hand when it stopped! Wait, we weren't playing hot potato. Good. Looks like I haven't lost yet.

"Okay, let's start with Onii-chan's present!" proclaimed Komachi.

With that cue, Hikigaya tore at the wrapping on his present.

It appeared to be a USB flash drive. How useful. The applications of such a device included transfer of files between computers and other devices, short-term storage, acting as an emergency boot drive, and much more. USB flash drives have been increasing in capacity at the same price points. These days, one could purchase 32 GB flash drives for under two thousand yen. In addition, with the advent of USB 3.0, the transfer of files to and from the flash drive has become much faster.

Overall, it was an excellent gift. I remembered a certain someone buying something like that in the electronics store.

"Gefukon, gefukon, okopoooon. It appears that you have received my present," dramatically stated Chuuni.

It seemed that even this delusional boy could act rationally once in a while.

"Ooh, Zaimokuza's huh? This is pretty darn practical of you. What's up with that?" wondered Hikigaya.

Oh, so his name was Zaimokuza. This time for sure, I will remember it. I attempted to associate his name with his face. However, that plan ended in failure as I was unable to stand the sight of those sweaty, fat cheeks for more than three seconds.

"Worry not, Hachiman! I made sure to put the documents with my story in there for you," said Zaimoku-almost-had-it.

"What, I don't really need that," retorted Hikigaya.

"Fuhaha! During the winter, do yourself some good and read it!"

Hikigaya looked at me in desperation. No, I will not help you proofread another disastrous manuscript again.

"Now then, from whom did I get my present from?" excitedly spoke Zai-back-to-Chuuni as he rapidly stripped away the wrappings on his present.

Within seconds, a cushion emerged from the torn-away paper.

"Oh, what is this, what is this!? Is this not what they call a cushion!?" screamed Chuuni.

He gave it a couple squeezes. His fat fingers were absorbed right into the plush material.

"Ah, isn't that part of the sofa set that turned you into a good-for-nothing?" pointed out Yuigahama.

"So that means it's a present from Hikigaya-kun?" I said as I looked at Hikigaya.

"Yeah, the sofa was too big and expensive, so I went with the cushion," he answered.

I suppose that he had no other ideas if he went with what we suggested earlier. I also hope that he bought a second cushion for his cat. He wouldn't neglect his cat, right?

"Th-This velvety smoothness... this material that springs back at you when you push down on it... Fumu fumu. Indeed, this quality is exquisite. Starting today, I shall hug this while sleeping," stated Chuuni.

"Er no, don't do that. That's gross," spat Hikigaya.

Chuuni put the cushion on the couch he was sitting on and laid down, resting his head on the cushion. The couch made squeaks like a mouse under the large shifting weight.

"Hm, let's give this a try," said Chuuni, full of expectation, "Ununu. T-This is... This, this abundant warmth, this fluffy softness, how it adjusts its shape to my needs. Ah, no, I can't anymore. I AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING ASLEEEEE- drop."

Immediately, Chuuni lost his consciousness. His stomach heaved up and down with the rhythm of his loud snores like an engine powering his dreamland.

It was arrogant for one to be absolutely sure that a phenomenon would never happen. Human knowledge, though always expanding, would probably never know the universe completely. We will always overlook something or be unable to detect something. We may never be able to explain or predict everything. Seeing how quickly and easily that fat boy fell asleep reminded me that even everyday circumstances could challenge what I thought I knew was impossible.

The room fell silent for just a brief moment, likely because we were all marvelling at this unique spectacle. Or perhaps we were just feeling awkward.

"Um, okay. Shall we go with Hiratsuka-sensei next?" timidly spoke Komachi.

"Umu, the pattern on the wrapping is so cute. It's a shame that I have to undo it. Oh well, here goes- oh look, it's hand cream," said Hiratsuka with satisfaction.

"Ah yes. This season will get you really dry, so that's why," spoke up Totsuka, "There's also shea butter in there, so it'll really moisten you up. I use it during club."

So it he who bought it. Honestly, I expected one of the girls to have purchased it, but this was fine too. No, there was a problem if this seemed normal.

What he said made sense, though. The wintery air of low humidity created a steep water gradient between your skin and the air. The drive for the water in your epidermal tissue to evaporate is much greater than during times of higher humidity. The loss of moisture in your skin would cause your skin to crack which, in Hiratsuka-sensei's case, would further exaggerate the wrinkles and lines found on a person of older age.

"S-Sai-chan, you're amazing," praised Komachi.

"Overwhelming girl power..." said Yuigahama in shock.

"I see, so this is girl power. So if I use this, I wonder if it'll increase mine too. Haa, I could use some moisture... Since I'm so dried up... I'm like a desert. Uuuuuuuuuu," sobbed Hiratsuka.

Dry despair emanated from Hiratsuka like a heat wave. The wet warmth and moist emotions were sucked right out of our faces, leaving us with cracked, stiff frowns and smiles. I unknowingly reached out for my glass of soda.

"Ha! Shoot! The atmosphere's becoming a pain again!" cried Komachi, "Okaaay, Komachi's next! Oh, this is wrapped rather fancily. Inside is- oh, tea leaves! So that means this is from Yukino-san!"

Komachi cupped my present in her hands as if it was a baby. An inexplicable warm feeling in my chest overflowed to my face, causing me to smile.

Yes, the present I had chosen was tea. Tea was something that we had together in the club room. The invigorating aroma and the toasty warmth gave us a moment of respite and a catalyst for conversation. However, at one point, that tea disappeared. Without that hot drink, our hands froze, and our throats were dehydrated to the point of superficiality. Yet, somehow, tea managed to return. After its long absence, we were, once again, enriched by its familiar smell. This time, that aroma would be protected and cherished.

With those thoughts in mind, I had decided to pick tea as my present. Perhaps the other party would not understand the sentiments I held, but my only hope was that they too would be experience the same comforting warmth and fragrance as I did.

Although, I had overlooked something. I realized that not everyone enjoys drinking tea.

"Yes. I tried looking for something that isn't too strong, just in case," I said with a hint of worry, "It's just that I thought maybe Komachi-san might be more oriented towards coffee instead."

"No, no, not at all, Yukino-san. Well, I do drink it quite a lot to match with my brother. But, with this, my brother will be enlightened to the joys of tea!" jubilantly said Komachi.

"Hey, are you implying that MAX Coffee isn't refined or something? I'll have you know that professional businessmen or any other high-class person drink coffee quite often. Therefore, you could say that I belonged in the realm of the sophisticated thanks to MAX Coffee," said Hikigaya with a grin.

"If you think that gulping down half a day's worth of carbohydrates in a can is high-class, then even candy-crunching children would fit that definition. Or are you trying to say that you are like a child?" I retorted.

"Even children drink coffee these days. The era of high sophistication has come," proclaimed Hikigaya.

"While I do agree that we are more sophisticated than ever, and that we are becoming more so at an increasing rate, it's due to accelerated innovation, not due to the increasing popularity of caffeinated drinks," I said in exasperation, "Do you hate tea that much?"

"You're misunderstanding something. Of course I like to drink tea. I always drink the tea that you make at club. In fact, I can say that you make some of the best tea I've ever head," said Hikigaya.

"Wha-"

I became taken aback. For some reason, I was unable to say a word in response.

"And I appreciate it. You even bought me a cup so we- wait, why am I showering you with praises? What was I trying to say again?"

"Ufufufu, that means I really have to get Onii-chan to drink tea more often," slyly noted Komachi, "Okay, Yukino-san, why don't you open your present next?"

"Sure," I said as I nodded.

I reached out to take my present. The gifts so far have all been surprisingly well-thought out. Every single one was either useful or provided comfort, relaxation, and enjoyment. Thanks to that, my curiosity for my own present was piqued.

"Ah, that's mine!" shouted Yuigahama.

"Is it? This cute packaging, it's definitely like you, Yuigahama," I said.

I carefully undid the ribbon and neatly unfolded the wrapping paper. Emerging from the wrapping was a transparent cylindrical container filled with granules of large pink pieces. It was clear what this was, even without reading the label.

"Oh, this is bath salt? How wonderful," I spoke in honest appreciation.

"Right! And it's not just that. Look on the side! There's a scrub with it!" noted Yuigahama.

"Darn, bath salt, huh? I think I overlapped with Yuigahama," said Hiratsuka.

Hiratsuka slapped her forehead in apparent frustration. It was clear to all of us that she was rejoicing, though. Her supposed-to-be-bawling eyes were directed at the present in front of Totsuka, which must mean that Totsuka had received Hiratsuka's gift.

It was wrapped in a plain brown packaging, not unlike the material used in paper lunch bags. Totsuka ripped off the clear tape and dismantled the haphazard wrapping as if he was removing the wrapping for a burger.

A literal treasure chest emerged. Totsuka undid the lock, which served no protective function at all and opened without a key. Inside were personal care items like brushes, towels, and soap.

"An assortment of hot spring items?" said Yuigahama in confusion.

"That does certainly resemble the bath salts, but there's something decisively different about it," I observed.

The way this packing itself was prepared, the focus on utility rather than lavishness, something seemed off.

"Mmm, it's less like a girl, but... like an old- uh, like an adult!" quickly said Komachi.

Right on the mark.

"Uu, I can't help but feel the consideration," groaned Hiratsuka as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"No, no. I do like hot springs, so I'm happy," angelically said Totsuka.

"Y-Yeah, for us guys, it's something to be happy about," added Hikigaya.

Hiratsuka's mood became a bit more uplifted thanks to those words, and she said, "R-Right? It's a little too early for you guys, but a beer after a long bath is the best!"

The image of a soggy forty year old man with big, round belly and nothing but a towel around his nether regions holding a can of Asahi superimposed on Hiratsuka. Even though it was a mental image, I rubbed my eyes just in case.

"I think I understand why Sensei can't get married," spoke Komachi as she nodded, "She's a lot manlier than those boys over there."

That was certainly true. Over there, we had Hikigaya, one who was too pathetic to be called a man; Chuuni, who was too annoying to even be considered a man; and Totsuka, who leaned so far to the side of woman that it was difficult to call him a man.

"Okay, so last one is me then," said Yuigahama as she reached for her present.

The only person who hasn't confirmed themselves as the giver of a gift was Komachi. That meant that this gift was from her.

Yuigahama tore away the wrapping paper with unusual proficiency. That was understandable. A popular and kind girl like her must have always received presents from others.

"Ah, it's soap! Thank you, Komachi! This is actually one of the popular ones right now too!" cried Yuigahama in glee.

"That's right! I'm using it right now and it has a really good smell!" said Komachi as she confidently put her hands on her hip.

Yuigahama clapped her hands together, signifying a moment of eureka, and said, "Oh, I know. Yukinon, let's use this together today. And the bath salt too. Oh, I can't wait!"

"I don't mind, but... Eh? You don't mean to go in together, right?" I asked just to make sure.

"Eh? But if we don't, then we can't use it together," replied Yuigahama as-a-matter-of-fact.

We've never agreed to take a bath together in the past. It was still embarrassing for me. Actually, why did people bathe together at this age anyway? Was it to save water? However, none of us were of minimal income families, so that should not have been a problem. I-I mean, the cost of saving money was having to see each other naked so...

"Hey, Yurigahama, I mean, Yuigahama. Talk about that stuff after you get home. Like, after, because... well..." Hikigaya trailed off awkwardly.

Yuigahama tilted her head at first, but when realization kicked in, her cheeks became ablaze with crimson.

"...Ah, y-yeah," muttered Yuigahama while trying her best to look down.

"Yuigahama-san, you dummy..." I mumbled, unable to hold back my own embarrassment.

I covered my chest with my arms. That act only served to redden my face and Yuigahama's face even further. I attempted to avert my eyes, but Yuigahama's figure stayed in the corner of my vision. My eyes met with Hikigaya's, who was also blushing for some reason. He looked at my arms for a moment, but quickly lifted his face when he realized what he was doing. I did not dare guess at what went through his mind. Komachi peered at us expectantly.

"Gefun, gefun, morosu... Fuumu... Upon opening my eyes, the atmosphere has become very odd at some point, it seems? Like, how they say, pink," sleepily muttered Chuuni.

"Ah, Chuuni-san, did you just wake up?" said Komachi malevolently, "It's okay if you just sleep a little longer."

Thanks to that momentary distraction, I managed to recover. I coughed three times and returned to my usual state of mind.

"So, the present exchange is over. I don't see anything else Christmas related. What else after this, then?" mentioned Hikigaya.

"Geh, Onii-chan just wants to drop the bomb while we're all on high, huh," exasperatedly spoke Komachi.

"Ahahaha, well, that's Hikki. But really what else do we-"

"Ha! I got it! It's Christmas, that means Christmas carols!" interrupted Komachi.

"Th-That's it!" agreed Yuigahama.

They gave each other a high-five.

"In fact, there's nothing else I can think of!" said Yuigahama with contradictory joy.

That's not something you should be admitting, Yuigahama-san.

However, singing was something else that we usually did. Singing was not even restricted to our outings, either. That meant that it was less unique to Christmas.

"Is singing enough to make it feel like Christmas?" I wondered.

"Mmm, Christmas carols have a lot of imagery, and just listening gets you right in the mood," explained Totsuka.

"Correct. A theme song can be said to be the face of a product. Truly, a face song! A spectacle that draws the faces towards the song. The pied piper that guides people to the lineup!" spoke Chuuni.

If Christmas was the product, then the Christmas carols advertised that product? So, it came down to capitalism in the end. The market economy was truly both frightening.

"Oh, going to sing are we? Sounds good, sing, sing!" boisterously cried Hiratsuka, "If you guys aren't going to sing, then I'll sing Single Bells instead!"

Hiratsuka's eyes were swimming like loose marbles. She flailed her arms, then bent back and guffawed. Seeing her behave like that was a little frightening.

"Hiratsuka-sensei, is she drunk?" I said as I looked at the labels of the empty bottles, "There shouldn't be any alcohol."

"No, but she is drunk in a way. Drunk on the atmosphere," explained Hikigaya as he shrugged his shoulders.

Perhaps Hiratsuka frequently drank at parties with similar atmospheres to this. Eventually, she connected alcohol to parties. Now, as long as she was at a party, if the mood was just right, she would act as if she was drunk automatically without consuming a single drop of wine. That was scary. Eventually, when I grow up, I will have to partake in formal parties, where it is expected that I consume alcohol. I hope that I don't become like Hiratsuka.

Yuigaham grabbed hold of the microphone and bolted upwards. An empty bottle on the table shook unsteadily from the force and eventually toppled over.

"Okay! Yuigahama Yui will sing!" she announced, "Yukinon too."

"Wait, why me too?" I complained

The big black microphone was thrust in front of my face. I shoved it away with my hand, but it swung back like a persistent predator. I looked up at face of the holder of that microphone — Yuigahama. I opened my mouth, intending to refuse. The sentence became tangled up into a ball and wedged itself in my throat when I saw Yuigahama's golem-sturdy smile.

"I-I suppose that it can't be helped," I said reluctantly as I took the microphone from her hand.

I stood up alongside Yuigahama. She chose a song from the karaoke's database. Komachi began shaking the tambourines wildly. Please adjust the rhythm to match the percussion in the actual song. Far too many times have I internally winced when the clapping of someone or their snapping was completely off-metre.

I cleared my throat and adjusted the collar of my shirt. If I was to sing, I needed to get serious. Music was a beautiful form of expression, after all. Also, if singing would allow us to fully enjoy Christmas, then I needed to make sure that I did my part to bring it out.

"Then, our first song. _Merry Christmas With You_!"

"Yuigahama-san, there's no need to say that when the title of the song is clearly on the screen. Oh, it's starting."

* * *

I laid back on the couch in the karaoke booth. The plumpness soothed my stiff bottom that supported my standing self for a good thirty to forty minutes. I downed a glass of soda to rehydrate a mouth so dry that it felt like I had no saliva.

"That should be enough, right? I mean, five songs in a row was pushing it," I said with fatigue.

"Hmmm, I think we have time to do one more," said Komachi, "Let's seeeeeee. I know! Yukino-san, why don't you sing with my brother?"

"What? Please don't put me through the punishment of having to sing with that thing," I said with displeasure.

I'm not trying to be mean, but Hikigaya's subdued, low, loner-esque voice would not translate well into full-blown song. I would rather be paired with a monkey.

"Oh, so you're saying that you wouldn't bare to match up with someone better at singing than you?" slyly said Komachi.

"H-Hey, Komachi!" exclaimed Hikigaya.

"Is that so? Hikigaya-kun, take up a microphone. I'll show you just how far apart we are in ability," I challenged.

Normally I would not do this, but my pride was at stake. If someone dared to look down on me, then I would prove to them just who was the one that was underneath.

"Y-Yukinoshita-san, you're being lead on-"

"Hikigaya-kun take it."

I took the other microphone and shoved it into Hikigaya's hands.

"Fine," conceded Hikigaya, "Komachi, when we get home, I'm going to punish you."

"Iyaaa. Oh no, what would our father think?" said Komachi in a falsetto voice.

"Nevermind. I forgot that I was at the bottom of the Hikigaya food chain," muttered Hikigaya.

"You're also at the bottom of all of Japan's food chain. Hikigaya-kun, let's do competitive mode," I said with a serious tone.

Competitive mode was a mode that tested how on-tune you were with your voice, as well as how precisely you stuck to the metre. The more accurate you were, the more points you got. If desired, you could compete against someone for the higher points. Even if you did not have a fellow singer to compete against directly, you could still get a sense of competition by competing against the leaderboards.

"I'll let you decide what song we are going to sing. I can at least spare you this futile advantage in the face of an inevitable defeat," I said confidently.

"Yukinoshita-san, you do know that you're getting tricked, right? Well, it's not like I mind singing. Here, uh, wait, this one," said Hikigaya, "I'll enter in our names."

"A duet? Ah, we haven't really done this one before," spoke Yuigahama.

A duet would require the two competing singers to sing together, rather than going one at a time.

"That's fine with me, but make sure you don't feel too discouraged trying to keep up with me," I jeered.

"Oooh, a duet with Yukinon. Onii-chan, good job!" praised Komachi for some reason.

"Let's just get this over with," said Hikigaya as he shrugged.

Hikigaya hit the OK button on the remote control. The lights in the room automatically dimmed. On the screen, the words "ARE YOU READY" appeared. We both firmly gripped our microphones.

I suppose that it would be fine to go all-out for this final song. I breathed in deeply, taking in Christmas, making it my own. I exhaled fully, pushing out my previous fatigue, so that, through this song, I would display, in verse. appreciation, sincerity, joy, and hope.

_Flickering Lights Brighten the Icy Prison_

_PLAYER 1: YUKINOSHITA YUKINO_

PLAYER 2: HIKIGAYA HACHIMAN

_The usual days, the persisting gap_

Asleep I've fallen on my desk

_I keep my distance as I anticipate a trap_

The longest word I've spoken today is "yes"

_In this prison, I've locked myself in_

Outside of happiness, I've been locked out

_Even though I'm not atoning for a sin_

I don't feel comfortable, yet I do not pout

_I open my book, the usual trend_

I'm being dragged by the arm

_The door bursts open, my reading abruptly ends_

The door is opened, and I behold my eyes

_Standing in front of me is a wretched boy_

Sitting in front of me is an icy girl

That's why my romantic comedy is wrong as I expected

_The cookies were baked perfectly, but that answer was incorrect_

The cookies were as coal, but the answer lay not in the taste

_Test of courage, their relationships were reset_

The answer that solved nothing was chosen in haste

_The unseen solution, the chairwoman's teary speech_

I laugh in self-derision. Proof that I could salvage the world

_The despicable solution, the result of my inability to reach_

Proof that I could not separate myself from the world. The back of the girl—

_For the first time, I despised that inescapable prison_

For the first time, I longed for the key to open that door

_I did not understand, even if I could listen_

We could speak, but meaning was no more

_Slipping away, the gradual release_

Diverging, leaving

_The unwanted peace, the inevitable cease_

Familiar, expectant, irrational

_Permission to leave, permission to stop_

Unacceptable, thinking, somehow, root

_The finality, the conclusion of this short story_

Decision, club room, facing, shaking, her

_I reject his request and—_

I reveal what I long after

_I don't understand what_

This genuine thing, I wonder

_Why it shook the metal bars_

That I thought could not be

_The trembling and the tears_

That I thought I could no longer see

We had begun, once more, to desire for that comedy

_And on this day, when the bells jingle_

On this night, when the carollers sing

_Our wish could be granted upon the star's twinkle_

Together, we desire the same thing

_The fluctuating distance means little before the dancing, flickering candlelight_

There is no fear, there is no fright

_Noel bright, even the prison alights_

More than ever, taut and tight

_Together on this Christmas night_

The culmination of our delight

_The wretched boy_

The icy girl

We sing together and pray for that genuine comedy

That's why my romantic comedy is wrong as I expected, but even so I long for it

We had begun, once more, to desire for that comedy, that which we would not forfeit

We sing together and pray for that genuine comedy, something that was not a finality

But eternity  


_PLAYER 1: YUKINOSHITA YUKINO_

_91 POINTS_

PLAYER 2: HIKIGAYA HACHIMAN

81 POINTS

"Ah, that was nice, you two. Komachi is happy!" sweetly spoke Komachi.

"Although I'm glad that I won, something about that song felt off," I said with a similar feeling of a piece of corn stuck between teeth.

"I know what you mean," said Hikigaya as he nodded agreement, "It was as if the lyrics were written like a poem, rather than a song. How did that even work out?"

"The first part of the lyrics was written poorly. The topic did not really relate to the rest of the song that well. Actually, it was rather misleading," I voiced out my concerns.

"N-Now, now you two. You did pretty well, you know," said Yuigahama with a wry expression.

"Geh, so even after all that, we ended with pains in the butt, huh," dissatisfiedly uttered Komachi.

Although, I did not dislike that song. It felt like some of myself was being transposed into verse. However, it was a little too accurate. It was as if some stranger was reading my thoughts like a book.

"It's scary in a way, but I suppose that Hikigaya being able to score above fifty was even scarier," I said with a dark tone.

"As a future house husband, I have to be able to sing lullabies for my babies," retorted Hikigaya, "Although, I kinda get what you mean by scary."

I stretched my arms far above my head. It was a measure to stifle the accumulating fatigue. It was not ordinary tiredness that I felt, however. It was closer to satisfaction.

* * *

Night had long since fallen. All of the streetlights had come on. As we walked on the road, we observed the decorated houses around us. Shining Christmas lights adorned the doors, roofs and windows. Statues of Santa Claus sat in clay sleighs that held sacks of gifts. It gave the sense that Santa was inviting you to take a present for yourself.

"In the end, it just turned into a karaoke night again, huh?" mentioned Hikigaya.

"W-What's the big deal?" said Yuigahama with a faltering voice, "It was fun."

The party had concluded. Our vocal chords were worn out, so our tones were a bit softer than usual. It was a minor consequence. Just as Yuigahama pointed out, we were all satisfied in the end.

Totsuka had further things planned with his family, so he quickly left after our last song. Although Chuuni sputtered some nonsense about a warrior conceding to worldly pleasures, he wore an unusually peaceful expression as he wished us a "jolly good battle, Hachiman!". Hiratsuka-sensei's energy ran out at the end, but she did not fall to lamenting about her bachelor status, surprisingly. Instead, she told us not to stay behind too late with a final smile and even paid for the bill entirely.

Although, satisfaction was only one of our goals. It was easy to forget, but one of the reasons why we held this party was to thank Totsuka, Komachi and the others for their help during the Christmas event held by the two schools.

"I wonder if this was enough to serve as a thank-you for Komachi-san and the others," I murmured.

"Well, it looked like they had a good time, so it should be fine," assured Hikigaya.

I do not believe that we ever explicitly thanked them, though. Hopefully our intentions got through.

"I hope so. Ah, but Hikki, was it okay for you to come with us?" asked Yuigahama, "I know Komachi-chan told you to, but you didn't really have to walk us back."

"That's true. My house is just right over there as well," I said as I pointed straight ahead.

Just when we were about to leave the karaoke place, Komachi had pushed Hikigaya towards Yuigahama and me. She insisted that he accompany us, giving reasons like the streets being dangerous at night, it would be bad manners to have two girls walk home alone, and that if he didn't, Komachi wouldn't talk to Hikigaya for a week. I did not really understand why she was so insistent. It was not like we had a high chance of running into trouble, especially with my place being so near.

"Well, there's the cake and other baggage. This much isn't a big deal," said Hikigaya as he shrugged.

It would have been a bit troublesome if Yuigahama and I had to carry everything ourselves. Perhaps Komachi was worried about our endurance? How thoughtful of her.

"I see. That's a big help then," I said in approval, "There's quite a bit of leftover cake too."

There were seven of us that attempted to tackle the three cakes. That meant that each person had to eat three-sevenths of a cake. Unfortunately, most of us could not even surpass the hurdle of two slices. The cakes were sliced into eighths, and many of us could only eat one slice. The result was that a little less than the equivalent of two cakes remained.

"But, but, it's kind of nice having an entire cake left! It's one of my dreams to eat it whole!" exclaimed Yuigahama with sparkling eyes.

"That's if you can even eat it all. I mean, it's actually quite painful," I said with a strained smile.

"So you've tried it before," spoke a bewildered Hikigaya.

It was about a year ago. I do not exactly remember why, but I had bought an entire full-sized strawberry cheesecake from a bakery that opened near the school. The first mouthful tingled my senses with a sweet sensation of a perfectly soft texture coupled with a sublime flavour. I immediately devoured the entire slice on my plate. Greedy for more, I placed another slice on my plate and downed it in seconds. Then, I consumed yet another slice, and another slice after that. By the time I reached my fifth slice, the strain on my stomach reached dangerously high levels. I ignored my physiological warning signals and went for a sixth slice. When I was halfway through, I lurched over, and the acidic contents of my stomach spontaneously splattered all over the table in rejection.

"It was one of the most unpleasant things I've ever done," I winced.

"Ah, we can see Yukinon's place now," spoke up Yuigahama.

"Yes. Hikigaya-kun, up to here is fine," I said as we stopped in front of the crosswalk.

The standing red light across the street signalled for us to wait. We had some time until it would turn green. It was a good time to bid farewell.

"Is that so? Alright, here's the cake," said Hikigaya as he handed the two remaining boxes to Yuigahama.

With his hands somewhat more free than before, he reached into the bag that he was carrying. He took out two pouches, one green and one red, both delicately bound with a ribbon and button that said "Merry Christmas".

"Also, can you take these back with you too?" murmured Hikigaya as he handed the pouches to Yuigahama and me.

"Eh? Are these... are these Christmas presents?" timidly asked Yuigahama.

"For me and for Yuigahama-san... There's one for each of us," I said with a wide eyes.

The red velvet of the pouch felt curiously soft like feathers. The pouch was light, but my hands could not help but tremble as if it was heavy. As I fixedly stared at that fragile pouch, the rhythmic cardiac contractions in my chest fought fast as if my brain could never receive enough oxygen to process the tumultuous mixture of disbelief, bewilderment, expectation, and mush.

"Well, it's like a thank-you for the tea cup," embarrassedly explained Hikigaya.

His face slowly turned red as he said those words almost under his breath. He averted his eyes, but he could not hide the wild quivering of his expectant, worrying brown pupils. He inserted his hands into his pockets, which were surely balled tensely and tightly.

"Is it okay if we open them?" shyly asked Yuigahama.

"Mm, sure," consented Hikigaya with an almost inaudible mumble.

Yuigahama and I carefully pulled at the lengths of the ribbon. The curls shrank as they were drawn until they disappeared through the loop. The ribbon and button freely fell into my hands, and I pocketed them both, for I felt that it would not be right to discard them. With the binding gone, I slowly put my shaking hand into the pouch and withdrew the silky and springy gift from within.

When we saw what they were, we simultaneously gasped.

"They're scrunchies..." I barely voiced, breathless.

In my hand sat a rose pink, pompous and wrinkled, elastic ring. Yuigahama's scrunchie was nearly identical, except that it was navy blue.

"Yukinon and I are matching!" joyfully exclaimed Yuigahama.

"Yuigahama's blue while mine's pink?" I muttered, "I feel like this should've been the opposite."

The pink scrunchie would have gone well with Yuigahama's vibrant theme. As for me, I tended to pick darker-coloured clothes, and my hair was black, so the blue scrunchie would have matched me.

"No, that's good, or at least I think so," assuredly said Hikigaya.

I almost spoke up with the above reasoning, but I stopped myself. I realized something.

There was meaning in the mismatch. I was given something that I was not likely to have purchased on my own. I was given something that was more reminiscent of Yuigahama than of myself. The thing that I was given was personally selected by the awkward, yet careful hand of Hikigaya.

I had no reason to be dissatisfied. No, I had all the reason to rejoice. Ingrained within the fabric was the part of Hikigaya's self that cherished the girl that continued to dazzle him with vivacious joy and the girl that had asked of him something that she could never ask of someone else. Surely, that part of his self also desired for these hopelessly immature individuals to form a circle like a scrunchie, to be equidistant to that which we seek at the centre, to close in on it together.

"I see. If this is a form of gratitude, then I'll gladly accept it," I quietly said.

"Yeah Hikki. Thank you. I'll take care of it," vowed Yuigahama as she hugged her blue scrunchie over the left side of her chest.

The light turned from red to green at that moment. The familiar crosswalk tune rang out, bringing us back to reality.

"O-Okay, I'll see you later," spoke Hikigaya as he waved.

"Yeah, see you later, Hikki! Good night!"

It was time to go home after this long and eventful Christmas day and night. I nodded at Yuigahama to tell her that I was ready. We began walking across the street.

However, I wanted to reciprocate Hikigaya's thoughts somehow. I wanted to show gratitude for his gratitude. There was no time to purchase another gift. Yet, the physical presence of a gift was not the most crucial make-up of a gift. A physical object only served as a vector for thankfulness, joyfulness and affection.

I stopped walking when I reached the midway point. Unaware of what I was doing, Yuigahama continued on ahead. It was only when she reached the other side that she realized that I was not beside her and turned around.

"Hikigaya-kun," I called out.

Therefore, I could still give Hikigaya a gift even though I had nothing else to physically give him. I had one last thing that I could impart unto him.

"Hm?"

Hikigaya turned around and looked at me curiously. I grasped some of my long hair and gently caressed it, straightening it out. I slid that hair through my pink scrunchie, making it hug those multitudes of strands closely and securely. I breathed in the cool air, taking in the confidence of Christmas, the encouragement of Noel.

"Merry Christmas," I wished.

"O-Oh. Y-Yeah, Merry Christmas," awkwardly replied Hikigaya, looking even more surprised than Yuigahama and I when we received the scrunchies.

I chuckled like a mischievous child. Perhaps this gift will also be reciprocated with another gift. And another gift will be given as thanks to that. It could become a never-ending loop. It would be something that only the three of us held preciously. It would be something unique, something genuine.

I dashed after Yuigahama as I noticed the countdown that reached five seconds. Hikigaya was far away now, but the distant masculine humming of "Jingle Bells" that I heard assured me that another distance was no longer wide.

Yuigahama was waiting for me with a magnificent smile on her face. The blue scrunchie was on her wrist like a bracelet, a treasured entwining that could be felt with even the smallest flexing.

"Shall we go to my place, then?" I spoke.

"Uh huh. Let's go," said Yuigahama, "Yukinon, did you have fun?"

"Yes. Without a doubt," I said immediately.

Was that how people usually celebrated Christmas? Maybe. I did not know for sure. What I did know was that calling that time worthwhile would be a dramatic understatement. There were many miracles, and one of those miracles would accompany me right on the tufts of my hair from here onwards.

Jingle bells on this jingling night. Beating hearts and sing-song sights.

The snowflakes began to fall. Every single one was completely unique, but even so, they were undeniably of the same composition. Each and every crystal stuck to the ground and together formed snow.

Yuigahama's scrunchie glistened with ice. The girl of ice beside her also glistened.

Yukinoshita Yukino's Christmas comes to a close. Yet, Yukinoshita Yukino will continue to reach.


	15. (V6,5)Christmas Conversation

_**Conversation (after Volume 6.5 Bonus Track)**_

"In the fridge is fine, Yuigahama-san. There should be enough room for both of the cakes."

"Okay. Umm, Yukinon? Actually, there's only enough room for one box."

"Oh, I forgot that I went shopping the other day. Perhaps you can put it in the freezer instead? No, I believe it's near full capacity as well."

"Ahaha, maybe we should just eat it all right now?"

"Perhaps. It would be a waste to throw it out. However, are you sure that we can finish all of it?"

"Of course! You know what they say. People have a second colon for sweets!"

"It's actually stomach. If you insist, then we could try. Although, my previous trauma is coming back to me."

"If you can't, Yukinon, then I'll eat it all myself."

"No, I can't let you go through that alone. I suppose that I still have some room for more. That singing drained some of my energy. I'll go get the plates and forks."

"Ah, thanks."

"Your scrunchie is going to get in the way. Shouldn't you take it off?"

"Oh, you're right. But I really want to wear it, though."

"I see. Perhaps you should do your hair with it. What about using it for your bun?"

"Oh, that's a good idea! Just a sec. Hmm hmm~. These really are nice."

"I would have to agree. It's surprising that someone like Hikigaya-kun could actually pick out something like these. I would have expected some cheap knock-offs from the hundred yen store."

"Ah, well, maybe he asked Komachi-chan?"

"Plausible. Although, he was probably flailing around and frantic while choosing them, just like he was at Destinyland's gift shop. It would have been funny to see that."

"Ahaha, that would be something, I guess..."

"As expected. This cake is well-made. Perhaps I shall visit that cake shop again."

"Yeah! I bet Tobecchi'll be there again too!"

"Suddenly, I don't feel like going there anymore."

"Oh, I'm done. Next!"

"Slow down. The inevitable suffering will only come sooner."

"But it's so tasty!"

"If you say so."

"Ahm uhm. Okay, next!"

"That was even faster than the first slice. Please do slow down. I do not want to clean up after your vomit."

"Oh, I'll be fine."

"I forgot to make the tea. Darjeeling or white peony?"

"U-Um, green?"

"Don't we already have that quite often? Well, if it's what you want, then I'll concede. Please wait a moment."

"..."

"I've finished. Yuigahama-san?"

"O-Oh! Ah, thanks, Yukinon."

"Here."

"Hot, hot."

"Why are you hunched over like that?"

"Oh, no reason. Um, time to finish the cake!"

"Please do so. "

"R-Right. H-Here goes the next bite soooo..."

"All of this sugar's getting to me. I'll take a break."

"Ah, then me too."

"You're still suck on that previous slice."

"Ugh."

"Looks like I'm at my limit soon. I'll eat just half of a slice after this one. Yuigahama-san, can you finish these last two-and-a-half slices?"

"Geh. I mean, yeah! Of course!"

"Thank you."

"D-Don't mention it. Ugaaaa."

"Hm? Are you okay, Yuigahama-san? You're sweating. Is it too hot? I can turn down the temperature."

"Ah, n-no. It's not that. I mean. ugh, my stomach."

"Yuigahama-san?"

"I-I can still finish! I can still- bleh."

"...Do you want to use the bathroom?"

"Yes, please..."

* * *

"Have you, um, recovered?"

"Y-Yeah. Sorry, Yukinon."

"I don't particularly mind. We managed to eat enough despite that. I've transferred the rest of that cake to a smaller container and it fit in the refrigerator."

"Oh, that's smart. Ah, do you want me to help wash the dishes?"

"I've already done that."

"Oh."

"It looks like it's already this late. I know that we barely did anything, but do you just want to get ready for bed?"

"Mmm, sure, I guess. I'm pretty tired after that looooooong day."

"Okay. You can go ahead and take a bath fir- hey, why are you taking off your clothes here?"

"Eh? Aren't we getting in together?"

"Eh? Are we actually doing that?"

"Eh? Didn't we say so?"

"Eh?"

* * *

"Uwaaa, this bath salt, I feel so light. Yukino, how about you?"

"I-It's fine, I suppose."

"Why are you looking away? And, I think you'll enjoy it better if you didn't curl up like that."

"N-No, I'm not like this because I'm embarrassed. The bathtub was designed for use by one person. As a result, it's a tight fit if two people try to cram inside it. I'm like this to reduce the amount of space that I'm taking up, at least lengthwise. Like this, you can stretch out more."

"I never said that you were embarrassed, though?"

"I, um,"

"It's fine, it's fine! We're both girls so... tei!"

"Ah! Stop that."

"Ehehe, the soap smells so good. I really have to thank Komachi-chan later."

"Could you have made that observation by smelling the water and not my skin?"

"So warm."

"I'm inclined to think that you're referring to my body rather than the bath water."

"So soft."

"Not nearly as soft as yours. I mean, I'm a little lacking so-"

"Hey, Yukinon."

"Yes?"

"Was all that Christmas-y enough?"

"Why are you worried about that? Weren't you the one that was fine with everything as long as it was fun?"

"I know. But you and Hikki, well, I wonder if you guys managed to feel like today was Christmas."

"Yuigahama-san, for me, I definitely think that it was very Christmas-like. It was our very special day, so I think that's what matters. Compared to my past December twenty-fifths, I cherish this one the most."

"What were your past Christmases like, Yukinon?"

"Stiff. You know how my family is. Compared to that, today was something I could call precious. That's why you don't need to worry. Actually, wasn't I supposed to be the one that should be worrying about it?"

"Ahaha, I think so. Then, what about Hikki?"

"For him, the very prospect of spending time with people other than his family on Christmas must have been something impossible up until now. I would imagine that he would cry pathetic loner tears in joy."

"Yukinooooon."

"Well, that is, the scrunchies speak for themselves, no?"

"Ah, yep, yep. That's for sure. Yeah! If it's that, then that's our very own Christmas or something. It's hard to explain."

"If it's something that we can't explain clearly, then it should be something of the genuine variety, no?"

"Yeah. It feels like it."

"What are you doing with that scrub?"

"Turn around, Yukinon! I'll wash your back for you!"

"No, it's fine. I can do it myself."

"But it's hard to do it by yourself. That's why I'm here! Don't worry, I will make your back squeaky-clean!"

"That's- well, if you say so."

"'Kay, here goes."

"Hiiii!"

"Wah! The water got into my eyes!"

"Sorry about that. It just felt a little strange having someone else apply to you, since I'm not used to it."

"Ah, I get what you mean. It's like if someone suddenly touched your neck or something. Don't worry, you can trust me. I'll go slow."

"Oh? It doesn't feel so bad."

"Ehehe."

"I think that's enough, Yuigahama-san. Here, I'll do your back for you."

"Really? Thank you, Yukinon!"

"How did you do it? Like this?"

"Something like- hyaaaaan!?"

"No? Maybe something like this."

"Yeah, this is fine! Keep doing it like this. Waaaah..."

"Say, Yuigahama-san. Next year is fine too, right?"

"Ahh... Hmm?"

"I mean, let's have another Christmas party next year as well."

"Hah, hah... Of course! And the year after that too! And, aaah, hah, the year after that, and the year after that, uwaaaaaa, it's going to be so much fun- aaaaaaaahh."

"I don't know what will happen _that_ far into the future, but if we could, that would be wonderful."

"We're... uunnn... going to make it happen."

"You've been sounding like you're in pain for the last little while. Are you alright? As I thought, maybe my place was too hot after all, and being in hot water wouldn't help."

"No, no, you're just imagining it!"

"If you say so- is what I said earlier. Not this time, Yuigahama-san. We need to get out of the bath as soon as possible so that we can cool you down. I'll quickly scrub your front as well to speed up the process."

"No no no no, you don't have to do that Yukinon! Wait! Is it because I was being too touchy-feely earlier!? I'm sorry! Yukinon, wait, waaaaaaaaaaaaait!"


	16. (V10)Resolutions

_**During Volume 10 Chapter 1**_

TO: ====YUI====

TITLE: Happy New Year

Greetings, Yuigahama Yui.

Today is not just any ordinary brand new day. Today marks the transition from the previous year to the next. Although nature does not take into account the human-established Gregorian calendar, nonetheless, this day is important to humankind. The struggle of humans has lead them from a simple hunter-gatherer lifestyle to today's contemporary city lifestyle. By no means had this occurred over a span of mere centuries; it took thousands and thousands of years of toil to reach what is known as today. However, our ancestors did not think in such large scales of time. They had enough trouble as it was simply assuring their survival for the next day. Even at present, that has not changed. Students like us struggle to understand the course material so that we can fully invest ourselves for future work. Once we are of age to work, we focus on finding a job. When we are at the job, we make sure that our tasks are completed well to avoid burdening the rest of the company and being fired. Thus, the New Year's Day commemorates the culmination of all of our struggles: the struggles of yesterday, and the struggles of days long past. It is a celebration of our continued survival. It is a time to reflect, and perhaps set new goalposts to ensure our continued prosperity so that we might be able to last to the next New Year's Day.

That being said, I wish for your continued growth, Yuigahama. If you are experiencing difficulty in setting New Year's resolutions, I have several suggestions. First, I recommend that you improve on your study habits. Secondly, I recommend that you improve on your study habits. Thirdly, I would encourage you to read excellent literature more often, as well as to improve your study habits. Lastly, I would like for you to continue being the cheerful girl that you are that does not hesitate to hold us tightly when we are down, for that is your gift. In addition to that, please improve your study habits.

May all be well in this coming year.

Yukinoshita Yukino

FROM: ====YUI====

TITLE: Re

happy new year, Yukinon :) but i didnt rly get wut u mean in tht first part. u sure u talking about new year?

TO: ====YUI====

TITLE: Re2

Yuigahama-san, I know you can do it. You somehow made it into Sobu after all. You can start with putting more effort into your mails.

TO: Hikigaya Komachi

TITLE: Happy New Year

Hello, Hikigaya Komachi.

The pages have turned once more, and we enter the next chapter. Yet, we feel this transition to be rather small. That cannot be helped given, the gradual progression of days. Other than the festivals and celebrations, there is no natural or physiological sign of the passing of a year. So, why should we care? The answer is human achievement. Within the past year, people have innovated and performed great deeds. This could be advancement in technology. This could be the rescue of a family from a burning house. These are rather dramatic things, but what is regarded as the lesser achievements are no less important. Komachi, your frantic studying in hopes of passing the exams and attending the same school as your brother is no less commendable. After all, large achievements are unachievable if small achievements, the foundations, are not built up beforehand. Success in your daily life and the continuing of prosperity and growth are not to be understated. New Year's day thus is a day to look back on all of these achievements, big or small, to truly appreciate their worth and to gain the motivation to continue producing successes.

For the New Year, you should set new goals or strengthen pre-existing ones. Keep up with your studies, of course. Sobu's exams are no trifling matter. Even for me, I struggled. As for taking care of your brother, well, no amount of effort will be able to salvage that misguided thing, but having a goal for that will at least give you some hope. Komachi, your brother completely does not deserve the cute and responsible girl that you are, so make sure that you continue to put on that smile for him so that you can constantly remind him how lucky he is.

May the coming year be as eventful and meaningful as the last.

Yukinoshita Yukino

FROM: Hikigaya Komachi

TITLE: Re

Yukino-san, Happy New Year! That was reeeeeally long, but I can feel your love through the words! Ah, that just now was high in Komachi points! (=^..^=)

TO: Hikigaya Komachi

TITLE: Re2

That emoticon, it looks like a cat. I like it. I can finally understand why you people enjoy typing in these hieroglyphs-like things. Now, if you don't mind, I'll save that emoticon in a text document for later.

TO: Hikigaya Hachiman[1]

TITLE: Happy New Year

Dear Hikigaya Hachiman,

Are you doing well? I hope so, because new strains of pathogens develop every year. You probably do not remember this, given your poor performance in the sciences, but random mutations occasionally occur as pathogens proliferate. The machinery with which they do so, whether it belongs to them or a host, is not completely perfect, so every once in a while, errors in DNA replication occur. The altered genes of pathogens have a chance to confer resistance to the host's immune system and to medication. Vaccinations of a strain prevalent in the previous year may not provide resistance to new strains that will dominate in the next year. Thus, New Year's day could also be a day of dread. People have overcome sicknesses in the previous year, but new sicknesses will threaten their livelihoods in the next year. As a person who performs only the minimal amount of physical activity such as yourself, you are especially vulnerable to these new strains. Although, I suppose that because you seclude yourself within your home for a lack of better things to do, you are not actively exposing yourself to these pathogens anyway. Congratulations on sacrificing your social life to protect your own health.

I have sent New Year's greetings to some other people already, and this would normally be the part where I suggest New Year's resolutions. However, that may not be necessary with regard to you. After all, you have a rather dedicated goal of become a house-husband. As I completely think that that is a ridiculous notion, I must apologize for my inability to offer suggestions to further that goal. Therefore, I will state some suggestions that may not necessarily relate to your ultimate goal. First, get real. Second, learn how to not sound like a creep when speaking to others. Third, I do admit that you are adept at problem-solving, thus I would like for you to keep that aspect of yours and nourish it for, if nothing else, the Service Club activities.

I wish you the best in the upcoming year (because you will need it).

Yukinoshita Yukino

FROM: Hikigaya Hachiman

TITLE: Re

Seriously, is that any way to greet someone for New Year's? Anyway, Happy New Year.

TO: Hikigaya Hachiman

TITLE: Re2

I tried my best to write the nicest message possible to you. Is that any way to respond to someone kind enough to send even bother sending you a mail? (=^..^=)

FROM: Hikigaya Hachiman

TITLE: Re3

An emoticon from Yukinoshita, now that's a first. But it's horribly out of context. Or was it purposely so as sarcasm?

* * *

I exhaled and a wispy white mist blew out of my mouth, which remained floating in the air for a relatively long time like a pesky spectre.

I rubbed my hands together, desperate to squeeze out heat from the friction. I stiffened my jaw, but I could still not prevent my teeth from rattling like maracas. Occasionally, I would instinctively lean my back on the pole of the shrine arch, but the day was so cold that even the normally low-conductive wood managed to suck away my body heat rapidly.

Beside me, Yuigahama Yui tightly hugged herself. Her hands, whose sizes were augmented by her wool mittens, stroked her upper arms like pistons. She was unable to remain stationary; she wandered back in forth to get her muscles working and her energy reserves metabolizing to generate some heat.

"Geez, why does it have to be so cold?" complained Yuigahama.

"That's a rather difficult question to answer. You could chalk it up to the Earth's position relative to the sun, its tilt, frigid air being blown in from other regions, and other causes," I replied, "Well, just bear with it until Hikigaya-kun and Komachi-san arrive."

As if on cue, a middle school girl wearing a puffy winter coat came rushing our way. Trailing behind her in a lazy hands-in-pockets manner was the dead fish-eyed brother.

"Happy New Year to you both!" greeted Komachi, the little sister.

"Happy New Year and yahallo!" called out Yuigahama.

"What's with that greeting...? Happy New Year," returned the brother, Hikigaya Hachiman, staring weirdly at Yuigahama.

Komachi dove right into the arms of Yuigahama.

"This body, this excess right here, Komachi is all warmed up!" cheerfully said Komachi as she rubbed her head on Yuigahama's front.

"Ehehe, Komachi-chan's smile is making me warm too," spoke Yuigahama like a mother.

Hikigaya was looking at that scene with a perverted smile. No, that was wrong. Upon closer inspection, it was the same type of smile as a person being comforted by a blanket.

To him, I greeted meekly with my mouth in my scarf, "Happy New Year."

"Ahh... Yeah, right. Happy New Year," responded Hikigaya as he softly averted his eyes.

Hikigaya played with the ends of his scarf. We were unable to speak another word to each other and merely spent the next few moments in utter silence.

"Okay, let's go make our visit," said Komachi.

Komachi bravely marched ahead past the arch straight into the crowd. Hikigaya glanced at me and Yuigahama once, then chased after his sister. For some reason, I let out a tiny giggle.

Today, I felt good. It was an awfully vague description, and the cause was not entirely clear, but it was the best I could come up with. The confines of language restricted my ability to fully express this sense of comfort and freedom, like I was able to prance about and connect without barrier. It was times like this that perhaps the most primal, basic description was best as it went straight to the core even without knowledge of the side details.

Yuigahama and I moved forward as well to be alongside those two siblings. As we passed by numerous food stalls, Yuigahama rushed forward and looked around while sniffing like a dog.

"Wow, it's like a festival here," mentioned Yuigahama.

"Yeah, I know! Ah, do you want to eat something? suggested Komachi.

"Totally! Then, maybe... I'll go with candy apples?" pondered Yuigahama.

"Candy apples again, huh?" muttered Hikigaya.

Yuigahama and Komachi were about to head to the side road in search of snacks. However, buying some food now would be a bad idea. It would be highly disrespectful to head into Sengen shrine with taiyaki and caramel apples in hand and to participate in the rituals at the same time.

Also, I did not wish to stay in this crowded area for long. It may be unavoidable later on when we are in search of food, but I wished to put off the accompanying dizziness for as long as possible.

"We'll do that after we visit the shrine," I said, stopping them.

"Okaaay," reluctantly said Yuigahama and Komachi as they sullenly walked back to my side.

We headed forward to the stone steps toward the shrine. Plenty of other people crowded the front of the altar. The crowd here was unusually more civilized than other crowds, possibly out of respect for the shrine or in hopes that their good behaviour would somehow let their prayers get through easier.

"What's everyone going to wish for?" asked Yuigahama.

"You don't do something like that on your first shrine visit," remarked HIkigaya, "This isn't Tanabata."

"That's true," I agreed, "This isn't exactly something that would grant your wish, after all."

The prayer on the first day of the new year was for good fortune. It was more akin to welcoming someone home or giving thanks for a meal than requesting for something specific. Another analogy would be like going to the doctor for a general checkup instead of going to obtain treatment for a specific disease.

"Wow, both of you are so boring!" moaned Komachi.

Yuigahama put on a dumbfounded expression and said, "Yeah, you two! I mean, we're praying to the gods, so it's better for us to ask for something that'll benefit us!"

Yuigahama's response completely ignored what we just said. Well, I suppose that there was a sliver of silver on the lining. What Yuigahama said could make sense in isolation. She was now able to take the most efficient approach, although she was still lacked the ability to comprehend.

I sighed. Then again, wishing for something would probably pass these days. Japan has become, euphemistically speaking, open-minded or, more bluntly speaking, wishy-washy. Several traditions have now become "opened to interpretation". In other words, the original meaning may have become twisted or lost altogether, and people only continued to perform them out of a sense of obligation. Without the original meaning, people were free to insert whatever they wanted into that blank slate of interpretation.

In other words, it would be too annoying to argue any more than this.

"Okay... well, I suppose we can leave it at that," I said, conceding, "However, I feel like the nuance is closer to making an oath than anything else."

This was yet another way of thinking about the first prayer of the year. Usually, oaths were made for some long-term effect. It was like an investment. The wishes made on Tanabata are probably better for short-term wishes than the New Year's prayer.

Yuigahama jumped towards me and clung onto my arm. I did not particularly mind, but she should really give some sort of a warning or one day I may trip. We made our way to the altar. We threw our offerings, shook the bells , did two bows and two claps.

Whether or not we had the right idea about the fine details of the prayer, the core of it was clear. We would reaffirm our desires and hope that they would be fulfilled.

In that case, what was my desire?

I closed my eyes and bowed my head slightly in front of the altar. Forcibly making myself blind, my other senses became more prominent. Yet, I ignored them all. I put the entirety of my focus into my thoughts.

I wanted Komachi to be successful in her examinations. No, there had to be something more.

I want the evils of the world to be washed away. No, it's way too general and vague. Plus, it's such a universal desire, like winning the lottery, that it cheapens the value of the desire itself. However, it gave me an idea. Something ideal that's barely out of reach would be appropriate.

I wanted that thing that I could not put to words, that primordial sense of goodness. I wanted that thing that was now surfacing after being buried away by pointless idolization and cynical shunning. I wanted that thing that I would not relinquish, not by the current me.

I opened my eyes. In front of me, Hikigaya had his eyes closed, deep in prayer. His lips moved silently, reciting some desire of his that I had no knowledge of.

I closed my eyes once more. To whatever greater power that could grant the thing that was beyond my understanding, please put me on the same path as Hikigaya.

* * *

"Oh, fortune slips!" exclaimed Yuigahama.

"Let's go pull some then," said Hikigaya with a nod.

After prayer at the altar, we lined for acquiring omikuji, or the fortune slips. At this particular shrine, we would first draw a stick from a box to obtain a number, which would code for a fortune slip to be received. After I made my 100 yen offering, I pulled out a stick for myself and told the shrine maiden my number. In response, she handed me the slip of paper. I unfolded it. My result: good luck.

"Small luck..." pessimistically muttered Hikigaya.

"Good luck for me," I told him triumphantly.

Hikigaya just can't win against me. His exasperated face must be like that because of his frustration at his loss.

"I got excellent luck!" revealed Yuigahama as she waved around her slip.

"I see. I'm glad for you," I said with a low voice.

So, I was second place? No, no, that won't do at all. I shall rectify this. It's time to sacrifice another hundred yen.

"I got bad luck," depressingly said Komachi.

We froze. All of our eyes fell upon that test-taking girl who had just received the worst possible discouragement. Komachi was a stone statue, whose malevolent architect of luck affixed onto her face a distorted grin and unblinking eyes.

I coughed once, lightly patted those granite shoulders and said, "You'll be fine Komachi-san. There's already this ill-omened thing your family already. You've lived through poor luck all through your life, so this isn't that big of a deal."

"Is that your idea of encouragement?" spoke that devil of misfortune, "Well, look here, Komachi. Don't let these fortune slips bug you too much. In about a week, you'll forget what you even pulled."

"You're one to talk," I groaned.

A rather ironic statement. As he revealed many times, Hikigaya was the type of person to head home after an embarrassing moment and roll around in his bed in agony. Furthermore, they affected him for much longer than one week. As implied by his twisted flashbacks, they affected him to this day.

"It kinda feels like my excellent luck doesn't feel so amazing anymore," muttered Yuigahama.

Indeed, in the same way, a rich person may feel rather uncomfortable with his wealth if she would stroll through slums. She would be wary of envy or would be trying to suppress her own arrogance.

So, what can we do to free statue Komachi of her bad luck?

"Ah, I know. Here let's trade," said Yuigahama as she held out her slip to Komachi.

Komachi tilted her head and said, "Eh, are you sure?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, it's a lucky charm," encouraged Hikigaya, "Don't be shy."

I haven't thought much about it before, but Yuigahama was actually a very lucky girl. After all, through some unimaginable twist in the system of education and the laws of causality, Yuigahama was able to pass the exams to enter Sobu and to remain in Sobu until now. If Yuigahama was to impart on Komachi her luck, well, I would imagine how greatly effective that would be. Though, I hope that would not majorly deplete Yuigahama of her luck as she still needs it to graduate.

"Thank you very much. I'll try my best!" joyfully spoke Komachi.

"Uh huh. If you become my junior, I'd be happy too," softly said Yuigahama.

Still, it did not sit right with me for one of us to have bad luck. What could be done, I wonder? Oh, I had a great idea.

"Yuigahama-san, do you mind if I borrow your slip for a moment?" I asked.

"Eh? Sure..."

I took her slip and tied it with mine end-to-end. It became a single, elongated rod of paper.

"We can average them out like this and we'll both have small luck," I said.

I had good luck, which could have the value of 2 luck. Yuigahama's slip was bad luck, which could have the value of -1 luck. Tying them together like this would combine their effects, effectively making it 0.5 luck or small luck.

"What kind of math are you doing there?" said a surprised Hikigaya.

"So now the three of us are all matching," happily noted Yuigahama.

"That's true. With this, our pulls are all even. No winners or losers," I said, satisfied.

If you can't beat them, join them, right? Now, we were all tied. I no longer lost.

"That's what you were after!?" screamed Yuigahama.

"What's with that messed up way of solving things like you'd do in a pressure-free education?" sighed Hikigaya.

"I'm joking," I said as I tried to make a good-humoured smile.

Goodness, my logic just now was startlingly close to what Hikigaya would come up with. Not that there was anything particularly wrong about that. There were times where Hikigaya's twisted imagination was of use. Although, most of the time it would make your head ache.

With that, the temple-related activities were complete. We were now free to explore the commercial stalls, which Yuigahama was more than happy to do. It made one wonder exactly which part of the New Year's celebrations did Yuigahama want to participate in the most.

Unfortunately, the stall area had only increased in population density since we left it to go to the main shrine area. It seemed that Yuigahama's sentiments were not unique to herself. It begs the question: how many New Year's resolutions involving a reduction in gratuitous consumption were immediately broken the moment the goal-setters stepped a foot away from the altar?

The stalls consisted not only of food, but also of merchandise, clothes, and even some games. For example, there was a shooting gallery right beside the takoyaki stand and- hold on, was that a Pan-san plush as a prize?

"Why is there a shooting gallery here on New Year? Furthermore that... how strange," I muttered.

"Well, it is weird, but there'll be children coming, so isn't it normal to show up since it's a good time to make money?" said Hikigaya as if it was obvious.

Anyone could figure that out. What was mysterious was why this stall had a Destinyland trademarked character up for grabs. Surely, that black-circled right eyed and the star-encircled left eyed creature would have had an expensive license for resale. I wonder how a mere shrine stall owner got his hands on that cutely dangerous panda.

"That makes no sense. Why is it at a place like this...?" I muttered as my feet automatically began shuffling towards that stall.

"Want to give the shooting gallery a go?" suggested Hikigaya.

"No, that's not- I mean, I don't think I can win it because I have no experience with guns. Oh, but it's not a real gun I suppose, just a toy. I would not have to worry about recoil or anything, nor would there be any stress of mishandling it. Perhaps it's rigged as well. It would be foolhardy to try and waste money to get that Pan-san, uh, any prize in general. I mean, I don't particularly want to or anything. It's just that maybe once in a while is fine, since it's the New Year's day after all. I don't go to this often, and I've never been particularly interested either. Well, maybe that one time when there was a Pan-san- I mean, a good prize at some stall at another place. I did win, but I mean, it was after many tries, and I lost a thousand yen. Although, such a high quality Pan-san plush would have cost that much anyway. That's why if it's like that then-"

I stopped mumbling. It was not because Hikigaya had stopped paying attention to me halfway. Rather, in my excitement, I had not given that panda plush a careful observation. That panda did not have that asymmetrical circle-and-star pattern over its eyes. Furthermore, its facial expression conveyed not adorable viciousness, but ordinary jolly. It was not Pan-san, but just a generic panda plush.

My shoulders sagged. I got my hopes up for nothing. What a dreadful start to this new year.

I turned away from the stall and headed back to the group which had gone ahead.

"What's wrong? Done already?" inquired Hikigaya.

"Yes, I'm done. Something like that is just..." I spat.

Hikigaya looked confused for a moment, but that expression disappeared from his face after he looked at the panda. He made a stern face, one that said that he understood all too well. His curious sister also looked at the stall and nodded with an unamused expression.

"Ah, those bogus things, right?" said Komachi.

Fakes were common. Dubious competing firms had the option of riding the coattails of successful brands by making something similar. That could include copying production practices. That could also include making their own brand look almost identical to the successful brands to attract unaware consumers. Perhaps that stall owner had the popularity of Pan-san in mind when he decided to get that panda. What an insult to Pan-san.

While on the topic of fakes, there were also people who were so far off the precipice of sanity and civility that they were effectively Frankenstein's monster. For example, there was a certain person whose eyes looked like they were transplanted from a marine vertebrate species. For example, that same person would mutter incomprehensible things under his breath and recall traumatic experiences that made one back away in grossness.

"Bogus? That sounds like someone I know around here. I believe his surname was Hi, Hiki-"

"Um, you're not referring to me, right?" interrupted HIkigaya.

I chuckled. Of course, we all knew that Hikigaya was in no way bogus. He did not mince words. He was utterly blunt and was perfectly willing to dig where others would consciously or unconsciously avoid.

"Then again, my given name's one thing, but you don't even remember my family name?" said Hikigaya with a challenging smile.

"How rude, of course I remember," I retorted as I flicked my long hair in annoyance.

Even twenty years down the lane, it would be difficult to forget Hikigaya. One merely needed to encounter a situation where their faces would distort in disgust, and the name "Hikigaya Hachiman" would naturally pop into their heads.

"Except you're the one that's rude here," countered Hikigaya.

I sighed. Yet, the idiotic grin on my own face did not disappear.

Speaking of which. Only Hikigaya and Komachi were here. We were off by one member.

"More importantly, where's Yuigahama-san?" I questioned.

"On the phone over there," replied Hikigaya as he pointed at the stairs.

We made our way over to where Yuigahama was. Though, her choice in a place to idle was absolutely terrible. Stairs were not a place to stop at, just like at a curve on the road. I wonder how many people passer-byers she had to apologize to.

Just as I was about to berate her, I noticed two familiar individuals moving towards us, or more accurately, towards Yuigahama.

One of them was an extremely gaudy queen-like figure. Her luxurious brand-name leather coat had such an enormous forest of fur at the collar that it would make a beaver shiver. Her pale legs that shameless peeked from under her all-too-short miniskirt royally shuffled one in front of the other, giving no heed to others, save for a friendly reminder to let them eat cake. Her talons with bright purple nails gripped a certain brand of smartphone carrying a high price despite its function, a conspicuous good for the showy. Even from a distance, that queen could obviously be recognized as Miura Yumiko.

Behind Miura was a more reservedly dressed girl. Her simple brown coat and striped red scarf did not scream but conversed. Her miniskirt was plaid, similar to mine in design and length. Perhaps her most impressive piece of apparel were her fur boots, but even those looked like they were more warm than form. Her appearance gave the impression of wholesomeness and peace. That was what drew in that boy. Tobe was it? Although, one should still be wary of this girl, Ebina Hina. Her tastes in entertainment were less than entertaining, at least for those around her.

"Ah, Yui's over there," said Miura, completely ignoring the rest of us.

"Yui, Happy New Year! Happy New Year to Yukinoshita-san and you guys too!" greeted Ebina with large waves.

The queen's subject was far more compassionate to us lowly vassals. The queen herself gave me a malevolent look, denying me even the cake and sending me to the guillotine.

"Happy New Year," I said, keeping my tone neutral.

Miura completely ignored my words as she faced only Yuigahama. Ebina returned a polite smile.

"Wow! Long time no see!" exclaimed Komachi, "Happy New Year!"

"Haven't seen you since the summer, little sis!" spoke Ebina as she grabbed Komachi's hands.

If Miura and Ebina were here, then the males of their clique must also be here as well. Sure enough, I spotted that blonde-dyed scoundrel, likely Tobe, with his two buddies huddled together with paper cups in hand. They downed the contents bottoms-up as if they were holding cans of beer. Well, even if they acted like that, the stalls only sold the low-alcohol amazake, so they shouldn't be getting drunk. Although, the desire to drink alcohol amongst youth was still not to be underestimated.

"Is it only them?" asked Hikigaya.

"Mmm, I think they invited Hayato-kun, but it looked like it was a bad time for him," explained Yuigahama.

"I imagine so," I said as I nodded in understanding.

As the son of a distinguished lawyer and a well-known doctor, Hayama Hayato was an elite. As such, it was unsurprising that he was obligated to join in his parents' important meetings. To build a network, to acquire familiarity in the upper echelons, Hayama had troublesome obligations. Of course, he would always face all of that with that nauseating smile of his, a smile that had left the boundaries of authenticity, yet could not, or was self-restrained from, reaching the territory of deception.

For some reason, Hikigaya was looking at me with a curious expression. That was also true for Yuigahama and Ebina. Miura eyed me cautiously.

"Huh? Do you know something?" asked Yuigahama.

"Hayama-kun's family has been that kind of family since a long time ago," I replied as-a-matter-of-factly.

Hikigaya looked away and exaggeratedly shrugged his shoulders as he briefly spoke, "You don't say."

"Hmph, oh really," spat Miura.

Miura's eyes flamed with some sort of an envious blaze. Her sharp frown was snake-like, and her slit eyes gave no hospitality for this overly-comfortable intruder. Then, she tore her eyes away from me, judging me to not be worth her while. Taking a few steps away from me, she wrapped her curls around her fingers and expelled a contemptuous sigh, ridding herself of dangerous words, bombs that would have likely destroyed her reason for coming here as well as the gate locking away inexcusable designs.

"Like, I'm hungry," randomly decreed Miura.

She briskly walked away. The queen paid no attention to the little things. After all, the little things were what made her angry. The little things were not allowed to be known to her. Therefore, the little things were what she ignored, for if she did not, there was no guarantee that her little comfy kingdom would remain stable.

Ebina, Tobe, and the rest followed after Miura. Yuigahama looked conflicted, her eyes darting between Miura's shrinking back and my nonchalant face.

"You sure you shouldn't be over there with Miura and them?" questioned Hikigaya.

"Well, um, w-what are you guys gonna do?" nervously stammered Yuigahama.

Surely, Yuigahama wasn't in a dilemma over whether we or they would give her more popularity points. She was probably acting in consideration for both groups. Half a year ago, it was obvious to anyone how much Yuigahama would cling to her public image. These days, however, that desire had lessened, being gradually replaced by a strengthened kindness, a lukewarm compassion.

Thus, to allow Yuigahama to persevere with that heart, it was necessary to have her not forsake either group. Because she had already spent a sufficient amount of time with us, what she should do was clear.

"I should be on my way now. I'm not particularly good with crowds, as you know," I said earnestly.

"Eh, but-"

I interjected, "We'll be able to see each other soon, won't we?"

"Uh huh. But still-"

"Alright I'll be heading home too," added Hikigaya, "We only came for the shrine visit. I need to make sure Komachi gets her studying done."

As expected, Hikigaya picked up on my intentions. However, even if he didn't, his decision would not have different in the slightest.

"Oh, I guess so... Right." said Yuigahama, finally convinced.

"Onii-chan, you don't need to worry about me, so just go!" protested Komachi.

No, there would have been no point in this shrine visit if you failed the exams, Komachi-san.

"Alright, see you again," said Hikigaya with finality.

"See you at school," I spoke, giving Yuigahama a small wave.

Komachi slumped forward and assumed awfully familiar fish eyes and resigned, "...Okay, see you later."

Just as I was about to turn around, I caught sight of Miura looking over from a distance. However, instead of looking at Yuigahama, her eyes were pointed straight at me. When our eyes met, I expected further hatred. However, all I saw was blankness, as if that queen was peering through a locked window, only for the washed out walls of the castle to be half-reflected in her dull eyes.

The stillness of the club room after the student council elections came back to me. The stagnant air allowed only time to tick. Exchanged words exchanged nothing. Slowly we suffocated. Whatever chance, whatever hope that may have been present was entirely invisible to our closed eyes.

That nonverbal exchange lasted only a second. Before long, Miura had already shut her eyes, preventing me from seeing anything further. She turned away from that window. Her back was resigned to the crowd, which swallowed her up until I could no longer see even a trace of her crown.

* * *

"Uh oh! D-Dang it! I totally forgot to buy a good luck charm! Shame on me! I even forgot to write on the wooden plaques too, so I'm going to dash back real fast! So, Yukino-san, I'll be taking my leave here!"

For some inexplicable reason, Komachi went ahead and decided that on her own. The Hikigaya siblings were truly a mysterious bunch. Both Hikigaya Hachiman and Hikigaya Komachi could do rather baffling things at times.

"Ah, maybe I'll buy a charm too?" said Hikigaya, looking indecisive.

Komachi stopped her brother with her hands and rapidly spat, "Onii-chan, what the heck are you saying? You dummy onii-trash! You nincompoop! Hachiman! It's fine, so both of you go home first!"

"R-Right. No, wait a second. Hachiman's not even an insult," weakly said Hikigaya.

Komachi dashed away and away, leaving behind a severely broken brother. His mouth was wide open, and his arm uselessly reached out, trying to grab at some semblance of sense at the unexpected refusal.

I was unable to hold back my laughter. Oh my. Oh my, oh my. Komachi sure was scary. Dummy, nincompoop, Hachiman, what in the world was with that? Seriously, how close were those two to be able to come up with those?

"What...?" asked Hikigaya, looking extremely miffed.

He sent me a sharp stare, clearly disturbed.

"No, it's nothing. I just thought you two really do get along," I said in amusement.

Family was treasure. It glittered when polished. However, that also meant that much would be lost if it was defaced. I had long since given up on polishing mine. Yet, his and her brilliance would never falter.

We boarded the train together. Unfortunately the seats were already occupied by the time we entered. There was no choice but to stand and hang on to the supports.

The doors promptly shut thanks to the perfect automation. The train immediately accelerated, giving almost no warning beforehand. As a result, many people, including me, became unsteady on our feet.

"Ah!" I gasped.

My low stamina had already suffered a big drain thanks to the shrine activities. The jerk caused me to lose hold of the metal support that I was clinging on to. I lurched forward. I desperately grabbed at the thing immediately in front of me.

Hikigaya flinched and immediately looked behind him, straight at me. Then, I realized that I was clinging onto the edge of his clothes.

Hikigaya turned his head back to the front and did not say anything, nor did he shift around. A woman had already taken my previous spot near the support, so I was unable to move from this position. With Hikigaya's implicit consent, I continued to clutch at his coat.

The windows shook as the wind rapped against the speeding train. Noisy banter polluted the sound space of the interior. Even so, I did not feel light-headed. The surprisingly refreshing artificial ocean scent emanating from Hikigaya was all that I could think about.

Hikigaya spoke up suddenly, "Oh right, are you okay with going this way?"

"My home should be on the way there, so I believe this way should be fine," I replied.

I've taken this train several times. I mean, right there on the route map, was where we were heading towards, so if I simply walked up that road after we reached there then- hold on, were we going the right way? Huh?

"No, I just thought since it's the New Year and all, I was wondering what was going on with your family or something," said Hikigaya.

"Ah, so that's what you meant," I said, nodding.

Likely, Hikigaya had thought of that after what I said about Hayama. Even Hikigaya knew that my own family was of high standing as well. That also meant that my obligations were almost as surmountable as Hayama's.

Yet, the similarity stopped there. The attitudes of Hayama and me towards honouring those obligations were nowhere near the same. Unlike me, Hayama willfully attended to his duties and gratefully polished his treasures. As for me, I would not hesitate to toss them away if any last benefit was lost and if I had the power to make the choice.

"I'm not going home this year," I said with a frown, "I don't have any business there in particular, and it's quite bothersome, so-"

"I see," said Hikigaya with a strong tone, stopping me.

Hikigaya's face looked incredibly anxious, showing an agglomeration of the desire to know and forced restraint. He was being considerate, and I truly appreciated that. Yet, it was unnecessary. If it was him, I did not mind revealing this much and more.

"It's not that big of a deal. There's a lot of things to deal with during the New Year. If I went home, it wouldn't be a very pleasant feeling for the both of us, so I'm just avoiding any unnecessary contact," I said, fully opened.

Hikigaya should also know of the connection of the Yukinoshita and Hayama. That said, none of that mattered to me in the slightest. The linkage was business, business, business. Nothing else was of value in those meetings, therefore nothing else could be gleaned.

And, that thorn was still there, because that nauseating smile only shielded it, even if it desperately sought to tear it away.

Aside from that what I thought, my presence itself was objectively unnecessary. There was already my capable sister to settle any disputes and negotiate new contracts.

"Also, there isn't that much of a difference whether if I was there or not," I sullenly said.

"No problem then, right?" simply spoke Hikigaya.

What was he suggesting?

"If it doesn't matter if you're there or not, then it just makes it easier on you," said Hikigaya with a stupid all-knowing expression, "You also don't have to worry about bothering anyone. In this world, there are people who ruin the mood just by being there."

I giggled sweetly.

"Are you perhaps introducing yourself?" I teased.

"Right, right. That's why, to this day, I've been keeping to myself as much as possible. Things stay peaceful because of my amazing consideration, so I'd like some appreciation here. Nobel Peace Prize, please?" triumphantly voiced Hikigaya.

"Consideration isn't something that asks for a reward, you know," I said, chuckling, "Doesn't that go against its very definition?"

"Maybe. Tch. All loss and no gain," grumbled Hikigaya.

While we were talking, the train ground to a halt. I had prepared myself beforehand, so this time I did not tumble over.

"Oh, this is my stop," mentioned Hikigaya, "See you, then."

He stepped off the train. As I faced Hikigaya to bid him one last farewell, the door slammed itself shut. Nonetheless, I bowed slightly and said the words that I had reserved up until now.

"I'll be in your care this year as well."

I looked up. Hikigaya looked surprised, but only for a moment, before he gave me an unweighted, simple smile. The train began accelerating again. Hikigaya's figure casted away from me as I was sent into the tunnel, into a place physically unreachable, into a faraway place until we would reconvene. Easily, or perhaps not easily. Not effortlessly, but willingly. Not falsely, but genuinely. Distantly, then closely. Closely, then closer.

The phone in my bag vibrated twice briefly. I took it out and read the received mails. The first one was from an airheaded, unintelligent, yet apologetic girl, who I replied to reassuringly. The second one was from a devious little sister, who was so cute that I told her that I didn't mind, even if she did behave somewhat strangely.

My smile faded when I read the third mail. The pretense was plain. I knew that the sender only wished to see me squirm like a caterpillar, never undergoing metamorphosis, never spreading any multicoloured wings. I curtly replied, then tossed my phone back in my bag.

After the train stopped at the next station, I stepped off and trekked toward the bus stop. He told me that there was no problem. It was entirely up to me to forsake whatever I wanted, to pursue whatever I wanted.

I boarded the bus that had just arrived, ignoring the limousine that was parked nearby, ignoring the charismatic woman sitting on the hood, ignoring the windows, ignoring their New Year's resolutions, ignoring the past years' resolutions, finding my own resolutions.

* * *

**Footnotes**

[1] I realize now that the "stupidly long and formal mail" that Hachiman received in the light novel likely came from Hiratsuka Shizuka and not Yukino. I had originally thought that there was an off-screen exchange of contact information between Hachiman and Yukino, but I had forgotten about Hiratsuka. It is likely that Hachiman still does not know Yukino's contact information. Let's assume that this mail exchange that I had written never occurred.


	17. (V10)Planless

_**During Volume 10 Chapter 2**_

January 2nd was just another ordinary day of the winter break. I had no plans. The only thing that awaited me were cat videos, cat videos, cat videos, cat videos, and cat videos.

The phone on my table vibrated. I gently closed the cat photo album on my lap and reached for it.

Unfortunately, the screen displayed the name "Yukinoshita Haruno". Immediately, my brow furrowed. There could be only one reason why Haruno would call me today. I reluctantly slid the green icon on my phone to the right.

"Hello, Nee-san," I spoke hoarsely.

"Yukino-chan, hello! Are you having a good time? Are you in your room all alone?" wildly spoke that unrelenting voice.

"Why does it matter even if I am?" I replied nonchalantly.

"That's no good, Yukino-chan, that's no good. Onee-chan wants you to be happy, you see, so you can't always be alone like that. I know! Why don't you hang out with Onee-chan today? And with mother too!" said Haruno with a prickly, yet saccharine voice.

"And why should I do that?" I muttered, although the answer was well-known for the both of us.

"We're going to celebrate your birthday together! Happy birthday! We can't really do it tomorrow, so it'll have to be today. So, Yukino-chan, what do you say? Mother misses you, you know, especially since you didn't show up for New Year's," said Haruno.

I had no plans. That was because I had already decided to reject any plans to spend the eve of my birthday with my family. I no longer wanted anything to do with them, at least for something like this. The celebration of my birth would be defiled by choice words and actions that masked business transactions and negotiations. My birthday was just an excuse to organize another formal meeting. There was no meaning in attending.

"No, I will not be coming, Nee-san," I responded firmly.

"You're not ready yet? Okay, then. I'll call you back later. Then you can come out, okay?" pushed Haruno.

"Wait, did you not hear what I just said?" I uttered.

"Bye-bye, Yukino-chan!"

The call was cut short abruptly. The screen of my phone displayed a call duration of two minutes and one second. Yet, what fraction of that constituted of my own words and my own flow? Even my own rejection was washed aside with the tyranny of my older sister.

I leaned back on my sofa. I rested the back of my head along the top of it and I stared at the ceiling. This space was purchased with the money of my father. Therefore, my apartment belonged only to my father and I. Here, not even my mother or sister could intrude, not unless they were prepared to raise a racket and risk a fall in their reputations.

Of course, that meant that they needed only to draw me out. The moment I left these safe confines, I became at their mercy.

This time, however, they definitely did not have the means of drawing me out. Unlike in the past, there was nothing that I particularly needed or wanted that could only be granted by my mother or sister. The excuse of wanting to get closer with me had long since ceased to work after I had figured out their true intentions. Furthermore, the me of today has dropped out of the race to Haruno. That path had been full of lies, both of being bombarded by them and of putting up one's own facade. My desires no longer tolerated something brimming with superficiality. I no longer had a reason to keep myself within a few paces of my sister for I no longer wanted to observe and emulate her.

I laid down length-wise on my couch. I opened the photo album again. Yet, none of the pictures had any impact on me. I was feeling too irritated.

I rolled over onto my front. I pressed my head far into the cushions until I hit the bottom. Even so, I could not ignore the fact that Haruno would call back later. It put pressure on me, binding me, even though it was supposed to have been my victory. The mind's eye was not something easily wiped clean, whether it encouraged me or discouraged me.

I got up from the couch. I headed outside to the veranda overlooking the city. Crisp air refreshed my bronchi. A piercing cold breeze shot by my exposed arms, greedily consuming my vulnerable life-heat, until my blood was shaking and my muscles were screaming. Untidy, loose strands of hair dangled in front of my face, segmenting my morning view with criss-crossing black lines.

I grabbed my arms and hugged my chest. The coldness was unbearable. The frigid morning could not even compare.

How long was I there for? What a stupid and clichéd question, I said to myself. No matter how I perceived it, time would tick on its own accord. No matter how much one tried to defy it, the second hand would continue to tock.

I heard my phone vibrate even from here since it was sitting atop my table, which amplified its noise. It was obvious that it was my sister. Did she think of an argument to get me to come? No matter. I shall just refute her.

I picked up my phone and once again allowed it to connect.

"Hello," I said without care.

"Ah, Yukino-chan? It's Onee-chan. Can you come out right now?" she commanded.

I was bewildered for a moment. She did not even try to convince me. Exactly how much was she looking down on me?

There was no need to give her any more of my time.

"I'm hanging up," I spoke in a low voice.

"Ohhh? Are you sure you should be hanging up on me?" sinisterly said Haruno.

"What?" I spat.

"The thing is, right now, I'm actually with Hikigaya-kun!" said Haruno with falsified joy.

I slapped my free hand right onto my forehead. The noise should have been audible even to that conniving woman on the other end of the line.

"Again with your ridiculous lies. Enough al-"

"Here you go, Hikigaya-kun," interrupted Haruno.

Sounds of shuffling and clanging could be heard. My ears felt like they were bleeding from the sudden loud noises, but even so, I kept my phone pressed right against my ear.

"Ahh... hello?" meekly said a familiar masculine voice.

I stopped. I was already standing still, but it felt like every single process in my body ceased. I slowly breathed out in an attempt to resume.

I barely voiced, "Really, unbelievable. Why are you even there?"

"Well... I just happened to be out shopping and she kind of caught me," mumbled Hikigaya.

What an incredibly disdainful stroke of misfortune. For Haruno to stumble upon such a convenient hostage, I was more amazed than enraged. A crazed smile crept on my face. I resisted the urge to vomit out a poisoned laughter.

I sighed deeply, erasing my previous thoughts, bringing myself back to attention.

"That's fine. I'll be right over there, so switch with Nee-san," I told him.

"Yes, I'm sorry," apologized Hikigaya.

An odd squeaking sound was heard. Then, there was more rustling as the phone changed hands once again.

"See, see, you really have to come now, you know? Aren't you glad?" innocently spoke Haruno.

"Really, what kind of a joke is this, Nee-san?" I muttered, "Why are you bothering Hikigaya-kun like this?"

"Oh, don't worry! He doesn't mind! Isn't this a great time for your boyfriend to meet our parents?" said Haruno before she snickered.

"Haruno, you-" I started, but swallowed my words.

Her little prank was going too far. The malevolence surpassed the time where she forced me to take my hands off of the rollercoaster's bars. The viciousness was far greater than any of the previous times where she purposely let me loose, making me become lost at some large public area. This time, she even involved Hikigaya Hachiman.

I had no plans. Alternatives were forcibly rejected.

"I understand. Where are you at?" I asked reluctantly.

"C-One mall. We're in the café inside of Sogo. I want to see you soon, Yukino-chan," relayed Haruno.

"Fine. See you in about an hour," I grumbled.

"Oh, are you sure you want to take that long?" asked Haruno with a childish voice.

I immediately removed the phone from my ear and tapped End Call. Duration: five minutes and twenty seconds. Time ignored what you wanted. Haruno denied my wishes time and time again. Whether it would take two minutes, five minutes, or seventeen years of my life, she would poke and prod this dear little sister of hers until she cried.

I went to my room and ruggedly removed my camisole and tossed it onto the bed. I did not have the time nor the will to neatly put it away. Because I knew that mother will be there, I had no choice but to dress a little more formally. I put on my blue one-piece dress, a piece of clothing that was more difficult to move around in than in a shirt and pants. I combed my hair quickly and dirtily. The minimal presentation was all that was necessary. I did not even care to select a proper coat; I grabbed the closest one and put it on immediately. I scooped up my bag with my right hand and fitted on shoes with my left. I thrust open the front door and it collided with the shock absorbers on the wall with a thud more audible than usual.

I had no plans. The way to the mall was straightforward, and it would take little time to get there. Yet, what would I do once I got there? If I knew the answer, Yukinoshita Yukino would have been the lauded sibling from the start.

The clickety clack of my shoes across the hardwood floor echoed throughout the corridor. The only thing that fell on deaf ears was my voice.

* * *

The contents of my bag rattled against the walls of their container as I briskly walked. Yet, the bag was tightly zipped shut, so the cell phone, book, wallet, and other items had no chance of escape.

The café was mellow. Due to the popularity of competing coffee shops, as well as the obscurity of its location, it was not surprising that it saw fewer customers. Yet, this quiet and subdued atmosphere was perfect for winding back without interruption. It was also perfect for the kind of stiff rendezvous that I would be having.

"Yukinooon, over here!" called out Yuigahama with a waving hand.

I was perplexed. I did not expect Yuigahama to be here too. The situation had only progressed even further into the blackness.

Sitting beside Yuigahama was my sister. She had a teasing smile, which was much more malicious than any I have ever made. Across from Yuigahama was Hikigaya, who was looking at me with a nonchalant expression. Beside him was Hayama, whose smile always attempted to match the flash of his watch.

I made my way over to where they were sitting and said, "Yuigahama-san, you were here too."

"Right, right. Um... I was out shopping with Hikki and I somehow got caught too..." nervously said Yuigahama.

"Shopping... I-I see," I said, not quite getting the full picture.

I looked back and forth between her and Hikigaya. Yuigahama and Hikigaya going out together was an exceedingly rare event. Although we were on far better terms than before, I did not think that it was to this point. Something was stuck at the base of my throat. There was something there that was not wholly about the worries of what my sister had done to these two.

"Anyway, sit, sit," urged Yuigahama as she slid back to make room for me.

I sat down and apologized to her, "I'm sorry that my older sister was a bother to you."

"Oh no, not at all," said Yuigahama, her hands waving back and forth.

From her reaction, I presumed that nothing particularly devastating had occurred. That was somewhat reassuring. I turned to Hikigaya and nervously turned up my eyes toward him.

"Hikigaya-kun too, um-"

He interrupted me, "It's not a big deal. I had nothing better to do anything."

His typical anti-social response calmed me down. It was a blessing that Hikigaya was the way he was. If not, he would have fallen prey to Haruno long ago.

"Yukino-chan, you're soooo slow," groaned Haruno.

I retorted, "You have a lot of nerve despite being the one who called me out on short notice."

In addition, I rushed over here within thirty minutes, half the time that she had expected. Perhaps she was mocking me for my concession.

"Why not leave it at that?" spoke up Hayama, "It looks like _Yukino-chan_ rushed over here as fast as possible, so-"

_Hayama-kun_ stopped. "Yukino-chan" embodied that destructive past, the path that had been cut off, never again to intersect. For that kind of blunder to happen in front of Hikigaya and Yuigahama, the mood froze. Hikigaya looked at Hayama with a scowl. Yuigahama had a half-opened mouth. My sister had an extremely curious look, but did not act, surely because she was saving this meal for a later date.

Hayama shook his shoulders as he quickly added, "Yukinoshita-san, what would you like to drink?"

"...I'll take black tea, then," I stated.

Hayama called out to the waiter to place an order for my tea. After that, we fell into silence. Hikigaya shifted around uncomfortably. Both Yuigahama and Hayama wore forced smiles and awaited a chance to speak. Haruno was humming, noticeably pleased.

After a while, my tea arrived. I took it into my hands and gripped the sides of the cup, absorbing its heat to replace the coldness.

"It's been a long time since we all got together for tea like this, huh?" mentioned Haruno.

Hayama nodded slightly and said, "That's true."

I closed my eyes while still grasping the teacup. Unpleasant thoughts bubbled up like the putrid, brown backflow of a malfunctioning toilet. Memories fragmented by anger and frustration came back unclear, uneven, and chronologically distorted. The falling teacup and the rushing out of the café. A pleasant entry, but an uncomfortable conversation. First tea at the Hayama household. Final sip of lukewarm earl grey met with lukewarm feelings — feelings that have not quite reached hot.

"Ah, ummm... Hayato-kun has known you two since a long time ago, after all," carefully spoke Yuigahama.

"Yep, yep. You know how Hayato's an only child? Thanks to that, his parents were rather affectionate with us. Right, Yukino-chan?" said Haruno.

"I don't really think so," I replied without a care.

It was just like my sister to euphemize in order to get on everyone's good sides as well as to mock them without the victim knowing. Hayama's parents did shower us with gifts. They did take us to restaurants. They did give us advice. They did it because they wanted to remain as family friends. They wanted to continue their investment in two beautiful young assets for their business.

"That's not true. It wasn't just our parents that were affectionate with you two. Everyone else was too," said Hayama.

It was partially because of that superficial affection that I became indifferent to it all. If someone were to hand me a gift, I would definitely think of what part of me they wanted to take advantage of. Because of that, I misunderstood when I was shown true affection. Because of that, I became doubtful of my own ability to show affection.

"It's so nostalgic," murmured Haruno with distant eyes, "Back when we were younger, whenever our parents had business to take care of, I'd always be the one to take care of you two."

What kind of care could a tyrant possibly give?

"You must be mistaken with forcing us to follow you around and do what you want," I coldly said, "You were a real nuisance."

Hayama wryly smiled and said, "Ah, like that time when we were at the public zoo. We went through a lot of trouble at the amusement park zone, didn't we?"

"It was like that at the Rinkai Park too. She'd leave us stranded, and she'd shake the ferris wheel," I recalled gravely.

"Ah, that happened, didn't it? And Yukino-chan would always cry afterwards," teasingly said Haruno.

I automatically glanced at Hikigaya and Yuigahama momentarily before I moved my eyes back to Haruno.

"Wait, stop making things up," I said, lying.

"But they're not made up though," said Haruno carefreely, "Right, Hayato?"

"Ahaha... I wonder," Hayama said unsteadily.

I looked downwards at the tea in my cup. Water is naturally recycled as it travels through streams, rivers, oceans or through the air as vapour. I wondered how much of the water in this cup originated from my tears.

Haruno planted her elbows on the table and rested her chin on the conjoined palms of her hands. Then, she alternated hard, stony stares between me and Hayama. Every single one of us stiffened our spines at the blackness that seeped out without restraint.

"Both of you were sooo adorable back then," frigidly voiced Haruno, "Nowadays, you two just seem so booooring."

Her seemingly harmless words starkly contrasted with her pupils sharp enough to pierce, her frown disappointed enough to execute. She did not need to command us; not a single person moved an inch as we all were stuck in a limbo of dread, anticipating her next dagger of words, not even being given the chance to hide from her next deathly embrace.

My knuckles had already changed colours from the tight squeezing of my fist.

Haruno chuckled and said, "Well, Hikigaya-kun's here now. I guess I'll settle for playing with Hikigaya-kun instead."

Her target shifted from ones who were already drained of their entertainment to one that has not yet been exploited.

"No, anything sports-related is a bit too much for me," muttered Hikigaya weakly.

"But that's exactly what I want to tease you in. There, there. There, there, Hachiman," soothingly said Haruno.

She reached out her paws at Hikigaya's head to rub it, to reduce him to nothing more than a plaything. Hikigaya, the mouse, narrowly avoided the hand of Haruno, the cat. Yet, even this dodge was within the expectations of Haruno. Even if she did not make contact, her dominance was already asserted. Rather than a plaything, Hikigaya was like a slave.

"Oh, he got away," smugly said Haruno as if she was speaking to a baby.

Yuigahama wryly smiled as did Hayama. Yet, Hayama's smile was far more heavy.

"Speaking of sports, isn't there a marathon at your school coming up soon?" asked Haruno.

Yuigahama answered her, "Y-Yes, at the end of the month I think."

"Oh? So it's not being held in February this year, then," said Haruno.

"According to the advisors, it sounds like they're moving it ahead of schedule to match up with the calendar," explained Hayama.

"Is that so? Personally, I would have preferred it in February since it would be less cold," I complained.

"Oh? Are you not just trying to put off something that you're not good at?" teased Haruno.

I crossed my arms and retorted, "I don't know where you got that idea from. Would it not negatively impact everyone's performance to run in January?"

"Yukino-chan, if you all fail together, then the pain is much less, you know?" said Haruno with a small giggle.

From the start until now, the conversation was completely led by Haruno. None of us could interject with a new topic. We could only contribute, rather than create. it was even worse than meaninglessness to participate. All of us wished to throw off this uncomfortable yoke.

I took a peek at Hikigaya. He brought his mug to his lips. Without trying to join the conversation, he pointlessly looked around the shop. HIs dead fish eyes were not concentrated on anything, however. It was a technique that people like him and I frequently used: pretending to be occupied, staying on the sidelines.

Suddenly, Hikigaya's eyes grew wide as he looked in a certain direction. Before I could follow his sight, a tempered, clear voice permeated through the air.

"Haruno."

All eyes including some of the other customers and including mine turned toward the source of that voice. She was a kimono-wearing lady with professionally-groomed hair. Her steady steps had a far different type of royalty than Miura's. Her feet gracefully stepped forward, one after another, not with firm rejection but with the demand of fear. The ever-present serene smile on her face was only one of the many in her arsenal. I did not remember the last time she equipped a smile that lacked a weapon or shield. Her searching eyes forsook nothing, taking everything into account, leaving no stone unturned, no resource unexploited. Yet, it was only because that this woman was my mother that I could perceive all of that. To an outsider, her unparalleled beauty would surely cause them to drop their guard. Her politeness and formality would be warmly received and praised. They would definitely adore her. And she would definitely smile at them, greet them, then seek to use them.

"Ah, did you finish your business?" inquired Haruno.

"Yes. I came here to call you two since we're going to have a meal after this. Hayato-kun, I'm so sorry that you had to wait," politely recited my mother with a conspicuous display of concern.

"Not at all, please don't worry about it," tensely reassured Hayama, "We were able to pass time thanks to everyone here."

Upon Hayama's referral, my mother turned her eyes towards me, Yuigahama and Hikigaya.

"Oh my," gently remarked my mother with a hand covering the unknown shape of her mouth, "Yukino, so you did come. I'm glad."

"M-Mother..."

I did not know what to say. Even though I had prepared myself to meet my family, all of my prepared words flew away. The bottom of my mouth lacked moisture. I gulped audibly, seeking to bring in new saliva, new wetness into the desert devoid of will.

My mother showed me a gentle smile, a bait of reassurance. I forcibly suppressed the instinctual longing. I embraced my cold body and shrank.

"Wow, she's crazy beautiful," muttered Yuigahama.

My mother turned to my sister and asked, "Haruno, are they your friends?"

"Yep. Hachiman and Gahama-chan," carelessly said Haruno.

I narrowed my eyes. Irregularly addressing Hikigaya was one thing, but what she called Yuigahama was clearly an insult.

"Ah, I'm Yukinon's friend, Yuigahama Yui," Yuigahama hurriedly introduced herself.

Hikigaya attempted to speak, but my mother paid him no heed. He scratched his head and looked away from her.

My mother pondered over the nickname "Yukinon" as she alternated her glances between Yuigahama and I.

"Oh my, my apologies. So, you were Yukino's friend. You looked rather mature, so I just assumed that you were Haruno's friend," spoke my mother with convincing surprise.

"Mature... Ehehe..." giggled Yuigahama in a daze.

Hikigaya, Hayama and I did not share that same delight. We knew exactly what my mother was implying, given Yuigahama's polar opposite character. I was often told that I had a sharp tongue. My mother's tongue was so sharp that it cut through without leaving a visible mark.

My mother put her hand on her cheek and spoke in apparent glee, "Oh, is that so. Hayato-kun's the only one I know amongst Yukino's classmates. So, please get along with her okay?"

"Yes!" vigorously answered Yuigahama.

What did my mother think of Yuigahama? I only clearly knew one thing. My mother's respect for her was extremely low. Perhaps my mother was pleased that she found another avenue to gain information on me, to spy on me.

My mother looked over everyone and announced, "Well then, shall we get going?"

In the end, Hikigaya was entirely ignored. As expected, my mother found no use for him. My first impression of Hikigaya was poor, but I never once brushed him off. My mother did not even have an impression of Hikigaya; she immediately judged him as unworthy to think about.

"Okaaaay," said Haruno as she stood up, along with Hayama.

What did I want to do? Did I want to go along with my mother as well?

Of course I did not. I only came to the café because Hikigaya and Yuigahama were here. If I were to go with my mother, I would go to a place away from those two. My reason for coming would be contradicted.

Yet, I could not deny this dissatisfaction. I could not brush it off. Following after the mother was supposed to be a natural thing to do.

"Yukino, you're coming along as well, right?" questioned my mother.

"I..."

"We're also celebrating your birthday."

If it was someone else, those words would not have seemed like a command. I was demanded of. The duty firmly encoded in my genes urged me to stand.

That force was in conflict with my desire to stay in this more comfortable space with my- my comrades. It was there that laid my desires, my joy, and my genuine self. It was them that gave me the things that my mother never gave me, the things that she ruthlessly withheld from me.

Yet, my mother continued to stare at me. The longer she did so, the more those genes wished to jump out, to be expressed. The longer she did so, the tighter I would hug myself, the smaller I would become, and the more I wished to remain. It was a stalemate.

I bit my lip in frustration. I turned my eyes up toward Hikigaya.

That's right. I had Hikigaya Hachiman.

If it was him, then surely he would be able to do something. Surely, he would be able to say something to my mother and let me free. What I didn't know, surely he must know.

Hikigaya-kun, please help me.

"Yukino-chan, that's no good," viciously warned Haruno.

I nearly jumped right out of the sofa. Hikigaya averted his eyes and said nothing. He merely let out a sigh and gazed at the city outside the window, looking at the ant-like procession of people walking by unaware.

I casted my eyes downward. My family denied me even this. No, even if they had not, there was no guarantee that Hikigaya could have done something. I thought I learned that a week or two ago.

With no responses, the atmosphere languished. We remained silent, waiting for someone to make a move.

Then, my mother tilted her head and thought for a moment. She came to an answer. No, she came to an order.

"By all means, your friends can join us, Yukino. What do you think?" inquired my mother.

Hikigaya immediately responded, "I'm sorry. I don't want to overstay my welcome."

Hikigaya stood up, intending to leave. I could not blame him. No, it was the correct decision. My mother was well aware of the awkwardness that would ensue of Hikigaya and Yuigahama were to join us. By presenting them with the option to come, she indirectly pointed out that undesirable outcome. Thus, the invitation ironically served as a rejection.

You definitely could not call this bullying. Yet, you definitely could not say that this was something pleasant. This mastery over the situation and extremely careful use of words were what made my mother another kind of monster.

"I see. I thought perhaps you could have joined us," apparently reluctantly said my mother.

She did not say another word in persuasion. It was obvious what her intentions were, but they were said in a way that any criticism would seem improper. Her words were impenetrable.

"Well, we'll be taking our leave here," concluded Hikigaya.

"E-Excuse us," muttered Yuigahama with her head down.

The two of them left their seats. As they walked past my mother, my mother sent only a single curious glance at Hikigaya before immediately losing all interest. I got up and followed after them to send them off. I nodded to my mother to convey that intention.

There was nothing more that we could do. We had lost.

We walked to the near the exit of the café, out of the reach of my family. My fatigued head hung lifelessly.

"I'm sorry that you needed to be considerate for me," I said weakly.

"No problem!" eased Yuigahama, "I mean, I feel like we got something good out of it since we got to see Yukino's mom!"

"I see. Then that's fine..."

Although Yuigahama was probably truly happy to meet someone related to me, it still did not wipe away the fact that my mother had done something inexcusable to Yuigahama, even if she did not realize it. No, my mother surely intended for her not to know.

"Ah, I know. It's a bit early, but this is for your birthday tomorrow," said Yuigahama.

She handed a bag to me. Seeing that, Hikigaya also handed his bag to me.

"Congrats," briefly muttered Hikigaya.

"Th-Thank you," I said in surprise.

It took me a moment to understand what they did. The entire purpose of their outing together unfolded in my thoughts. It was because they went through this trouble that they happened to fall into the talons of my sister.

I gently held the bags to my chest, hearing the scrunching and feeling the soft cottony material and hard plastics under the smoothness of the bags. The sides of my face naturally curled up. Some deadweight was lost. In its place was a surplus of sunshine, a basking warmth that overwrote the lifeless cold.

"Let's celebrate your birthday again at school!" cheerfully said Yuigahama.

"Yeah, we'll make up for it," sternly said Hikigaya, "Alright, see you later."

"Yes... See you later," I spoke softly.

I freed a hand and waved them farewell. I turned around. I did not want to face my family, but as long as I held onto these gifts, it would be bearable.

I walked back to the interior of the café. Everyone had already started getting ready to leave. Perhaps this low-end café would not suit the needs of the high-echelon partners we would be meeting.

"Oh, Yukino. You're back. Where did you get those bags?" my mother asked with faint surprise.

"They are gifts. Those two gave them to me," I simply replied.

My mother spoke in an overly pleased manner, "Oh, is that so? How wonderful."

She said nothing more about them after that, not even noting their existences any further.

"From Yui and Hikigaya-kun? That's nice," commented Hayama.

"Yes. But not as 'nice' as the present you gave me long ago," I muttered.

Hayama frowned. In the end, no matter what I thought of it as, Hayama's gift to me back then was nothing more than something nice. No matter what Hayama, himself, thought of it, the nature of that gift did not change. How we were today was evidence.

I peered through the window once more before I left the café. The sun was ever-present, a guaranteed existence. Perhaps various cultured worshiped this virtually eternal celestial being for fear that whatever horrors the undying sun had witnessed through time would be forever locked away in its memory rather than recalled.

000

Eight o'clock was the time at which I returned home. The sun had long since settled. Yet, at no point during my outing was I ever settled.

I had kept the bags near me as we visited the restaurant and other places. I longed for it all to be over so that I could open these precious gifts.

I extracted the contents of Yuigahama's bag first. The cottony feeling was from this bag. it must contain apparel of some sort. I was correct. It was a set of kitten paw mittens complete with kitten leg socks. How very thoughtful of her, especially for the winter. Not to mention how cute these were. Meow.

I placed those accessories on my bed. Next up was Hikigaya's present. I was curious as to what he would give me, after receiving that scrunchie on Christmas. How would he match that?

In his bag was a small, more or less rectangular black case. I cracked it open like a clam shell. Sitting within the apricot-coloured folds was glasses. The glasses were of the slim frame variant, giving off a very cool and refined feeling. I wondered for a moment why he purchased something like this since my vision was not imperfect, but then I saw the words "FOR COMPUTER USE" messily scribbled on a piece of paper with the glasses. These were computer glasses, then. Although, my eyes did not become irritated even while staring at a computer screen for long periods of time. That did not undermine the thoughtfulness of Hikigaya, however. Purr.

I carefully slipped on the glasses, mittens and socks. I observed myself using my full-body mirror. I smiled wryly at the mismatch between the intellectual-looking glasses and the childish cat apparel. I made cat-like scratching motions with my hands. Meow, meow. I got down on all fours and placed a paw on the mirror. Purr, purr. I waggled my behind as if waving a tail. Hiss, hiss.

I froze while still on my hands and feet. My face gradually reddened to a tomato. This wasn't a scene to be told to others.

I got up and brushed the dust off of my clothes. The mittens would prove useful when I go outside, so I removed them and put them inside my bag. There was still some time left in the day, so I decided to watch those cat videos I had put off from the morning. While wearing these computer glasses, of course.

My cell phone vibrated to indicate received mail. Thankfully, it wasn't from my sister, but Yuigahama.

FROM: ====YUI====

TITLE: Happy Birthday... Eve?

i hope you liked my gifts, Yukinon (^_^) im srry about earlier. hope u had a good time w/ ur family!

TO: ====YUI====

Title: Re

It went as well as it could have possibly gone, which was below the level of "good". But Hikigaya's and your gifts made it all worthwhile. Thank you for those.

Perhaps I should have made some plans. The reason why I did not think much about my birthday for the last few years was because I did not have a reason to look forward to it. However, if my family could take advantage of it, was that not evidence that I could also use it for my own ends? Next year for sure, I will celebrate it properly with Yuigahama and Hikigaya. It will be my plan.

The glasses on my face felt unnatural, like a mismatching puzzle piece. I shifted them around, but a natural feeling did not arise at all. I eventually gave up, but that was because I knew that I would get used to them sooner or later. I only needed to endure the brief moment of discomfort.

As I stared at the computer monitor, the sixty frames-per-second cat videos seemed more vivid through these uncomfortable lenses.


	18. (V10)Queen's Behest

_**During Volume 10 Chapter 3 and Chapter 4**_

High school education is extremely important. The knowledge gained from high school may, at the time, seem hard to apply and useless. Yet, this material serves as the fundamentals for knowledge to be gained in higher education. Without a firm base, it was impossible to build a sturdy tower. In addition to knowledge, the correct study habits can be learned in high school. University will be far more challenging, and most of the learning will be done outside of the classroom. Without prior learned discipline, it will be very easy to fall behind.

That being said, it seemed that even my high-end Class J had not realized its importance. During this morning before the beginning of class, most of my classmates were huddled together in several small groups, chatting about their exciting winter break. Once in a while, a group would lean back and bellow out unrestrained laughter at some embarrassing thing being mentioned or would groan in jealousy at some person's rather grand trip overseas.

I sighed. They were all still on vacation mode. Just like with a moving object, the mental state also had a sort of momentum. It would be best if they would settle down in preparation for the onslaught of new material and examinations. If they did not, then their vacation mode would carry through far into the school year, and they would be in too far of a playful state to study. Indeed, they should be dilligent like me, sitting alone, not particularly speaking to anyone, silently awaiting the start of class.

There wasn't much time until class would start, so I did not bother pulling out my book. I could look some things up on my phone quickly, but I wanted to give my eyes a rest from last night's cat video session. With nothing else to do, I simply sat straightly on my chair while gazing at the scenery outside the window.

The most conspicuous things outside were the deciduous trees had long since lost their leaves. It was simply not worth it resource-wise to continue maintaining photosynthesizing leaves in a season of low sunlight. Thus, the trees had cut down on unnecessary baggage. Such a statement only seemed cruel when applied to some group of unrelated things. When it applied to cells and tissues of the same organism, such a statement was no longer regarded as such. I wonder if that applied to siblings of the same family as well.

"Yukinoshita-san, um..."

Hayami-san who was chatting with her friends a small distance to the right of me suddenly spoke to me. For some reason, I thought her voice was highly similar to mine. Perhaps she could even pretend to be me, assuming her appearance was hidden. When I first met her, I thought that I definitely could not let such a person meet my older sister.

"A-Are you by chance dating anyone?" Hayami nervously asked.

I immediately replied, "No. Why do you think so?"

"O-Oh, no reason. Just checking, just checking!" said Hayami in an overly-relieved voice.

"See, Saori-chan, they aren't dating after all!" spoke Hayami's friend as she playfully slapped her on the back.

I was usually asked that by boys wanting to confess to me, so this was something unusual. I thought my usual behaviour and distance with my classmates made it clear that I was not dating anyone. Whoever Hayami was thinking of when she asked me that, it was likely that I was wholly unfamiliar with that person, since, among the males that I did know, the probability of me dating them was zero. She had nothing to fear.

The teacher entered the classroom, signalling the start of the first class of the year. Everyone rushed toward their seats, and the classroom's atmosphere changed from rowdy to serious. I fiddled with the pen in my right hand, fully prepared to tackle the new year.

* * *

"Yukinon, happy birthday!"

"Congrats."

"Congratulations!"

The first person excitedly clapped her hands with a large smile stretched across her face. Her hair bun slightly vibrated with every collision of her hands. The second person tried his best to give me a smile, but his dead fish eyes ruined whatever heartfelt message he tried to convey. The third person had an impish grin on her devilishly joyous face.

A strawberry cheesecake sat like a pink princess atop the table. It wore a crown of whipping cream, which was, itself, adorned with jewels of fruit. Thin lines of red jam spelled 雪乃 on the cake's dainty face.

Faced with the explicit congratulations and the beautiful cake, I could only fiddle with my fingers and stare at my written name in embarrassment. A feeling like melted wax spread over my beating heart, which threatened to dribble down to my stomach and to my shifting thighs.

I hurriedly stood up and said, "Th-Thank you. Um, I-I suppose it'd be better to have tea here."

If I were to remain seated, who knows how I would react? Maybe my heated face would vaporize completely.

I lined up my teacup, Yuigahama's dog cup, and Hikigaya's Pan-san cup and reached for the tea pot. However, I stopped my hands for a moment.

Wasn't there more than three of us here today?

Indeed sitting beside Hikigaya was Isshiki Iroha. Her legs flailed alternatively and repeatedly as she casually leaned back on her chair.

"Yukinoshita-senpai, so your birthday was on January third, huh?" absentmindedly said Isshiki while staring off into space, "By the way, mine's on April sixteenth, Senpai."

"I didn't even ask..." tiredly muttered Hikigaya.

I had initially let Isshiki in thinking that she had yet another request. However, she merely greeted us all and sat down without a care after she entered. I then thought that perhaps she would wait to state it after seeing the cake. I began to doubt that after seeing how relaxed she became. Exactly what was her reason for coming?

I looked to the small stack of paper cups beside our bona fide fictile ones. For a long time, Hikigaya had drank his tea out of these generic white cups, which were transient with regard to lifetime after their first and only usage. I thought that we would not need to use these cups any longer, but it seemed that it was necessary to use one for Isshiki.

I took one paper cup from the stack and lined it up beside the rest. Starting with that one, I carefully poured piping hot black tea into the cups. Whether or not the ephemeral paper cup would transform into a permanent clay cup one day was anyone's guess.

I gave each hot tea-filled cup to their recipients. As I was doing so, Yuigahama distributed the slices of the cheesecake.

This really will be the last time for a while that we will eat cake, right? During the last couple weeks, at least for Yuigahama, Hikigaya and I, we had been on an all-time high on the confectionary consumption levels. Sometimes I become pale when I see just how much sugar goes into the making of just one small cake.

Isshiki blew on the surface of her tea before she carefully sipped it, couple of millilitres at a time. Then, she gave Hikigaya a pleading look with her puppy eyes.

"Speaking of which, next time, please call me to the shrine visit, too!" requested Isshiki.

Hikigaya brows furrowed in an exasperated manner and said, "And why do I need to do that?"

At that response, Isshiki let her eyes wander and wore an uneasy expression. For some reason, one could envision that her back was starting to become a little sweaty. Then, she gave a resigned sigh before responding.

"I mean, everyone went to the shrine visit, right? Then, that obviously means that Hayama-senpai will be there," spoke Isshiki with raised arms.

"No, he wasn't there with us," nonchalantly said Hikigaya as he reached out for his cup.

Isshiki closed her eyes and straightly said, "Of course. In that case, never mind, then."

Isshiki turned her face away from Hikigaya and forked another piece of cheesecake to her mouth. She placed her left hand on her cheeks and quietly squealed in delight.

Hikigaya, looking clearly displeased, asked, "So, why are you here?"

Isshiki placed her fork down again and placed a finger on her chin in an attempt to appear like she was considering things while she used her free hand to tap Hikigaya's shoulders as she said, "Now, now, what's the big problem? Ah, I know! I'm actually here to pick up the stuff we left after the Christmas event."

"You totally made that up just now," groaned Hikigaya.

We all directed our eyes toward the dusty cardboard box in the corner of the room. Of course, none of us looked convinced.

Good grief. So, Isshiki was simply here to slack off after all. I was starting to get worried about the future of the student council. If things got out of hand, it would be up to the Onii-chan to take care of it. Senpai, I mean. If that were to happen, then that would automatically mean that Yuigahama and I would be involved as well. Please don't trouble your three senpais that much, Isshiki Iroha.

"Ah, speaking of which," mentioned Isshiki, this time looking at me, "Yukinoshita-senpai, are you dating Hayama-senpai?"

Yuigahama abruptly slammed her hands on the table and stood up. Hikigaya widened his fish eyes until they looked almost human again.

"Come again?"

I tilted my head far to the right in confusion. Carelessly, my long black hair swiped against the floor like a broom (and I didn't even realize that it accumulated dust on the tips until much later).

I was also asked of this earlier, but the person that I was supposedly dating was not mentioned. Now, it was Hayama Hayato. That was even worse than leaving it ambiguous. Did she enjoy seeing me angry?

"Isshiki-san..." I coldly uttered.

"Y-Yeeeeessss!"

Isshiki deftly retreated to the bunker known as Senpai's back. Yet, my piercing gaze still reached out to her shaking eyes. Hikigaya grunted and shuffled his body uncomfortably.

"It's obviously not true," I asserted.

Really, these people...

Why did so many people think I was dating someone today? No, why specifically Hayama?

"I-I know, right!" hurriedly said Isshiki, "I mean, I totally thought it wasn't possible! But you just end up getting curious when you hear a rumour like that, you knooow?"

"Rumour?" I muttered as I, with my eyes, sought answers from the other two.

"Ahh, well, some people seem to be talking about something like that," uneasily said Hikigaya while not looking directly at me.

"You know how we went out last time?" pointed out Yuigahama, "It sounds like people saw you two and made a mistake."

"I see. So it's something like petty suspicion," I said with a sigh.

Quickly jumping to conclusions without an ounce of convincing evidence was something that was typical of many of the pleasure-prioritizing, unwise youth in our school. It was extremely troublesome. I hoped that the rumour-starter would never become a lawyer.

I took a sip of my black tea. In contrast with the bothersome revelation, the tea slid smoothly down my throat, not becoming stuck at all.

"But doesn't this sound pretty bad?" said Isshiki with a frown.

"I suppose so," I said while nodding, "It certainly is bothersome to me — to the people involved."

Aside from Hayama and myself, Hayama's admirers would also become discouraged from this rumour. Also, I was unable to say that the latter people were not involved with me. After all, one of them was sitting right here next to the master of rejection (that is, getting rejected). Perhaps that was the main reason why Isshiki came today — to find out the genuine facts regarding her crush.

"Ah, no, I didn't mean that," said Isshiki as she rapidly shook her head.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Isshiki sharpened her eyes and, with a raised finger, said, "There hasn't ever been a rumour that specific for Hayama-senpai, strangely enough."

Yuigahama agreed, "Ahh, that's true."

"That's why all the girls are super interested in that rumour, you knoooow," spat Isshiki.

Perhaps Isshiki was suggesting that there was high degree of danger associated with rumours this time. Most of the time, rumours stemmed from casual observation with the goal of amusement. As such, the rumours could be quite vague or general. For example, if one were to observe person A chasing after a cat and that was somehow amusing to them, they would tell others that person A likes cats. They would definitely not add in more specific details like "person A enjoys being around cats but cannot get one for herself due to strict regulations at her living space" because their interest with that matter does not reach that level. But what if there was another goal in mind? What if there was some malicious intent? In that case, the rumour-starters would have a reason to be more specific. They would use those extra details to cause harm.

Both Hayama and I had plenty of admirers. It was not difficult to imagine how jealousy would cause them to spread such a malicious rumour. Perhaps they would like to see our relationships deteriorate as vengeance.

I took another small sip of my tea. It had already equilibrated with the temperature of the room, one which had become cold from the discussed subject.

"...A rumour, huh? Rather karmic, isn't it?" I thought aloud.

Hayama Hayato and Yukinoshita Yukino dating was something that was laughable. Before, it was something to be laughed off. Now, it was something to be laughed at. A rumour like this was nothing new, but this time, it would be much more painful for him.

"W-Well, you know! If you just ignore it, it should go away eventually!" exclaimed Yuigahama, "You know what they say. Rumours only last forty-nine days!"

"It's seventy-five days," corrected Hikigaya.

"A-Anyway, let's just ignore it, okay?" asserted Yuigahama with a wide, but creaky smile.

"...I suppose so." I said, nodding.

I knew what Yuigahama was implying. As people say, don't let rumours get to you. In the end, they were mere speculation. The shallow people that accept speculation as truth will also quickly forget about it and move onto another piece of shallow entertainment. It was faster to drain a pool of low depth than to drain a pool of large depth. Letting it affect us would only be our loss, and I hated losing.

"Okay, let's get back on schedule aaaaaandd... resume work!" shouted Yuigahama.

Now this was even more unusual than the rumour. Yuigahama and work. Looks like our nearly year-long acquaintanceship had finally bore some fruit with regard to her motivation and work ethics. Good dog. But I prefer if she was a cat.

Now then, it was time to switch to a business mode. True to her earlier pumped-up words, Yuigahama cleared the table.

It had already been an hour since the start of club activities. It was usually within this time frame that someone would come with a request. Since no one came, it was safe to say that there would be no seekers of our service, at least in person. Thus, it was time to go with plan B: Chiba Prefecture Problem Consultation Mails.

I went to the corner of the clubroom and took out a dusty laptop with its AC adapter. I had neglected to leave it plugged in during its month of inactivity. I suspect that its current battery life would not even hold up for thirty minutes.

I took the assembly to the desk. I plugged the laptop into the wall and booted it. After a while, following the brief POST screen, the WINDOWS XP logo appeared on the screen. Given the 5400 RPM hard drive, as well as the lack of the hybrid boot function found in Windows 8 or later operating systems, it would take some time before we would reach the desktop.

I reached out for my bag and took out a certain black container. From it, I withdrew the glasses that I had been using since I received them. While holding my hair back, I slipped them on.

"Ah, Yukinon, you look really good in that!" complimented Yuigahama.

"R-Really?" I meekly muttered.

Naturally, my eyes slowly swerved to Hikigaya's direction. I continuously rubbed my hands that would not release their tension. I gazed downwards.

"...Well, yeah... I mean, well... that's true..." stuttered Hikigaya.

His face looked like he was enduring some kind of torture involving scorpions crawling up his shirt. His forehead shined with sweat. Seeing him so embarrassed was worsening my own embarrassment.

"Thank you," I said softly and wrenched my head away.

As if something was being put in its right place, I felt at ease. I pushed up the glasses, which have shifted, with my index fingers.

"Yukinoshita-senpai, did you always wear glasses?" curiously asked Isshiki.

"They're, um, PC glasses," I said while looking at the laptop's screen.

For some reason, Yuigahama eyed me longingly and said, "Maybe I should wear glasses too..."

"You don't even look at computers," retorted Hikigaya.

"Maybe I don't! No, actually, I am looking! I totally am!" angrily bellowed Yuigahama, "Yukinon, let me see the computer, too!"

Yuigahama shifted right up to me such that the side of her body was compressing the side of mine. Given my fundamental nature, I don't think I could ever get used to this invasion.

I ignored Outlook Express and went straight for the web browser. We simply used a free web-based e-mail client for these mails. I quickly went to the target website, which our account was already logged in to, thanks to the uneatable variety of cookies.

"Oh, it looks like we have mail," said Yuigahama as she pointed to the highlighted first line.

I clicked on it, and the following appeared.

yumiko-san's Problem

[How's everyone deciding between the humanities and the sciences?]

This Yumiko was probably Miura Yumiko. I turned the laptop around to show Hikigaya. Isshiki walked behind his back to see it as well.

Miura's question was awfully open-ended. Many factors went into deciding which career path to take. Without any additional information, it would be difficult to help her decide which one to take.

"Mmhmm, so this is about the career path thing, huh? So, which of the two is it actually better to go with?" questioned Isshiki.

Hikigaya explained, "Well, if we're just talking about easy exams, then the humanities are much less stressful. That being said, it's different for public and private schools. For public schools, you need to study for five subjects and seven courses, while for private schools, you only need English, Japanese, and social studies."

What Hikigaya said was true. However, I believed that difficulty should not be the deciding factor. If something seemed easy now, but was not interesting to the person who picked it, eventually their disinterest would give them incentive to slack off and their grades would slip. In that sense, difficulty would be the same regardless. Of course, it would be ideal if the person was both interested in that career path and found it easy to study for.

"Whoa, Senpai, could it be that you get good grades normally?" said Isshiki, bewildered.

"What's with the 'could'? What's with the 'whoa'? Just what exactly do you take me for?" retorted Hikigaya.

"Oh I can't answer that," said Isshiki while shrugging, "See, I'm not very good at saying bad things about people, you knooow?"

The three of us did not look convinced and for a very good reason. Only an imbecile would be unable to see that snake's tongue flicking inside her mouth.

Isshiki leaned toward Hikigaya and praised him, "Senpai, I knew you looked super smart, but you get good grades like normal, hmmm?"

Yuigahama clapped her hands together and cheerfully spoke like a proud mother, "Yeah! That's so true. You see, Hikki's grades are good only in humanities."

That's true. Hikigaya's grades were nothing to scoff at. But only in humanities. If it weren't for that rotten brain of his accompanying his rotten eyes, he would be even better than he is now. But only in humanities. I suppose that his love for reading that was second to mine helped him out. But only in humanities. And second to mine. I repeat, and second to mine.

"That's true, he does have rather good grades, but they aren't good enough to take the top," I triumphantly spoke.

Also, his grades weren't as good as mine. In addition, his science grades were far below mine, though not as far as Yuigahama. Plus, his humanities grades, though high, still could not reach my level. In addition- well, we'll stop here.

"Sooooooo, that mean's Senpai's going with the humanities?" asked Isshiki.

"Pretty much," confirmed Hikigaya.

Although I said that difficulty did not matter earlier, that only applied if your ability in either path was roughly the same. In Hikigaya's case, no matter how hard he would try at doing the sciences, he would probably receive grades far less satisfactory than his humanities grades, even if he could somehow make his science grades objectively fair. If there was such a gap, then one would obviously go with the better one. And, with such a gap, there's not much of a chance that the superior career path was not the interesting one as well.

That's right, Hikigaya would go with humanities. As for me, I-

"So, did Hayama-senpai already decide what to do?" continued asking Isshiki.

I wanted to go with sciences in the beginning, but now, I'm not so sure.

"Ahh, it looks like Hayato-kun's already made his decision," mentioned Yuigahama.

My original purpose for taking the sciences was to chase after that person. I have now discarded that purpose. I was free to consider the humanities as well now.

"Eh, no way? What did Hayama-senpai pick?" greedily asked Isshiki, "Like I just want to know as a reference. It'll be for the future, so, if possible, I'd like to know myself."

What should I pick? No, I should not ponder about this now. We had Miura's request to worry about.

"Mmm, I'm not really sure what it was that he wrote down. Hayato-kun already turned in his questionnaire, too," said Yuigahama.

"Oh, I see," dejectedly muttered Isshiki.

"Ah, if you want a reference, I know what Tobecchi is doing!" suggested Yuigahama.

Isshiki instantly shot her down, "No, Tobe-senpai is fine."

"Instant answer!?"

Although, something else entirely bothered me. At least from what I knew, it was not like Queen Miura to be so unsure of herself. If it was her, she would definitely decide what to do without hesitation.

Suddenly, I was reminded of her gaze during the New Year's day. Those blank eyes had none of the usual decisiveness. Her frail expression seemed as if she would disappear, right into the recesses of her maze-like castle.

"Something wrong?" Hikigaya inquired of me.

I became aware of the stern frown that had developed on my face.

"Ah, no, I just thought that it was a little unexpected for that Miura-san to be worrying like this," I said, shaking my head back to reality.

"That's a horrible thing for you to say," gravely spoke Hikigaya, "I mean, Miura may have a queen-like temperament with _that_ personality, but I'm sure she has her own worries too."

Good grief. Even Miura could take things seriously when it came down to it.

"Who's the one saying horrible things here? I didn't mean it like that," I said in astonishment, "I just think that it's unexpected for someone like Miura-san since she seems like a very decisive person. It looks like even Tobe-kun had already decided on a career path, too..."

At my last comment, both Hikigaya and Yuigahama wryly smiled, though Isshiki paid no heed. Not reacting was even more horrible, Isshiki-san.

"Ahaha... I mean, even Yumiko gets worried about some things, too. It's our career path and all," Yuigahama gently spoke.

"Are career paths really worth worrying about?" said Hikigaya with a serious tone.

If Hikigaya had said that jokingly, he might have brought up his dream of being a house-husband. However, because he said it like that, it had another meaning entirely. If it was Miura, she would definitely be able to evaluate her own abilities and interests and choose the appropriate career path based on that. What Hikigaya was trying to say was that, if the above were already known, then there was no reason to hesitate.

"Mmm, that's not what I mean. You know, like, how everyone's gonna be apart? It's hard to pick when you think about that," explained Yuigahama.

I had forgotten about the social issues. I was someone who had no deep attachment with any of my peers, after all. No matter what I decided to do, there was no one particular in my class that I wanted to move on with. That certainly was not the case for Miura Yumiko.

Hikigaya folded his arms and bluntly replied, "Well, yeah. But that's just how it is."

Hikigaya was right. Acquaintanceships that had the possibility of remaining transient or high-school-long could not possibly be compared, in importance, to fulfilling long-term goals. Remaining in the same class as your buddy should not be a valid reason to take the wrong career path.

Even so, behaving mechanically like that in a process of pure optimization was something that was extremely difficult. It could also be argued that there were benefits in pursuing short-term relationships. If one tried their best to make their friendships long-lasting, rather than fleeting, then present-day interactions could be considered important.

So, maybe Miura was worrying about having her group split up and having their bonds weakened as a result?

"Uh huh, I know that, but it's just, like, what we want to do and what we're aiming for is all over the place," said Yuigahama while looking downward, "Besides, if we split up into the humanities and the sciences, we won't be able to stay in the same classes."

Yuigahama's words confirmed my theory. So, we at least manage to deduce part of Miura's intentions. That made coming up with a solution for Miura a little simpler.

Hold on a minute. If bonds were weakened because people were no longer in the same class, what could be said about me, a person taking a special class at this school, and Hikigaya and Yuigahama, who are taking normal classes?

"By that logic, I'll always be in another class since my curriculum is different from your humanities and science paths," I said.

"S-Sorry, Yukinon! That's not what I wanted to say... I-I mean I don't really get it, but it's totally okay if you're in a different class, Yukinon!" frantically said Yuigahama.

Yuigahama leaped out of her chair and gave me a full-on embrace. My chair slid to the side a full seven centimetres. At least my lungs were not constricted this time.

She didn't need to react like that. I was half-joking. The fact that we were together for this long proved that our bond was not weak enough to necessitate strengthening from being in the same class. I patted Yuigahama's back to relieve this overly-emotional puppy.

"Ahh, so that's what's going on," spoke up Isshiki in realization of something, "This mail is from Miura-senpai, right? So what Miura-senpai wants to know is Hayama-senpai's career path, don't you think? Because she wants to stay in the same class and all."

"Hold on. How did you narrow that down to wanting to know specifically about Hayama-kun?" I said while experiencing a rapid rise in temperature from Yuigahama's continued hugging.

"Would Miura do something roundabout like this? Putting Isshiki aside," also said Hikigaya.

"Senpaaaai, what exactly do you take me foooor?" murderously spoke Isshiki.

Both Hikigaya and I were confused at this point. Where did this kind of logic come from?

"That makes sense," mentioned Yuigahama who was still pressing most of her body against mine, "I mean, she was pretty worried about it in class, so maybe... Yumiko's quite a maiden in her own way, too..."

"I knooow! Look at me, I'm a total maiden too, right?" attested Isshiki while looking at Hikigaya with upturned eyes.

Hikigaya pushed her shoulders away with a disgruntled face. He rested his chin on the side of his curled right hand in thought.

Yuigahama probably forgot that she was still embracing me as she entered a state of thinking as well. While she was distracted, I peeled off her arms and pushed away her body. She migrated back to her chair like an automaton. Did she not even notice my actions and simply reacted on instinct?

What Yuigahama said did put in the missing piece of the puzzle with regards to Miura's motivations. If it had to do with Miura's senseless infatuation with Hayama, then I suppose that her reasoning could be centered around him. From personal observations and experiences, I knew that a crush was like a black hole. It sucked everything in; all of your thoughts and desires become centered around the person of your crush.

However, a crush isn't a reason to try to find out about something indirectly. It's not like it presented any obstacles to communication by itself. It only altered motivations.

"Then, couldn't she just ask him herself?" I asked, stating the obvious.

"It did come up when we were together in class, but Hayato-kun said to think about it on our own and he didn't tell us what he picked," said Yuigahama.

"Isn't that because everyone was there?" spoke Isshiki with a raised finger, "If it was just the two of them, Hayama-senpai and Miura-senpai, then she could freely ask him. That would earn her points, tooooo."

Isshiki's face contorted in displeasure as she said those last comments. Perhaps she realized that she was offering advice that would let her rival get ahead.

"No, it's not that easy," said Hikigaya as he shook his head, "It's clear that Hayama has some misgivings about revealing it."

So, the reason why Miura needed our help in finding out Hayama's career path was that the person in question was reluctant to reveal it himself. That certainly narrowed down what we had to do, but it wasn't any less difficult. Thanks to his family dealings, surpassing Hayama's barrier of communication was not a trivial matter.

"What shall we do about this consultation?" I asked to everyone.

"There's nothing wrong with lending a hand to Miura. For now, let's try giving it a shot," decided Hikigaya.

There were no... ethical problems with fulfilling this request. There was no possibility of needing to do something radical. But even if there was, I would make sure that he would not take the fall on his own or betray anything.

Yuigahama nodded her head in agreement with Hikigaya. As for Isshiki, wait, we didn't need the approval of non-members.

"Got it! I'll try asking again tomorrow," said a highly motivated Yuigahama.

"I'm sorry for leaving it up to you, but can we count on you?" I requested.

"Yeah!"

Then, Yuigahama sank her eyes and dejectedly said, "But I'm not sure if he'll tell me though."

"I guess so. If Miura or Tobe couldn't get it out of him, then you definitely won't be able to," said Hikigaya with a frown.

Hikigaya assumed a thinking mode once again. He muttered some things under his breath that I couldn't hear clearly. He said something "-shita" then stared at me for a moment then shook his head. I tilted my head in confusion. Did he have some sort of plan? We don't have any alternatives right now, so whatever it is, I would gladly help him out with it.

Then, Hikigaya declared, "I guess we don't have a choice. I'll ask him."

Now that was a plan that had some extreme hurdles.

"Eh, Hikki will?" reacted Yuigahama.

"Will you be okay?" I asked, "Are you sure that, well, you can hold a conversation?"

"You're concerned about the wrong thing here," sighed Hikigaya, "Actually I don't have any confidence either. But, it's not like there isn't a possibility."

"What do you mean?" I said with skepticism.

Hikigaya cleared his throat and explained, "If he's not telling the people he's close with, then the only thing we can try is the opposite. It's because the person's unrelated that you can tell him things."

I nodded my head in approval, "I see. So it's something like confessing and repenting."

It was like telling your sins to the Catholic priest and asking him to pray for you. You felt comfortable doing so because that priest had nothing to do with the person you've wronged. However, I felt that it was wrong for the repentance to end there. It was necessary to confront with the person you've hurt and have some reconciliation. Oops, I went off-topic.

Hikigaya's method worked at least in principle. However, if it would work in practice was something to be seen. Just like Hiratsuka had said about a month ago, Hikigaya had a good track record. I could attest to that as well. There was nothing wrong with leaving it up to him as long as I could pull him back before he dives into something dangerous.

"Repenting...?" Yuigahama tested the words in her mouth.

I tried to convince myself that ignorance was not a sin, no matter how much it made my brain ache.

"Anyway, I'll try asking. There's no harm in trying, after all," stated Hikigaya.

Hikigaya raised his cup and took several long, final gulps of his black tea. As he put down his cup, his face lit with the usual resolve, a fire that we once doubted but now supported.

Isshiki grabbed her bag, stood up, and announced, "Okay, I'm going to head back now. Thank you for the tea. Yui-senpai, if you learn anything, please let me know too!"

Requesting specifically Yuigahama of that suggested that Isshiki was more interested in the details of Hayama than of fulfilling the request. There were many issues with that, but Isshiki and I weren't close enough for me to scold her for that. I reluctantly let her bow and turn around for now.

"Hey, your stuff," called out Hikigaya.

Isshiki stopped in her tracks and quickly turned around with a playful "oops!" grin on her face. Ms. Student Council President, please be more cautious from now on or our club funding will accidentally be halved one day. Actually, did our club even get funding? I will have to talk to Hiratsuka about that.

"Here we go, ooomph," grunted Isshiki as she lifted the box of Christmas decorations.

Isshiki attempted to walk to the door, but she staggered back and forth as if gravitational acceleration was constantly switching directions. Seeing that, Hikigaya quickly stood up and withdrew the box from her, taking it into his own hands literally.

"Th-Thank you very muich! Also, can I ask you to carry them to the student council room, too?" asked a relieved Isshiki.

Hikigaya casually responded, "Yeah, yeah."

The two walked side-by-side to the door. Isshiki hummed an upbeat song while having a rather exuberant expression. Hikigaya did not look like he found the current chore a pain and even adopted a brotherly smile.

My mouth opened half-way and stayed like that. I was about to say some teasing words about Hikigaya's lack of strength, but they stopped in my throat. Hikigaya-kun, that's no good. If you keep this up, Komachi will get jealous. She would definitely be angry at you for over-spoiling your underclassman.

"Alright, I'm going to carry these over real fast," said Hikigaya.

I turned to Yuigahama and spoke in a serious tone, "Shall we stop here for today?"

"R-Right! Let's all carry the stuff over then!" replied Yuigahama with a face saying she understood.

I quickly gathered up the cups and teapot and put them in the usual place without even washing them. I'll do it some other time. I chucked the paper plates, forks, and the cake's container into the garbage can. While I was doing so, Isshiki and Hikigaya stared at me bewilderedly.

"Umm... we don't really need that many people," mumbled Isshiki.

"I'm locking the room, so can you please step outside?" I said, giving her a piercing gaze.

"Y-Yesss."

We shouldn't leave Hikigaya alone with Isshiki. For Komachi's sake. If we did so, who knows what would happen? For example, Hikigaya may take advantage of the situation and say some unsavoury words to her, causing her to become unhappy. Right, for that reason, for Komachi's sake, we should definitely accompany Hikigaya and Isshiki. I could think of no other reason. Or at least not want to.

After all of us stepped outside, I locked the door to the Service Club with the key that Hiratsuka always gives me. The keys easily slid in, and a satisfying clicking sound was heard after turning it clockwise.

As we walked down the hallway, jingling bells and knocking metals could be heard from the box behind me. They provided a tingling percussion to the familiar halls lit with the dim fluorescent lights.

Out the window, against the backdrop of the night, gleaming skyscrapers towered so high that they were unreachable. Yet, ask any architect and they would know how to deal with this problem. It had taken time to build, but, invisible from the outside, those buildings had elevators, a channel connecting each and every floor.

I wanted to believe that the queen's castle had several, intertwining staircases. And I wanted to find that careless architect who had forgotten to hang up the floor plans.

* * *

Day 1 of Operation Miura's Request.

The frigid sea breeze brought in the full force of winter. It chilled our bones far below what one would have expected based on the atmospheric temperature alone, which was no laughing matter itself. Compared to yesterday or even any other day before, today was, by far, the coldest.

We had met in the club briefly, but today, it was Hikigaya's turn to take action. As such, we decided to go outside and meet with Hayama as he finishes his soccer club activities.

We stood a distance away from the field situated near the bike parking area. There, numerous boys wearing soccer jerseys were busy performing concluding warm-down drills and exercises. I speculated that the weather was cold enough such that their physical activity did not heat up their bodies appreciably at all. Only their passion for the game drove them on, or at least that's what would be proper.

I returned from the vending machine with a can of piping hot MAX Coffee. I insulated it with the cat mittens I received from Yuigahama. I must admit that I did not have entirely selfless motives for doing so; the can also provided me with much-needed warmth.

I handed the can of MAX Coffee to Hikigaya.

"Here, take this," I called out to Hikigaya.

Hikigaya glanced curiously at my mittens for merely a moment.

"Oh, thanks."

The plan was simply to have Hikigaya intercept Hayama after his club activities and ask him about his career path. It was not at all complex. In fact, it may have been better for it to be more so, but we could not come up with any particularly good ideas. Yuigahama did recite to him some of Hayama's interests and some tips to converse well, but I doubt they would be of any use.

Hikigaya did say that he would do it all himself, but I still thought that he would benefit if we were there to support him.

"It's fine if you go home first," muttered Hikigaya.

"But we can't let you handle everything..." said Yuigahama.

Hikigaya shook his head and once more reasoned, "No, it's a lot easier for me to ask him alone, probably. Wouldn't it be harder for him to talk to you guys? Not that I'd know."

Yuigahama had already proven herself to be ineffective. Both yesterday and today, she had said that her questions were evaded by Hayama. Even if she were to meet with him now, it would be hard to imagine that it would yield any results.

As for me, I think that Hikigaya understood that Hayama and I were not on the best of terms. It's not like we hated each other, but the distance that both he and I put between us would make it incredibly difficult for me to discover his career path. Furthermore, if we were discovered to be talking to each other seemingly secretly at some obscure location, the rumours would become further exaggerated. I was not bothered by the rumours very much at this stage, but I could not say the same for Hayama. Regardless of how much they affected us presently, it would be silly to risk having them become worse.

That left only Hikigaya. Although it's easy to jump to conclusions, the lack of evidence and end results still made him a wildcard. As we said yesterday, he had the least amount of ties to Hayama. That also meant that he carried the least, if not zero, risk when talking with Hayama, so Hayama was more free to disclose information to him. That, among other reasons, made Hikigaya the best candidate.

"I see. Well, that's true, I suppose," I reluctantly agreed with Hikigaya.

"Mmm, I still think it'd be better for me to ask though," said Yuigahama while she rubbed her hands together.

"I'm sorry for leaving this up to you," I spoke while hugging my body.

"No, it's fine. If it's work, then there's no getting around it," Hikigaya said, attempting to sound laid-back.

"That's rather out of character for you to say," I teased.

I knew that he was being considerate. Still, I didn't want to leave everything up to him. He was fine with it, but that still wasn't enough to get rid of this bad aftertaste in my mouth.

Yuigahama sighed with reluctance. It seemed like she had given up on trying to persuade him. In that case, I needed to honour Hikigaya's decision as well.

"Okay, see you tomorrow then," Yuigahama said to him while adjusting her backpack.

"Good luck, Hikigaya-kun," I also spoke as I swung my bag's strap over my shoulder.

"Yeah. See you tomorrow," Hikigaya said with a wave.

I nodded to Yuigahama and we began walking to the front gate. Hikigaya saw us off with a confident expression.

I suppose that there was no problem even if he failed. Even from failure, we could obtain valuable information for our next plan. Just like always, we needed to try one thing at a time to slowly gather the pieces together.

For a long time now, Yuigahama had persisted with furiously rubbing her hands together. Seeing her like that, I felt compelled to warm her up. I reached into my bag for my old pair of gloves that I wore before and gave them to Yuigahama.

"Oh, Yukinon, thank you!" said Yuigahama as she graciously bowed.

The temperature was at the freezing point. Every time I breathed out, an almost opaque mist blew out of my mouth. Our steps crackled not only from stepping on fallen twigs, but also from shattering thin ice that had formed on the debris.

"Yukinoooon, I can't take this cold much longer. How 'bout we stop at a café or something?" complained Yuigahama.

"Alright," I consented.

Naked trees paved the side of the road that we walked on. Free of leaves, the trees seemed thin and fragile. The wind that blew past them swayed their branches in a single direction initially, but as they recoiled, each individual branch flailed in random directions.

Thankfully, in very little time, the usual shops popped into view. We sped up our pace in the direction of Starbucks. My feet had become numb except when my toes slightly bent from the impact of a step. When that occurred, it felt like my toes would be ripped right off.

At the instant we stepped foot into the café, our bodily heat was immediately replenished with the toasty atmosphere. I removed my cat mittens and Yuigahama handed back to me my old gloves as the warmth of the whole place was more than adequate.

We lined up and ordered drinks. I purchased a cappuccino of medium size. More specifically, I ordered the Grandé size, but such a name sounded incredibly pretentious. Yuigahama ordered a frappuccino and gave the most frighteningly long list of additional flavours, toppings and other special requests that I have ever heard anyone say in a coffee shop. What was even more terrifying was that the barista understood and memorized every single word with a smile as calm as a pond and was able to concisely recite it to another girl in charge of the drink-making. I could feel a droplets of sweat forming on my back. I never wanted to be warmed up this way as well.

After we picked up our respective drinks, we found a table to sit down at. Yuigahama sat across from me. The straw of Yuigahama's drink was embedded within the brown slush, an icy drink that defeated the purpose of coming into the café to escape the coldness outside.

"Say, Yukinon, are the rumours affecting you at all?" asked Yuigahama as she lazily fiddled with her straw.

I sipped my cappuccino first. The slightly bitter, yet all the more rich flavour flowed down my esophagus with no resistance.

"Not particularly. I was never that close with anyone in my class or anyone outside of it anyway," I responded nonchalantly, "Perhaps a lot of things are going on behind my back, but I'm not very sure."

"Uh huh. If things get outta hand, you can always talk to me, you know?" spoke Yuigahama, her voice gentle and soft.

"I know. Don't worry. Things haven't progressed to that extent yet," I murmured, tenderly gripping my cup that emanated a lovely heat.

Yuigahama took a big gulp of her frappuccino. She could not resist letting out a "mmmmm". Her face lit up in refreshment.

"Say, Yukinon, that other day when you were wearing those glasses, did you really like them!?" excitedly asked Yuigahama.

"Yes, they were wonderful. Did you help Hikigaya-kun pick them out?"

"A little bit. I only said if they were good or not, but he picked them out all by himself! It's like whoooa. I think he's getting really good at picking out presents!"

"Indeed. I should really return him the favour. And to you too. The cat mittens and socks were incredibly cute."

The chattering of the café was relatively subdued. As a result, both Yuigahama's and my voice acclimated to that level of tone. Given that I was used to speaking this way most of the time, it was easy on my voice, so it was wonderful for me.

I watched the level of slush in Yuigahama's transparent cup slowly drop as she sucked on the straw. If you didn't look at the straw jutting out, the falling height of the drink seemed mysterious, as if the coffee-sugar-milk-caramel-ice-water equilibrium mixture was vanishing into thin air.

"Yuigahama-san, how is Miura-san and Hayama-kun like in your class?" I asked, jumping to the serious matters.

Yuigahama looked at the ceiling and recalled, "Let's see... Well, a lot of it is the same as usual. But today, Yumiko got really angry at these girls who were chatting. Like, I think you get what I'm talking about, right? As for Hayato-kun, I think he's trying to act like normal, but the rumour got him worked up as well. He talked back to Ooka-kun."

"Hayama-kun did? That is unusual," I muttered with a stiff nod.

One would expect that Hayama would simply pass it off with his usual nauseating smile. For him to react so strongly to this specific rumour, I thought he had long since he had become indifferent to such gossip.

"Like, it really reminded me of that day in the café with him, Hikki and those two. Just for a moment, how he spoke and all," Yuigahama muttered while resting her cheek on her hand.

Yuigahama was referring to that day when Hayama called us to meet up in a café where we were expecting to discuss the election and Isshiki. What we were met with, however, was Hayama's face brimming with hostility and two baffled-looking females who received the full brunt of Hayama's unusual wrath.

Something must have been changed around that time. The Hayama that I had become familiar with would not have been so careless as to let slip the swirling darkness of cruel justice that he had decided to firmly repress. No, once that Pandora's box had been opened, it was impossible to seal the contents once again. If pricked, the Hayama now may burst.

Perhaps what we were doing now to fulfill Miura's request was pushing Hayama past a certain point that now existed. If things went awry, he would once again put on an expression far beyond nauseating.

"Is that so? Well, as long as it's within reason, we can still fulfill Miura's request," I said as I reached for my cappuccino once again.

However, what did any of that matter? If Hayama had undergone some change, was that necessarily completely negative? If his defences had become fractured by his own actions and if things are able to escape from him now, then would that not mean that the horrible past would also be allowed to leave him as well?

In the end, it was not worth worrying about. Life was troublesome enough as it is. Anything that does not have a high possibility of harm should be ignored, at least until all of the major issues have been dealt with. Right now, we should be focusing on Miura's request, because that was what we had agreed upon to be our major issue, our ordeal to tackle.

"We should be thinking up our next plan of action," I said once my hands contacted the cup.

"Hikki's already failed!?" reacted Yuigahama with thrust-up arms.

Then, Yuigahama collapsed onto the table, narrowly missing our drinks in the process. I sighed, feeling just a little annoyed at her uncouth behaviour.

I brought the cup to my lips. I instinctively readied my tongue for the oncoming heat, but the liquid that came pouring out was not as intense as I expected. I felt a little disappointed. Even Hikigaya should be feeling disappointed right now, though for a different reason. Yet, it was up to us to render a failure as trivial as we liked it to be.

* * *

Day 2 of Operation Miura's Request.

"Well, I was magnificently shot down by Hayama-san."

Those words which we had all predicted left Hikigaya's mouth as he settled himself down in the clubroom.

"Uh huh, I knew that was gonna happen," sympathetically spoke Yuigahama, "It's okay, Hikki. Hayato-kun seems to be in a bad mood too. It's not your fault."

"We never expected anything in the first place, so you don't need to be concerned about it," I said, offering my words of consolation.

"Well, that's definitely, definitely Senpai for you," groaned Isshiki.

It's because that it's definitely, definitely Senpai that you shouldn't place such high expectations on him, Isshiki-san.

"And why are you here again?" Hikigaya interrogated her.

With how comfortably Isshiki drank from her paper cup, it was plainly visible how Isshiki had adjusted herself splendidly into our club. Although annoying, it was impressive to see such high social skills from Isshiki. The one sitting beside her could definitely use a few lectures from her with regard to those.

"I'm here today this time for a proper consultation," declared Isshiki.

She adjusted her posture and sat upright. Her face with firm with conviction.

"If it's for the student council, I'm not helping anymore," immediately stated Hikigaya.

"Oh, okay."

With that, Isshiki immediately dropped her eyes to the floor, looking awfully downcast.

I narrowed my eyes. What selfish motives. Our club only helped the willing. We had no time to give people motivation; their motivation had to have been present in the first place. There was another place that dealt with that kind of issue. The name of that place is the school counsellor.

"Surely you didn't come all this way just so you could have us assist, you right?" I uttered menacingly.

Isshiki frantically attempted to assure, "O-Of course! I was just kidding! I'm making sure to do my work!"

Yet another excuse. It was even less valid than with the Christmas decorations box last time.

"Then what's your business?" I asked with a sigh.

"I-Iroha-chan's probably curious about Hayato-kun's career path and came to ask about it, right?" interjected Yuigahama.

Isshiki ignored her manners and stood up from her chair excitedly as she said, "That's my Yui-senpai! That's exactly why I'm here. Buuuut, that's not the only thing. It's liiiike, there's been way more people making passes at Hayama-senpai."

"Passes?" Yuigahama repeated that word with a tilted head.

"Well, confessing to him, basically," Isshiki plainly stated.

That's an extremely radical leap. The difference between making a pass and confessing was like the difference between picking up a bat in a sports store and playing in major league baseball. I didn't get Isshiki's logic at all, but let's mentally replace "passes" with "confessions".

Isshiki continued, "Even if it doesn't go well, they do it just to check, like an appeal of some sort."

"What do you mean by 'check'?" I inquired.

By that logic, it was like evaluating whether or not you'll make use of a product by buying it first. However, it should have been the other way around. The process of consideration should have come first. How backwards.

"Is that really gonna work as an appeal?" wondered Yuigahama.

Again, one should appeal doing something else. The point of appealing was to put yourself in the good books of another person. This was an act of preparation for the goal of confession. Why would the goal serve as preparation?

Isshiki sat back down. She thought for a moment then turned toward Hikigaya.

Isshiki let out a hot, passionate breath as she stared at Hikigaya with trembling, moist eyes. Her cheeks became flushed with a luscious pink. Her dainty right hand powerlessly squeezed at the ribbon on her uniform with the same unease as one who wobbled near the edge of a cliff.

"Senpai... is there... anyone you're dating right now?" lasciviously breathed Isshiki.

Hikigaya froze, moving only his lips as he hoarsely replied, "No... not really..."

Not only was Hikigaya frozen, but Yuigahama and I were as well. Isshiki suddenly resumed her usual self and flashed us a victorious smile.

"See, something like this, yeah!" asserted Isshiki.

So, what exactly was I supposed to be seeing? Was this irritating act supposed to emulate how people confessed to Hayama?

Yuigahama forcedly smiled and said, "Th-The problem's obviously the way you said it! Right, Hikki? Um, Hikki?"

Hikigaya's body lurched. His face was thoroughly flustered, and his eyes darted around in abnormal hesitation and confusion.

"And just why are you so quiet?" I spat with a cold smile.

Look, Hikigaya-kun. If you reacted so strongly to Isshiki's false loving act, then you will have many troubles in the future. Komachi would get extremely angry with you. She would definitely eye you dully, thinking how pathetic you are and how you would react like that to anyone. She would become envious of this younger girl who is stealing your attention. That's right, you would make Komachi extremely displeased. Therefore, Hikigaya-kun, for her sake, and I must emphasize, for her sake only, wipe that disgusting grin off of your face.

"W-Well, you know, yeah. I get Hayama's situation now. I totally get it," hurriedly spoke Hikigaya.

I expelled the stale air from my lungs in a tremendous sigh. At least I understood from Isshiki's stupid act that a confession could evoke some changes in behaviour from Hayama. They were able to casually go about doing so because of how little they valued a relationship or that their feelings were shallow.

Hikigaya cleared his throat and asked Isshiki, "So, what did you want to discuss?"

"I want to know how to get ahead of my rivals!" shouted Isshiki as she pumped both of her fists, "Considering the situation right now, it's a chance for me. People noooormally give up after confessing, right? Hayama-senpai seems totally sick of confessions too, so that's where I can come in as a 'safe tile' and ambush- I mean, I can, like, give him some plump comfort!"

A safe tile that's really hiding an ambush. Isshiki was sly. It was effective to catch someone in their moment of weakness with the bait of a problem-free zone. It would even amplify the effect of the following ambush as they lower their guard to absolute zero. I had no problem if this was done to Hayama, but Isshiki, please do not do this to Hikigaya. Again, Komachi would be unhappy with it. It's a good plan, but I do not approve of it.

"So, I was thinking some kinda place where we could just take it niiiice and easy just to relax or something," murmured Isshiki.

Isshiki turned her gaze to a place out the window. The only scenery that was there was the sweat of the soccer club as they engaged in their activities.

"Doesn't sound like a bad idea," said Hikigaya with a devious smile.

Hikigaya was the type of person to use underhanded tactics. Yet, I felt that his smile was more brotherly than vicious.

"I know, right! So, that's why I'd like to talk about the places you'd reccommend!"

Hikigaya rejected her proposal, "Uh, isn't that your specialty?"

Good call. I doubt that the ramen restaurant and the arcade would be suitable places for relaxation. I had very few experiences with kinds of places, but they got your blood boiling rather than simmering. Not to mention that they were uncivilized.

"I already tried all the things I came up with before!" pouted Isshiki, "That's why I want to try the opposite approach this time!"

"So basically, you want us to think of a place where you can casually hang out without worrying about people?" I asked, seeking for confirmation.

Well, something like this was within the boundary of our club activities. Although Isshiki had dubious motives, there was no harm in providing her with recommendations. The motivation was there, so we were able to provide a helping hand.

"That's exactly it, yep."

"Well, I suppose that's fine."

"Thank you very much!"

Isshiki showed a joyous visage. It wasn't such a bad thing to see this girl show off such brightness without restraint.

"Sooo, with that out of the way... Senpai, what do you think?" Isshiki, once more, turned to Hikigaya.

Hikigaya sighed and muttered, "Why ask me?"

Hikigaya opened his mouth, but he hung it like that for a moment before closing it, retracting some words that he treated as improper. He appeared conflicted, which was unsurprising.

"H-Hikki, where do you think is good? Um, you know, just for reference," nervously spoke Yuigahama.

"We're completely different, so I don't think it'll serve as one, you know," admitted Hikigaya.

"That's true. You're like his antithesis, after all," I teased.

"Right?" simply spoke Hikigaya without a hint of resistance.

"Yes, absolutely."

Although I said that in jesting, that was what I truly thought. Hikigaya was the exact opposite of Hayama. Hayama was popular, whereas Hikigaya elicited a response of "who?". Hayama had plenty of friends, whereas it was doubtful that Hikigaya even remembered what having a friend was like. Hayama's past was repressive, while Hikigaya's past was full of repression. Hayama was limited by his nauseating smile, while Hikigaya seemed to have no limits, no restrictions.

Also, the best way to support an argument was to predict the arguments of the opposition. In that sense, there was meaning in learning about the other side.

"But it's exactly because you're his antithesis that I believe it will serve as a reference. If you take the exact opposite of the view of an antithesis, what results could be said to be very close to the correct answer. The opposition of opposition is agreement, right?" I added.

"Don't you mean the opposite of opposite isn't necessarily the truth?" said Hikigaya in exasperation.

Of course I knew that. It's just that, twisting words and phrases around is a very Hikigaya-like thing to do. I was only copying him.

Anyway, let's hear what Hikigaya had to say. I was not particularly interested, but this would be good for Komachi. No wait, since she was his sister, surely she would already know what places he likes. Whatever. I suppose that what Hikigaya had to say would be useful for the future, so there's no harm in hearing it. In fact, I'd love to hear it. I am somewhat interested after all. No, I could say that I'm very interested in the kinds of places that a person like Hikigaya would go to. Did I contradict myself somewhere?

"...Uh, I'll try to think about it," said Hikigaya, averting his eyes.

Don't just leave us hanging, Hikigaya-kun. Please satisfy the curiosities that you've piqued.

"Please make sure to think it over then, okaaaay?" Isshiki said, smiling like a trickster.

Hikigaya turned to me and inquired with a grave face, "Speaking of which, Yukinoshita, how about you? Has anything changed because of that rumour?"

It was the same question that Yuigahama had asked to me yesterday. However, even though a day has passed, thankfully my answer had not changed.

"Me? There aren't very many people who would come near my class to begin with. There certainly does seem to be people saying things secretly, but this isn't any different from before, so it's hard to judge," I replied.

"I totally understand. When you stand out, people doooo say a lot of stuff behind your back," Isshiki agreed with me.

Isshiki, being popular enough to be nominated as the student council president even without her personally stepping up to the plate, should know exactly what I was talking about. As painfully immodest as it was to admit, both Isshiki and I were fairly famous people within this school. As such, at any point in time, we had both admirers and detesters, both of which gossip about us without us knowing. It was no different from celebrity paparazzi. Trying to find out what was being passed around that could be said to be especially bad was a difficult task since we were always exposed to rumours. It was no different from trying to smell something funny in your room after having lived in it for several years.

Still, rumours of this level was something I could withstand. I've experienced far worse.

"But it's not as horrible as it was back then," I added in a soft tone.

Back then, I was childish. No, it was difficult for me to say that I have become fully mature even now, but in the past, I was even more immature. I didn't know how to handle those rumours. Especially when it was between me and the one who, at that time, I considered precious, I was unable to ignore them. I found them extremely irksome. The way that I dealt with them, the way that I let them affect me, could have been considered one of the reasons why he and I were like how we were today.

Hikigaya slightly widened his eyes at my words. He opened his mouth, intending to speak, but promptly shut them, refusing to let loose something careless. After some hesitation, he once again attempted to say something.

It was then that knocking was heard from the door. As we turned our eyes towards the door, it was thrust open before we could invite that person on the other side to enter.

"Hey. Got time right now?" angrily uttered that rude intruder.

Miura Yumiko stood at the entrance to the room. Her figure, not particularly tall or of large girth, nonetheless emanated a brazen arrogance fit for a ruler. Her gaze punctured holes into each of our minds as she scanned the interior of the room for inhabitants. Her cheeks were tinted not with the pinkness of embarrassment but the crimson of flame.

Yuigahama spoke in worry, "Yumiko, what's wrong?"

"...I want to talk about something," menacingly spoke Miura.

"Oh. Well, for starters, come in, come in," ushered Yuigahama.

Miura stared at Isshiki, the extra, with annoyance. Anyone could see what she was trying to communicate to her. It was an order for the unnecessary to be excommunicated.

Seeing that, Isshiki realized with a start and quickly spoke, "Ah. Okay, I have student council work, so I'll take my leave here. See you all later, bye."

Isshiki sprang from her chair and quickly marched to the exit. After leaving, she shut the door promptly, an exaggerated motion to appease the tyrant.

Yuigahama stood up and moved the chair previously sat in by Isshiki to the spot across from her, on the other side of the wider length of the rectangular table. Hikigaya and I remained seated at the far ends, but we turned to face Miura.

Yuigahama asked first, "Did you want to talk about the mail?"

"No, not that... Well, there's that too," answered Miura as she looked to the side.

Miura looked uneasy for just a moment. Then, she sighed to clear out all of her previous hesitations. With stern conviction, she suddenly turned towards me and posed a question with a tone sharp enough to cut through bone and marrow.

"Actually, is there something going on between you and Hayato?"

Her question was exactly the same as presented by every other person ever since the start of classes for the new year. I thought that being fellow students of the prestigious Sobu High would allow Miura to firmly conclude upon the most obvious answer. However, it seemed that her mind was occupied by nothing but frills and flowers after all.

"There's nothing at all. We're just acquaintances from the past," I replied in monotone.

I wonder whose face was more displeased: mine or Miura's.

"You sure about that?" said Miura as she flicked her ringlets.

I narrowed my eyes.

"Do you think I have anything to gain from lying?" I spat in exasperation, "Things like this have always been a bother since a long time ago."

I thought the popular and beautiful Miura Yumiko would understand my situation just like how Isshiki did. I thought even this could be counted as part of those frills and flowers, pleasantries and annoyances of youth. Yet, Miura had absolutely zero trust in whatever I said about it. As a person excluded from her kingdom, I was only an enemy and nothing more.

"Huh? What's with your tone? Talk about getting on my nerves. I really, really hate that part about you, Yukinoshita," flared Miura.

"Yumiko!"

Surprisingly, Yuigahama raised her voice in reprimand. A will that had seldom been seen in Yuigahama charred in her eyes.

"I explained it before, didn't I?" said Yuigahama in righteous anger, "It really was just a coincidence and that nothing at all happened after that."

It was illogical to head straight to the conclusion of Hayato and me dating from a single event on that day before my birthday. Even so, when all of your peers talked about it and when your own emotions came into play, it was difficult to keep the whole issue from becoming over-amplified. Yuigahama had logically explained it all to Miura before. Yet, something outside of logic caused Miura to reject it.

"If that was everything, Hayato wouldn't be so worried," sulked Miura with a powerless voice, "I mean... that's never happened before too."

My eyelids approached closure even more. From Miura's weak tone, she was suggesting that the object of worry of Hayama was myself. She was dead wrong. We were not close. Miura, herself, was far closer to Hayama than I was. Hayama could not possibly be more concerned about me than the minimum.

Even if Hayama and I were close, his worries would not be with me because we had convinced ourselves that I could handle it.

"It's not like he's concerned for me," I coldly spoke, "It's likely he's concerned about something else entirely."

"That... That just might be what you think, right?" desperately said Miura, "It's not like we know what Hayato's thinking about, anyway. Like, wasn't there something like that? I mean, not now, but like, back then... or something."

Miura not knowing a thing about our past proved that Hayama has never said a word about it to her. He set a clear boundary. Beyond that was forbidden. She had no right to trespass.

Therefore, she turned to the Service Club to find out. No, she turned to me. I acted as the backdoor entrance, a different path that lead to the same hidden result. She thought she could take advantage of me and step on soil that did not technically belong to Hayama to reach something that did belong to him. Of course, I had no obligation to respect Hayama's wishes at all. I was free to make my own decisions as to who to let in or out. I was my own independent gatekeeper.

But just because I was different, yet connected to Hayama, did she think that I would easily let her enter? Would I let someone inconsiderate like Miura, someone who bathed themselves in superficiality like Miura, and someone who thought absolutely nothing of people that had no citizenship in her kingdom like Miura into a place that even I was not ready to reveal in one-hundred percent detail to Yuigahama and Hikigaya?

The answer was a terrifying, reverberating, resounding, absolute, final no.

"So what if there was something and I told you everything?"

What if I did let Miura in on these secrets? What if I offered her my hand? What would happen?

"Would anything change?"

She would ignore that hand. She would pass through the gates that I had unlocked without giving me a single additional glance. She would trample on both the roses and gravestones on her way to the destination.

"Would you or anyone believe it?"

When she got there, she would not even look back and realize that the things she stepped over were part of that destination. In the end, she would find nothing of use. Perhaps she would gain the objective facts and formulate her own incorrect interpretations on the matter. Both Hayama and I would then shake our heads. Her own satisfaction will prevent her from acknowledging the truth.

This was what would happen if the merciless queen decided to raid my own kingdom.

This was what those who I never once considered friends had done to me in the times long past, but long remembered.

The reign over a kingdom gave one power. Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

"In the end, it's meaningless," I _had_ concluded.

Miura gradually felled her head until her unseeing eyes were faced with the floor. Then, a heavy, deep voice slowly leaked out of her mouth.

"Every time..."

Her voice suddenly peaked shrilly.

"The way you act like that...!"

"Wait, Yumiko!" Yuigahama exclaimed.

_Now, now, Yukino-chan_. A soothing, yet frigid voice overlapped with Yuigahama's in my head.

Miura burst right up out of her chair in violent fury and she stomped towards me. The chair did not even experience the brief moments of merciful wobbling before it tipped over backwards with a monumental bang.

Miura Yumiko roared with a voice loud enough to distort her words into detached, disharmonious notes, "Just who do you think you are, seriously!"

Miura's hands reached out.

Time did not slow down. Such a phenomenon only occurred in movies. In reality, no one is given the time to think. It was all up to reaction, either from instinct or from learned behaviours.

_My hands reached out_.

My hands reached out.

_Haruno's skills included cooking, laundry, cleaning, housework — and aikido_.

My skills included cooking, laundry, cleaning, house work — and aikido.

_In my anger, I had lashed out, going straight for her collar._

In Miura's rage, her hands sought to grab hold of my collar.

_True to her training and true to her accomplishments, she naturally trapped my oncoming hand in her firm grip._

True to my past experiences and past failures, my hand anticipated Miura's hostile act and immediately caught her own hand, confining it in a tight and unbreakable grip.

Miura's face contorted in a malevolent surprise. Her arm shook fiercely as it struggled to break her hand free of my vice-like hold.

"Unfortunately for you, I'm used to things of this nature. Though, you're the very first one to directly come at me like this," I said with nonchalance.

Naturally, among those who detested me, there were a few radicals. When confronted with them, I was ready to intercept them if arguments became more physically involved, so to speak. Yet, not one of them had lasted past my words to reach that stage. Not until Miura, that was.

I glared right into Miura's piercing eyes, while she glared right into mine. I could hardly hear Miura's intense breathing as my own vigorous ventilation was far greater in volume. I furiously suppressed my desire to escalate this any further.

"Is there anything else you want to say?" I mocked, "Or is there a continuation of this?"

_Yukino-chan, is that it? How boring._

Miura's enraged expression gradually lost its crimson colour. Even the shaking of her arm stopped. In response, my grip grew tighter, testing how far she could go, testing how far I could go.

"Quit it already. For now, just let go and sit down," Hikigaya spoke up.

I whipped my head in his direction. By the time I had done so, Hikigaya lightly hit my hand that was holding onto Miura's. I fully intended to ignore that warning and continue with my belligerence. However, once I saw Hikigaya's concerned eyes, that feeling passed away. I obediently removed my hands from Miura's.

I sat down, while still feeling Miura's prickly gaze on my neck. Miura returned to her seat as well, guided by Yuigahama. Hikigaya shifted his seat to the corner of the table situated between Miura and I.

"You okay?" asked Hikigaya in a soothing voice.

This time, I recalled another voice.

_"Yukinoshita, being scolded isn't necessarily a bad thing,"_ once spoke Hiratsuka, _"It just means that someone's looking out for you."_

I rubbed the hand that was squeezing the life out of Miura's hand. It had turned completely red. However, I knew that the dilated blood vessels would eventually return to proper diameter.

"Yes. Didn't I say so? I'm used to it," I replied, "It's not something I'm concerned with. It's enough that the people I'm close to understand, so it's not a problem."

I looked at not only Hikigaya, but also Yuigahama as I said that.

"Yukinon..." leaked Yuigahama.

Yuigahama attended to Miura for a while, but after she saw that Miura was okay, Yuigahama returned to her seat as well. Hikigaya's eyes were affixed to the hand that I continued to rub even after the physical pain had subsided.

Miura murmured, her voice barely audible, "...That's normal isn't it? That's why."

Her words carried a hint of envy.

"Eh?" reacted Yuigahama.

"The thing about close people... It's because I want to be that way that I want to know," muttered Miura, her words filled with nothing but dissonance.

As if tired from everything, she peered out the window. What she was seeing could only be the soccer club practicing. And, at the centre of her tracing vision could only be the jersey-wearing Hayama Hayato.

Hikigaya had casted his eyes to the table's disordered surface of cups and books in contemplation. As Miura voiced her desire, Hikigaya nodded to himself. He had come to a conclusion.

"Miura," he called out, "So what you want to know isn't what happened a long time ago, right?"

Miura turned her head to Hikigaya. However, her current eyes lacked the refinement and arrogance of a queen. Instead, her eyes were tearfully wet, broken and battered.

Miura spoke as if she were choking, "I-It's just, um, I just think it'd be nice if we could maybe stay together for a bit longer, so... Um, together with everyone, as we are. It's just, Hayato's been distant recently, like he's going to go somewhere at this rate. I-I know this is weird even for me, but I... I just don't get anything else."

Miura's shattered language conveyed her illogical desire. It was because that it lost its form that form could no longer prevent that irrational desire from escaping through her mouth.

The hopeless figure of the weakened Miura struck me.

What if I had misinterpreted everything from the start? What if my own circumstances and my own biases got in the way of my logic? No, it could be said that those assumptions were the very basis of my logic. What if I had not approached this correctly at all?

Miura's upsetting, Miura's question to which the answer should have been obvious, Miura's desperate invasion, what if they were all for the sake of something much more important than preserving that shell known as her kingdom?

Yuigahama got up and placed her arms on Miura's shoulder. Miura breathed shaking breaths while her moist eyes were on the verge of flooding.

Hikigaya continued unhesitatingly, "But look, Miura. If Hayama's not telling you, doesn't that mean he doesn't want you to know? He might end up hating you."

"Wait, Hikki!"

"Hikigaya-kun, just what-"

Hikigaya's question held the strongest cruelty. It was the question that no one was brazen, no, brave enough to say aloud. It was the worst possible question, but only because it skirted upon a distasteful reality, something that few would willingly face.

"Even so, do you want to know?" Hikigaya Hachiman asked to the girl Miura Yumiko.

"I want to know... Even so, I want to know, because I don't have anything else," answered Miura Yumiko.

The windows of Miura's castle were locked. It was a safeguard for the wilds outside that she knew were dangerous. Even so, the castle restricted her from reaching the one that she now held precious. She was now willing to break through that dense glass for his sake and for her own sake. If she didn't, the only thing she would have left would be her castle.

That was why I could not see the trembling Miura Yumiko as a queen at this moment. The only thing I saw was a girl, just like me, who sought for that unreachable thing, that illogical object, something that was surely genuine.

"I got it. I'll do something about it," promptly said Hikigaya.

I was surprised at Hikigaya's immediate acceptance.

"What do you mean do something about it?" I questioned.

"I force him to spit it out. If not, then I'll look into it and dig it up."

"Even if he does tell you, there's no proof that it's true."

"Yeah. So, I'll do some detective work afterward."

Further arguments failed to leave my lips. Hikigaya had already set his decision in stone.

I had leaped to my misgivings again. However, when I looked at Hikigaya's determined expression, I put them aside.

I knew. The distance between Miura and Hayama sounded similar to the distance that had once existed between Hikigaya, Yuigahama and Yukino. That was why he would willingly help someone who also wanted to reach out, to build a bridge over unlikely waters.

"Whatever the case, Miura, it might not be fully accurate. But if you're fine with that, then I'll do something about it. You have my word," Hikigaya announced.

"Yumiko, is that okay?" Yuigahama asked as she held onto Miura's hands.

"Uh huh."

Sniff sniff. Miura continued wiping her nose with her sleeves. With those same sleeves, ignoring how dirty they now were, she wiped her teary eyes. Her makeup bled away, but not without leaving behind slimy residue. The crude display was not fitting of a queen at all. Her crown had been entirely tossed aside. Her kingdom was no longer controlled by the iron fist of monarchy. What she sought had no need of such things.

For the first time in what felt like a long time, someone finally showed a comforting smile. The owner of that smile was Hikigaya Hachiman. This time it was directed towards the one who willingly chose to step down from being a queen.

Gradually, my own face loosened. I stopped rubbing my hands.

A strong gust of wind collided with the windows. The frames shook loudly, but did not yield to the force.

With a calm voice, I asked to him, "It can't be helped. Hikigaya-kun, what do you have in mind specifically?"


	19. (V10)Bridging

_**During Volume 10 Chapter 6, 7 and 8**_

Day 3 of Operation Miura's Request

Nothing of interest to report. Hikigaya did not talk to Hayama, but he did ask some other people, including one of Hayama's friends. However, he did not discover anything useful. We did decide that the deadline would have to be when the Prospective Career Path Questionnaire was due, given the nature of Miura's request. That day was at the final school day of January.

* * *

Day 4 of Operation Miura's Request

Nothing of interest to report. Again, Hikigaya did not talk directly to Hayama. He has exhausted the knowledge of most of his small circle of acquaintances by now. I also performed some of my own investigations by asking my classmates. As expected, however, their thoughts were pre-occupied by the useless rumour. They had hardly even considered Hayama's career path. As a result, I gained no new knowledge. In fact, I probably lost more than I gained since me talking about Hayama may have worsened the rumours.

* * *

Day 5 of Operation Miura's Request

Nothing of interest to report. I wondered if Miura was starting to get disgruntled. I asked Yuigahama and Hikigaya if their group dynamics had changed. Yuigahama said that everyone was the same as ever. Hikigaya agreed, saying that Hayama's reluctance to disclose his career path choice was also the same as ever. While I was going home, I spotted a spectacular Pan-san figurine at the shop window of a nearby store.

* * *

Day 6 of Operation Miura's Request

Nothing of interest to report. Time was ticking by, but our investigations were still fruitless. After school was over, I went to the shop from yesterday and purchased that Pan-san figurine. Its new home is at the night stand beside my bed. I went to sleep that night with Pan-san's face fresh in my mind and breathing in my dreams.

* * *

Day n of Operation Miura's Request

Meow. I gently ran my fingers through the furry and fuzzy cat-themed book sleeve that I had wrapped around the book I was reading. The texture of each and every one of the tiny, artificial bristles perfectly emulated the coat of a real cat. I almost forgot to pay attention to my novel as I concentrated on feeling the sleeve.

The clubroom was so silent that the tick-tock of the clock was the most powerful sound. The quietness could not be helped. It was past the start of club, yet the other two members had not yet arrived. For some reason, the unfilled clubroom gave off a feeling like something was out of place.

Alone, one could not possibly be hurt by others. Yet, at the same time, nothing would progress. I was not solely referring to the "power of friendship". I was not that naive. Rather, the presence of others could drive competition, leading to innovation. Other people could provide both the kind push and the cruel whip needed to encourage progress. The paradise that loners dreamed of, the utopia where they are left completely alone, was thus undesirable. Even though I found it difficult to forge friendships, I never once considered myself a loner because I rarely actively pushed people away without giving them a chance to have an impact on my life. Only passively.

As if on cue, the door to the clubroom opened, dispelling that undesirable paradise.

My eyes met with the dead fish eyes of Hikigaya Hachiman.

"Good afternoon," I greeted.

"'Sup" he crudely returned.

I stood up and started to prepare the tea as usual. I had waited for either him, Yuigahama or both to arrive before making the tea. If I had made it as soon as I arrived at the club, only I would be able to sip the refreshing, piping hot primary batch while the others, if they arrive much later, would only be able to have the inferior, lukewarm experience. However, if I made it at the same time that they arrived, not only I, but the other two would be able to drink the best and hottest tea possible. There were no changes in outcome for me, but the other two would lose out if I had picked the former. The latter was clearly the superior option.

I was a little curious as to why Hikigaya had arrived at this time despite not announcing any plans yesterday.

I reached out for the teacups and spoke, "It seems you're a little late today."

"Well, Hiratsuka-sensei had some sort of request or something," said Hikigaya as he settled himself into his chair.

"Request?"

What was it this time around?

"She said there's an academic and career center of the sort tomorrow and that the student council needs some help," explained Hikigaya.

It would be disrespectful to refuse a request from a teacher, and thanks to the stagnancy of fulfilling Miura's request, we had nothing better to do. As club president, I approved of this request.

"I see. The student council... I'll free up my schedule then," I said.

"Yeah. No, wait. It's fine if I'm the only one who goes," spoke Hikigaya with a troubled tone.

Again, Hikigaya was being far too considerate. If he does everything, what work would be left for Yuigahama and me? There was no need for him to shoulder the entire burden when we could also handle it.

"I don't really mind," I spoke instantly, "It's not like I have anything else that needs to be done."

Hikigaya blinked twice rapidly and weakly spoke, "Well, that's true..."

I sat down in my seat. He and I fell silent and watched the rising steam from the teapot of boiling water. The vapours did not languish for any significant amount of time before dispersing. The water in the pot rapidly bubbled as the thermodynamic consequence of supplied heat, an unopposable outcome of strict laws governing the universe. By other strict laws as set by our personalities and current distance, neither of us spoke a word and simply watched the teapot, hoping that it would act as some conduit for expression.

Fortunately, that stalemate was broken with the rude opening of the door.

"Yahallo!"

"Hallo, hallo,"

There were two greetings instead of one. The first was the standard, ineloquent greeting of Yuigahama. The second greeting was not formal, but was much more discernible as a greeting,. The speaker of that greeting who trailed behind Yuigahama was Ebina Hina.

I bowed to Ebina and said, "Good afternoon, Ebina-san."

"Hello there, we haven't seen each other since the New Year, huh?" returned Ebina.

Out of all of Yuigahama's friends in that clique, Ebina was probably one of the most well-behaved ones. I certainly preferred her meek and reserved attitude to Miura's showy one. Well, that was when Ebina behaved normally. When she begins mouthing off about her inexplicable hobby, my head would begin to hurt..

I drew out the free seat to signal to Ebina that she could make herself at home here. She obediently complied, settling down on that chair. Now that Yuigahama was here, I retrieved her usual teacup. Oh, but since we had a guest, I also retrieved a paper cup.

Hikigaya tilted his head in confusion at the arrival of this guest. Seeing that, Yuigahama understood and began explaining.

"Remember? We were talking about how we should check with people who might know what Hayato-kun's career path could be, right?" pointed out Yuigahama, "So that's why I talked about it with Hina and we figured we might as well think it over with everyone here. Right, Hina?"

Ebina nodded wearily and spoke, "I hope I'll be useful, though."

I passed out the tea to everyone. As Ebina graciously received her cup, the rising vapours condensed on her glasses, making them foggy. I wryly smiled in apology, but Ebina shook her head to communicate that she was fine with it.

"Hayato-kun's career path, huh?" said Ebina while staring at her tea, "Can't say I've heard anything about it myself. That, and Hayato-kun's good in both subjects, so it might be hard to say."

So, we could not decide based on ability alone. For better or for worse, Ebina fogged-up glasses made it difficult to observe what her eyes were expressing.

"Ahh, I thought so. That's true," sullenly said Yuigahama.

"Oh, but I think he might've said something about types of occupations," Ebina brought up.

"Eh, what, what? Did he really say that?" said Yuigahama.

In other words, we could work backwards. Obviously, to pursue a certain job, one needed to take the right educational path leading to it. If we could conclusively discover Hayama's desired future job, then his career path would be clear.

"This was a while back, but it was during the workplace tour. I think he said something about the mass media or foreign capital groups or something?" spoke Ebina.

I eyed Ebina, urging her to continue. However, she had nothing more to say about that matter. This wasn't nearly enough evidence.

"Those maybe just be things he said out of curiosity," I spoke in discontent, "That may be a little too weak to serve as a starting point."

Ebina seemed to agree and, with a small nod, spoke, "Yep, I have the same opinion. It's just..."

She trailed off. She put on a melancholic face and focused her on unmoving eyes on something. When I turned my head in the direction of her stare, all I met was the corner of the room, an area devoid of any apparitions or entities. When I moved my gaze back toward Ebina, she had already switched over to her usual bright smile.

"It's just...?" Yuigahama asked.

"It's just, everyone ended up going to the same place, so I don't think it's going to be much of a reference!" spoke Ebina as she stuck out her tongue in the end.

Yuigahama said with a sigh, "Ahh, that's true."

I urged her on, "Did he say anything else?"

"I don't recall anything else particularly related," Ebina murmured, at a loss. "Oh, but hey, maybe Hikitani-kun might know when it comes to little things like that, right?"

By this point, "Hikitani" must have become a nickname for Hikigaya. There was little chance that his name could have remained unknown or misunderstood for this long. Although, perhaps there were exceptions, namely that one boy who was hopelessly in love with Ebina. Tobe was his name, I believe.

"Huh? Me?" squeaked Hikigaya as he pointed at himself.

"That's true, Hikki watches people rea—"

Before Yuigahama could finish, Ebina bolted to her feet and triumphantly exclaimed, "See! It's like an eye conversation unique to homos! It's all about the Haya-Hachi!"

I was unaware that homosexuals had a unique method of communicating via subtle changes in the eye. What in the world was she talking about? Good grief. Well, at least her abbreviation of "Hachi" proved that she did know Hikigaya's true name.

"There's no such thing, nope. Spare me from jokes like that," complained Hikigaya while looking like he touched mould.

Ebina snickered with unabated, rotten glee. The toothy grin on her face caused her to look incredibly creepy. Well, at least she did not wear this type of expression twenty-four hours a day. If she did, she would have ended up like Hikigaya, whose eyes were permanently stuck in their disgusting state.

Ebina silently added under her breath, "Well, I wouldn't call it a complete joke, though."

For a brief moment, her face was unshielded by rottenness, revealing the sensitive girl underneath. However, as if intending to prevent any more leakage of that visceral self, she snapped her mouth to another smile and exaggeratedly leaned forward, toward Hikigaya.

"Oh, but we can always talk our brains out about the possibilities of Haya-Hachi!" exclaimed Ebina.

"No way, definitely not," refused Hikigaya.

"Now that's a shame," said Ebina, not sad at all, as she stood up, "Anyway, I'll be on my way now. See you again, Yui, Yukinoshita-san."

"Ah, okay. Thanks a lot, Hina!" said Yuigahama as she made a big wave.

"If you come across anything, we'll be happy if you could let us know again," I said.

"Sure thing. See you later."

Ebina pushed up her red frames. Through the transparent lenses, her clear, delighted eyes communicated to us her faith in us to resolve Miura's request. Perhaps she was referring to something like this when she jokingly spoke of eye conversation.

Without taking a moment more, Ebina exited the room, closing the door behind her not with a slam but a click.

"Looks like it'll take a little more time until we come across something significant," grumbled Hikigaya.

"I suppose so."

There was not much we could do. It was probably time we thought about taking more drastic measures. Significant results came from significant actions.

Hikigaya looked like he thought of something. He stood up from his chair.

"Restroom break real quick," he told us with a face lacking in anxiety of the urinary sort.

He dashed out the room without even bothering to close the door.

"Eh? I wonder what Hikki's doing," said Yuigahama with a tilted head.

"Nothing that we need to worry about," I responded, "Well, let's go over what we learned from Ebina-san for now. For your sake, Yuigahama-san."

As predictable as it was, we confirmed that Hayama had no trouble ability-wise with either career path, so we could not use that to decide which of the paths he took. We also tried working backwards from intended future job to present-day career path, but that did not work out either, given the lack of a solid conclusion on his future job.

I did not mention this to Yuigahama, but what stood out to me was Ebina's melancholic stare at something not existing in our clubroom but at something elsewhere. Perhaps she was worried about something. No, "worried" did not describe it properly. It was closer to dreadful anticipation.

"Unfortunately, despite her best intentions, we did not gain anything we could use," I reluctantly told Yuigahama, "We'll have to try something else, something that's different from what we've been doing so far."

"You mean not just asking other people anymore?" questioned Yuigahama.

"Not necessarily. It's just that we're rapidly approaching a point where we need to start actively digging out the answers rather than wait for them to be handed to us. We need to take some sort of action in addition to asking," I replied.

"What kind of thing, exactly?" asked Yuigahama.

"I don't know. We'll have to think about it," I said, giving my non-answer answer.

Hikigaya re-entered the room at that moment. His stern expression gave off the impression that he had done some heavy thinking. It was probably not a face that one would make after experiencing the relief of an emptied bladder or rectum.

"Welcome back, Hikki!" called out Yuigahama.

"Huh? Oh."

"What do you think, Hikigaya-kun?" I said, "Should we start thinking of ways to get Hayama-kun to talk?"

"Yeah, the deadline's approaching, and that guy's still being weirdly stubborn about it," replied Hikigaya, "Maybe he's self-conscious about something. It's time we start considering ways to crack him out."

* * *

Operation On Hold

_"Then, do you have an idea of how you would do so?"_

_"N-Not exactly."_

It's good that we refocused our efforts yesterday, but our hands were still devoid of any good cards to play. As such, we took a debatably well-needed break from trying out any methods to come up with new ideas. Although, the biggest reason for today's break from fulfilling the Miura's request was to fulfill Hiratsuka's request.

We were to help the student council in setting up the academic and career centre held in the conference room. I had expected Isshiki to direct us toward administrative tasks, but it turned out that they only needed aid in grunt work. I could understand why Hikigaya was reluctant to have our entire club participate. Even so, I did not particularly mind. As long as I paced myself, even I, with below-average stamina, could perform these simple tasks.

I did not need to go into the details of what the academic and career centre was about as, from the name, it was self-evident. Apparently, Isshiki had also asked alumni and third-years to attend in order to give advice to the student as well. I had a premonition of danger. After all, my older sister was also an alumni of this school. Being the kind of person she was, it would be stranger for her not to appear today.

When it was almost time for the centre to begin its operations, Yuigahama ushered in the students. They formed a neat single file line as they entered and filled the spaces of the room. The high level of conduct seen among these students was unsurprising, for they comprised only of responsible youths concerned for their future.

An obnoxious, energized voice was a part of that line. That voice was only all too familiar. It drew nearer and nearer as the line progressed until Yukinoshita Haruno managed to slither into the room. She took immediate notice of Hikigaya, who had been standing near the entrance.

"Oh, it's Hikigaya-kun! Hyahallo!" Haruno greeted using that familiar incomprehensible greeting that she had somehow picked up.

Hikigaya politely bowed his head and returned a greeting, "Hello."

The angle of his bowed head prevented Haruno from witnessing his grimace.

Haruno's eyes switched on with a terrifying curiosity upon seeing that Hikigaya was present. To satiate her new suspicions, she swerved her searching, challenging gaze around until they all-too-quickly met with mine. I took it on without faltering.

"Hello, Nee-san," I curtly greeted her.

"So Yukino-chan was here, too," Haruno spoke with a voice full of honey — so sticky that it was inescapable, "Mmkay, Onee-chan will hear you out on lots of things today."

I nonchalantly spoke, "There's nothing that I want to tell you."

The trickster spirit in her pupils continued to analyze my entire being, looking for ways to exploit and sabotage for her own amusement.

Yuigahama saw our interactions and quickly rushed over and began talking, "Ah, so Haruno-san is one of the alumni that they said were coming today, huh?"

"Yep, yep. I heard something about getting a reward, so here I am!" Haruno gleefully said as she placed her hands on her hip pompously.

Haruno had not likely come for that reward alone. No, it was likely that the reward was minor compared to the other thing that she sought from coming here. She had likely sought for something amusing through her visit of her former high school where her puny little sister now attends.

Haruno's presence broadcasted itself widely like a radio signal. It would be not wrong to say that she puts little active effort into standing out; she would actually need to put effort into suppressing her presence. Several entranced heads turned towards her. Among those admirers was our very own student council president Isshiki Iroha who flew right to the side of Haruno with an inviting expression.

"I'm soooo glad an amazing senpai like you came today," thanked Isshiki, "You really helped us out!"

"Really? It's not that big of a deal, you know?" said Haruno with an exaggerated shrug.

"Not at all, Haru-san-senpai, you're just like, so cool! I really admire you! I want to be just like Haru-san-senpai, too," blissfully spoke Isshiki.

When exactly did these two meet? Furthermore, how did Isshiki get so close with her such that she started referring to her with a nickname?

"Awww thank you!" spoke Haruno in delight.

Haruno grabbed hold of Isshiki's back in an embrace. Haruno wore a highly manipulative smile. On the other hand, Isshiki had a wobbly smile, fraught with fascination and obligatory respect.

I wonder how long has it been since I've let myself be hugged by that person? I no longer intended to let myself be looked down upon by accepting that kind of comfort from my older sister.

Behind Haruno was Shiromeguri Meguri, the former student council president. Not only was her hair fluffy, but her personality was so as well. Yet, it would be improper to underestimate her based on her personality, given her past achievements.

"Hikigaya-kun, it sure feels like a long time. Yukinoshita-san, Yuigahama-san, too," Shiromeguri called out to us.

"Senpai, you were called too?" asked Hikigaya.

"Yep, I received a designated school recommendation, after all," said Shiromeguri.

Yuigahama uneasily asked, "Wh-What's a designated school recommendation?"

Well, it was not unusual for Yuigahama to not know. She wasn't exactly the type of person to keep a step ahead after all, if not just barely keeping up. Even if she was not, it was around this time that one started to pay more attention to things involving future education. I'll give her the short version.

"A designated school recommendation is the system where a university imposes a quota of student recommendations to that university on a high school. Among the students that satisfy the minimum requirements for that university, the high school nominates and recommends some of them. It's been known for its relatively higher success rate on entry to that university than through direct application."

"That's Yukinoshita-san for you. You're so knowledgeable!" praised Shiromeguri before adding, "For our prestigious Sobu High, there are considerably prominent universities you can be recommended for. So, if you can maintain excellent grades in school, you'll be able to get one."

"E-Excellent grades, huh?" muttered Yuigahama, looking downcast.

Yuigahama-san, you still have a year to change the way you learn. Make good use of that time.

Shiromeguri approached Isshiki who was still in the embrace of Haruno and asked, "President, what should we do?"

It was not like Shiromeguri would be looking down on Isshiki by simply referring to as Isshiki, but I suppose that addressing her with her title was a show at disproving the above as well as showing that the previous president had truly stepped down.

"Ah, then, Shiromeguri-senpai, can you take the corner booth while Haru-san-senpai takes the one next to it?" requested Isshiki.

I checked the time, and we still had several minutes before operations began. We had some time to waste.

Speaking of wasting time, we still needed to find some way to solve Miura's request. Because of that, we agreed to do something drastic. If it came to doing something significant, then little was more significant than asking a certain someone who was present that had close ties with Hayama Hayato. Such an act seemed nothing out of the ordinary at first, but that person to be asked was anything but normal.

I made up my mind to tread on dangerous waters.

"Nee-san, do you have a moment?" I requested, "I want to ask you something. Hikigaya-kun, Yuigahama-san, can I have some of your time as well?"

I led them to the corner of the room away from the other people. It was still not good for the public to overhear Yukinoshita Yukino talking about Hayama Hayato.

I got straight to the point, "Do you know what Hayama's career path may be?"

Haruno became fairly startled, perhaps from having been asked an unexpected question. I could not blame her, after all. The little sister had stopped relying on the older sister so much for quite some time now. The last time I had requested her to do something for me was during the cultural festival.

I did not consider my question as an act of _reliance_. This was closer to an interrogation.

Haruno chuckled in ridicule and apathetically said, "Hayato's career path? Oh, is that it?"

I ignored her crude words and repeated, "Do you know something?"

"Who knows? I'm not really interested, so I haven't asked. I bet he's already chosen something anyway," said Haruno with a shrug.

She was misunderstanding something. I did not seek to know that information for my own benefit or so that I could influence Hayama's decision.

She continued, "Besides, Yukino-chan, you should have an idea of what it is without having to ask me."

Haruno flashed a wicked smile. Her words traced the outer edges of the something prickly that I would have liked to ignore. Her words carried expectations of the amusing after-effects on the present-day play.

"I wouldn't be asking you if I did, Nee-san," I snapped back coldly.

For just a moment, Haruno's expression convulsed as if some brake had been broken. However, she quickly rescinded that brief moment of blunder and replaced it with a dull frown lacking in warmth, but brimming with strictness.

She commanded, with a frosty voice, "Think very hard about it on your own."

Any words of retort were completely obliterated. I could do nothing but tremble after taking on Haruno's harshness. Where was the affection that was behind every scolding? That supposed sentiment was completely missing.

Even Yuigahama stared at Haruno in utter disbelief. Hikigaya was beyond taken aback; his eyes usually full of apathy were now filled with a base fear.

The tyrannical ringleader Haruno, faced with those who were below her, stuck out her tongue in ridicule. It was a childish act that would be forgiven — no, forcibly tolerated by those around her.

"Here I was thinking you could finally do things all by yourself, yet you're relying on people just like back then. I mean, that's what made you soooo adorable when you were younger," said Haruno with the unpleasant, degrading voice that left her bullying, smiling mouth.

No, I had already asserted to myself that this was an interrogation, not an act of reliance. I was not begging, screaming and kicking for answers. Rather, I was trying to inflict that begging, screaming, and kicking onto Haruno so that I could obtain the answers.

No, things did not progress like that all. Haruno was still like a tower extending far above me. I was not even a small shed. I was a mere rock on the side of the road.

If I was unable to wipe away my older sister's smirk, then it was no longer an interrogation. That meant that I was now relying on her. In the end, that was what it amounted to. I had already fallen back. Even after everything, I was still not free of my sister's wrath.

Therefore, my struggle was not yet over. My teeth still gnashed, and at these chains I will continue to gnaw. This time, I will struggle not with her own medicine, but by a remedy brought from familiar, yet foreign and definitely genuine lands.

"Oh I know. More importantly, Yukino-chan, what's your career path?" said Haruno in mocking.

"I don't believe it's necessary to tell you, Nee-san," I responded with contempt.

Not this time. I won't yield.

"Mom's also the one who asked me to. Unless an opportunity like this comes around, it's kind of hard to ask you about it. Yukino-chan never, ever mentions the important things, after all. Onee-chan doesn't know what to do here," grumbled Haruno in jest.

I could not deny my tendency to omit. When it came to my family, sometimes I wanted to keep my weaknesses to myself, although my sister and mother would discover them regardless. Important things should only be revealed to important people who you kept close in your heart. For that reason, I refused to talk with my sister and my mother about such things.

There were two options to get me to reveal important things: forcibly centrifuge them out of me with threats and tactics or grow closer to me. My twisted sister had always opted for the former. The latter option had yet to be proven to even be an option for my mother.

Haruno sharpened her eyes and spoke with a bitter, stony voice, "...Right, Hikigaya-kun? You do know what I mean."

"Ah, no..." stuttered a startled Hikigaya.

Hikigaya looked like he was about to affirm her words, but he quickly denied them. He averted his strained eyes.

I bit my lip. I seldom lied. Instead, I chose to remain silent. Yet, the results were just as terrible. It was because that I chose not to say anything, not to reconcile, that he did not spare me a glance before he and I walked in separate directions during the first day of school after summer break. In my brokenness after the student council elections, after I had lost my purpose, I encouraged our superficial exchanges, never lying, but never saying anything worthwhile either. Whether I spoke or not did not matter; the words that I did speak were equivalent to remaining silent.

I knew. I definitely knew it. Yukinoshita Yukino was a coward. She could handle herself just fine. Anything outside of that was not something that she could be guaranteed to handle well. Because of that, because I was inferior to Hikigaya in that regard, we all became hurt. It was a problem then, and I am still trying to overcome it so that the burden did not become Hikigaya's alone, so that even I could save someone. Yet...

"...It has nothing to do with you, Nee-san," I muttered.

This was something between the three of us. There was no room for Haruno to meddle with.

"So coooold," said Haruno as she exaggeratedly shivered, "Ah, I know. Hikigaya-kun, why don't you talk to Onee-chan about some things. I can tell you anything, you know?"

Haruno spoke that last sentence in an overly-rosy, provocative manner. She poked his cheeks once, causing his face to recoil backwards as if he had contacted a needle.

"No, well, I've already decided..." stuttered Hikigaya.

His consideration showed here as well. No, it was closer to kindness. He would not pry on matters that the person in question would not approve of. Although, I did not particularly mind if he knew some of it, though not the misguided version that Haruno would give him.

"Aww. Okay, I'll settle for Gahama-chan then," spoke Haruno with a sigh.

"I'm just an addition!?" shouted Yuigahama.

I narrowed my eyes at the cruel bullying of Yuigahama. I wondered exactly how Yuigahama, the airheaded, unintelligent, yet energetic and friendly friend of mine, appeared in my sister's eyes. However she was to her, it was obvious that she looked down on her.

One day, I needed to repay my older sister for the constant mockery of my friend.

Isshiki and Shiromeguri walked over to where we were. Perhaps the operations were starting soon.

"Haruno-san..."

The one who called her from afar was neither Isshiki nor Shiromeguri. I whipped my head around. Facing me was Hayama Hayato, who was standing near the entrance, speaking to a group of people until a moment ago.

"Ah, it's Hayato," said Haruno as she waved at him.

At once, poking stares pierced into my body from multiple directions. Those curious heads alternated between me, Haruno and Hayama. The chattering ascended another tier in volume. I kept the focus of my vision away from the gossipers in an attempt to appear like I did not notice them and therefore pretend to not be affected.

Haruno remarked, "Is it just me or do the stares feel kind of strange?"

Hikigaya spoke as if it was obvious, "Well, yes, you do stand out."

"No, well, it feels a little different from that though," pondered Haruno.

"Ah, it's gotta be because of that rumour," spoke Isshiki in realization.

My legs strangely twitched as if the skeletal muscles were about to separate from the bone.

"Oh, that rumour!" cheerfully said Shiromeguri, "It's kind of wonderful, don't you think? I really like those kinds of rumours, too."

Well, I disliked them quite a bit, especially when they were centered around me.

There was no way that my older sister could ignore those words filled with the potential for amusement. I fearfully turned my eyes towards her. As expected, she had a great big smirk on her face as if she found a new toy.

"Rumour? Huh, what's this about, Iroha-chan?" hungrily spoke Haruno.

"Ah, ummm..."

Isshiki alternated stares between me and a person over my shoulder, likely Hayama. Her helpless half-open mouth hesitated in revealing the gossip involving the little sister to the older sister. I gave Isshiki a hard look, trying to tell her that it was not fine with me at all.

Haruno placed both of her hands on Isshiki shoulders, sealing off any possible escape routes, and spoke, with a horrifying smile, "Tell me, please?"

I tried to bore a hole in Isshiki's face with my stare, hoping that it would disable her from speaking. Unfortunately, that failed. Isshiki surrendered to Haruno's command and reluctantly whispered into her ear. I, nor any others, heard not a word she said, which was fortunate as it would invite the surrounding students to become even more curious than they were already.

What was unfortunate was the amused expression of Haruno. It seemed that she gained more material in her encyclopedia for wreaking havoc in Yukino's life.

"Oh, so that's what it is," spoke Haruno with a stern nod, "That's something they've been through since a long time ago. Meguri, let's get going."

Her words were less intense than I would have predicted. Perhaps this material was not very useful in the plans of Haruno. I would like it if the rumour never became involved in her meddling.

"Okay. See you all some other time!" Shiromeguri said in farewell.

As if losing interest, Haruno left for her station with Shiromeguri. Several students stared at Haruno's attractive figure as she weaved by them. She completely overshadowed Shiromeguri, who was but a tiny ball of cotton in comparison. The students start whispering about her and occasionally passed a new type of curious gaze at me who looked awfully similar to that stunning beauty.

I breathed out a sigh in relief. Meeting with my sister was not good for any of us. Meddling with me was one thing, but when it came to meddling with Hikigaya and Yuigahama, I could do even less. I could not decide whether or not Hikigaya's ability to see through my sister was a good thing or a bad thing, for it was that very ability that attracted her to him in the first place. I could not decide whether or not Yuigahama's friendliness toward even someone like me was positive or negative, for it gave grounds for my sister to harass her.

Isshiki creaked her head toward Hikigaya and breathed out, "Th-That was soooo scary... That's definitely Yukinoshita-senpai's onee-san, there's no doubt about it!"

"No one doubts that," said Hikigaya in annoyance.

"That's an unpleasant way to lump us together," I remarked, feeling a strange headache.

Was I even scary in the first place? I don't deny that I'm strict, but that didn't automatically mean that I was scary.

"It's okay! Yukinon isn't scary, not even a little bit!" reassured Yuigahama with light pats on my shoulder.

Was she suggesting that I was weak?

"That's fine, but I somehow get the impression that you're making a fool out of me," I said in displeasure.

"Eh? Th-That's not true! Yukinon, you're like, how should I say it... uh, really cute!" exclaimed Yuigahama.

"Eh?"

W-Well, I certainly didn't believe that I was ugly. No, even ugly things could be considered cute, as long as they matched some certain criteria. Most people (but not I) considered dogs cute. Dogs are shaggy and vile, yet they had their characteristic faces and behaviours that allow them to be considered cute. It was probable that the domestic dog was descended from ancestral wolf species. Only wolf cubs are considered cute, however. Adult wolves are obviously not cute. Perhaps pedomorphosis occurred; the cute traits of the cubs began to be retained even through adulthood. Humans are not hairy like some other primates, so perhaps pedomorphosis occurred in our clade too. Perhaps pedomorphosis would account for Yuigahama's observation of me. Yes, it was in my nature to be cute, perhaps. Or something. Probably.

As I turned my face away in embarrassment, Hikigaya spoke to Isshiki, "Alright, Isshiki, we're going back."

I suppose that our business here had concluded, given that we had only agreed to help set things up.

"Yes, thank you very much!" said Isshiki in appreciation and with a bow.

I waved goodbye to Isshiki, while Yuigahama flashed a motherly smile. I followed Hikigaya as he made his way past the oncoming students. I endured the lingering stares of those still engrossed in the rumours.

Just before we headed out the door, I glanced briefly at Hayama. He was with Miura and one other person. Tobe, was it?

Miura's gaze traced the figure of Haruno at a distance. Her furrowed brow displayed concern.

"Hey, Hayato... Are you close with that person?" asked Miura.

Hayama looked perturbed for just a moment, but fixed himself and once again put on his nauseating smile before answering, "She's just a childhood friend."

"Is that so?" distantly muttered Miura.

I felt a little sorry for Miura, but whatever conflict she felt was beyond what I could control. I did not think that just as the president of the Service Club. Protecting others from Haruno was something that I was not yet able to do.

* * *

"There isn't too much time left until the turn-in date, huh?" mentioned Yuigahama.

"Yeah, but I'm totally clueless here," groaned Hikigaya.

The calendar on top of the table was richly adorned with cat paraphernalia, namely stickers. At the start of every new day, I stuck a sticker on the corresponding date on the calendar. Not only did this brighten up the otherwise dull Gregorian squares with feline furriness, but it allowed for a visual representation of the time that has past and the time that is remaining. Given that the majority of the calendar was now clustered with kitty cuteness, it appeared that we really were cutting it close to the deadline.

I drank from my teacup to refresh myself. Nice, hot black tea gave me the much-needed heat and water to power my thoughts, at least from a psychological standpoint.

This was not a time to be holding back. We needed to play every card we had. In the beginning, I did not think it was necessary, but now that it had come to this, we needed to utilize the information of the past Hayama.

Of course, his and my pasts are linked. With a final sip of tea, and with its aroma soothing my senses, I resolved myself to speak to Yuigahama and Hikigaya.

I put down the teacup and spoke up, "Hikigaya-kun, I spoke to you about Hayama's parents before, correct?"

"Yeah. Something about them being lawyers and doctor," confirmed Hikigaya with a nod.

"Huh!? Really!?" yelled Yuigahama in utter surprise.

"You never asked?" spoke Hikigaya in amazement.

I suppose that the opportunity never came up for Yuigahama and me. Even though we've conversed an uncountable number of times, we've never touched the territory of Hayama too deeply. It could not be helped. Discussing about Hayama was not something I wanted to do for fun.

"You normally don't talk about stuff like that," said Yuigahama with balloon cheeks, "I mean, it's not like I know what your parents do, Hikki."

"Both of them are just your typical corporate slaves," said Hikigaya with an apathetic shrug.

The dull, office life was probably what Hikigaya's parents experienced on a day-to-day basis. It's not like my own parents did something drastically different in terms of the actual process of their work, but at least they met with important people on a fairly regular basis, so they weren't bored to death.

"Ah, same here. My mom's a normal housewife though," said Yuigahama in monotone.

For some reason, Hikigaya nodded like he understood something from that latter piece of information.

Yuigahama, being an excellent conversationalist, noticed that they were going off-topic, so she quickly continued, "S-So is Hayato-kun going to follow his family?"

I thought aloud, "I wonder... Hayama-kun's father himself handles the law firm while his maternal grandfather is a family doctor, so both are certainly possibilities."

"So we can't really narrow it down between the liberal arts or sciences then," moaned Hikigaya, "Geez, talk about diversity."

Yuigahama honestly commented, "But isn't it like super amazing if he went with either of them?"

Hayama certainly had ambitious plans waiting in store no matter what he took.

"That's true. From a general perspective, I believe they're an affluent family," I said, agreeing.

"Actually, can you really be saying that?" spoke Hikigaya in an accusatory tone.

It's not good to be envious of wealth, you know. Money doesn't buy happiness, at least if it's not Pan-san or cat merchandise.

"As far as actual cash held is concerned, they're likely wealthier. I can't say for our total assets, however, even if you exclude the non-liquid ones," I explained with a light smirk.

Yuigahama murmured, "Cash... card? Liquid... solid?"

I didn't expect Yuigahama to understand what liquidity was with regard to assets, but I at least expected her to home in on the difference between circulated currency and assets. No, in the first place, how did she get from cash to cash card or a credit card, which is neither fully-fledged money nor an asset, but a money substitute?

Hikigaya pondered for a while, trying to synthesize something from the things I had just talked about, but he eventually resigned.

"I have no clue," he mumbled.

"Maybe it's the liberal arts? It seems like most people went with that, too," spoke Yuigahama.

There seemed to be some sort of misconception here. Yuigahama was suggesting that outgoing and fun-loving people tended to pick the liberal arts. Such a thought was sometimes shared by others as well. Such an assumption was very off-base as it was apparent that people of all kinds are present in any field.

"Yeah. Well that's..." — Hikigaya paused for just a moment while appearing to be conflicted — "That's pretty easy to imagine."

Hikigaya casted his gaze downwards, but I still managed to see his conflicted, pursed lips.

Let's cast aside logic for a moment.

What about my so-called gut feeling?

Something vague and with little evidence like that would surely not allow us to immediately leap to a decisive conclusion. Yet, it would probably still help us in some way. An analogy would be comparing anecdotal evidence to quantitative evidence. The former was less useful than the latter, but it was not completely useless. It could help to assert whatever conclusions that the quantitative evidence lead to, even if only by a little. For us, we needed everything we could get our hands on. Even dodgier cards needed to be played now.

I looked at Hikigaya to get his attention. He stared back to me, telling me that he was willing to listen.

"I think... he'll choose the sciences," I muttered.

"Why's that?" asked Yuigahama.

"I can't really say it's a grounded reason, but, um, it'll also be concerning me, so—"

"You don't need to force yourself to say it if you don't want to," interrupted Hikigaya.

To be honest, I was still very uncomfortable with disclosing the deeper parts of myself, such as my past. But why was I uncomfortable? What was I so afraid of? The answer to that was obvious. I had become reluctant to talk about myself in order to protect myself from the bidding of my mother and the harassment of my sister. Yet, Yuigahama and Hikigaya harboured not a shred of such intentions. I was only falling back on bad habits. There was nothing wrong about telling them. Therefore, I needed to tell them, for the sake of overcoming my barriers.

"Not at all, um... It's not like there'll be anything to lose if you knew, right?" I spoke unsteadily.

The two of them faced me seriously. I recollected my thoughts, making sure all the bits and pieces fit together in a way that had some semblance of sense. Fortunately, what came together was relatively simple and could be summed up in a few sentences. I opened my mouth and the words that I let out flowed surprisingly smoothly.

"You're aware that Hayama-kun has, for a long time, and even now, associated with my family, correct? When we were younger, the two of us and Nee-san were often together. Since Nee-san's that kind of person, we usually had to go along with whatever she did. We went along with her whims," I said in a composed manner, "Simply put, I believe it's fine to assume that he grew up with Nee-san as an influence."

I was unsure of the extent that Hayama had looked up to my sister. Even so, the influence that my sister had on him was unlikely to have been small.

Yuigahama nodded twice in understanding. Her tense fingers caressed the dog on her cup in order to feel a smoothness not present in our current situation.

"Um, Haruno-san went with the sciences, right?" asked Yuigahama in confirmation, "So that means he might also choose the sciences. You do got influence a lot when you're younger, too."

"Yes."

Yet, my sister was only one variable in the Hayama equation.

"But I can't say that for sure."

After all, there was one other influence that arguably would have an even greater impact on the present day Hayama's decisions than my sister.

Yuigahama and Hikigaya eyed me intensely, urging me to continue.

"It might be contradictory, but if he plans to continue our family relations in the near future, then I believe that it would be more efficient if he succeeded the law firm," I explained.

The relationship between the Yukinoshita and Hayama had the business-oriented sides to it, after all. We were not just family friends who occasionally got together to have fun. In a way, we were professional partners in the pursuit of economic growth and well-being. The law firm would be dealing with legal issues, which could be helpful for us. The path of the doctor provided no such benefits.

Hikigaya rationally asked, "Wouldn't that mean he'll be going with the liberal arts, then?"

However, strictly business-oriented contracts and connections were not the only options available to Hayama in keeping the families close.

I spoke, "There are other ways to continue that relationship, so..."

Collusion did not have to be explicit. It was a common saying in English to say that corporations laid together in bed, which meant that they had backdoor dealings with each other. Of course, these could include business transactions not made known to the public or authorities. Occasionally, however, very non-business-like exchanges are made that compels the corporations to keep in touch with each other. For example, though old-fashioned, certain young members of each corporation could literally lie together on the wedding bed to bind the corporations together.

"Of course, I don't know what Hayama's family thinks on the matter," I said with an uneasy voice, "I can't resolutely say whether or not his family's matters are influencing his career path. Though, I've never heard him going against his parents before."

"Ahh, right. Hayato-kun seems like he handles his family business quite a lot, huh?" mentioned Yuigahama.

"I doubt we can ask Hayama's parents," groaned Hikigaya, "There's not much we can do if we're heading into family territory."

"I suppose so," I spoke in resignation.

None of us were close enough to casually consult Hayama's parents on this matter. Even if we could somehow contact them, there was no guarantee that they would reveal to us something that their son had chosen to hide. Personally, I also wanted to avoid contacting them for something, probably in their eyes, petty like this.

It was true that I did not know much about Hayama's family. However, if it was about my own family and what they thought of the relationship between the families, I did have some knowledge.

The intentions of my family were unpleasant, however.

"But at the very least, my mother wishes for a long-lasting relationship," I muttered.

The process that my mother will utilize to sustain that relationship was unknown to me, however. Whatever methods she will use will surely not be the worst possible, but the most terrifying.

"Got it. For now, I'll think it over for a bit," hurriedly spoke Hikigaya.

Hikigaya released a gigantic sigh, abruptly stopping the conversation. I was a little relieved that I did not have to brush upon any further subjects regarding my own family, but the fact that I felt relief was proof of the ever-present distance between us that we, even now, struggled to close.

Tension was released from the room, and I felt most of my muscles simultaneously relax. Together, we reached out for our tea that had become lukewarm. Even though it was better to enjoy tea piping hot, the lower temperatures did increase the ease at which it passed through the lumen of my esophagus, greatly replenishing water lost as stress-induced sweat.

Speaking of my mother, I was reminded again of the day before my birthday. During that time, my mother had done cruel things to the two of them. Yet, the tyrannical aura of my mother, and her well-chosen words prevented me from stopping her.

"Um... I'm sorry for the other day when it seemed like my mother sent you away... I believe I could have spoken up about it a little better," I muttered in regret.

I gazed at the reflection of my face on the still surface of the tea. The downturned, docile face that looked back at me was slightly reminiscent of the same kind of expression I had found myself wearing a month ago. Soon after, a pink-dyed bun appeared in that reflection. I felt my shoulders being gently massaged.

"No worries at all. Besides, it's not like we can just intrude on a family get-together," reassured the massager, Yuigahama, "Right, Hikki?"

"Yeah. It's not something you need to beat yourself over," readily agreed Hikigaya.

"...Thank you."

A smile did not force its way onto my face. Rather, that smile painted itself out of the overflowing frothy ink of my trembling heart. I found myself bowing slightly.

I had already predicted that the two of them would react like this. Even so, the welling happiness that I felt was in no way reduced.

I lifted up my face and my eyes met with the closest pair — namely Hikigaya's.

Hikigaya's cheeks were well-shaped, not overly wide or overly skeletal. The slight hairs protruding from the area between his nose and mouth and his chin confirmed his status as a man. His hair, not completely dishevelled, but only somewhat disordered, gave off the feeling of wildness. His half-opened mouth conveyed his blank surprise as he stared back at me with quivering eyes like black pearls. His body was frozen in a state of his casual conduct. His slumped upper body appeared fascinating in its transparent crudeness. Everything about Hikigaya — his matured masculinity, his irresistible ineloquence — ensnared my body to the point of paralysis, stole my eyes to the point where I took notice of things previously hidden, and pervaded my thoughts until I felt some resonance in some mental space that I had not known existed.

We both frantically swept our eyes to the walls of the room. My mind felt drunk, as if I had ingested some strange substance far more dizzying than vodka.

I stuttered, "Sh-Shall we call it a day now? I'll clean up the tea."

Whirlwind. I bolted up from my seat and hurriedly gathered the utensils. Both my face and my mind were heated. I could barely think except to escape.

"I-I'll go clean them too!" offered Yuigahama.

I shook my head and said, "That's fine, so wait for a moment."

I thought that I could only mentally stabilize myself under the condition that I was alone. Although, I did appreciate Yuigahama's offer of aid.

I headed out the door, teapot and cups in hand, with quick tap-taps of my feet, to the bewildered stares of Hikigaya and Yuigahama. In my haste, I forgot to close the door.

How shameful of me. I ran away from the clubroom during that time when Hikigaya told me his most primal desire as well. I hope that this does not become a habit for me.

The tumultuous splashing of the remaining tea in the teapot unevenly mixed with the sound of my rapidly stepping feet. Even with the cacophony, not a drop of liquid spilled from the teapot and neither did my legs take me to the incorrect destination.

* * *

Day n+1 of Operation Miura's Request

Unfortunately, there is nothing of interest to report. Hikigaya tried asking people, as usual, but his efforts were so fruitless that we had stopped expecting it to yield anything. Yuigahama was also trying her best at prying information from Hayama, but she was similarly lacking in results. When I asked Yuigahama why she was unable to obtain information from him, Hikigaya wryly smiled and said that Yuigahama's ulterior motives were far too obvious. That earned him several light hits from Yuigahama in frustration.

* * *

Day n+2 of Operation Miura's Request

At some point in time, I had begun jotting down ideas in a notebook. Yet, the first page was hardly filled with writing. What we had gathered so far did not point to anything concrete. The amount of days left until the end of the month could be counted on one hand. Speaking of which, tomorrow, the day of the marathon, was the day before the deadline. That day would truly be our last chance at discovering Hayama's career path.

* * *

Day of the Marathon, Decisive Day of the Operation

Today was an accursed day. I was not referring to the fact that we may fail to fulfill Miura's request today. I was dreading the marathon. I was confident in my speed, but my stamina was pitifully low. I could describe myself as a gun that had a magazine with few rounds, something that was deadly at first but would become harmless after firing a few times.

Although, I could not deny that I was also anxious about fulfilling Miura's request. What we needed to do had to be decided now. For that reason, Yuigahama, Hikigaya and I decided to meet up one last time in the clubroom during lunch. Since the marathon took place after lecture hours, after-school club activities were suspended for this day. Our final chance to meet was during this time.

I waited in the clubroom with my bento. Since Yuigahama and Hikigaya were coming, I decided to hold off on eating before they arrived.

The door opened at last and the first person to enter, Yuigahama, greeted cheerfully, "Yahallo! Sorry, Yukinon, did you wait long?"

Hikigaya followed after her and also greeted, "Hey. Sorry that we were late. Had to do something."

"It's not a big deal," I said, giving them a reassuring smile.

"Is that your lunch? You could have started eating without us," said Hikigaya as he marched to his chair.

"No, I wanted us to eat together. It's not like I was that hungry, anyway," I assured him.

Just then, my stomach rumbled faintly, but audibly. I forced my head downward in embarrassment. Yuigahama hesitantly laughed. I could picture the wry, but concerned, smile on Hikigaya's face.

"L-Let's hurry up and eat, then!" exclaimed Yuigahama.

"Y-Yeah, I'm getting kinda hungry!" screeched Hikigaya.

I was thankful for their consideration. I graciously unpacked my bento and dug in, as did the other two into their own lunches.

"Right. Let's adopt a LOGICAL MINDSET so that we can think LOGICALLY," jokingly said Hikigaya as an opening in between his bites.

I rubbed my aching temple as I retorted, "Spare me from that. Also, did your mother ever tell you to speak after swallowing?"

"Ahaha," Yuigahama laughed slowly.

"Putting that aside—"

"So you're coping with what I said by ignoring me now?"

Hikigaya coughed loudly once, announcing his seriousness, before continuing, "I've talked to Hayama a couple times by now. He'd always just say some nice things and smile it off."

Hikigaya paused for a moment to take a bite out of his sandwich. Perhaps taking heed of what I had said, he rapidly chewed and swallowed. I would have liked to scold him for not completely chewing up the food in his mouth, but now was not the time.

"He would just brush me off normally. Yes, under normal conditions he could brush me off," emphasized Hikigaya, "But what if it was an abnormal condition?"

"Stop it with that dramatic buildup. What abnormal condition? That's too vague," I criticized.

I accidentally let loose my insults before I could stop them. His words were too ridiculous to be forgiven easily.

Hikigaya coughed again and, after assuming a straight face, continued, "We need to put him in a condition where he has no will or energy to brush me off. We need to make it so that he has no choice but to tell me his career path. There's one event today that could give Hayama quite a bit of stress and fatigue."

"Something that will make Hayato-kun tired...? But he's kinda athletic, you know," mentioned Yuigahama.

"No, Yuigahama-san. If it's just stress and fatigue, there are plenty of ways to induce those aside from rigorous physical activity. For example, we could use torture," I nicely explained to her.

"T-Torture!?" shouted Yuigahama.

Hikigaya shook his head quickly and said, "N-No, nothing like that. In fact what Yuigahama said was right on the mark. Even Hayama can't avoid being worn out while running the marathon later today."

"You're going to ask him his career path while he's running?" I asked in astonishment.

Certainly, the huge distance to be covered in the marathon would test the capacity of even Hayama Hayato.

"Exactly. Bogged down by the obligation to win and dripping in sweat, there's no way he'll have the energy to brush me off. I'll hit him when he's down and take what he's got," menacingly spoke Hikigaya.

There's just one problem with his plan.

"I don't mean to be rude, but how can you speak to him over a large separation? I mean, he'll be in first place and you'll definitely be in last place," I innocently asked.

"Aren't you being completely rude? Anyway, I've got that handled. I've got a way to catch up to him, if only for a while," spoke Hikigaya in complete seriousness.

Yuigahama and I looked skeptically at Hikigaya, but he did not waver in the slightest. His face was firm with determination.

Seeing that, Yuigahama nodded and said, "Mmm, okay then. You can do it, Hikki!"

"I don't have any better ideas, so I suppose that we have no choice," I spoke in resignation, "But how exactly are you going to do it?"

"I've got helping hands. They'll help clear the way for me. Since it's a marathon, Hayama will be pacing himself. In theory, if I sprint my hardest, I should be able to catch up to him," explained Hikigaya.

"Even if you catch up to him, he'll just quickly surpass you," I remarked.

Hikigaya straightly replied, "No, that won't be a problem."

Hikigaya frowned at me, nonverbally communicating to me that his stamina was not as pathetic as mine. That irritated me a bit. Why not say that challenge to me aloud? I will definitely attain a better time than him.

"Yukinon, it's okay. It's just a feeling, but I think that Hikki will work it out this time!" said Yuigahama with pumped fists.

"Uh, thanks for the encouragement, I guess," muttered Hikigaya.

For some reason, Yuigahama was pumped up. Perhaps she was trying to convince herself that his methods will yield results. No, let's put aside such pessimistic thoughts. Having a high morale was just as important as having a good strategy. I regretted that I could not contribute much to the actual plan, but I could at least encourage Hikigaya, just like Yuigahama.

"I see. You can do it. If you can't, well, you'll have an angry Miura after you," I teased.

"No, I think she would be more depressed than angry. That's worse in a way," said Hikigaya with a shrug, "I'll see what I can do."

Hikigaya's methods were not infallible. The process itself was not guaranteed to follow through perfectly, and sometimes the end results themselves were still unsatisfactory. That was why he held this final consultation with us. He sought our input. He needed one final check to make sure that he had not become mistaken somewhere.

During the Christmas event, he had tried to handle everything alone, resulting in his failure. The me at that time was shocked that Hikigaya Hachiman could fail. I had thought that such a thing was impossible. I was under a delusion.

Since then, I had come to terms that he could fail miserably, something that should have been obvious. Still, I could not guarantee whether or not I was still deluded about something. No matter how much I _thought about myself and Hikigaya_, I could not spot anything out of place. It probably could not be helped as it was easier to realize that something was wrong after it had been dealt with. At the very least, I thought that I was now going down the relatively more correct path, rather than the path that Hikigaya had mentioned on New Year's day. Whether or not it entered the territory of high absolute correctness is what I will discover eventually.

* * *

My legs and arms, that were exposed thanks to the short-sleeved gym wear, were completely vulnerable to the threatening abiotic condition of subzero Celcius temperatures. What was once tolerable, with the usual sweaters or coats, became intolerable, with our thinner and more skin-revealing attire.

In such an afternoon was when the marathon was taking place. Given that all of the first and second year students were to participate in synchrony, the school's own circular running track would not suffice for this event. To facilitate the large number of participants, an area with a much larger capacity was needed. The park that all of the students, including me, gathered at managed to serve such a purpose.

Naturally, or, to a feminist's point of view, begrudgingly, the boy's route was longer than the girl's route. The boys had to run from this park along the coastal lane, then return here along the Mihama Bridge. For the girls, we did not have to go as far as the Mihama Bridge.

As for whether or not I was thankful for the shortened distance, consider the scenario where a starving man was given one quarter of a slice of bread to eat. It would be difficult to say if the man would be pleased or not because such a paltry quantity of food would not significantly stave off the hunger of that man. It was similar with me. The girl's route was still uncomfortably long for a person of below-average stamina like myself.

Because the boys were to begin first, the girls waited along the sides of the path. With nothing better to do, they shouted and waved their hands at the boys in encouragement.

The boys, who were to begin the marathon first, unmotivatedly assembled in rows behind the starting line. At the forefront was Hayama Hayato, who occasionally flashed that nauseating smile back at the girls who cheered for him. Several rows behind him was Hikigaya Hachiman, who, without a doubt, was completely unnoticed by the mentioned girls.

"Yumiko, it looks like it'll be pretty rough this time around, huh?" spoke Yuigahama, who was a bit in front of me, with a breath stiff from coldness.

"Y-Yeah, what a pain," said Miura, who stood beside her, without any energy.

Contrary to expectations, Miura did not, at all, try to defeat the other girls in cheering for Hayama. Instead, she only gave him periodic, unsure glances. Her usual pompous attitude was missing. It was as if she had forgotten her royal robe and crown and assumed an appearance not unlike the peasants that she had usually elevated herself above. No, she was acting as if she was below even those peasants, for even those people still possessed vigour.

"B-Boys running and sweating! Ooooooooooh! Maybe they'll even squeeze together tightly as they run because it's so cold!" perversely exclaimed Ebina as she stomped on the ground beside Miura.

Even though Ebina was having her usual outburst, Miura's usual act of restraining her did not come either. Yuigahama looked at Miura in concern.

While I was observing them, Isshiki sauntered up to us from who knows where. Well, given the commotion, it was hard to detect her coming towards us.

"Hello, Yukinoshita-senpai! And Yui-senpai too!" greeted Isshiki.

"Good afternoon, Isshiki-san," I said to that mischievous junior.

"Iroha-chan, yahallo!" tribally greeted Yuigahama.

Isshiki noticed Miura and politely bowed to her and spoke a little more reservedly, "Oh, hello, Miura-senpai. You too, Ebina-senpai."

"Oh, hi," meekly greeted Miura with a tiny nod.

Isshiki was taken aback at Miura's powerless attitude. Isshiki crossed her arms with a moment and thought about something while alternating her examining eyes between Miura and the lined-up Hayama. Then, she put on a prankster's smile and twirled, like a ballerina, towards the direction of the starting line.

At the top of her lungs, Isshiki cried out, "Hayama-senpai, doooo your best...!"

Her eyebrows twitched upwards for a millisecond as if noticing something and added, "Ah, while I'm at it, Senpai too."

Which senpai was this "Senpai"?

"Yeeeeeaaaaaaaah!" shouted back a grizzly voice belonging to a brown-haired individual.

"Tobecchi, do your best!" also yelled Yuigahama.

I suppose that my question was answered.

"No, no, I didn't mean you, Tobe-senpai," said Isshiki with a disgusted look while moving her arms in a cross.

"Ahaha," Yuigahama wryly laughed.

"Isshiki-san, just who were you shouting to other than Hayama-kun?" I asked in exasperation.

"What do you mean? I said 'Senpai', obviously," replied Isshiki in honest surprise.

Miura stared at Isshiki in a daze. Her fragile self looked as if she would tip over from the slightest nudge. Her fist that was held in front of her chest was gripping something that was immaterial.

"Seriously, what am I doing?" muttered Miura to herself.

Miura let out a great big breath that created a white mist so large and opaque that it covered her resigned visage. By the time that the manmade cloud dissipated, Miura had already assumed a somewhat more determined face.

"H-Hayato..." Miura called out shakily, "D-Do your best!"

Her voice did not travel very well. Even though I was standing relatively close to Miura, I still had to strain my ears to hear her words. Even so, it seemed that Hayama had noticed. He waved in our direction. His smile looked just slightly less nauseating. Miura received that well, becoming spellbound from the acknowledgement and reassurance.

"Ehehe," giggled Isshiki in satisfaction.

"What is with that victorious attitude?" I spat out as I rubbed my aching temple.

Isshiki faced the boys in queue and once more screamed, "Senpai, do your best too, okaaaay!"

"Again, not that I need to know, but who in the world is this 'Senpai'?"

Suddenly, Yuigahama gasped in realization of something. She scanned the crowd of boys for someone and locked her eyes on someone. Following Isshiki's example, she began bellowing out her own words of encouragement.

"D-Do your best!" meekly spoke Yuigahama.

Just who in the world—

My thoughts were interrupted when I saw Hikigaya, who raised his hand toward Yuigahama. I see. So Yuigahama, and perhaps Isshiki, were cheering after Hikigaya. Now that I think about it, Isshiki certainly did refer to Hikigaya as "Senpai" instead of "Hikigaya-senpai" for some strange reason.

Hikigaya's eyes met with mine. His serious expression told me to hurry up and spit out my own words of encouragement if I had any. I nodded my head in response. Just like with Miura, there was not much else I could do at this point other than to cheer.

"It's all up to you now," I solemnly voiced, "It would be troublesome if you failed now, so this time, do it right."

I spoke too quietly. I could barely hear my own voice over the shouting of the surrounding girls. Hikigaya could not possibly have heard it at that distance. Even so, it seemed that my intentions got through. A renewed wave of motivation washed over Hikigaya as he slapped his legs, migrated to the very front behind the starting line, and braced himself for the lengthy run.

"Now, are we ready?"

That line, triumphantly amplified by a speakerphone, was spoken by Hiratsuka beside the starting line. In her other hand was a pistol.

"Take your position."

Every male student placed a foot forward. They were poised like springboards, anxiously awaiting the crack of the gun.

"Ready."

Hayama exchanged his previous smile with a stony, straight mouth. The weight of expectations of winning pulled down and converged his eyebrows until they formed a serious V.

"Get set."

Hikigaya had also assumed a focused expression driven by expectations. Yet, what was expected of him was far different than what was expected of Hayama. Hayama had no choice but to become shackled by expectations. No one ever forced expectations onto Hikigaya, yet he would willingly take them on if necessary. Two unrelated people had somehow converged. Yet, these two people will undoubtedly diverge.

Bang.

There was no "go". The gunshot had served that purpose in its place — severing the tension and releasing the running hounds. Immediately, Hayama and accompanying boys bolted past the starting line. They were soon followed by the row of bows behind them, which were followed by its posterior row, and so on.

The cluster initially ran in unison. However, within moments, the quicker runners gained distance from the slower runners, and the people became more dispersed.

The highly athletic Hayama broke away from the rest of the crowd, becoming the sole runner ahead. The distance between him and the rest of the people unnaturally grew wider and wider. Such a phenomenon could not possibly have resulted without intervention, for it was unlikely that no one in the school could match Hayama's ability.

Yes, this was the result of a certain individual's methods.

Sure enough, that dead fish-eyed individual separated himself from the crowd and, sprinting with all of his might, lined himself up beside Hayama. The divergence would now begin. This was the battle between the one who could not choose and the one who could choose.

* * *

After the boys began to disappear into the distance, it was the girls' turn to queue up. Naturally I joined them inconspicuously for once, placing myself right in the middle of both nervous-looking and determined-looking girls.

Yuigahama, who was beside me, muttered, "Let's do our best too."

"There's no particular meaning in us finishing with top times," I stated, "It's fine if we just cross the finish line."

However, as soon as I said that, an image of Hikigaya's smirk floated into my mind. In that image, he looked down on me for having no endurance.

"On second thought, let's succeed in attaining a good time on this marathon," I said, brimming with competitive spirit.

"Y-Yukinon, why are you so excited all of a sudden?" asked Yuigahama in confusion.

My legs became tense, yet they felt strangely weightless. I felt like they could carry me to the next town. I imagined a vast pile of white sugar, representing the carbohydrates just aching to be converted to bio-energy.

Just like with the boys, Hiratsuka shouted her customary words "Ready, set," and followed through with the gunshot. I almost bolted from my spot, but I realized that the girl in front of me had not moved yet. That could not be helped. The delay of each individual from the front to myself, while miniscule alone, could greatly sum up if there were many people. As a result, it took slightly more than a second for the girl in front of me to finally begin running.

"Ah, Yukinon, wait up!"

I ran behind that girl until the crowd of people began dispersing. Then, I weaved around her and continued to accelerate. I felt a little sorry for Yuigahama, but I would have to leave her behind since I was aiming for first place.

My panting breaths were smooth and regular. My quick steps were masterful, expending no excess energy. My condition was perfect. I was sure to overcome the competition.

For every infinitesimal unit of time spent within the first thirty-two seconds of the marathon, that was how I felt.

In the thirty-third second, my legs began to sear in pain with every step. My lungs were vigorously moving up and down, unable to keep up with my lessening energy stockpile. Every inch of my body was dripping with sweat.

The person behind me managed to overtake me. Soon after that, another person brushed by my left shoulder. With a shorter delay, yet another person ran by my side. Over and over. My pace slowed to barely more than a walk. I could simply no longer keep up my previous speed.

Eventually, even Yuigahama caught up with me.

"Hah, hah, Yukinon, you can do it!" shouted Yuigahama to me as even she overtook me.

Whoosh. Her bun of hair shook as the back of her head disappeared into the distance.

My pace dropped greatly, from a sprint to a jog. Eventually, my speed fell within the territory of walking, even though I was still making a running motion. Soon, I fell back into the group of sauntering girls who had no intention of running the marathon at all. Their noisy chatter, completely uncaring of the run, surrounded me, as I ran with a similar speed as their walk.

Seeing those girls walk, I automatically released my running into walking. I felt a strange sense of guilt, like I was procrastinating. No matter. I shall just walk like this in a brief moment of respite to build up energy again and sprint to the end.

"Hey, you girls!"

All of us whipped our head around to that voice. For some reason, Hiratsuka was riding up to us on a bike.

"Look at you girls..." she uttered, "At the speed you're all going at, it'll take all night for you all to reach the finish line. Fine, then. If you don't want to run, then just turn around and go back to the park."

What was that?

"You're all disqualified."

Come again?

Whipping her legs into a frenzy, Hiratsuka rode off along the marathon's path, likely trying to catch up with the rest of the runners.

The other girls apathetically turned around and headed back. Their chatter, initially of high volume, began to disappear as they moved away as well.

I, left alone, stared straight ahead with a mouth so widely open and for so long that my saliva began to evaporate.

* * *

In the end, I decided not to stay at the park. There wasn't anyone there for me to talk with, not that I talked with other people frequently anyway. Since I could no longer continue, I had nothing else to do. Instead of standing around in numbingly cold weather, I decided to spend my time resting at the school's infirmary.

I sent Yuigahama a mail, telling her my current location and that she could find me here. In her replying mail, I mentally dug out her word of confirmation under the pile of emoji.

I turned on the electric heater in the infirmary before I extracted a chair and sat down in front of it. The school building, as a whole, was colder than usual since the staff decided to shut down the building-wide heating during times of low occupancy to cut costs. Once the heater began glowing orange, however, that coldness was entirely replaced by warmth. My exposed limbs rejoiced at this new source of heat. My entire being relaxed.

Perhaps I was too relaxed. I hadn't done anything of note at all, not with regards to the marathon, not with regards to Miura's request. This feeling of languishing was mortifying.

Someone knocked twice on the door. That was quick. I had expected Yuigahama to take a longer time since she may have wanted to take part in the post-marathon activities. Well, that was fine too.

"Come in."

The door open, but I did not meet with a voluptuous figure at all. Instead, I was met with a ragged skeleton.

"Hikigaya-kun...? I thought for sure you were Yuigahama-san," I muttered.

"If you're talking about Yuigahama, then she's still at the park," said Hikigaya with a shrug, "Then again, what are you doing here?"

I gnashed my teeth and grimly spoke, "I took a short rest and I was forced to drop out."

I still can't believe that I lost to Hikigaya by infringement with regulations, rather than through fair competition. This shame will haunt me for a long time.

As I sighed, my head naturally shifted downwards, as did my sight. Unintentionally entering my sight was Hikigaya's legs. They were embellished with red cuts, crimson holes, and purple bruises patterned like a haphazard runway. On his slightly shaking left leg was a particularly large and harsh gash, which was slowly seeping with blood even now.

"Hikigaya-kun..." I gasped, "You were injured?"

"Well, yeah, some stuff happened, I guess," apathetically spoke Hikigaya with an exaggerated shrug.

He was trying to brush it off. He was being stupidly stubborn, for some reason. Though, I could not seriously look down on him for it, for I was similarly stubborn at Destinyland.

"You could've gotten treatment over at the park," I chastised, "The nurse should've been there for the marathon."

"No one was there when I made it to the goal," groaned Hikigaya.

Poor Hikigaya. They forgot all about him.

"I see. Your timing must've been bad, or perhaps your lock is bad, or your eyes or maybe—"

"Yeah, yeah, my personality, my spirit, they're all bad," said Hikigaya as if he was late for something, "Anyway, we're allowed to just use the disinfectant and stuff, right?"

Although he had asked me that, he, at the same time, was opened the medicine cabinet, which was carelessly left unlocked, and began touching every bottle inside. Such an act was even more careless than leaving the medicine cabinet unlocked. Who knows what chemical dangers could befall a person mindlessly laying their hands on unknown substances. He should have at least consulted the MSDS first.

"It seems like your snatching fingers are bad as well," I said, sighing.

I made a swiping motion with my hands to tell him to get away from there, to which he complied with a confused look.

Leave the medical treatment to a professional. There was one problem with that, however. None was currently present. Therefore, the most experienced person should do it. That couch potato standing around awkwardly was likely to not have any experience. Naturally, it was best to leave it up to me.

I walked up to the cabinet. Among the assortment of containers, I withdrew the bottle of hydrogen peroxide solution. I also took some cotton swabs, necessary to apply the solution, and bandages.

I pointed to a free chair and commanded him, "Sit there."

"No, I can do this much by myself," refused Hikigaya.

"Just do it," I spoke sharply.

Just be glad that you can sit around doing nothing like usual.

He complied reluctantly. I dragged my own chair closely in front of him. Taking my tools, I sat down and bent down to face his legs. Hikigaya let out a faint gasp.

I drenched a piece of cotton with hydrogen peroxide solution and leaned in close to disinfect his largest wound. My hand stopped for a moment as I found myself staring at their form. I shook my head to clear it and proceeded to clean it.

"Ah, um, i-it stings, you know..." winced Hikigaya.

"Of course it will. It's disinfecting the wound," I said to captain obvious, "It's only natural that it'll be effective on you, Hikigaya-kun."

"Uh huh, let's stop treating people like bacteria, okay?"

Of course, everyone knows that bacteria are not the sole types of pathogenic microorganisms that could make their way in an open wound. Obviously, there were protists and fungi that could enter as well.

"It's proof that it works. Bear with it."

Although I was joking with him, I did not want to make things unbearable for him. I definitely did not want to cross into the realm of maliciousness. I must have touched him too firmly with the cotton. This time I will go slower and softer.

My technique must have been sufficient, for Hikigaya stopped reacting to my treatment. After I was finished getting rid of the pesky pathogens with the aqueous solution of three percent H-O-O-H, I applied the bandage, wrapping it around his ragged leg.

Now would probably be a good time to inquire him of the results of his endeavours regarding Miura's request.

"It seems you ran with Hayama-kun. Were you able to hear anything from him?" I asked.

"Yeah... At the very least, it's not the sciences," Hikigaya spoke without much conviction, "Probably."

Hikigaya did not sound very sure. His conclusion must not have been well-founded. He probably gleaned it from a slip of the tongue from Hayama or other clues, but he probably never got Hayama to explicitly state it. I did not know if Miura would be satisfied with just this.

To secure the bandage, I tied the ends into a knotted ribbon.

"That's a strange way to put it," I said with a chuckle, "All done."

A job well done for me. I was on full support duty this time, with only being able to offer encouragement and post-marathon treatment. Even so, it was good to be able to do what I could do. It was good to have something to do at all.

I smiled in satisfaction. I lifted my head carelessly and turned my head upward, but what resulted was more embarrassing than hitting the back of my head against the bottom of a table.

I had forgotten that I had leaned forward, so I found face mere centimetres away from Hikigaya's. Our expressions froze.

His mouth was fractionally opened and his throat was taut, both cryogenically preserved in the mid-act of a relieved sigh. His deep brown pupils were affixed in the centre of my vision, and his stare penetrated through my being. His sweaty bodily scent, which could be described as neither pleasant nor odorous but familiar and comforting, wafted past my nose, shaking my senses, disorienting me like some hallucinogen. I was addicted. My body was unresponsive.

After spending an extended period of time locked in one position, my shoulders unintentionally twitched. Seeing that, Hikigaya revived and blinked rapidly, before gratuitously leaning backwards against his chair and shuffled his feet, dragging the chair and himself a distance away from me. Free from the locked staring, my eyes began to swim.

"...Ahh, thanks for this," murmured Hikigaya.

"...Not at all. It's not that big of a deal," I said with a flushed tone.

I righted myself on my chair and hurriedly averted my entire face to avoid the sight of Hikigaya. I was treading on hot embers.

Silence fell. I hugged myself and rubbed my arms while doing so. Not because I was embarrassed or anything.

Hikigaya pulled his chair closer again, probably finding that being so far away from me would just invite in awkwardness. I glanced over at him. For some reason, he was sitting with an exaggeratedly straightened back as if the president of some firm was requesting him to speak.

"Hey. Can I ask you what career path you're advancing in?" asked Hikigaya.

What a strange question.

"I'm in the International Liberal Arts course, so choosing between the liberal arts and the sciences shouldn't matter," I replied.

I thought that was obvious. What reason did he have for asking me this?

"...That's true," muttered Hikigaya, "I just wanted to try asking. Don't worry about it."

Hikigaya relaxed his back as he said those words.

The reason why Hikigaya asked me that question was surely not to discover an objective fact. He would have arrived at the right answer with just a little bit of thinking. No, I had the feeling that Hikigaya had a different purpose in mind.

Hikigaya had asked me, of his own initiative, of something about myself. He was testing how far he could go in understanding Yukinoshita Yukino.

"This is the first time you've asked me something like that, isn't it?" I said while looking downwards.

"Really?" nonchalantly responded Hikigaya.

He had not asked me such personal questions in the past. Perhaps he was trying to maintain a distance out of the loss of trust from previous failures. Or, perhaps he was avoiding words that were superficial. Questions like the one he just asked me would have no meaning between those who were not close. That was not the case now. In fact, I was completely fine with them.

I will respond with an answer that makes the most sense for the current me.

"...Tentatively, I've decided for the liberal arts," I spoke slowly.

"I see."

With regards to my educational goals, such a choice meant nothing. What I desired was the side consequence of picking that career path.

"Yes. That's why... for the time being, we're all together," I said, mustering up the widest smile I could manage.

"Well, I suppose as far as categories are concerned," said Hikigaya, seeming satisfied.

Right now, we could only poke and probe each other in hopes of getting glimpses of our true selves. I wanted to reach a point where we could do more than that, to learn more of each other, and to like each other more and more. To do that, we needed to spend more time together.

Without a doubt, we were all completely different and had different trajectories in our lives. Yet, I wanted those trajectories to travel parallel to each other for as long as possible. It was a hopeless wish of mine, but I felt that it was part of that genuine thing.

"Alright, I'll be heading back to class now," said Hikigaya as he stood up.

"Sure," I spoke and gave him a small parting wave, "I'll see you later, then."

Hikigaya gave me his customary, weak nod. With his usual slouched posture, he went to the door.

Someday, I—

"Whoa... freaked me out there..." spoke a new voice in surprise.

Standing inches from the frame of the door, on the hallway side, was Yuigahama. For some reason, she looked rather bewildered, almost to the point of being afraid. Perhaps the door was about to collide into her.

"Ah, Hikki."

"Y-Yuigahama," stuttered Hikigaya, "Did you get here just now?"

"Eh, ah, yeah. Yeah, that's right!" said Yuigahama with an odd, unconvincing tone, "I was just about to knock on the door. Yukinooon! Sorry for being late!"

Yuigahama stomped in my direction as if she was avoiding something. That's no good. No matter how gross Hikigaya is, he's injured, so you should at least treat him with half-respect for once.

"I don't particularly mind. I wasn't bored," I replied.

Yuigahama, as always, had her own obligations to attend to. I had no right to monopolize her time, although that wouldn't be so bad for me.

"Okay, that's good. Ah, I know. Hikki's here too, so this should be a good time," said Yuigahama, "Oh, it's kinda chilly, soooooo..."

Yuigahama quickly took the chair that Hikigaya was just sitting on and moved it beside me, who was in front of the heater. She sat down and basked in the warmth, releasing a comforted sigh in the process.

Hikigaya was stuck in an awkward position where he had previously announced that he was leaving while Yuigahama had expected him to stay. Fortunately, after a moment of deliberation, he reversed his footsteps and rejoined us near the heater.

"We need to tell Yumiko about the request, right?" mentioned Yuigahama, "But there's a party after this and Yumiko is heading directly there. What should we do?"

That means that we will not be possible us to meet in the clubroom. The party will not offer any privacy for our sensitive conversation, and she would probably want to know about Hayama's career path before spending some recreational time with him. If we couldn't meet with her at school or during the party, then there's only one time where we could meet with her.

"Then on our way home, it seems we'll have to go to Miura-san and speak with her," I concluded.

"Sounds right," said Hikigaya, finding my plan okay.

"At least say you're going to the party!" shrilly shrieked Yuigahama.

It was not imperative that we had to attend the party. Like the other times, I had no strong desire to partake in strongly social gatherings. I exchanged a look with Hikigaya, and both of us were wryly smiling.

Even so, if Yuigahama wished for it, then we could make an exception for her. I had no qualms about humouring my dear friend.

"Alright, if we can go, we'll go," said Hikigaya.

"Yes, we'll decide on the flow of things," I supplemented.

Yuigahama hung her head and moaned, "In the end, you guys just aren't going to go, you know!?"

Not true at all. In fact, we'll be right there at the party, beverage in hand, staring at the festivities from a far-off wall. We were all tired from the marathon, so a little peaceful alone time at the party would be wonderful, no?

"Okay, well, compared to before, I guess it's a bit better," said Yuigahama in acceptance, "Then let's all go together...! Everyone... together..."

Yuigahama trailed off with a cushion-soft voice. She slid her chair even closer to me and wordlessly wrapped her arms around the full circumference of my body. The welcome heat of her sweetly warm body intermingled with the mechanical heat of the electric heater, providing not only augmented warmth but also a previously absent dimension of tenderness.

"So stuffy," I lightly complained, not really meaning it.

I could get lost in this lovely stuffiness. I was melting into a freely flowing goo of bliss.

Hikigaya watched us closely and from a close distance with an unfiltered visage of peacefulness.

* * *

Yuigahama had given Miura a call, telling her to meet up with us in front of the school gates. By the time she hung up, the nurse had returned to the infirmary. I thought she would chastise us for staying at the infirmary this late, but upon seeing Hikigaya's injury, she simply reminded us be careful on our way back. I did feel a little guilty since we used a room intended for serious treatment as a place for casual conversation.

I was a little surprised to find that the sun was entirely absent when we stepped out of the room. For night to befall, just how long had we stayed in there for?

When we stepped outside, we were greeted with the other side of this day's bipolarity. The wind had picked up to a roaring howl, and temperatures had dropped so low that we felt equivalently as cold in skimpy gym clothing during the marathon as now, dressed in layers of sweaters, thick coats, and furry mufflers. Helpless bare tree branches swayed in the wind. It would be a while before they could resume their production of leaves.

"Ah, Yumiko!"

Yuigahama called out to Miura standing by a sign with our school's name on it, hands deep in her pockets. Seeing us, she waved back in a large arc.

"Oh, you're here, Yui. Hikio and Yukinoshita-san, too," said Miura.

That greeting was rather skeletal. I did not detect any traces of malice, however. Miura was not the type of person to be particularly concerned with pleasantries. I did not particularly like or dislike such a characteristic.

We began our trek to the park. No, more accurately, we were heading towards the station. It was just that the park was along the way.

"More walking? Totally not digging that. I mean, we just ran the whole marathon," complained Miura.

For once, I found myself heavily nodding in agreement. Even though I was well-rested, the "I'm finished" mentality had long since sunken in. In other words, moving around was still exhausting, although it was psychological than physical.

Hikigaya eyed me skeptically and remarked, "You only ran a part of it."

I brushed my hair in Hikigaya's direction both to straighten it from the billowing winds and to convey my wordless discontentment.

"Speaking of the marathon, wasn't Hayato-kun especially amazing today?" commented Yuigahama.

"Is that so? I thought he would fall behind, but... he got... right back..." Miura trailed off and blushed for some reason.

Seeing my confused face, Hikigaya said, "Uh, I'm not sure if you were there or not, but Hayama was speaking to everyone and he brought up Miura and Isshiki. Oh yeah, the rumour should be cleared up thanks to Hayama, so you don't need to worry about it anymore."

The rumour had not significantly affected my everyday life, so I had intended to let it wither away gradually. Even so, know this does feel relieving, perhaps a bit more relieving than I had originally expected.

After that, we remained silent for a little while as we walked. The loudest sounds were the tapping of our feet on concrete and the occasional crushing of some small twigs.

A particularly strong gust of wind blew past us. Yuigahama frantically held her skirt down. I grabbed onto my hair, preventing it from whipping into Yuigahama's face. Miura's hair, inferior in length to mine but not necessarily short either, freely danced in the wind without her personal intervention. She stopped her feet, and the rest of us imitated that action. I continued to watch those curls trail along to the side, being casted out by an uncontrollable force.

"You guys figure out what Hayato's doing?" asked Miura while still staring ahead.

"He's not doing the sciences, I think," bluntly replied Hikigaya, though with vague words.

"Oh... so he's picking the liberal arts then," muttered Miura.

"Uh huh. That's the feeling we got at least," softly murmured Yuigahama.

Miura kicked virtually immovable ground with her loafers. Her recoiling foot was the only object in the system that suffered a significant impact. She shot her eyes up into the night sky that lacked even the poetic mirror sheen. Wherever her eyes were directed at, nothing would come toward her because she was facing only the vast abyss of space.

"Okay, maybe I'll just go with that too," indifferently decided Miura.

I narrowed my eyes and reprimanded, "Should you be choosing so easily like that?"

"I mean, I don't really have anything I want to do. I could, just, you know, go to prep school if I wanted to take the sciences, right?" said Miura as she continued staring at the sky.

Miura's plan of careless pursuing her career path was highly idealistic in nature. Reality wasn't so kind. Unless she was literally interested in everything or had grades as good as mine, she would be unable to do well without serious preparation and investment.

"I can just take some time off for exams, but I can't really do that with this," murmured Miura.

She tightly held her hands together behind her. That girlish posture was breathtaking, not solely because of her refined appearance, but also because of the combination of meek acceptance and strengthening desire.

"Just so you know, you've got another thing coming if you're going to stick with _that_," warned Hikigaya.

That was a bit out of line.

Yuigahama elbowed Hikigaya and spat, "Hikki, shush!"

"Huh? I don't need to hear that from you, Hikio," said Miura as she turned her head around and shot Hikigaya a piercing gaze.

"R-Right..."

Hikigaya shrivelled away backwards. Seeing him defeated like this was not fun. Rather, it was hilarious.

"It's just well, see, even including the annoying stuff—"

Miura gracefully spun around as if she was performing a dance. The winds were no match for the queen's performance as the hems of her coat lifted up against the force of the gale. However, on her face was not a stiff and royal smile put on for some practical purpose but an embarrassed, albeit stretched, but nonetheless sincere grin from the bottom of her heart.

"I guess it's okay, after all."

That was not a declaration of giving up or succumbing to the shortfalls. That was not what Miura's brightly shining face was showing.

Rise above. From Miura, I felt the lighting of a stubbornly flickering flame.

Noticing our stares, particularly Hikigaya's stupid one, Miura instantly turned that smile into a frown and began marching forward again. Not later, but now.

"Oh... with just that, it's okay," murmured Yuigahama, "So it would've been okay had it been much simpler."

It was clear from the start that what Miura sought was not the objective knowledge of Hayama's career path itself. That meant that it would have been less troublesome had we directly targeted her true desire, rather than having to do this roundabout method. But would have that been successful for people like us? I doubted it. Even so, the fact that we did what was in our ability, the fact that we thought that it was important, the fact that we did not give up, there was meaning in doing all that.

Miura stopped herself short, probably because she noticed that we weren't walking with her. Once again, she turned around.

"Yui, thanks. Ahh, Hikio too," said Miura with a motherly smile.

Miura took a step toward me and stuttered, "Also... Yukinoshita-san? You... um, you know, it's like—"

At first Miura was unsure about something and was unable to arrive at her intended words. Eventually, she steeled herself and, surprisingly, bowed down deeply in front of me, completely unlike a queen.

"Sorry."

Me being surprised would be an understatement. I began to understand what the English idiom "seeing someone in a new light" was referring to. My previous impressions of her were not wiped away. Rather, a new foundation was being built on top of them.

Saying "even Miura can be apologetic" would be an insult. Her words were in no way superficial, nor was she extremely hard-headed in the cruelty sense. Deep down, she always had the desire to make peace. It's just that the two of us were far too stubborn to do it.

"It doesn't bother me. As a matter of fact, I'd like to praise your audacity for raising a hand against me directly in person," I spoke gently.

Yukinoshita Yukino and Miura Yumiko were not weak individuals, even if we were fragile. We will always stubbornly try to pull through while occasionally revealing our insecurities to those we held dear.

Besides, being headstrong was not so bad. It meant that we held the potential to protect as well.

"Tch, what's with that ego? Talk about irritating. I tooootally apologized for nothing," spoke Miura in good humour.

I began walking forward, and Miura followed suit. The ice princess and the queen settled on an action-packed armistice. We would not be ourselves if we didn't.

"Okay! Then let's all go to the after-party!" exclaimed Yuigahama.

That energetic girl leapt right between Miura and I and linked arms like a bridge. A bridge was no longer necessary between Miura and I, but it was always nice and comfortable in the hold of Yuigahama. Although, I didn't want to show it, so I exaggeratedly twisted my body around.

"I..."

"Why don't you come too?" cut in Miura.

Well, I certainly can't turn down a royal invitation. Spending some time with the queen no longer seemed like a fruitless prospect.

"I suppose so. Just for a little then," I decided.

I attempted to beam at Miura, but I wasn't used to broadly smiling like Yuigahama. I wondered what my face looked like. Miura hurriedly averted her entire face, but I caught her eyes becoming wide.

"Heh. Good for you," muttered Hikigaya from behind.

I turned my head, intending to shoot him a menacing glare, but I was unable to when I saw his good-natured smile.

* * *

"Thank you for your work," I spoke as I raised my cup in celebration.

"Mm, yeah," vaguely responded Hikigaya.

The English pub that the party was held in was lit by multitudes of subdued orange lights. Of course, since there were so many, the place was fairly bright in general. Fancy paintings of landscape, buildings and wine bottles adorned the wall, giving the place refinement. The bartender, who was busy preparing drinks, was dressed snappily and served with his politest business smile.

At first I thought that it felt a little wrong for a place this nice to be infested with rowdy high school children. However, I realized that the types of people that frequent pubs would eventually display that level of maturity once they drank a few glasses of alcohol. Therefore, it would make no difference in the end. With regards to revenue, I was sure that the owner of the bar definitely did not mind.

Hikigaya and I were leaning against the counter, drinks in hand, silently watching our peers partying. For people like us, we found it hard to find something to do at a party. The primary goal of a party was to have fun by spending time with other people. The problem was that the two of us didn't know how to spend time with other people. Even if we were to barge in on the others, we would probably just invite awkward staring at each other. Bluntly speaking, we were party-poopers.

Hikigaya would probably say that he was a considerate person, facilitating the fun of others by staying out of the pictures. I would then mock him for it. Afterward, I would wryly smile and think to myself that my attitude would also be similar.

Well, such an exchange did not occur. We simply stood there without exchanging a word. Surprisingly, it felt nice, being like this. I was not speaking solely of my physical fatigue either.

Among those that attended the party was Hayama Hayato, although it almost needn't be mentioned as, given the kind of expectation-satisfier he was, his attendance was guaranteed. Even now, the peers around him continued to shower him with praise about the marathon. It must be nice to actually finish that stupid thing.

After inciting a roar of laughter from the surrounding worshippers, Hayama made an excuse and slipped away from the crowd. Then, for some reason, he made his towards us. I did not mind if he needed to speak with us, but it would be a little unsettling if he only used us to escape from the crowd.

"Hey there," called out Hayama to us, "Thanks for coming."

He put it in a way that sounded as if we were being troubled by coming here. I shook my head to indicate that it wasn't the case, and Hikigaya nodded in agreement.

"Sorry... for a lot of things... like about that weird rumour. It should've been a bother to you," apologized Hayama with a bowed head.

"Wha—"

Some garbled voice choked out of my mouth at Hayama's unexpected words. Although I was mostly surprised at the sudden introduction of the topic, I felt that I was reacting more strongly than I should have. I quickly righted my behaviour to a more serious and firm one.

"It wasn't anything that bothersome," I said nonchalantly, "Compared to that time, it's a trivial matter."

For our completely innocent and immature selves back then, it had become a gigantic disaster.

Hayama muttered, "That time, huh?"

Hayama's straight mouth withdrew into a frown. He sullenly casted his eyes toward the floor.

It seemed that I had unintentionally brought up something even worse. As the details of that time were being brought back in my mind, I felt like I was being wrapped up in darkness.

However, I didn't want to let that kind of thing haunt me forever. It was a good time to speak with Hayama about it. Perhaps my earlier interaction with Miura was still affecting me. I was going along with the momentum of reconciliation.

"I understand it somewhat now. I'm sure there was a much better way of handling things back then," I admitted.

I was narrow-minded during that whole affair. I had convinced myself logically that it was the most efficient outcome. I did not know if I had purposely ignored the inconvenient things or if I truly did not understand them at that time. Either way, I did not consider them at all. It was only these past months that I realized just how weak I was.

"That's why I believe I caused you trouble as well," I continued, "I'm sorry."

I bowed my head in an act of humility that even I considered was rare for me. There was a time when I thought humility was weakness. Yet, it took strength for me to reach this point.

I looked up at Hayama. Things had changed a little, but the look of concern on his face overlapped with his past faces.

"But I'm grateful that you were being considerate of me."

I would like to believe that his consideration was not out of the expectation of Hayama being the shining knight, but out of a concern from the bottom of his heart.

"You've changed a little," spoke Hayama in bewilderment.

"I wonder about that. It's just that a lot of things are different from back then," I mischievously said.

I glanced at the yapping Yuigahama at a distance. Every time she laughed, the bun of hair on her head would shake uncontrollably. I looked to my side. I met with the rotten, but familiar, eyes of Hikigaya. He hurriedly averted them in embarrassment.

I properly faced Hayama and said, "I believe you also don't need to let the past tie you down. There's no need to force yourself to run after someone's back."

Those words applied to me too, as lame and clichéd as that was. Even so, sometimes it was necessary to say things aloud, to put thoughts into the barest minimum of actions, in order to truly feel their significance.

For some reason, Hikigaya spoke up, "That clearly includes me too."

I understood that he had a dark middle school past to let go of, but I wasn't aware that he was idolizing anyone. However, there was still a lot about Hikigaya that I had yet to learn about. Yet, we were at the stage where we could begin revealing things to another. No, we had already done so. It would surely develop into even more personal revelations.

Suddenly, Yuigahama emerged from the back of Hayama. She pounced onto me, wrapping her arm around my arm.

"Yukinon, the foods here! There's, like, a lot of chicken! They're all super whole roasted!" shouted Yuigahama.

I used my free hand to rub the ear closest to Yuigahama's mouth. It hurt a bit.

Also, what did she mean by "super" whole roasted? Was she saying that they were overdone? Yuigahama still has a long way to go before she can attain eloquent speech.

Totsuka Saika approached Hikigaya similarly as well.

"It's really amazing!" he cutely appealed, "C'mon Hachiman, you should come over too!"

"O-Oooh, yeeah! Let's go, Totsuka!" bellowed Hikigaya with disgusting vigour.

Hayama stuck out his hand in front of Hikigaya right before he could step forward, stopping him from moving.

"We'll be over there in a bit... Right, Hikigaya?" said Hayama with an overly friendly voice.

What happened to "Hikitani"? No, what was more surprising was that Hayama was trying to speak privately with Hikigaya. Perhaps they had some unfinished business. Although I was slightly interested—

"Okay, we'll be waiting over there!" expressly spoke Yuigahama.

I was dragged away by Yuigahama before I could say anything. Perhaps it was best to let whatever was discussed between the two people who were the antitheses of each other be kept as something that was only between them. There were times where it was best to confide in your polar opposite. It was because they were your exact opposite, that they could simply invert their views to perfectly understand yours. It was because that they completely disagreed with you that they could find the faults that you either overlooked or refused to acknowledge.

Just like with me, Hayama Hayato, the fulfiller of expectations, could use the help of a certain rotten fish-eyed boy, who was considered too monstrous to expect things from, to step forward.

Yuigahama forcibly led me to a table clustered with various plates and bowls.

"Yukinon, look at this chicken and— wait, what happened to it all!?"

Yes, there were only plates and bowls left. The contents had already been emptied out by the ravenous youths.

"Ah, here you go. I saved some for you. And Yukinoshita-san too."

A plate of chicken and fries was thrust before me. I turned toward the holder of that plate, and, unexpectedly, I was met with a bashful Miura.

"Hurry and take it. Before it gets cold," said Miura with a slight pout.

"Oh, thank you, Yumiko!" said Yuigahama, graciously accepting her plate.

"Why, thank you," I said with delight.

"It's no big deal really," said Miura with an annoyed tone as she flicked her curls, "I did, like, ask you to come to the party, so I couldn't exactly let you starve or anything."

"True. Although, I did not necessarily need your consideration, for I could have ordered more food on my own," I said with a challenging smile.

"Ah, I keep doing useless things today," complained Miura as she met my smile with her own fiery version.

I took a large bite out of a chicken thigh and purposely ground it hard in my mouth with my teeth while I continued to light sparks with my eyes with Miura. Likewise, Miura's cheeks were stuffed with similar cooked masses of protein and fat while her eyes flashed with the haughtiness of a ruler.

"N-Now, now you two," spoke Yuigahama with an uneasy tone.

In this place, in this room, familiar people were gathered. Just for today, differences were set aside, for they would only act as barriers for spending time with each other and having fun. Perhaps they may leave those differences permanently by the wayside and go home without them. I finally understood one of the appeals of parties.

* * *

Hayama Hayato walked back towards this table after a while. The students flocked like moths to him, a bright light of youth. Just before Hayama donned his public smile, I caught him with a rather determined expression.

I looked past Hayama at Hikigaya. He was still at the counter. His cup was empty, and his downcast expression looked like he had swallowed something bitter. It was likely that the distasteful thing he had taken in were Hayama's words.

I ordered a glass of ginger ale from the bartender. He swiftly prepared one for me since all it took was a pump from the machine. With that glass in hand, I, once again, approached Hikigaya.

"Is that a kind of face you should be making at a party?" I teased as I handed him the cup.

"Shut it. As long as I'm far away from everyone else, I can look like what I want without spoiling the mood. Oh, thanks for the soda."

Hikigaya drank from the cup and let out a refreshed sigh. His frown had already transitioned into a meek smile.

While staring at the ice cubes floating helplessly in his cups, Hikigaya muttered to no one in particular, "Really... how irritating. He'll just end up disgusted like before."

My eyes migrated to Hayama Hayato as I heard those words. Strangely, the smile on his face did not incite nausea. Yet, I could still not call it pleasant. Even though it seemed that the purpose of that smile had somewhat changed, the fact that his smile was being used a means to an end was still true.

How annoying.

Miura was an unbelievable person if she could accept something this annoying.


	20. (V10)Memorandum

_**Neither no one's monologue nor possibly anyone's monologue, but a personal monologue.**_

_**During Volume 10**_

Sincerity. Truth.

But the tyrant king said, "The heart of man is not to be relied on."

I've long since finished reading Dazai's book and had put it away. Yet, just how many times have I re-read it by now? It was now long past the New Year's. It was now long past middle school.

The middle school me did not have a problem with reading a book of such level. In fact, to me, its comprehensive difficulty was just like any other book's. Yet, its suggestive mutterings lingered with me and bothered me weeks, even months, after reading it for the first time. Before I knew it, my fingers had already turned the first page open once more, twice more, and thrice more.

I was drawn to the fact that there existed someone that I could rely on. There was someone out there that I could push everything onto him or her because they did not have the option to refuse, otherwise he or she would run the risk of ruining his or her mask and exposing his or her abnormal self. That self would absolutely not tolerate my own selfishness.

But what was the difference between that person and me? The answer was that there was none.

That person who was being relied upon hid away his or her true self and maintained a facade, becoming a faker in the process.

I was too cowardly, too diminutive, to face up to the misunderstandings, to clear myself of all the charges of expectations. So, I left it to someone else. What happened to me after that? I became worthless, an empty shell, a person who only looked important but was useless in reality. I became an unwelcome inhabitant of this skin. I, too, became a faker.

The mutterings were far too sweet. I quickly swept up a thoroughly unrelated book. I longed for an escape from an escape.

I found myself reaching out to another book. The title of the book consisted of only one word.

_Othello_.

Wonderful, I thought initially. Even though this Shakespearean play was tragic, marital infidelity and lusting for occupational superiority were foreign concepts to me. I could bury myself in non-useful knowledge and forget everything. I could substitute what I had pushed onto the monster of reliance. My true self could once again retreat from the surface back to the depths.

It was no sooner than the first few pages that I had already come across sweet mutterings once again.

The elaboration of a vicious plan. Reliance on honest Iago. Honest Iago. Only in honest Iago can we confide in.

It was far too easy to give everything to that man. Soon, even the money in thy purse will be surrendered unto him.

It did not matter how many times that the situation went awry. No matter how much he failed, the victim would be rely on Iago again and again.

Falling into the trap of reliance was horrifying.

Yet, I found something even more terrible.

Iago's true self was far from honest. Hidden underneath the layers of facade was something despicable.

If that was the case, then what, exactly, constituted something genuine? What did I want the genuine thing to be? What if, after I had finally reached that genuine thing, that it turns out to be something completely undesirable?

Sincerity. Truth.

If I could not find those things at the depths, then it would be better to remain at the surface, to continue being a faker, to continue to rely on someone. Even if it was false, at least I could deceive myself with such beautiful ideals.

The heart of man is not to be relied on.

My own heart is unable to resist the temptation of reliance. Even if I knew how black the heart was, I would continue to rely on it.

What, then, was the colour of my own heart?

Ah. I was truly disgusting. Even my own saliva tasted like poison.

Even though the one who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people desired something genuine, regardless of what it was, I became repulsed the moment I considered what it could possibly consist of.

I put down _Othello_. I walked away from the bookshelf holding _No Longer Human_.

The tower that we had slowly built up could be toppled with an unspeakable question.

Do genuine things really exist? No, do beautiful genuine things exist?


End file.
